The Tragedy of the Collapsing Public Toilet

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An innocent workman was killed by a telescopic public urinal in Cambridge Circus, London, whilst he was trying to repair it below ground.

For many years major cities had public toilets for men and women, many of which were masterpieces of Victorian construction and despite many being subterranean, for decades, they were a safe haven for anyone looking for bladder relief and a “wash and brush up”.

Once the Gay community (now lauded for being brave and strong) realised they were an ideal hunting ground, endorsed by our former leader Charles Lynton, most Councils wisely chose to close them down in the interests of public safety.

Another example of diversity being our strength. If the original toilets were still available, there would be no need for pop up urinals (very unfair to wimminz and the deceased workman) and there would be more toilets available in cities for those in need.

A great legacy from our alphabet friends, who now should have C added to their alphabetical list to celebrate the fact that they are indeed CUNTS.

BBC News Link

Nominated by: Sir Cuntalot

And supported by: Komodo

Some conveniences may have been closed because of The Gayness, but most were closed because councils had other things to do with our money. Like promoting The Gayness, indeed.

BBC News Link 2

This started before 2010, though, and probably under Blair, who had grounds to feel embarrassment every time he used one…

108 thoughts on “The Tragedy of the Collapsing Public Toilet”

  1. You don’t need toilets in London the whole place is one big open sewer..

    And Tony Blair probably use’s mandy mouth..

  2. Why bother with public bogs anyway? There are so many foreigners over here who think nothing of pissing and shitting in the street, it’s just normal in the cuntholes they come from. They wouldn’t know a public toilet from a 4 star hotel.

    • You’re not wrong, Freddie, and if the press are to be believed, they are busy turning those 4 star hotels into toilets.
      I pity the staff who work in them, I really do.
      I bet the gimmegrants are bad tippers, too.

    • I worked in Holborn in the 90s. There was a big pile of building sand for a job next door. The tramps used to shit in it like cats.

  3. That had me LMAO – “The Gayness” …
    A wonderful description. Has the ring of “The Black Death” or “The Scourge” or “The Covid”!!!!
    Highly accurate and I love it. Will be using it myself from now on – thanks.

  4. That aside, the poor bloke.
    What a horrible way to meet your Maker, crushed by a khazi.

    C.O.D on the death certificate, Covid.

    • R.I.P Lou.

      Public toilets were a great place to meet new people , make friends,
      And were the cornerstone of a lot of peoples social life.

      My parents met in one.

      • Same difference on my estate, Mis.
        Both locals shut.
        One has the car park turned into a car wash.
        The derelict pub building was raided last year, massive cannabis farm!
        How we all laughed!

      • Evening JP👍

        Working today on the estate I grew up on.
        All the pubs have gone ☹️

        They weren’t exactly the Islington Brasserie,
        But sad none the less.

        One was the flagship for Robinson’s brewery and you’d sometimes see Jack Duckworth off Coronation Street in there.

      • At which point you’d fuck off home, I hope.

        The White Lion, not too far away, used to have a decent steak eatery attached.
        It was Sean Beans local, he’d often be in there, propping up the bar, with his Dad.

  5. Diversity is our strength? Bullshit!

    In the case of the LBGTQ+or- crowd it’s more like Perversity is our downfall.

    In the case of the immigrant shitholians it’s more like degeneracy is our downfall.

    And in the case of the cunt politicians who support this shit, it’s more like idiocy is our downfall.

    Jesus H. Christ Himself…public toilets (and by extension public hygiene and sanitation) should be good things that are both safe and private and not havens for perverts and degenerates.

    The only way to put an end to this lunacy is to to build public ovens and fucking use them!

  6. I am cursed with a elderly bladder,
    And love the feel of fresh air caressing my winkie.

    So I’ve mastered the art of casual outdoor pissing.

    I’ll whip out my heavily scarred member and urinate,
    And because I act like Ive done nothing wrong,
    People say nothing.

    It’s a artform.

    I prefer to piss Al fresco.
    It’s more satisfying.

  7. Do you know the actor Dudley Sutton? 1933-2018. He was in The Boys, The Leather Boys,.Ken Russell’s The Devils, etc. Great actor. He was in the Air Force as an engineer. Here’s a great wee dirty poem by him!

    The Disappearing Gentlemen’s Lavatories of Old London
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUfLAnA3O1g
    3 minutes
    2006

    • 2006, eh? How time flies. YouTube now has over 6 BILLION videos on it. All amazing, of course, even those livestreams where ordinary people bore you to death with their boring lives punctuated by their angry outbursts about the ills of society in manner that is neither factual nor funny.

      • Don’t blame you.

        We have one but only use it if we have company.

        Gypsies say it’s unhygienic to piss and shit indoors .
        Where you eat.

        And nobody is as hygienic as a gyppo!

      • Allegedly, they think anyone who has a bath instead of a shower (like them in their caravan!) is a derty facker (i.e. bating (sic) in yer own dirty waaater)… I’ve been in one of their blasted caravans (on official business) and I could actually taste the stench…

      • Evening Ruff👍

        Are you well?

        Did you see that awful case of Nicola Bullet who’s gone missing?

        Me and Mrs miserable have been like McMillan and wife over it.

        She very much of the official line the poor woman fell in the river.

        Me saying I suspect foul play.

        Either way, terrible for her family.

      • Mis, I have to agree.
        And whoever took her, it wasn’t his first rodeo.
        All ladies, keep safe.

      • Evening, Ruff.
        Iritates the fuck out of me.
        I try not to rise, but by the Lord Harry, it’s hard.

      • Evening Miserable.

        Me and Lady C suspect foul play too. Either the husband (something about his interview didn’t sit right) or the police.

      • I thought the police seemed very keen to say she fell in the water?

        Didn’t Cordon the area off?

        Almost like they wanted a easy answer.

        The game is afoot!

      • It’s appears to be receiving blanket media coverage this story.

        I don’t know how many people go missing every year in the UK and are never found but I bet it’s a lot.

        We don’t get to hear about very many of them or their respective disappearances.

      • Stray Bullet.

        Joking aside, more people vanish without a trace these days in Britain than ever and fuck all gets said in the media. America is where the stats and stories gets scary as fuck. There seem to be gangs or fuck knows what operating in America who kidnap people but not for ransom. The horror movies of America have NOTHING in the real life evils of that place.

        Videos on disappearances in America…
        https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=people+vanishing+in+america&sp=CAM%253D

        Sleep well, lads! 😀

    • I know this is well into conspiracy territory, but I’ve long had suspicions that there is some really dark shit going on.

      Look at what some of these people like Joseph Fritzl managed to get away with for 20 years.

      Ariel Castro was another one.

      It’s this sort of shit that keeps me awake at night.

      Look at what Epstein did as one billionaire. They let him get away with it for ages.

  9. Women have told me that there is no way they would use one of these flash and no doubt hugely expensive electrically powered loos. Reason is quite straightforward and obvious if you think about it. They are afraid a fault would cause the powered door to open while they were sitting there in flagrante as it were. I have used them for a wee but then I’m standing with my back to the door. I could imagine feeling just as nervous if I was taking a dump. Its pretty grim that we can’t maintain the old simple loos which just provided the minimal privacy required at a fraction of the cost and I suspect the gays carry a fair proportion of the blame.

    • Like the wall outside Gillespie Park – as ling as the rozzers don’t get you. Ok to cottage in public, but not to piss. What a strange world.

  10. We used to have public loos near the Peace Gardens, in Sheffield Town center. The ladies were at street level, but the gents were below.
    Never could understand why.
    Both closed, now, of course.
    There are no public toilets open at night, if you are daft enough to go into the center after dusk.
    Shop doorway it is, then. Mind the tramp!

  11. 3rd cubicle from the left,
    Ladies toilet,
    Tynemouth Station.
    Fondly remembered for my titty fumble with Ruth from the sixth form.
    And it only cost me one (old) penny.
    What a bargain.

  12. Makes me laugh how shy and paranoid blokes are at the urinal stone.
    Staring furiously ahead at the wall.

    I’m not looking at your winky,
    I’m not a bandit.
    Like theyre before the beak in crown court.

    Hehehe 😄

    When I’m having a little sip of ale in the pub and go to the gents I sometimes say loudly

    “Well!! Isn’t this romantic?!”

    Some laugh, some glare.
    But it amuses me.

    Fuck em😁

  13. Saw this bird who was very attractive taking a shit in an NCP in Brighton.
    She didn’t even flinch when i looked down at her with utter contempt.
    The mrs said i should of given her a poop bag but this turd was massive and it curled all the way to the top like a Mr Whippy ice cream 🤮

  14. I can’t be arsed to find out but why the fuck does it need to disappear into the ground at certain times?

    Have the council done a remarkably expensive survey into the habits of The Gays and come up with a Venn diagram for the most dangerous times for a normal gentleman to visit a public WC?

    I assume therefore that it sinks into the ground at peak Gays Danger times and this poor workman was caught up in a scheduling mix up.

    Christ what a mess..killed by AIDS and bat flu no doubt.

    Send a bog roll to the funeral?

  15. The new toilet is for Doctor Who’s Tired-Arse and you’re advised to give it ten light years before reused.

  17. On a lighter note, mention of those subterranean public loos brings to mind an encounter in my student days in Edinburgh, many moons ago.

    At the east end of Princes St, by the statue of Wellington on horseback, there used to be one of these underground bogs, now long gone. One time I was bursting for a piss, so I went to get some relief. There was a long line of urinals and no one else in, but no sooner had I started when in walked what used to be termed ‘a nancy boy’, who stood right next to me, disconcertingly making no attempt to hide the fact that he was peering over and staring at my knob.

    He then promptly turned towards me with his dick hanging out and lisped ‘what are you doing for lunch?’. Speechless and unfinished, I promptly zipped up and walked out on my first real encounter with the wonderful world of the gay community. I wasn’t surprised when this particular bog was shut down, and I still get a bit of a shudder when I remember the incident. I remember telling the missus about it years later, and she said ‘oh yes, it’s notorious for it; that and the one at the bottom of the Royal Mile’.

    Gay punting around Edinburgh eh? They didn’t mention that in the guide books.

    • Should have back elbowed him, Ron.
      I would have.
      A bloody lip often offends, so stay the fuck away, Sonny.

    • That was your threshold moment in life, Ron. your threshold moment.

      Anyone else want to share their “threshold moment” in their life?

    • To be honest guys, the worst part of the whole thing was having to find somewhere else to finish my much needed piss.

      And you’re right Miserable, I could never bring myself to wear those pants again. Pink never was my colour anyway. I believe that to this day, they’re still on offer for sale in a charity shop window in Stockbridge.

      • This kind of thing has been around, in France, for many years.
        The traditional pissoir covered the pisser front and back, from ankles to the top of the head.
        I’m guessing the French are less shy, these modern times.
        Personally, I think it’s disgusting. I want to know where/how they wash their hands?

      • Isn’t sad that we live in a society where going for a pee is a major issue up for discussion and satire? We’re like children, actually no, we are like cunts.

      • Re the Parisian Pissoirs, some daft feminist is even whingeing. Apparently, not being able to control one’s bladder is a bloke thing.
        Well, she’s wrong. Mel Giedroyc has admitted to peeing in her front garden, behind a tree…

      • Hopefully HBH that was because she had accidentally locked herself out. Otherwise she’s just a dirty mare like Paula Radcliffe.

    • Similar thing happened to me in the changing rooms of the Oasis sports centre in Holborn. To his credit, he apologised and said “sorry. You’re not one of us then?”. I wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or offended.

  18. I remember arriving at Waterloo station in the 80’s and thinking it would be a good idea to empty my bladder.
    I went down the steps to the gents and was horrified to see all the doors to the cubicles were obscured glass. I realised why, instantly and made a hasty retreat😙

    With hindsight-probably a good move-Charles Anthony Lyndon B’liar was “active” in that era🥺

    • So, Ron Knee says above that the gay hot-spot in Edinburgh is the Duke of Wellington statue. And you just said that Waterloo station is a gay hot-spot? Fuck me, the Napoleonic Wars were simply subterfuge to bring about English and Scottish men prolapsing each other’s anuses! 😀

      Play a record…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciHL5Ph1l5A

      That’s your dad.

    • Which will be like, The Godfather: Part 3, ie. disappointing and it ends with a short-arse dying in a chair.

      All joking aside, all the prophecies about World War 3 involve Islam and this once doesn’t. So relax, it’s way off. I’d say things get Apocalyptic around 2037-2045. Just my own timeline. So enjoy the fuck out of the next 14 years, lads.

      Play a record…
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNwC0sp-uA4

      • Fuck me, that is bad, I mean really fucking bad. Terrible music, terrible singing, awful haircuts and shit clothes.
        Mind you, you should have seen me in 1973.
        But you didn’t and you won’t.

        So fuck you.

      • Let me guess.
        Huggy Bear lookalike ?
        Big hat ?
        There’s no shame in being black, Freddie.
        It’s all the rage now.
        Just ask Sam Beau 😀
        But I have to say.
        You lot have ruined Londonistab.

      • Don’t think so Jack. I was 14 before I ever met a black kid. They didn’t exist round my way. You should see it today….. the cinema where I fingered my first fanny is now a fucking Mosque!

      • The fanny fingering will still be going on then.
        But the girls will be considerably younger.

  21. Apart from festival portaloo bogs, which could be akin to trench warfare, the other ones I remember were on my frequent school trips to “Smelly Calais,”as we quickly named it, where from the coach, I in clear daylight view, adult Frogmen could be seen pissing in the streets, usually over a green wall. Don’t know where the wimminz went. I guess they had to hold it back, until they reached the bidet, in the safety of their own home.

  22. How appropriate it would have been if the victim of this embarrassing tragedy had been one of Kweer’s kweers. Lord Mandy, Lord Adonis, the very Rev. Bryant, Bendover Bradshaw, or boy soprano Wes Screeching. He would have died as he lived – waving his dick around in public. It would have been what Blair wanted.

  23. I’ve heard of dying ON the toilet; but never BY the toilet or/and UNDER the toilet.

    This nomination is both saddening, maddening and funny as fuckening.

  24. Years ago a woman we knew had new neighbours arrive. Next day she saw a boy of about fourteen or fifteen standing in the middle of the back garden pull his cock out and take a piss. She went round to see his mother and tried to ask as tactfully as possible to ask him not to do that in full view of the neighbours. The straight out answer was; “I know it annoys you. That’s why I tell him to do it.”

    You may not be surprised to hear that the new neighbours were black.

  25. Cisterns are doin it for themselves…
    All together now….

    Urethra Franklin 1942 – 2018

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