Nighttime Cyclists [18] (with no lights)

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I wish to nominate nightime cyclists who think it is perfectly acceptable to cycle on the roads without lights.

Tonight at around 8:30pm, one almost met his end as raspberry compote, when I was driving along a dark, foggy, country lane and this fucking buffoon was weaving around on his velocipede. Luckily I spotted the cunt before he ended up as a bonnet mascot.

I mean, what fucking cretin thinks drivers have special, infra-red night vision? These tossers deserve, 100%, to be left resembling an undercooked mix grill by the roadside.

Fuck off.

Nominated by: Paul Maskinback

71 thoughts on “Nighttime Cyclists [18] (with no lights)”

  2. Cyclists, in general are fucking vermin
    (And normally lefty, vegan, BBC types like that utter Cuntoid Jeremy Vine)

    What’s even worse are the increasing number of grown-ass men adopting electric scooters as their desired mode of travel, especially round city centres. Again these clowns do not wear any safety gear and certainly do not use lights!

    Scooter wankers and cyclist scum each deserve to be fucking pavement pizza’s

    • A good mate of mine in Vilnius became one of these “grown-ass men” bombing around Lithuania’s fine capital on an electric scooter.

      That was until he rode one home from the pub pissed, broke his shoulder, and ended up having to have it pinned. That was in 2019 and he’s still not 100% right.

      He’s since decided to wise up and walk or take a cab.

  3. Totally agree. Entitled, self righteous fuckwits who think they cannot be harmed by cars ,buses and trucks. Weaving in and out ,between….cunt.
    Scrawny arsed ,lycra wearing, lettuce leaf nibbling,green loving ,halitosis ridden mouth breathers.
    Oh yeah and they’re all EU acolytes and hate hydrocarbons ,even though their bikes are made of carbon fibre with rubber tyres.

  4. All cyclists should be sprayed with Luminous paint come winter time.

    Very safe and would brighten up those long winter evenings. Plus a nice car game to keep the children occupied on those long journeys.

  5. Bravo Paul, this is my pet peeve. Any amount of cunts around here who ride with no lights. It’s then your fucking fault if you nearly or actually hit the tossers.

  6. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, in all my years, I’ve only gone to one incident involving a cyclist where they’ve not been at fault (car cut the corner and knocked them off), or acted the cunt in one way or another. These cunts think they’re untouchable and will always try to justify the unjustifiable – see any comments section on a story where police crack down on pavement cycling/red light jumping – encouraged by cunts like Jeremy Vine, the Govt. and councils. Utter, utter, utter fucking vermin.

  7. Spot on.
    A thick bitch who used to live round the corner from me used to cylce in the dark without lights or anything reflective, wearing dark clothing. To cut off the corner of a bend she’d be on the wrong side of an unlit road. I must have nearly killed the fuckwit half a dozen times on my way home from work. An aspirational road death statistic. Fucking unbelieveable.

  8. The problem that I have found with cyclists is that they have not learnt the art of slowing down.

    They set their own pace and that’s what they stick to regardless of the circumstances.

    They will not slow down for red lights or roundabouts.
    If pedestrians are crossing in front of them they keep at exactly the same pace and weave around them.

    If they are on a steep road with a line of traffic behind them then under no circumstances will they pull over to stop and let the traffic pass.

    Each and every one of them are ignorant cunts.
    From the competitive road racer to the fucker who has just brought his new bike.

    Learn to use your brakes, to recognise the difference between a red and a green light and show some fucking consideration!

    • This is true.

      I had some cheeky lycra gimp ding his bell at me to get out of the way on a zebra crossing.

      He got called a cunt at full volume and there may have been mention of me hanging out the back of his missus while he wobbled around on a child’s toy.

  9. cycling? don’t be a cunt, steam roller the fuckers then concrete over them, morning all

  10. Indeed, these non illuminated cunts are a menace. If you did happen to kill or seriously injure one, you can bet the courts will try to fuck you up, even though it wasn’t your fault.
    There’s a new menace on the streets nowadays too. The over illuminated cyclist with 60 trillion watt LED lights beaming straight into your eyes and illuminating the road ahead for several miles. Yes you can fucking see them coming, but you can’t see what it is or fuck all else for that matter.
    Our car headlights have to be aligned so as not to dazzle oncoming traffic, but these wankers just clip them on at jaunty angles and some even flash to bugger up your eyesight even more.
    And they reckon cycling is good for peoples health!

  11. Flashing lights on bikes should be outlawed. They are dangerous, more dangerous than the cunts who ride them. No tax, no insurance, dangerous lights or no lights. Try going out in your car like a cyclist… you’d be stopped and nicked and your vehicle taken from you. It’s a joke.

    • Agreed. You get trigger warnings on TV news items about “flashing photography” and so on yet cycling cunts are allowed to cover themselves in strobe lighting as they hurtle down the road. Not good for epileptics, or people with eyeballs in general.

    • I have to stick my hand up to that one ☝️. It may have been cuntish, I will agree. However, a couple of co workers at the time defended me when a senior officer had a go at me for having flashing blue & red lights in the rear of my mountain bike. He said ‘I fucking knew it was you, as I could see you from a mile away’. The fucked him off and said ‘Well they fucking work then don’t they! The whole point is to be seen”. I have to add that this was in a pretty rural environment with no street lights!

  12. It’s a deeply unhealthy pursuit and should be completely banned.

    Or at a bare minimum they should pay triple road tax for their highway/pavement clogging idiocy.

  13. Don’t forget the cunts now have “Special Status.” If you hit one, be it day or night, with them displaying lights or not, and it’s now always your fault, being in charge of the bigger vehicle. With zero blame put on the rider, it’s you that is supposed to be left feeling ‘mortified.’ With all this in mind, the situation will only get worse. But on the good side, it might reduce the numbers riding on the pavement.

    • A set of lights and a Hi Viz tabbard for around a tenner. Be safe, be seen. Plod used to come down hard on this behaviour, but not any more.

  14. Good nom Paul👍

    Whether you drive for a living or just to get from A to B you want to do it safely for yourself and others.
    No one wants to kill someone.

    But these characters are adamant on becoming a fatality.

    Problem is in this country the powers that be aren’t common sense types who’d think

    “The cyclist made no attempt to be visible for his own protection.
    He was a fuckin moron
    The driver wasn’t speeding,
    It’s Darwin’s law.
    Fine the cyclists family £500 and return him in a bin bag and give the driver the money for inconvenience.”

    No you’d be at fault!
    Fossil fuel loving murderer.
    And with cameras everywhere can’t just drive of laughing like our dads did .

  15. Rather than enjoying 5 star hotels, dinghy scum should be accommodated by enthusiastic cyclists.
    I genuinely wish terminal cancer upon the entirety of both groups of cunts.
    And ebola on cyclists who cause congestion by riding along A-roads during going-to-work time.

  16. Cyclists with no Lights. Local scrote distributes drugs on his electric scooter in the dark, speeding through a network of streets, exits onto main road and is wiped out by a delivery van. Scrote v Delivery Van ! No contest, Scrote does not survive the encounter and is deceased at the spot

    The outcome. The council want Delivery Vans to observe the speed limit they have imposed at 20mph

    Never mind, we enjoyed the spectacle

  17. The sense of entitlement of these cunts is incredible. Picture the scene: multiple vehicle RTC, ambulances, fire and police on scene, HEMS have landed, one dead already, police have put tape up to shut the road, yet two of these absolute ‘Me Me’ ubercunts lift the tape up and push their bikes through it. Unfuckingbelievable. On a plus note, a large traffic copper roared at them, gave them a Fixed Penalty Notice – for being a cunt in a public place, I hope – and made them go back behind the tape. It was the fucking artogance of them “We only want to get ro the other side”, they whined. Yes, you cunts, so does everyone else, pedestrians included, but they’re waiting or finding alternative routes, which wasn’t dissimilar to the coppers response.

    Fucking herpes of the road.

    • I remember about 30 years ago a horrible scene of a child who had been run over. This was just outside of Ripon. An Ambulance and Police had this little country lane blocked and we all had to wait. Some cyclists tried to ride through the carnage. Many were succussful, the rest not. It was a horrible sight, and the appalling behaviour of some people at the time of some tragedy.

      • Nowadays, the fuckers’d be filming the scene on their ‘phones for ‘Thoughts and prayers hope eveyones ok🙏🙏’ social media posts.

  18. Notice Horse riders don’t act the cunt?

    Slow moving, have to go around them,
    But never a problem.

    Same with tractors.
    Slow moving,
    Hard to go around unless you can see the other lane,
    Sometimes they’ll wave you past.

    Something about these lycra cunts that makes them act like a knobhead.
    They’re probably like this 24/7?

  19. Out in the Mog one night came across one, obvious to all a drug runner scrawny little cunt dodgy demeanour unlit cycle, pulled up along side him and gave him a gob full , pointless exercise was either foreign or a dopey cunt or deaf. Probably been my fault if I had mashed him as the bastards are a protected species now

  20. I don’t understand why these stupid cunts have to dress up like they are on the Tour de France just to cycle to work all that fucking tight fitting Lycra they must stink rotten round the crutch especially the women

  21. As an ex cyclist before i bacame a fat bastard i can say, we respected the fact that we were the most likely thing on the road to die if we were in a crash.
    Nowadays these fuckers are totally retarded, no lights, riding head on with traffic, jumping off pavements in front of cars, weaving in and out, holding people up and sliding up the inside of cars about to turn, not using the hundreds of new cycle lanes and wide pavements popping up everywhere at great expense and this is just cardiff.
    The only saving grace is by the time they have damaged the testies to the point were they will never have kids,let alone a good hard on ever again, their life expectancy is massively shortened, so we are going to have the Darwin effect coupled with the natural selection effect for the fuckers that end up under a truck.
    So my fellow cunters youve got it all wrong, we should celebrate these bell ends because if they do survive riding their bikes/scooters like they do, they will never be able to breed more of the self entitles cunts, so hopefully in the not to distant future they will have gone the way of the Dodo, extinct and good fucking riddance.
    All they do is make me more determined to run my car as long into the future as humanly possible, so whenever im level with one of these baffoons, i can kick down and leave the cunt coughing in a cloud of Texecos finest black cloud of soot and ash, further aiding the extinction and natural selection processes for these dick heads…Just stop oil they say, no way i say….

    • Hi Fuglyucker,

      I’m the exception. I had a vasectomy in my younger days and cycle with freedom along a quiet seafront in my retirement. I’m no danger to anybody. The only danger to me are the waves of white horses that on occasions have soaked me through, for misjudging the tides.

      • Hi Sammy, there are still a few cyclista who are ok like yourself, but unfortunately your going to get tarred with the same cunt brush as the rest of them by association, much like Audi drivers some many are cunts, that now if you drive one your automaticcy a cunt even if your not.

  22. Psyclists are a special group of entitled cunts. They are law unto themselves, do to the loud mouthed ecofascists.

  23. How about cyclists who live in a quiet seaside town, who only ride along the seafront with care and attention to families with children and dogs and use the cycle lanes when necessary ? Its the pretend disabled in their souped-up chariots we should be worried about.

  24. I must say, Paul. You disappoint me. 🙁
    I thought your tale was going to have a happy ending.
    Namely, a mangled heap of metal and shredded steaming flesh, lying on the King’s highway.
    But no, you let the cunt get away.
    This really will not do.
    I recommend a large 4×4, preferably with a V8 engine and an increased alcohol intake.
    HTH 😁

  25. As someone who cycles to work I completely agree with most on this site (apart from those who say all cyclists are vermin – that was a bit harsh, but I guess we’re all cunts on here so perhaps forgiven).

    I despair when I see people not only cycling without lights but no helmets either. I may look like a Xmas tree at night but at least I warn others that a cunt is coming.

  26. Saw one of these Lycra clad fucking cunts last week.
    Straight through a red light.
    Highway Code doesn’t apply to me etc. etc.
    I hope the cunt gets crushed by an HGV.
    Soon……….sooooooon……..💀💀💀

    • By all means let foolish cyclists get their comeuppance, but I also want the mushroom-penises in their souped-up motors to cuddle the odd tree or lamppost.

  27. I Hate these Wankers
    Most Cities Nottingham, Birmingham (that I Know of) have had shed loads of Money thrown at these Cunts Narrowing the Roads to Build Cycle Lanes.

    This wasn’t enough for one entitled Wanker as he Still used the Fucking Road.
    Don’t Worry i had the Cunt at the Traffic Lights and Blocked him out

    I Know one Chap who Carried a Bottle of Piss for just these People

    • No saddle ? They’d love that. Slipping on their crotchless lycra shorts and slapping on a dollop of KY JELLY.
      They’re all quare 🕺🌸🌈
      The filthy cunts.

  30. I was driving down the main street in Wooler, Northumberland once and some little cunt saw me coming and deliberately pulled out in front of me on his bike so I had to brake hard. He then cycled at about 10mph along the street just to piss me off, knowing full well I couldn’t overtake.
    Had that been Lord Fiddler behind him I suspect his scrotum would have been summarily wrapped around his handlebars.

    • Get a set of wagon air-horns fitted…I know for sure that the sudden deafening screech 2 inches from their back-wheel has caused several sudden exits into ditches and like to think,been responsible for one or two heart-attacks also.

      PS…also works well at pedestrian crossings… old Cunts,people looking at mobile phones, fat brats,cripples and mongs,ugly women,The Gays,Coloureds and the type of person one would expect to see smoking outside Wetherspoons ….can all move at an amazing rate of knots if encouraged with a little “parp” on my air-horns…think I’ve been responsible for more cripples managing to ditch their wheelchairs than the NHS.

      • Fair enough Lord F, though personally I’d exclude ugly women. I find it reassuring to watch a vile munter waddle across a zebra crossing and thank the Lord that I’d never had to lower my standards to that level.

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