Christmas Dinner Pub Drama

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I swear to Dog that if I see another news report along these lines, I’m going to bite my dummy clean in half, THEN chuck it out of the pram!

Isn’t Christmas a time to spend with your family, not a bunch of strangers?
Why the fuck would you go out for your Christmas Dinner, I really don’t get it. I want my family at my house, with me, eating and drinking, being a family.

Then we had the almost obligatory rotten turkey ruined our Christmas,
followed closely by my MIL/SIL ruins Christmas for me every year. Why keep going/inviting them, you fucking plank?

Bah Humbug!

Leicester Mercury Link

Lancs Live Link

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

58 thoughts on “Christmas Dinner Pub Drama”

  1. I don’t know what to say……….this year it was just me and our young daughter on christmas day. I don’t have parents anymore…wife has one and she fucking hates her.

    If it wasn’t for our young daughter- who I think all kids should spend at least christmas day at home with family-we would have fucked off somewhere.

    Don’t get me wrong….when I was a kids I fucking loved christmas at home- but we had mum dad gran and all my brothers……happy days…pretending to smoke chocolate cigarettes from a pack of 20 found in the bottom of our pillowcases my parents use to put our prezzies in…or a liquorice pipe……even a couple of sugar mice with real string tails…fuck me I’m getting old

  2. “Isn’t Christmas a time to spend with your family”….

    I’d as soon spend Christmas as a guest of the Sawney Bean family as I would my own family….bunch of mental Cunts.

  3. Fuck me those Turkeys look absolutely rank. I’d be fucking furious if I opened that up on Christmas morning. I mean really fucking spitting feathers. The words “fuck” and “cunt” would be flying all over the place, trust me.
    I’ve had Xmas dinner at a pub once, years ago. It was ok but there wasn’t enough of it. It felt very strange and I wouldn’t do it again except, perhaps, if some other cunt was paying. Pub meals are rarely satisfactory when they’re really fucking busy, which they would be on that day.

    • Speaking as a veteran of many Xmas offices lunches, I echo the view that they are usually shite. The fault’s always the same; they can’t handle the numbers they try to cram in to maximise profits.

  4. This year, like the last few years we took advantage of Tesco half price lamb legs and topside beef joints as it was only the missus, the grown up step kids and the grandkiddie for Christmas. My Dad came over on boxing day.

    A thoroughly relaxed affair throughout.

    The hound was eating leftovers for a week. No complaints from him.

    One I would recommend is Christmas dinner at the Royal garden hotel next to Kensington palace. A real class act from start to finish, with Santa doing the rounds to give personalised gifts to the kids. Not cheap, but worth every penny and in my case in easy staggering distance from home.

  5. Worked a ‘Late’ on Christmas Day. Had our family do on Boxing Day. Family around, had a great time. Christmas dinner, out?

    No thanks.

  6. Just wait until the Islam lot take over, Christmas will be banned (and pubs), pulling crackers will be replaced with pulling a 12 year old into a taxi.

    I am hoping for an invite to Fidler towers for Christmas, a big log fire, a nice pot noodle and a glass of single malt (pot noodle optional).

    • No put noodles…the Hounds and I enjoyed a big lump of beef wing-rib with roast tatties,sprouts and loads of gravy made with the melted fat off the joint….though I’m obviously not one to blow my own trumpet,the meal was excellent…all washed down with Guinness followed by a good Irish whiskey.

    • Waiting for the first ‘complaint’ about glorifying christmas ‘at christmas’ and the emotional stress and hurt it has caused to other faiths…..will then be proportional advertising and a restriction as to how many adverts during a 24 hour period tv companies are allowed to show.

      Sounds nuts right…..just watch

  7. To those disappointed with the frozen Turkey they brought for Christmas that was rotten, here’s a suggestion. Buy fresh?

    We had an Aldi turkey crown for new years day. Lovely.

  8. Our turkey was divine.
    Like the one Scrooge sent that delightful boy for hanging in the butcher’s window.
    Yes, the one as big as you

    Don’t know where you got your manky one from JP?

    Didn’t skimp did you?
    Get it cheap?

    Not some bloke you knew in sheffields kosher district?

    Because I find you get what you pay for!

    Golden skin , lovely white meat and plenty of it,
    Gobble gobble.

    Me and the dog gorged on it.
    Stripped the carcass till it looked like Victoria Beckham on her honeymoon.

    • Didn’t have turkey, Mis. It’s just that every year there’s some moaning Minnie going on about the turkey they bought being rotten.
      Do they defrost it by leaving it in a sauna for 48 hours?
      No, I had gammon, lovely!

      • There was quite a few cases of supermarkets selling below par turkeys this year JP .

        Despicable fuckers .

        I look forward to it from early November.
        Mother in-law cooks it and it comes to ours with her Christmas day,
        Some say turkey is dry,
        But I love it.

    • Alistair Sim was BRILLIANT as Scrooge.
      Had a lovely turkey this year, me and the ex. One breast more or less stuffed us. Home made Christmas Pudding to finish. Lovely.

  9. I can only assume that if I did dine out on Christmas Day the vast majority of fellow diners would be absolute fucking rotters.

    It’s like that every other day so I can’t see it would be any better with a paper hat on.

    Anyhow Mrs.Terry does a first class Christmas dinner which involves the use of Oven.

    Perfect.

  10. I refuse to eat out for Christmas dinner.
    JP is right about that.

    I eat out every Sunday so not like I’d be missing out.

    Family round, sprout farts filling the room.
    Laughing at Home Alone,
    Cracker jokes,
    Mother in-laws trifle
    Nodding off like Pete Doherty due to eating half a turkey.

    Love it. Wouldn’t be the same anywhere else.

    • We were out at our daughter’s this year. Our son-in-law makes superb curries, and this Xmas he excelled himself with a variety of lamb, chicken and veg dishes, plus all the extras, nan bread, chutneys etc, and loads of beer.
      After that we went more traditional, with Xmas pud and mince pies.
      I leave to cunters’ imaginations the state of the bog on Boxing Day morning…

  11. LeicestershireLive, 26 December, 2022

    ‘OUR CHRISTMAS WAS RUINED’
    A Leicester man, Mr Gary Linecunt, has taken to social media to complain about the service he received at the Cock and Bull, Leicester on Christmas Day.
    Mr Linecunt claims there was a dirty mark on his knife which so upset him that he and his family had to leave the pub and eat Christmas lunch at home. ‘All we had was a multipack of Walkers crisps’, said a distraught Gary.
    The Manager of the Cock and Bull, Mr R Slicker, said his staff apologised and offered to replace the knife with a clean one, but Mr Linecunt refused and stormed out shouting ‘It’s coz I iz black, innit.’
    Mr Linecunt has reported the pub to Leicester Police, who would only confirm that they have received a complaint of racist abuse from a millionaire of colour, and the investigation is ongoing.

  12. Mate of mine’s Mother in Law was taken into hospital a couple of days before Xmas and him and his Mrs had to drive up to Liverpool (yes she’s a Scouser) on Christmas Eve. The old Doris was supposed to spend Xmas Day at the Darby and Joan with her mates so she had nothing in the house. They rang around all the pubs and restaurants but everywhere was booked up.
    So they spent Xmas Day eating beans on toast and Cadbury’s chocolate mini rolls.
    The way he told the story and the look on his face had me pissing myself laughing. I love a good Xmas disaster story. I must be a cunt.

  13. This Christmas (as well as last Christmas I think) a bunch of us got lazy and just gave cash. I ended up with the same as I gave out. So what’s the fucking point then?
    Christmas is better the poorer you are I think. We already have everything we NEED and what we WANT is unaffordable.
    Gotta come up with a better way.
    I know, a blow job and a nap for me and a get out of sex coupon for the missus. That leaves me with just a nap. Oh well.

    • Let’s face it if it wasn’t for Wimminz there would be no Christmas as we know it. It would just be eating and boozing……no cards, no presents, no decorations and flashing lights, no goodwill to all men and all that bollocks. Of course the kids would miss out on all the “magic of Christmas” but they don’t give a fuck about me so what the fuck do I care?
      I’m only holding on to Christmas because it winds up the Wokies and the Peacefuls. I hate them far more than I hate Xmas. Not a contest really.

  15. feck Christmas when I had the forge I would go in there Christmas day and light the fire and turn a few shoes round the anvil, same boxing day then back to work proper day after, loved working new years day getting to clients early doors and banging up a storm to help their hangover heads feel better.

  17. Havent had turkey since my mother in law presented us with a pink fucker (inside). Went out once. It was ok but I prefer a slow day with a bottle of Rioja Reserva.

  18. Cunts who ‘go ‘out’ for their Christmas or Sunday dinner are flash bastards, scum pretending to be flash bastards, or just plain lazy fucking bastards.

    I was in a pub near Bury after an FC United game. And some mouthy fat cunt and his horrendous family were having a Sunday dinner in the said pub. The Corden look-alike moaned like fuck as he scoffed it in rapid time. But all he could say was ‘My Mrs could do better than that’. Upon the about the twentieth time of hearing it, a lad behind the bar said, ‘Well, why don’t you piss off home and get her to cook you one, you lazy fat cunt?’🤣

    • Needless to say, the gobby fat fuck and his white rhino wife didn’t like it when they were told. Then the fat cunt – while still stuffing himself – kept saying ‘I’m just sayin! Just sayin!’ I didn’t see them turning it down though, fucking fat cunts.

      • I do like a Sunday carvery in our local, now and again. What fucks me off is, as you say, mostly fat, slovenly cunts that pile their fucking plate so fucking high it takes Paul Danielsesque magical skills to get it back to their table without spilling it, yet leave half of it on the plate.

        Verminous cunts.

  20. Nice bit of topside, bottle of Malbec, no family to bother me (except sister with whom I do not communicate as she is a management cunt.) Perfect. Why anyone capable of rational thought eats turkey defeats me.

    That said, given the heavy impact of bird flu on the turkey industry (many of our local producers were infected before Christmas, and the flocks slaughtered), the retailers may JUST have been tempted to look at less reputable suppliers and/or old refrigerated stock. The thought that M&S might have been flogging substandard poultry is an oddly cheering one: the country is truly fucked as some of us have been saying for some time…

  21. Same goes for New Year’s Eve. Sat in your local next to a load of pissed up scum who you’ve never seen before who take over the place. Fucking fuckers spray that silly string shit all over the place, sing Wet Wet Wet all night, talk loudly if there’s a singer on, bring their ‘own’ grub, yet then scoff the pub buffet as well, the blokes are like the Real Ale Twats, while the women are like the Fat Slags. And the bastards never take their glasses back to the bar. Absolute cunts….

  22. Had to wait a hour?? Poor cunts, guys on the Burma railway had to wait 4 years for theirs.
    Think of the amount of beers you can have waiting…

  24. We had Christmas dinner at pubs for a couple of years to save my mum cooking.

    It was fucking shit. the food was fine, but we were sat near a side door of the pub in the middle of the countryside. The children kept going in and out to play in the garden (In Decemeber) and my meal was cold in two minutes of it having arrived.

    Not the fault of the staff but it was Christmas day and the children were bored. Not ideal.

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