Corporate Christmas Greetings Emails

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A short and seasonal cunting for corporate emails wishing you a merry Christmas.

I’ve had a surfeit of these recently from various sources, the bank, places I buy brewing stuff from and other places I’ve bought stuff from. It’s all disingenuous bollocks. Some little wanker in their IT department cobbling together a meaningless Christmas message meant to make you feel good. It just get right on my tits. Bah humbug, fuck off.

Nominated by: Bertram Cuntatious DCO

35 thoughts on “Corporate Christmas Greetings Emails”

  2. Your right it is disingenuous.
    Means nothing.

    Some little shirt an tie touting for your business.

    Doubt anyone doesn’t see through it?

    Tell you what though,

    I’ve had plenty of strangers wish me a Merry Christmas!
    General passers-by.

    They weren’t after money or anything,
    Just good natured .

    I like it .
    Shows the easily offended have their work cut out trying to destroy Christmas.

    • I recently saw a picture (from China I think) in which they’d got their Christmas/Easter messages mixed up.

      It was a Christmas shop window display and they had Father Christmas nailed to a crucifix, the mad cunts.

      • Daimaru department store in Japan, circa 1975.
        I’ve one I made myself, it’s on my desk. My boss called me a mean spirited cunt.

    • MNC

      Any comment on the upcoming Panorama documentary on the alleged corruption involved in your Cunter of the Year award?

      Brown envelopes. Rivals threatened with a huge Akita. Admin kidnapped at gunpoint and beaten. Allegedly, of course.

      “And people thought I was a corrupt cunt. I’ve learned some new tricks even the African delegates weren’t aware of. Fuck me.”

      Sepp Blatter

      • How dare you.

        How dare you insinuate I somehow cheated!

        In 1964 a young heavyweight named Cassius clay challenged the unbeaten formidable champion Sonny Liston.

        People said Clay had no chance.
        That he’d be killed.

        Clay remained unbowed.

        What’s become one of sports greatest upsets,
        With superior speed, agility and tactics,
        And with self belief,
        Clay beat Liston
        To famously scream

        ‘I shook the world!!
        I shook up the world!!
        I’m so pretty!!
        I am the Greatest!
        I’m pretty as a girl!

        I’m clay .

        Underdog, fought my way to the top against overwhelming odds ,
        Through sheer determination, willpower,
        And pure charisma.

        A humble man.
        😄

  3. Never had an Christmas email, but if I did it would be deleted, part read.

    What I do get is gifts from my various suppliers.

    When visiting any store or office at this time of year there are always Christmas treats like biscuits and cake laid out, along with bottles of booze to help yourself from.

    T-shirts with the various companies names on are often handed out.
    These are useful when cut up to clean our vans.

    Next year’s diaries are also a popular gift.
    I have accumulated several.

    Absolutely no thought goes into producing and sending corporate emails.

  4. I’m surprised the corporate cunts mention Christmas, in case it upsets some bed-wetter

    Wouldn’t want to offend anyone would we.

  5. Im not one to stick up for Muslims,
    But it’s not them that get offended by Christmas.

    It’s your blue haired Marxists acting on their behalf without being asked.

    I used to work nights with some Muslims and asked them.

    They said they quite enjoyed it?!!
    Didn’t get to see it back home,
    And that Jesus was one of their prophets.

    Think it’s the humourless cultural Marxists meself.

    Fuck em
    Forcibly kiss them under the mistletoe 😁

    • Very true.

      I have travelled to several remote areas of non Christian countries and have never seen anywhere that doesn’t celebrate Christmas to some degree.

      Of course the tourist areas of these countries put on a big show.

      The idea that non Christians are offended is nonsense, but even if they are, fuck them, the UK is still Christian (for the time being).

    • I was at Muslim clients on Friday who wished me a Merry Christmas when I left. Also said they celebrate to some degree as Jesus is a prophet for them and that they respect and celebrate the festivals of the country they live in.

    • I’ve worked with Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs and one or two other multicultures over the last 40 years and on nearly all occasions they’ve welcomed/respected Christmas and Easter without any bother.

      Its only the radical fundamentalists and of course the woke “We know better” representatives that seem to have an issue with Christian festivities .

      A Muslim mate of mine thinks they’re all a bunch of saddo, “Billy-No-Mate” wankers!

    • #MeToo

      As I posted previously, my in-laws (Hindus) celebrate Christmas with all the trimmings – tree, cards, turkey dinner, etc.

      Even the Paki supermarket near us has a Christmas tree!

      Yep, it’s the Marxists and Wokes who are offended, not the other religions.

  6. Corporate Christmas wishes? Sod that. The only festive cheer worth having in most companies is to lure Sharon from Accounts into the stationery cupboard during the staff Christmas party and warm your hands her magnificent frontage.

  8. We usually get some message that sounds like a politician’s acceptance speech with a low resolution picture of a Christmas tree at the bottom.

    It never fails to make me wish they’d become the victim of the latest scouse gunslinger assassination.

    The corporate cunts.

    • At work last week, we were all treated to an email from some cunt who was telling us we had all done very well, were all in it together, were highly valued etc. I did not know who he was or what he wanted and eventually somebody figured out he was our area manager that had been appointed early in the year.

  10. Just another manifestation of the deplorable habit of banks and other faceless corporations pretending to be your best mate. Ask for a large loan and see how much of a mate they are then. Cunts.

  11. I’ve had a few of these over the last couple of weeks, along with a few text and whatsapp messages too.

    Same old faux Xmas greetings, but there’s always an additional link in there somewhere asking you to subscribe and get “20% off your next purchase”

  12. I always think they do it because they are too tight to send out a card. Preferably one that had been handwritten. Corporate bullshit.

  13. The bunch of cunts I used to work for would send an ‘interactive’ Christmas card via email to every fucker (8 – 9000) in the company.
    A right load of insincere bollocks & it used to go straight from Inbox to Deleted, unopened. fuck ’em.

  14. I’ve had a few of these recently. ‘Christmas’ is rarely mentioned, though. It’s almost always ‘Happy Holidays’. Best to reply with something along the lines: “It’s called Christmas, you cunt. Now unsubscribe me.”

    • I find my self shouting similar during the radio ads. They use terms and phrases that are designed to keep the permanently offended at bay by not mentioning Christmas.

      ‘This winterval’, ‘happy holidays’ ‘compliments of the season’ ‘festive greetings’ seasonal wishes.. what a bunch of cunt.

      In other news I see there was a stabbing death in Londonistan on Christmas Day.

      They just know when to give it a rest.

      • What a great picture this presents of ISAC members. Becoming enraged and randomly shouting obscenities at the radio. I’ve done it myself.

      • You should hear me when a wimmins footy pundit starts yapping.

        Last one was, “Fucking shut up what the fuck do you know? Fuck off we don’t want you here. Go away you fucking disease. No, not you darling wife.”

  16. I’ve had a few of these recently as well, all from places where We’ve been out for pre Xmas lunches.
    The poor sods are so desperate for business after the last couple of years that they’re touting for repeated bookings.
    Still annoying though.

    Morning all, and happy Boxing Day logs all round.

  17. No Christmas joy at work
    The cunts that own the place are closing our branch and so they don’t have to pay redundancy monies are moving the staff to a shithole
    A few years ago the sales director did a tour offering staff a chocolate from a box of quality street telling the favourite girlies you can have two
    Patronising skinhead in a light blue suit fucking Tim nice but dim directors.as long as they have money fuck the staff
    So not even a Christmas tree
    Personally I don’t care as I could get in the car and go home
    Clueless corporate cunts

  18. Belated Compliments of the Season to all of you in Cunterland.
    ……and a special message from the staff of your friendly neighbourhood STI Clinic…
    “Merry syphilis and a clappy new year “

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