Time for a U235 encased, Plutonium cored, Deuterium doped thermonuclear H-cunting for the bastards who park in the middle of the TWO spaces between our house and my neighbours leaving no room for anyone else.
I could understand it if they drove a stretch-limo, a coach with a team of horses, an aticufuckinglated lorry, or indeed a thermonulear missile transporter; but NO, it’s usually a sodding small hatchback the size of a walnut, that takes just enough space so as to leave nothing suitable for any other cunt to park at the front or rear without blocking the driveway.
I can olny assume that these cunts drive with the aid of a white stick, or with their guide dog at the wheel, or that they are pig-ignorant, sefl-entitled shitbags so-full of themselves and FUCK YOU to everybody else, that they it never crosses what passes for their minds, that they are being cunts.
If I had the unlimited dosh, I’d have the thing left in the same space, but turned over on its roof, wheels in the air. Sadly being a semi-broke retired grumpy fucker, I am reduced to overlapping my driveway, and parking my car within an inch of their front bumper, putting a “Park in ONE Space” notice on their windscreen, together with a SpecSavers leaflet.
Rant over… Going for a lie down in a darkened room….
Nominated by: Sheikh Anvakh
You can buy 4 x “You’ve parked like a CUNT” stickers (in the style of yellow parking tickets) from eBay for £3.30.
One prick used to park like this near my house so I put luminous sticks over his rear number plate and wrote “WANKER” on them in thick Sharpie.
Childish but satisfying. Hopefully he got stopped by the pigs.
23
Dog shit under the driver’s door handle or a liberal dousing of fish sauce/well matured piss in the air intake. Jolly good fun.
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Cheers Thomas. Just found these and similar with variations such as know, twat, idiot, etc. On Ebay. Not too far from us, some arsehole parks right in front of a tee junction on an exceptionally narrow estate road. It is not a case of if, but when there will be a coming together of vehicles here.
Well worth the small outlay. I will ‘ticket’ the wanker and let him know he has parked – like a cunt. If it avoids a prang, I will be doing a huge public service.
BTW, great nom, Sheikh. You’ve certainly “put the freshness back” into ISAC this morning with your gripe. Ho ho!
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Knob not know. Fucking autocorrect again.
11
Always amazes me how fuckin stupid and inconsiderate people can be.
Narrow streets double parked all the way down with some cunt parked at a angle so you can’t get past.
Parking in front of someone’s drive.
Parking in front of business access or farm gates.
Some absolute cunts about.
18
I think I’ve mentioned before the two Wankers who parked up their souped-up Mini in the forestry while a rally came through. They were apparently planning to walk through to get a better view of the rally-stage and thought that they’d just park up on a road-end which was being used by the forwarder ( large tractor that leads the timber out). The driver had seen them and shouted that they couldn’t park there…they looked at him and just kept walking. The operator was a well-known and liked Mental…but nobody fucked with him…he waited until the rally-followers were out of sight,got back in his machine and used the grab on his machine to pick the Mini up by it’s roof…he then carried it 30 yards into the forestry and dropped it….finished his work, parked his machine up hidden away further on the site and went home.
Fuck knows what the car-owners thought when they got back to see their crushed car with it’s wheels poking out at jaunty angles 30 yards into the site,amongst the tree-stumps and looking like King Kong had sat on it.
The forwarder-driver never heard any more about it, Forestry Commission said that the car had been a danger and was legitimately moved..served the arrogant driver right.
30
It’s this sort of entitled behaviour that makes me want to drive an armoured car.
The cunts who totally block the pavement and expect me to walk in the road get Special Measures.
Double yellow Oven.
19
Baseball-batting the wing mirrors and placing empty beer bottles behind the wheels rarely teaches this scum not to park like a twat, but I find it strangely satisfying.
14
Ha ha!!!
6
When my older son was a toddler, my mother was pushing his pushchair and a white Porsche was blocking the entire pavement, so she used up an entire lipstick writing ‘pavements are for people’ on the bonnet!
The man caught her finishing it off, confronted her and was met with a barrage of why he was a terrible person, probably came from a council estate, etc.
She said afterwards that she was disappointed that he wasn’t “one of those people”, presumably a darkıe of some stripe.
I’ve proudly continued her tradition of disliking darkıes and jobless council scum.
25
Going back a few years admittedly, but our local council offered a grant of £1500 per household towards the cost of dropped kerbs and driveways. This was for the residents of a particularly troublesome street near me which was on a bus route and perpetually double parked.
No fucker was interested. It would cost nearly a grand to get the kerb dropped they argued. That wouldn’t leave much for block paving etc, so they aired their view that the council were taking the piss.
This wasn’t a street of elderly people. They were mostly quite capable of pulling down a bit of chain link fence and putting a ton of shingle down, but couldn’t be arsed. And funnily enough, they mostly seemed to have the money for other shit.
Needless to say it’s worse than ever nowadays, with cars regularly damaged by buses and others passing through.
I’ve little sympathy for them.
16
Morning FMC, morning all
Yes there are complete arses for neighbours.
Down my road which gets all sorts of cunts parking who don’t live there, we approached householders about a residents parking scheme.
Those with drives but don’t use them didn’t want to know and some didn’t want to pay a fiver for guest parking.
Surrounded by CUNTS!
3
I printed off ‘I hope you don’t fuck like you park?’ on A5 card, and carry them in my glovebox should the need arise.
18
There is fish bait called supercrab, a good splash of that through the scuttle panel works a treat, especially if it’s dry for a time.
My neighbours park like cunts, they park across the front of my gates, so now I leave my tow bar unfolded to take out the silly bitches radiator with the added benefit of taking her shins out if she tries to squeeze between the cars…
Also the dumb fuckers that work next door to us, some Welsh filming company all drive and park like absol fuckwitts, it’s a case of the so called intelligent with not a hint of common sense…
13
Good nom.
I live in a cul-de-sac with cunts who have drives and two or three cars. Do they park the extra car across their drive – do they fuck! They park in any availble space they can find.
I may use a variation of the dog shit on the door handle as forementioned and use fox shit instead.
11
A parking fine for someone who parks with three quarters of a car length space behind them in the last position on a parking bay.
10
Death by hanging from the nearest lamp post for cunts that use two-plus spaces for one vehicle.
And straight to the morgue, dead or alive, for any entitled motherfucker that tries to park in an ‘Ambulance Only’ bay.
11
The modern SUV is designed to be large enough to occupy three disabled parking spaces if parked badly enough…
8
Oh, and it’s a common misconception that emergency service vehicles are allowed to ram cars out of the way. We can’t.
7
Not in Worcestershire anyway.
4
If you DO turn up, make sure you park properly, behind the bike sheds – The Worcestershire Warrior’ll have you, and you don’t want to make him mad…
6
You could try, ahem, accidentally scraping all the way down the side of that shit box Tesla or BMW?
8
Totally on board with this nom! As well as said parking we have cunts who use wheelie bins to ‘reserve’ their spaces.
Fortunately for me my work van has the bodywork of Daniella Westbrook, do I just go French on them 😁
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n51OdFlOi1o
1
The Key of Justice has been employed a few times down my road.😠
5
I pay £48 a year for a parking permit but usually have to park two roads away, one car taking two spaces up is the norm on the road I live on. Put polite notices on the cars but makes no difference. Wasting my breath along with a lot of things lately. You cannot reason with a selfish ignorant twat. I’ve gone past fucking caring.
6
This is a great nom.
Begs the question – why are people so fucking ignorant and stupid when it comes to parking a fucking vehicle in a civilised and considerate manner?
It’s really not that difficult.
Use your fucking mirrors.
Get out the car and have a look at where you are in relation to other cars/other parking spaces etc.
Ignorant bastards.
6
Most people are ignorant self centred arrogant cunts. Fuck em fuck em all.
5
Years ago some cunt perked near my garage making it hard to reverse out
First time I left a polite note on his car a cavalier Sri it was some time ago
Happened again the following week
A simple but effective way of stopping t his was to remove the cunts number plates with a Philips screwdriver
Never happened again
Most bad parking takes place in peaceful areas
4