A cunting please for modern ties please admin. Being of the age where relatives drop off the perch with monotonous regularity, I found that my trusty black funeral tie has gone missing in action. I had to ring a mate up, he was not impressed as I woke the poor sod up.
Anyway the modern ties are fucking short leaving yours truly with one that when done up looks like one Oliver Hardy used to wear in days of yore. I can hear the cunters tuning up their violins as I cunt, but fear not cunters, I brought one from the British Heart foundation, a long one too for a quid. Result CuntyMort is at his funerial best again.
Nominated by: CuntyMort
Helpful links provided by Cuntstable Cuntbubble and Miserable northern cunt
The shortness of the tie is in direct relation to the fatness of you neck. Having said that, some are definitely too short, especially when tying a half windsor, as you do.
6
I always find that the more Garish / bright the the more of a Cunt the wearer
When it comes to All Cunts the tighter the Knot the better
You’ll know if you have done it right because the face will go blue
9
They’re definitely making them shorter nowadays. My old ties are fine in terms of length. Most new ones made now are made for the Time Bandits or Crystal fucking Ken.
3
My clip on security black tie (for obvious reasons) was longer than that.
3
It`s also the suits.
Now all the young ones look like Norman (Pitkin) Wisdom …
https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e3/87/d6/e387d61d6ebd56a208cc919713c0cec4.jpg
But then, irony is wasted on them too.
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For a gentleman such as oneself, the ascot cravat in blue paisley is de rigueur. Along with the flat cap, checked jacket, corduroy trousers and highly polished brown brogues, it marks one out as being above the hoi polloi as one flies past them in the Range Rover.
Sorry, but ties are just so petit bourgeois.
9
I have, like most a funeral tie along with the dark suit. It’s always a grim occasion when they surface from the wardrobe.
I keep promising to have a look inside that wardrobe, that suit is fucking shrinking!
9
Got 3 ties one black worn with black Crombie for dispatches otherwise avoid like the immigrants, Mrs Civvydog says I look like a sack of shit in anything I wear and being a mucky little fecker nothing stays clean on me for 5 minutes.
Long ties are a must for covering splashes of various shapes and colours
3
And there was lil ol me thinking I have a fat neck, long trunk and pot belly. Sadly, ties now seem to be for funerals. I remember in my first job, a rather well-stacked lass from the adjacent section leant across my desk and started to fondle my… tie (red, with lions on). Those were the days!
5
That’s why they are shorter, to be kept well away from your cock, preempting any unnecessary embarrassment.
2
I need a long kipper tie to cover any inappropriate stirrings at funerals.
16
Good nom.
A proper length tie and an impeccable tie knot is an absolute must in my opinion
Can’t stand seeing lazy arsed cunts with a shitty lopsided knot the type akin to that worn by a teenage school girl.
Makes me lose respect for someone straight away. Especially if it’s some cunt trying to flog me something.
Get it straightened up with a good Windsor.
Interestingly/curiously enough, the most impeccable tie knots I’ve seen on a politician are those belonging to a certain Vlad Putin and Donald Trump.
Good afternoon
12
Skimping on material use is happening on all clothes. M&S shirts have had their yoke shortened so that the shirt comes out of the top of your trousers revealing your arse crack. Recent photographs of PM Rishi Sunak show that he can’t find a pair of trousers long enough to cover his ankles and presumably he can afford top-end kit.
It happens when cunt accountants have influence over product design, the death knell of any company. Anyway I am looking elsewhere for my shirts now.
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Sliding off topic slightly Wanksock, but your penultimate sentence is so true. It’s what fucked up British industry, cars and motorcycles for instance.
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The death knell of any company when the Finance Director become the Managing Director.
1
Sunak irritates the piss out of me by appearing on camera with no jacket, his sleeves rolled up and NO tie, as though he has just done a bit of lorry-loading or lumberjacking.
Fckn char-wallah.
14
I suspect many young men these days don’t even own a tie let alone know how to tie one.
12
I have cut all my ties with the modern world.
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I see you’re still using the internet.
14
We were tying in the tickie count earlier MJB. It seems I am pulling ahead now.
Yes I keep my one modern tie to Isac.
Because posters need to hear the great wisdom I have aquired in my long life.
4
I think Waitrose are Pretentious Cunts, I even see the skivvy shelf Stackers wearing Ties
The Cunt probably had Matching steel toe-capped Brogues
3
I have over 100 ties, various shapes, patterns and sizes.
But no short ones.
Nearly all dating back to the 1970s /’80s.
A school tie from the late 1960s.
Doubt I’ve worn a tie more than half a dozen times in the intervening years.
For funerals, a black shirt, unbuttoned at the top, usually suffices.
4
Great idea! Gonna try that and I think I already have a black shirt. I’ve loathed ties since school.
2
Not worn a tie since I was an Air Cadet.
Nehru shirts are smart and stylish, and you look like a Bond villain…👍
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Mr MJB,
Hmmm, black shirt, eh?
Got a nice arm-band too?
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Trouble is MJB is that there are a shed load of Royal Marines rocking up to the funeral tomorrow. Old guys, but I bet they would sort yours truly out without breaking into a sweat.
5
A big fat cunt with have to get the older tie from Charity Shops, so not to appear even fatter.
2
Come on you tie clip manufacturers, it’s the modern world for complaining about fuck all. You should be getting ready to sue the new tie designers.
2
Ya cheeky Caaaahhnnt
2
More into plus fours myself when racing around in the bentley blower, what what, and dont forget the tassel on the cane.
4
The trousers keep getting tighter and higher on the ankles. The result of hoe-moes designing the clothes.
Pretty soon we’ll all look like Angus Young in our suits.
Good light hearted cunting.
6
Spot on.
I recently purchased trousers with a turn up, so I could alter them to decent length that breaks over the heel of the shoe.
That’s the trouser not my cock, which is to be fair a decent enough length anyhow.
4
Yes, I agree. The sell ties in those holder thingies now so you can’t unravel and see the length.
I’ve bought a few in recent years that never got worn as they were comedy short.
Maybe I’m just an old cunt who doesn’t understand the fashion of knacker strangling skinny pants and short comedy clown ties?
And how wimpy must any cunt be to get their legs in those ‘slim fit’ jeans?
Mrs stupidly got me some last year. Right waist size but couldn’t get my legs in them. No knacker room too. Like they made them for eunuchs.
It must be because my generation played out all the time as kids. Loads of outdoor exercise, BMXing, athletics, footy, fucking breakdancing and running away from the likes of DF after ‘scrumping’ his apples (“Haha! Smiffy got bakers! Dickhead!”) Therefore, strong legs.
Now the younger generations just stay in playing online games, wank to porn and never leave the fucking chair unless it’s to reset the router. Result? Weaklings.
Well I for one should not have to plough through rows of clothing made for Ethiopian legs to find something that fits normal legs.
Like trying to put your legs in pipe cleaners.
Stupid freaks.
14
Absolutely spot on.
Mrs Terry once fetched a pair and I couldn’t get the fuckers over my manly calves.
Silly gay cunts.
7
Skinny legs and arses like beanbags.
7
John “I’ve never seen so many white people” Snow is known for his colourful ties. Obviously the distinguishing feature of a cunt.
7
John Snow doesn’t need his cuntish ties and stripey socks to show everyone what a cunt he is, we all know.
8
Can’t stand those stupid skinny ties, about the width of your finger, Sunak wears those.
3
I hate having to wear a tie.
Strangling me.
I’ve got a black funeral tie but that’s it.
Always feel like a fuckin Jehovah’s witnesses or something.
I like my circulation unencumbered.
Reason I like my pants unbuttoned.
6
Pointless me wearing one anyway,
Can’t see the fuckin thing what with the beard.
Them skinny pants are a abortion.
Fuckin rumplestiltskin or something.
My feet are size 13,
I’d look like a set of golf clubs.
And they show my winky and long dangling testicles .
Comfort fit jeans dark wash with turned up cuffs👍
Timeless.
8
Evening, MNC.
Had a similar problem until I discovered Chums (Manc mailorder stylefree apparel for the nearly geriatric) and, strangely, Next, who do a comprehensive online range of gentlemens’ trouserings not to be found in any physical emporium, including the unlikeliest maxi-waist+maxi leg trews any land whale could wish for.
1
If the jehooovers knocked me up on a saturday and tried giving me a watchtower (if they still do that) and were flying low without a licence it would be the first time I’d ever identified with them. Tbh I can’t even bother zipping up anymore, I piss so much that I consider it Labour saving
4
A tie (modern or otherwise) is just a sign of modern Corporate slavery.
To wear one shows the rest of the world what a debt slave you are.
Working a normal office J.O.B (just over broke!) and wearing a tie would be a horrible nightmare for me.
Just glad I’ve made a few quid and have enough to live on without relying on selling my time and soul to a thankless company for a few pennies each month whilst wearing a coloured noose around my neck!
Fuck-That!
6
Not a regular tie user most of mine are twenty years old when I had a proper job
Correct me if I’m wrong when putting a tie on was there not a seam or join in the material usually silk of some sort where you started the knot and the two ends therefore become equal
Allowing a little more for my good living middle it still works
Skinny ties and jeans are shit
Aside of this is Matt Hancock the biggest cunt ever to go on celebrity I can’t think of a more pathetic wimp of a freeloading cunt
5
Ties are for cunts. Cravats are for gentleman cunts. I have scores..now fuck off..Good day to yoooooo….
8
did you hear about the Londoner who got sacked on his first day of work? he was asked by his Brummie boss to get a kipper tie? so he went to mark’s and Spencer and came back with a paisley print tie, as he gave it to his boss the Londoner said here you are a kipper tie. no you stupid soft southern bastard , I said a cuppa tea..I will get my coat.. taxi…
7
That header pic is a fucking disgrace.
You couldn’t even truss a Biafran bird up with that fucking tie.
Get some length.
Good evening.
2