(Uphill) Gardeners’ World

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Gardeners World is a cunt. A one time must for the gardener this monthly magazine has joined the woke LGBT Multicultural Shit Show.

Over the last 3 maybe 4 years, the mag has introduced a burgeoning number of ethnic diversities promoted as experts and educators. Regular features have appeared of “exotic gardens” the product of enrichment and diversity.

Each month there are comments made about the destruction of our planet, Global warming and what we must do to avoid extinction.

The magazine is fast becoming an instrument of Indoctrination.

Now this.! We are advised not to dig our gardens. The reason. Each time we dig, we release carbon into the atmosphere. The effects of this carbon release build up over the years and contributes to Global Warming.

How in fuck are Farmers going to grow crops, to provide us with food? Surely they must plough?, Surely they must dig to seat a plant ?

I hear from my fellow residents that their magazines are equally turning shit qweer with similar messages all of doom and gloom

Monty Don is fast becoming the glove puppet of the fucking BBC ! And he is now becoming a cunt !

Nominated by: Ferrars Hall

84 thoughts on “(Uphill) Gardeners’ World”

  3. It wouldn’t be in the least bit funny if that rasberry got his wheels stuck in a muddy garden.
    That picture isn’t diverse enough. Yes, there’s a moon cricket, but where’s the carpet rider and the pooch muncher.
    And what is the token going to grow anyway? There aren’t many gardens in Brixton.
    Maybe Gardener’s World are planning to grow loads of ganja?

      • Darkıes couldn’t grow magic mushrooms, LS…they’re hard as nails to grow…but very much worth the effort.

      • A mate and I discovered an incredible crop of Hyphaloma Cyanescens mushrooms (ultra-potent variety) in Christchurch Park, Ipswich, in 1983. Fucking life changing they were! In a very good way, I hasten to add.

      • ‘Can occurr in staggering volumes’ apparently. You learn something new everyday. Dogs going to be getting alot more walks from now on

  4. Rachel de Thame, eh? Well fuckable in her day, but it looks like she’s overdoing the fillers and botox now. Shame really.

    Sorry, what was the nomination about?

  5. No institution is safe from the cult of globo homo, the phenomenon of everything is misogynist/racist/white privilege, or the climate change racket.

    All 3 of these boxes must be ticked for anything to survive within the lamestream media.

    Cunts.

  7. I am disgusted, the header pic has a spoon with a large gap between her teeth, perpetuating the stereotype that all black people have incisor gaps you can drive a bus through.

  8. If Mongy Don turned up to work on my garden with that motley crue of mitmots, cripples, bumboys, and especially that grotesque looking sootie,( is it that singer Seal with the melted face?)
    I’d fire him before he’d unloaded the tools from the van.

    Ps
    My garden is absolutely beautiful.

    Just so you know.

    • you should see what I’ll happily do to slugs that venture too close to my special tobacco plants.

      • When people talk about the Nazis, they talk about the tragedy and horror of billions of weeds being lost to the Nazi gardening machine; they never mention the millions of slugs that are killed by the Nazis each year.
        No one ever wants to talk about that, because no one ever wants to talk about the positives.

      • Tried to grow tobacco on allotment last year. Don’t get enough sun in uk. My “special” plant did well in the greenhouse, so baccy’s going there next spring.

    • My right arm is up in a Nazi salute as I type this, with a heel click. Only trouble is the cunts are coming back to life worse than a monster in a horror film. Onto plan B. Zyklon B.

      • The sinister sound of thousands of marching Wellington boots…

        In the end to achieve their goals they were willing to use pellets.
        But some reports say they used salt…
        Monsters.

  12. How can him in the wheelchair be a gardener?!

    What’s he the fucking treefeller?
    Lays flags for a patio?
    Can’t do anything!
    He’ll leave tracks all over the lawn.

    Pop his tyres and use him as a water feature.

  13. Never miss an opportunity to plug the global warming scam do they? You’d think we’d be encouraged to dig for victory, given that they’re reducing farmers output deliberately all over the world at the moment, reducing the amount of fertiliser they can use etc. You’d be forgiven for thinking carbon dioxide was a poison , rather then something that greens the planet.

  14. Haven’t watched this turdology since the glory years of geoff hamilton rest his soul. Surprised they haven’t used the services of the cunts off of cuntreefile yet, as they know fuck about that aswell.

  15. The gardening bit is immaterial.

    It’s The Message that’s important.

    Climates,effniks and cripples..

    Flowers,cakes,dancing,antiques..the fancy list is endless.

    Personally I’m looking forward to a diverse DIY show where the dark key presenter never turns up but winds up getting shot is some dismal Laaandaahn ghetto anyway,the Stanley commits invoice fraud,the Trannie gets its nice dress caught in the cement mixer with hilarious and deadly results and the Albanian steals all the camera equipment.

    Cunts.

  16. I remember that wonderful episode of Blue Peter back in August 1981 where Simon Green tipped a moaning Joey Deacon out of his wheelchair into one of the Blue Peter garden’s flowerbeds, egged on by John Noakes, whilst Percy Thrower was hurling 2p coins at poor Joey and, back in the dressing rooms, a sneering Lesley Judd was attempting to put her questing fingers down the knickers of a rather nervous Janet Ellis.

      • Call that a pond?!!

        Peasants.
        That’s a deep puddle.

        Not even any Rococo statuery or waterfalls.

        May as well have left the goldfish in the bag they came from the fairground in.

    • I was always a bit suspicious about the Advent Crown made from wire coat hangers. I suppose if you were Val or Lesley, it would be very difficult to get rid of any “little mistakes”…

  17. Take one African bush transplant to the rural home counties. Water with benefits, add a council greenhouse. Before long it shall shows its Thorns. ( Beware may stab ).

  18. I like to see a well kept garden but i hate doing it with a fuckin passion , your bent over all the time stepping in and handling cat and foxes shit and when it’s done you have to start all over again.
    How on earth a tutti Frutti in a spastic chariot manages it is mind boggling.
    I wager he’s got strategically drilled holes in the fence where he can invite like minded neighbors to his glory holes

    • I often trim my neighbours bush. She lets it get out of hand and it requires a skilful hand to restore it. I don’t like to see it all straggly and leggy at the base.

  20. Don’t know about Gardeners World but I saw a programme where some ridiculous couple wanted a “Mediterranean feel” to their garden…..a bloated ginger Sow.who turned out to be Charlie Dimmock,and two Gentlemen who claimed to be brothers but were obviously turd-burglars then spent £4 k making some dreadful semi-detached Ipswich Barratt-box garden into a dreadful semi-detached Ipswich Barratt-box garden with a tacky “water-feature”, decking and some cheap terracotta pots….plus a few plants that wouldn’t last the winter.
    All that was missing from this display of vulgarity was plastic grass and a country-cream,artisan-made gate….I’d have chased the Fruities and the Fatty down the road with a fucking shotgun if it was my garden but Mr. and Mrs. Suburban-Living seemed strangely pleased with the result.

    • That Charlie Dimmuck,
      I know she’s a big fat sweaty ginger pisshead,
      But can’t help wanting to mount her.

      I reckon she’d be a great scuttle?
      An probably not a nag,
      Happy to be backrammed up the arse behind the potting shed and not bothered when I wiped my helmet on her shirt.

      I like her, she’d of made good sons in my breeding program.
      Big simple ginger sons,
      Strong of back
      Slack of jaw.

      • Kim Wilde. I was watching her video from the eighties ion YouTube t’other day, the song was ‘You Came’

        I did.

        Proper woman that one, but gone to seed a bit these days,

        Comfort not speed, I’d reckon.

  21. It’s the gardens with country cream gates you need to look out for. Almost certainly a den of white supremacy and climate change denial, not to mention the dreaded R word.
    Enter at your peril!

  22. It means half a dozen do all the work, whilst the black blows the bloke in the wheelchair ?

    • What people need to upgrade their frankly bland gardens are decorative arches.

      We have a very expensive one made of wrought iron,
      From a reclaimation yard in Macc.
      It draws the eye you see.
      Gasp!
      Oh how stunning!
      Can I have my picture taken under it?

      No. No you can’t.

      • Yes! It does!
        Nice and welcoming.

        Think the translation is “enjoy your visit”

        Think it’s from a theme park in Europe…

      • Nice one MNC, I leave a battered bow target at back of mine basically to piss off the noisy cunt who lives there. He knows larch lap does not stop arrows so is rather careful when siting his barbecue.

  23. I hope someone firebombs their potting shed.
    Preferably when they’re all in it.
    Get To Fuck.

  24. Percy Thrower was the best ‘celeb’gardener, because he wasn’t a celeb.

    Once upon a time I’d have made Rachel De Thame gasp at the length and girth of my gnarly old hoe handle. She was flexible too, ex ballerina I think, ideal for spread-eagling over yer raised beds….. Nowadays I think she’s been consuming a bit too much produce, not sure if it’s grow you own or not.

    Carol Kline is a raddled old bag but I’ll wager Monty slips her a length of his prize winning marrow whilst they are in the potting shed discussing how to trim the hedge once a week, allegedly.

    As for the others no idea. Look like a bunch of alphabet soup degenerates so beloved of the ‘national’ broadcaster.

    Stopped watching the fucking BBC eons ago.

  25. They sometimes have a deformed bint on the tv programme, who just has flipper like hands protruding from her shoulders.
    It’s a mystery how she is able to garden let alone wipe her arse. 🤔

    • Really?!
      That sounds fantastic! A gardening program with Thalidomides?!
      Comedy gold.
      “Vegetables grow vegetables”
      They could do a program entitled ‘reaching your gardening potential’ with Ellie Symonds.
      And the next week “A delicate green thumb ” about carefully growing seedlings, starring Harvey Price, roaring and running through greenhouses, like a blind spacco Hulk.

      • Unfortunately Thomas I think any plans the Soy Brigade at the Bangladeshi Broadcasting Cabal have for Harvey are likely to founder,despite their best efforts.

        The blighter would eat all the baking show cakes whilst screaming CUNTS ! at the top of his gigantic simian lungs then cram the presenters into the Aga..

        Crush the male dancers on the flamingo program with one hand whilst hanging out the back of one of those foreign showgirls..

        Topple half a forest on Cuntryfile when he accidentally drops his ice cream and beheads John Craven with a fence post.

        Oh the horror!

      • All of those things would be so brilliant, they’d almost tempt me to start paying for my telly licence again.
        In fact, there’s not a single show that couldn’t benefit from having a blind, gigantic dribbler rampaging around on it, especially if they draped a pair of his whore mother’s used knickers over his face to really get him charged up.

  26. Now our World is almost totally woke, seems right that the television programs should encourage and push to the front persons of differing qualities.
    Obviously every garden has a space for a bearded lady, disabled ethnic lesbian in a wheel chair, couple of silver haired boat children.
    Unless we the silent majority do something we will be wading knee deep through this fucking shite very soon.
    How about at the next general election just write non of these cunts on your ballot paper. If enough people did this then there is a tiny chance some cunt will realise shit a revolution obviously the really hard right will have stirred even though there is no organised right in U.K. since the British Union of Facists.

  28. Special mention should be made here of Glad the Arse Impaler who is President of the Master Guild of Uphill Gardeners. Not everyone knows that.

  30. Slightly off-topic, but someone suggested cutti g Linedancer’s salary by half a million to support BBC local radio stations…

    • Just rid of pundits altogether, they are all pure pish. If they were all so incisive in their analysis of top games, then they would be managing a top club in England or at least in America as many actually are these days.

      Rio Ferdinand has never managed a club, even been a youth team assistant. He attempted to become a pro boxer when he retired, that’s how deluded that bellend is.

      I respect Souness as he won incredible amounts of top trophies and he managed Rangers and Galatasaray, two clubs where if you lose, you might face death. And he has faced death, with his heart attack, that’s why he had to give up managing. But most of these pundits could never handle being a manager, even at low levels, as it’s more stressful and it’s a mercurial pursuit, but the manager gets the blame, the buck stops with him.

      Mute button is a great thing when watching football.

      I put up my World Cup flags of the nations BUNTING.
      Great to have the Islamic Moon, Star and Sword bearing down on me!
      Praise Ah-LLAH as Mike Tyson proclaimed. 🙂

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