Uri Geller (3)

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I’ve always hated self promoting magical Jew Urine Geller.

He’s bought a island ,
Lamb island in the firth of forth for 30 grand.

Obviously it’s on a ley line🙄
And according to Urine it was visited by ancient Egyptians and aliens (heavy sigh)

He says he’s telepathically put a block on Vlad Putin pressing the nuclear buttons,
So basically he’s saved the world.😳

In a 5 minute interview on GB news he managed to namedrop princess Di,
(A good friend) Dodi Fayed(a good friend)
And John Lennon (his best mate apparently?)

An it occurred to me,
All his friends seem to be dead?
Why is that?

To get away from him.
He’s a fuckin jinx!
And a shameless bullshitter.

Spoon bender.

Metro News Link

Nominated by: Miserable northern cunt

147 thoughts on “Uri Geller (3)”

  2. I’d be convinced about his abilities if he stopped the Russians torturing and murdering people in Ukraine. So would everyone else.

  3. His alleged friends are all dead so they can’t answer that they have never met him and that they think that he is a hook nosed cunt regardless.

  4. Slap a soup spoon off his head repeatedly and tell him “hold on Uri I think it’s beginning to bend”
    A round of applause from onlookers iPhoning the event.
    Post immediately to Utube and for one hundred million hits and likes👍

  5. Fake, total fucking fake. But he’s made a small fortune out of muggy credulous cunts so good luck to the lying bastard.
    He’s got so much front I’ve always thought he would make a successful politician.

  8. Looks the type who would invite you to dinner,drug you and shit in yer mouth while you were unconscious….and steal the contents of your wallet,of course.

    • …probably tea-bag you after he’d voided his bowels on yer dentures n’all.

      He disgusts me with his depravity.

    • All of my cutlery is,of course, extremely valuable antique silver…the Cunt wouldn’t know whether to bend it or steal it.

  9. Fuck me

    I thought this Kraut Kunt had starved to death years back..

    How does he eat anything if his cutlery melts as soon as he touches it?

    Have a Novichok surprise you mental blockhead.

    • I know I have a wilfully practical view of life, but the only way to regard a cunt who goes around bending cutlery is as a fucking nuisance. I prescribe a sound kick up the arse and threats to pack it in.
      As talents go, it is not exactly stellar is it? I am more impressed with how my other half manages to sort all the recycling on bin day.

  10. Didn’t James Randi thoroughly discredit this wankstain years ago?
    https://youtu.be/24kpAClYmmQ
    People really are unbelievably stupid to indulge Geller instead of muslimming him off the top of the nearest multi-storey car park and seeing if his psychic powers include levitation.

    • Staggering that cunts like James Whale continue to believe in this blatant charlatan.
      Geller was on the James Whale show (TalkTV) a few weeks back and I have rarely seen a more nauseating example adulation than that exhibited by Whale that evening.

      • James Whale is a 24 carat, triple distilled uber cunt, how this “shock jock” gets work fuck knows, he thinks he is the UKs answer to Howard Stern!, I’d rather listen to Harold Shipman reading the contents of all his death certificates out on a 24-hour loop!!!

      • I met James Whale years ago when he worked for Metro radio …what a horrible,pompous,jumped-up little man.

      • We could do a thread on famous people we’ve stood next to.

        Once, after an REM concert (yes, I know) we stopped at a KFC on the way home. Just in front of us was the male singer and that fatty lady singer from the supporting act, ‘The Beautiful South’. She’s proper big her in real life, MNC. Big booming voice when she ordered, like Brian Blessed. He was a bit squeaky and mard looking.

        They both looked fucking miserable I recall. We looked to see what fancy vehicle they were in, and were disappointed to see it was a minivan.

      • And I once saw Cliff Lazerenko with who I assume to be his elderly mother in Wetherspoons one rainy afternoon.

        Beat that!

      • CB @

        I once told Peter shmeichel to “get your dog’s on a lead you dozy cunt!”
        After his retarded labradors knocked out elderly staffie all over the woods at Alderley Edge.

        To be fair he was very apologetic and seemed a nice bloke.

      • I see your Cliff and raise you the fact that I’ve seen our local newsreaders panties. Whilst she was wearing them. Eyes set to ‘Record’.

        Oh yeah…

      • I once got on a tube train just as Henry McGee (Benny Hill straight man) was getting off, fnarr fnarr.
        Also found myself queuing up in a Spanish bank behind Frank Williams (Dad’s Army reverend) cashing travellers cheques.
        Followed Richard Ingrams through Soho for about 10 minutes…

      • I saw Bill Oddie hiding behind a hedge near Long Ashton ( a village just outside of Bristol) – he claimed to be bird watching. This was the second time I had encountered him, the first time was when he was in the audience at the Old Vic theatre in Bristol for a comedy festival, During the interval, some berk got right up in his face shouting Goody Yum Yum, whereupon Bill replied ” Do fuck off there’s a good chap”

      • I stood behind Arthur Scargill in the bank once.

        I thought what is he doing in a capitalist environment like this…

        Mind you it was the ‘Co- Operative Bank’ come to think.

      • Mine will take some beating. Whilst working in North London in 1994 on a highway reconstruction job, a BMW pulled up and out popped Ronnie Wood and Jimmy White.

        Both were a tad ‘over-refreshed’ but Ronnie saw the large resurfacing rig and asked if it was alright to park ( next to the pub). They invited me and my colleague in for a beer, but we were not allowed to drink on the job.

        I was surprised at how small Ronnie was. I am 6’2″ and towered over him. He looked like he had one of those tribal shrunken heads.

    • I met David Essex in a petrol station in Diss, Norfolk many years ago.

      He was filling up his Capri after doing a show in Norwich or something……the man is a legend,

  11. Clever cunt if you ask me.

    Does anyone think for one second that he believes any of the shit he’s saying?

    Does he bollocks!

    Fucking minted though. Worth 20 mill. You couldn’t get away with it now, really. If you could, I’d be at it.

    I bet he checks his bank balance and says, “So who’s the daft cunt, then?”

    I like those who make a fortune from fuck all but a bit of nouse.

    Like those cunts making millions selling ‘non fungible token artwork’. Jpeg images in other words, for fortunes.

    One born every minute.

    • It’s hard to imagine the yentas of the Geller family, back in the 1950s being impressed by the boy wonder being their cutlery they rescued from the Nazis being bent and snapped off. I bet he got a few ass-whoopins in the crowded kibbutz.

      • I’ve seen interviews with Uri and he is a delightful man until the interviewer gets even a teeny bit critical of him or suggests he is lucky to have gained fame and fortune. He’s a very uppity fellow. Anyone else would say, “yeah, I’ve had a great life, been very fortunate! Hahaha! Bending spoons, what am I like?! What a jammy cunt, eh?”

        Of course, these days, the charlatans of life are much more nefariousness than some coiffured kosher cunt bending spoons.

    • I had it in my “mind” that the cunt was a Jerry.

      It seems he’s some sort of Israeli?

      I prefer this tin pot wizard is a Jerry so that’s what he is.

      German magicians are all notorious coprophiliiacs,as we all know.

      What a disgrace he’s allowed to commit his crimes in this country.

      • Almost everyone still thinks that Harrison Ford is Irish-American. Jewish mother, 100% Jewish. That’s why he fought the Nazis so hard as Indiana Jones!

  13. I never found the ability to bend spoons would be one a super-hero would have.

  14. You should see how hated the cunt is in Scotland! Remember when Gary MacAllister missed his penalty against England at Euro 96? Uri was in a helicopter over Wembley that windless summer afternoon and he said he made the ball move – which it did. I mean, who the fuck does something like that or just says they did something like that? He’s Israel-British by virtue of being born in 1946 when Britain owned the Holy Land, but why did that bias him towards England? Because he is a cunt, that’s why.

  16. He’s not just a metal bender, he’s also a rampant gay bender. He’s had more foreskins in his mouth than has been collected in a yíd doctors bucket.

    Fucking dodgy kyké wants to pack up his cutlery and fuck off back to Tel-Aviv the freaky jüden Cunt.

  17. It’s his assertion he has ‘powers’.

    Insinuating he’s a mystical miracle worker.

    He’s a fuckin bullshitter.
    Not Jesus.

    And if you had a meeting of people with superpowers,
    Superman can fly
    Hulk has abnormal strength,
    What can you do? What’s your power?

    “I can bend spoons”.

    What fuckin use is that?!!!

    In 52yrs I’ve never needed a bent spoon,
    And doubt I ever will.

    • Why only spoons. Spoons have a natural bend anyway, now bending knifes that would be impressive..

      • He talks about kooky shite like it’s fact.
        Atlantis, alien visitors, ley lines, telepathy, vibes,
        Portals in the fabric of the space/time continuum etc.

        Never mind my star sign you fuckin warlock!

        And stop saying your friends with dead people.

        They thought you were a flakey headtheball too.

    • Aye, but that’s what makes him a clever cunt, MNC.

      If he said he was just a magician, he’d probably be doing working men’s clubs nowadays, with a ropey middle aged lady assistant and Wurlitzer accompaniment. Collecting his £30 fee with his nicotine stained fingers, before dragging his equipment onto the bus home.

      But because he insists he’s got genuine ‘supernatural powers,’ he’s been raking it in.

      No roll ups and last bus home for Uri. Cuban cigars and chauffeur driven Bentley home more like, the sly cunt.

      • He proper gets on my threppennies CB.

        I like magic tricks.
        I like magicians.
        It’s clever, skilful.
        I like That anorexic one Dynamo.

        Even creepy dark eyed yank David Blaine, I’ll admit he’s talented.

        But saying you can do miracles?

        It’s blasphemous!!

        He should be burnt at the stake.

      • Harry Houdini would went ape-shit if he had seen Uri Geller. The great escapologist was Hellbent on exposing charlatans.

      • Harry Houdini was brilliant at what he did wasn’t he Lecunt?

        He used to expose spiritual mediums as frauds and confidence tricksters.

        He’d soon sniff out a rat with Geller.

    • Street junkies use a bent spoon to cook their Mexican shoe-scrapings, Mis! Maybe Urine Geller flogged his bent spoons in NW London in the 70s and 80s?

  18. Every time this fraudster is found out, he slinks off for a couple of years, only to return with a new book/trick/friend.

    His last friend was Michael Jackson. Jackson must’ve learnt from his Joo mate because he managed to make all those child-fucking lawsuits magically disappear. 🌟

    • I bet Uri was delighted when Michael converted (briefly) to Islam. Jacko’s calling Jews, “leeches” couldn’t have gone down too well, either.

      • Jacko also tried to convert to Judaism, but the rabbis felt he wasn’t going to commit to the instruction. He dabbled in a lot of religions, as many Jehovah’s Witnesses do after becoming disillusioned (and abused). Even Scientology. Fuck me, imagine a Wacko Jacko as an Operating Thetan!

  19. This is the fella who claimed to have once made a football move off the penalty spot during Euro 96.
    Apparently he was hovering above the old Wembley Stadium in his airship at the exact moment Scotland’s Gary McAllister was about to strike an all important spot kick and Mr Geller leaned out and bellowed “MOVE !!!” at the top of his lungs.
    The ball moved, McAllister had his kick saved and England went on to win the match 2-0.

  20. The cheeky cunt tried to take the credit for moving the ball on the penalty spot, to prevent Scotland from scoring against England. It was the wind. Fuck off you Yankee cunt and walk out of one of your first floor buildings.

  22. This bullshitter lives in a nice house in a lovely village not far from me. All bought and paid for by bending rubber spoons on chat shows and morning television.
    As for his alleged acquaintances with famous dead people. Probably more bullshit.
    If not he is indeed a jinx, like Fat Reg.
    Mercury, Dianna, Versace. All brown bread after hanging out with him.
    Or maybe Geller subconsciously wishes his friends dead with his mystical powers.
    Who knows. It’s a fucking good earner though.

  24. He once claimed to have teleported a dog through the walls of one house to the next.

    First of all, it’s obviously bullshit.

    Secondly, if it was somehow true, how fucking cruel would that be? Poor mutt would be shaking in terror for days.

    • Thinking about it, it’s probably why he said it.

      Got people taking about him again.

      A cunt, but a clever cunt, you see.

    • Evening CB…it’s also unfair.
      I tell the girls at work the most outrageous lies and no fucker showers me with money.
      What am I doing wrong?
      Maybe my lies aren’t preposterous enough?
      Maybe a should be a christ killer or a friend of a famous pædo?

      • Haha

        Yes, just tell them you have mystical powers bestowed on you by aliens. Talk a bit ‘foreign’ too, to add to the mystique.

        You’ll be knee deep in clunge by teatime 👍

      • @Mr Cunt-Engine

        You lie….I found a picture of you…https://images.app.goo.gl/NGTSBr8WqrJjUQBZ7,,,, appearing before the Magistrates following your arrest for Aggravated Bumming in a Public Toilet while in the company of Freddie Mercury and George Michael….quite obviously you have no moustache…or “todger-tickler” as you undoubtedly call it

      • To be fair, I didn’t recognise Freddie that evening. He was dressed up as a housewife, coming directly after the filming of the “I Want to Break Free” video.
        And we both though that George Michael was the arresting officer, looking so resplendant in his police uniform.

    • You’d think in the age of having a 4K video camera in your pocket that can instantly uploaded to YouTube, that Uri would have the world’s most-watched YT channel, teeming with videos of telekinetically moving vases, dogs and pinching loaves out that float to the bog like scatalogical space shuttles!

  26. He was a mate of Michael Jackson so he no sought suffers from a really sore arse so please forgive the poor Cunt so dought been fucked senseless and is fucking brain dead

    • I reckon that Michael Jackson’s cock hadn’t gone through puberty much like his voice, prompting a spread-eagled Macauley Culkin, during a sleepover in Neverland in 1990 to enquire, “is it in yet?”

      • Culkin was on a podcast and he said he was never bummed by the Smooth Criminal, but he said he was surrounded by drooling wrong uns in Hollywood. There are many child abusers in showbiz, but only fools and horses would list them here.

      • Hope that nice Charlie Sheen isn’t one of them?

        Can’t see him doing anything like that?

        Wonder how a nice lad like him got H.I.V?

      • MNC Charlie Sheen interfered with Corey Feldman (mouth from Goonies) and Corey Haim from Lost Boys – not a euphemism…..or perhaps it was?.

        Nowt strange as folk… Charlie Sheen was married to Denise Richards. One of the most desirable women back in the late 90s/early 00s (18 year old me would have loved to play any hole is a goal with her)
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvpWCK9pL_U

        and yet Charlie would rather be bummed by a Frank N. Furter type…. allegedly

  27. In the picture at the top he looks as if he is preparing to scoop out his right eyeball. If only.

  28. The government (or King Jug Ears) is now demanding we adhere to a minute’s silence this evening at 8pm…
    Fuck that for a game of fake royal soldiers, they’re taking the fucking piss.
    Then another 2 minutes tomorrow at the end of the funeral (fair enough I suppose).
    How do I know this? The wife loves all this shit and can’t stop yapping about it, that’s how, apart from the 2 minutes silences, small mercies, God save the King.

      • How much of a colossal affront is that? Us plebs have to pay 40% of our meager inheritances, but King Tampon get the whole kit and kaboodle of his maw’s bounty to himself, none to the treasury? £17.6 billion would come in handy to the coffers right now, could be used to help folk out with homelessness, utility bills, etc. Did the Queen leave anything in her will to entities other than her alerady-minted kids? I bet not. She could have stipulated that, “Deutschland Über Alles” be written on the Moon to paraphrase Frankie Boyle!

      • No way the Queen will be admitted to Heaven, not with £500 million tucked under the mattress.
        How do I know this? Because Jesus told me:
        “It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of heaven.”
        She probably thought because she’s not a man she had a ready made get out clause, in which case I fear she was sadly deluded.

  29. Off topic but my Guinness tastes particularly good this Sunday evening.

    I’ve been reading about the migrants sent to Martha’s Vineyard by the Florida governer de Dantis.

    Many of the well-to do residents arent best pleased.

    Yes about time others ‘shared the burden’.

    Signals of virtue arent going to enough in this situation. You will for once have to show real tangible virtue in looking after these people.

    I like that.
    Hats off to deSantis!

    • It’s going to be fucking hilarious if he keeps sending more planes of Chico and his 349 cousins! Send them to the Hamptons, too, liberal enclave. Can’t Bath House Barry put some of them up in his Martha’s Vineyard mansion? Big Mike can feed ’em soul food and then teach them how to play tennis! BIG MIKE!

      • I am more of a radical than you think Le C.

        Something like-(the migrants saying)- ‘why have so much and we so little’.

        I sincerely hope the whole country is overrun.

      • America already IS overrun. I hear a lot of Americans online saying, “if… when…” and I say that we are at that point NOW, bubba! Have been for ages. I tell our cousins to get out of America or at least the big cities, go to Wyoming (population: 500,000) and hunker down until the dust settles.

        America is on the verge of civil war, that’s not Super Bowl hyperbole, it’s true. If an African country was in the state America is in right now, we’d all be calling it a civil war, but as the corporate media over there is so powerful, very few people see what is coming. And even those who do see what is coming aren’t doing anything, they think they will be safe because they have an arsenal of firearms and 5 years of food in their basement. When it goes down over there, no fucker will be safe.

        Between now and the 2024 election, America will be a hellscape. No way the nutjobs in power right now will give that up to Trump, de Santos or whoever runs. They’d rather nuke their own country than see that happen.

    • If only we did the same. Dingy rats to labour area’s. I’m sure they their would love it.

    • Despite having mansions all over and a surfeit of tourist accommodation it seems Martha and her Vineyard full of rich cunts are suffering a “housing crisis” and don’t have any room at all for South American vagrants.

      So they called out the National Guard and shifted them our.

      How odd.

    • Off topic…

      But…

      First, great comments by all the cunters.

      Second, the corrupt press and the Demonrats say this is a politically motivated stunt.

      DeSantis uses the following justification:

      There are 11 states in the US that are Sanctuary States…i.e. States that will not arrest, detain, or deport any illegal aliens and in fact have legal provisions for aid and services specifically for illegals.

      Furthermore these states and their law enforcement agencies will not cooperate with federal law enforcement in any action relating to an illegal alien. Therefore, any illegal alien seeking refuge from ANY law enforcement agency is given sanctuary.

      Florida is not a Sanctuary state. DeSantis argues that by removing illegal aliens sent to his state BY the federal government and relocating them to a sanctuary state he is fufilling a legal obligation.

      i.e. Florida Law has no provisions for caring for illegals or the provision of benefits so he’ll send them to a state that does.

      By law, Massachusetts is not a sanctuary state either. However, a Massachusetts Supreme Court ruling in the case of Sreynuon Lunn vs The Commonwealth of Massachusetts ruled that the State has no authority to arrest, detain or deport any illegal simply because they are illegal.

      i.e. If an illegal alien commits a crime in Mass. he can be arrested and detained for that crime but he is entitled to bail and cannot be held for deportation or indeed deported.

      Mass. has also implemented many laws designed to protect illegal aliens from deportation and indeed provide services to them without a formal Sanctuary State law being passed.

      Several cities, including Boston do have formal Sanctuary laws.

      The practical net effect has made Mass. a de facto Sanctuary state.

      Martha’s Vineyard itself proclaims all are welcome including aliens.

      Link to follow

  30. I see that sociopathic scumbag Prince Andrew has come up with a sickly “tribute” to the late Queen, no doubt concocted to help him worm his way back into being a working member of the royal family again.
    Some will fall for it, but hopefully not King Jug Ears or prince Baldilocks, unless they too were born yesterday.
    The statement reads (you’ll need a strong stomach for this):

    “Dear Mummy, Mother, Your Majesty, three in one. Your Majesty, it has been an honor and privilege to serve you, Mother of the nation, your devotion and personal service to our nation is unique and singular; your people show their love and respect in so many different ways and I know you are looking on, honouring their respect. Mummy, your love for a son, your compassion, your care, your confidence I will treasure forever. I have found your knowledge and wisdom infinite, with no boundary or containment. I will miss your insights, advice and humour. As our book of experiences closes, another opens, and I will forever hold you close to my heart with my deepest love and gratitude, and I will tread gladly into the next with you as my guide. God save the King.”

    Jesus Christ on an e-scooter….

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