Doddering Cunts At Cashpoints

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A ‘Get a fucking move on’ cunting for the aforementioned Spawn of Satan. You’re getting cash out of a hole-in-the-fucking-wall, not pre-flighting a fucking 737 you jittery cunt.

I’ve been in helicopters that have got in the air from the fucking hangar quicker than you’ve extracted a fucking tenner. I just want to get some cash out for my lunch, a CAT 1’s just come in over the radio and you’re sticking your fucking card in for a third bastard time??

Once more and you’ll be riding in the back of my truck quicker than you fucking thought.

Good morning.

Nominated by: DCI Gene Cunt

(Good job you don’t get stuck behind some of the senile old cunts on this site – Day Admin)

85 thoughts on “Doddering Cunts At Cashpoints”

  1. Cash points confuse me ! There is one outside my nearest Tesco
    After being patient (Gene) I eventually obtain some money and go inside to do my shopping 🛒. Then when it’s time to pay all the fucking tills are card payment only. What the fuck is going on. I’ve withdrawn my money so can’t use my card.
    World is mad I tell you, nearly as mad 😡 as me.

    • The world has gone mad!

      “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore”

    • Cash is being demonized due to its anonymity.
      We’re being forced into government/banking control.
      The cost of ‘convenience’ will be monetary slavery.
      A cashless society is an enslaved and controlled society.

  2. As most of my lovely customers pay in cash, I never have this problem 👍👍
    Bang on 😁
    Good morning.

    • Reported to Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs…..I’ve also suggested that they seize and crush any “luxury motor-home” found on the premises as penalty.

      Morning,Jack.

      • Everything is in the name of a holding company in the Isle of Man.

        I own nothing.

        And, am happy.

        LOL 😀

        Morning, Dick. 👍

  3. Sometimes I’d like to look over their shoulder to see what they are actually fucking about at. There are only so many options to choose ffs. Perhaps at places with more than ATM they could have a slow lane…

    • Always work a look, incase it’s a foreign looking cunt, scanning your details, with his laptop out!

  4. First you have to get through all the messages asking if you’re Polish or a Wap and then it asks if you need to have things read out…sure read out my bank balance to all the shifty dangerous looking immo cunts on the street behind me.

    I wonder if you can choose to have the thing speak in a back-scuttler type ducky voice for all the deviants and stabbers?

    Old people put card in and get one of those statement things and then stare at it for a full five mins, then put card back in and fart around while it spits out that last fiver….then they get another fucking card out and the whole process repeats.

    Old cunts should be banned from driving, cash points and shops between 7am and 9am…fuck that shitty newspaper will still be there along with that milk you always seem to be buying.

  5. Even worse are Cunts with numerous cards,none of which pay out….best to just say ” For Fuck’s Sake….your benefits obviously haven’t cleared yet…perhaps you’ve been fucking sanctioned,eh?” and shoulder them out of the way.

    • Old cunts at cash points always take the option of getting a receipt,
      In fact they look at every option available impervious to the rapidly growing queue.

      Still, better than a old cunt inside the bank having a nonchalant chat with counter assistant.

      ‘ive a picture here in my handbag somewhere of my granddaughter,
      Hold on, if I can just find it”…..

      Taser the cunt.

      • Dave Allen did a great monologue about old people in the post office on one of his 1990 TV shows. Can’t find the link, but you may have seen it.
        Having said that though, plenty of young cunts take ages at cash points too.

  6. Indeed,there should be a hotline to report these bewildered cunts so that their pensions can be stopped.

    Although that would probably make matters worse at the cash machine..

    Intern the bastards.

  7. Excellent nom… I always get stuck behind these cunts and just as I think they’re done and I can hear the beeping to take the card out, they stick another card in (or just reinsert the same one) and the whole ordeal starts again.
    Infuriating old cunts indeed….

  8. It’s the cunts that watch all their items scanned and bagged then seem bewildered when the cashier asks for them to pay..what you thought this was an all-inclusive supermarket..
    Fucking jellyheads

    • These snowy haired cash point malingerers I suspect are the same old codgers that like to drive way below suitable speed on the road?

      I’m not a patient man.
      I know it’s a character flaw.
      I admit it.
      I also know as people get elderly they slow down.
      Their reactions are slow to respond.
      I get it.

      But still hoping for a really cold winter with a flu epidemic 😁

      • Cheers for that ducky. I have to put up with whinging old cunts enough during the week. It’s too hot, it’s too cold, you’re late, you should have been here at whatever time suits them. My stock answer? Why what happened? If it wasn’t for the fact I’m an old cunt oven them all.

  9. It’s not old cunts who are the problem it’s fucking Wimminz in general. A geezer has the card in his hand, does his business, grabs the money and fucks off.
    A woman waits until she gets to the cash point before she starts fishing around in her cavernous bag.for her purse. Half an hour later she extracts the said item and then begins the laborious process of going through every compartment to find the correct card. Actually putting the card in and getting the dosh out takes three times longer than a bloke for some reason. Then comes the reverse process …..counting the money, putting the various notes into different compartments in her purse, putting the card in the correct compartment, putting the purse back in her bag, adjusting the bag on her shoulder before actually getting out of your fucking way. God help you if, during this laborious process, one of her mates phones up to natter about Eastbenders. You’ll be there the rest of your fucking life, trust me. It’s exactly the same in supermarkets and railway exit gates, they just act like they have to have money, a card or a ticket is a massive surprise that some cunt has just pulled on them out of the blue. Fucking Wimminz! If they didn’t have tits, arses and fannies I’d shoot the fucking lot of them.

    • exactly, move out the way when youve got the money you stupid cunt.mrs c mcfucks favourite is when we have been shopping and i am loaded with bags from the car is to wait till we are at the front door and then realise you need a fucking key to unlock it. then comes the ten minute hunt through the bag for the keys while i stand like a fucking pack mule.how i keep my hands from her throat sometimes is a mystery

    • Ha ha! Fifteen fucking hours on the floor, outside, with a bad arm??? (If that was all that was wrong, the report doesn’t elaborate). Get him up and take him into hospital your fucking selves. Take some fucking responsibility. Fifteen hours on the fucking floor, now it’s a ‘Long-Lie’, so, more complicated.

      Fuck me.

      • Cheers, Cunty. Trouble is, we get too many cunts that DO call for my scenario. And too many ‘Just in case’ callers.

  11. Yet again I must apologise for going off topic, but have you spotted who has been appointed front man for University Challenge?

  12. I now realise I am clairvoyant. I am going to draw the equity on the house and put it on the horses.

  13. I like taking ages at the cashpoint while a queue forms behind me. Likewise in the Post Orifice. Especially if there’s a paramedic in the queue. Makes my day.

    • Just remember, cunt, that I have access to a lot of things that’ll ruin your day very quickly and am ‘People Intolerant’ which I’ll use as a defense in court…😉

      • I like to “soil myself” at a cashpoint. The que disappears and there is never any fucker looking over my shoulder.

  14. The old gimmers are just as bad inside the shop, one old tabby I had the misfortune to be behind took nigh on every loaf of bread off shelf to check the dates, for fucks sake the bread probably had a longer shelf life than she did.

  16. Great nom. I can almost forgive some of the oldies though. My father in law shakes so much he can hardly get the card in the slot, let alone enter his pin. Not his fault I suppose, but it is painfully slow. He’d never get a job in a nitro glycerine factory.
    Wimminz, on the other hand, deserve nothing but opprobrium.

  17. Ever been behind one of those bellends who is DEPOSITING cash into the ATM? Fuck me dry up the arse if that’s not a rage-stirring 7-minutes of beeping noises and mumbling. Just go inside the cunting bank and let the teller do it, for fuck’s sake!

  18. The bane of my life and they always look at you gone out when they’ve finally took their cash out of the slot 20 mins afterwards.
    Dumb cunts!

  20. Putting my sensible hat on for a change. I don’t hold the old grumblers wholly to blame.

    I bank with the Natwest, and over the last five years they have had a policy whereby there are NO physical cashiers in branch…it’s all been forced on us to either do online banking or do everything through the hole in the wall machine.
    They say it’s what their customers have asked for……..is it bollocks. It’s just to save money and that’s it.

    Now, these old grumblers would normally have done their business with a real life cashier, and no doubt they would still prefer to. Now though, they are forced to use technology they either don’t understand or don’t want to use…a fair point

    Consequently, there is always a fucking huge queue at all the cash machines, because Albert doesn’t just want to withdraw a tenner for cat food, but also wants a balance, wants to transfer money between his accounts, and also wants to pay in some cash, and then a cheques he received from the premium bonds. Fuck me, I’m not old old, but even I find it hard work and would simply go to see a cashier. But I now have no option (I refuse to do online banking) but to navigate all the fucking keyboard options on screen. All of which takes time. Or I change banks, but whoever I move to in time will no doubt go the same way.

    Natwest are cunts

    • I bank with NatWest, and they are cunts. I also have an uncle who used to work for them at a high level, and he confirms they were cunts, from top to bottom.

  21. Lets be fair. Some of those tiny screens haven’t been cleaned in years. The sun often causes the screens, already blurred, to become almost unreadable. During the time I had a cataract in my right eye, I was probably, on occasion one of the old dodderers. Unfortunately, age is something that affects all, in time. I do agree though that it is annoying for those in a queue waiting, so I usually go to my local bank -a mazingly, I still have one!

    • Layers of tried on jizz, beer and puke can make those screen nigh on impossible to read….and I’m NOT wiping that off.

    • A dirty screen, I wish.

      I went to use a Nationwide ATM the other week and it was covered in some cunts vomit from the night before.

  22. It’s only a matter of time before we live in a cashless society.
    Bad news for the wrinkles, caravan dwellers and those who still operate the ‘cash is king’ way of payment.

    I include myself in 2 out of 3 of those. I don’t live in a fucking caravan though.

    • Government only want us to go cashless, so they can see where it comes from and where it goes. All that data tells the people that own us of all our financial movement, and is worth a fortune in marketing revenue. The inland revenue will have a field day. Keep using cash if you value your privacy and freedom

      • absolutely, fuck em and don’t give the information that you go to the pub every wednesday and thursday night for a couple of hours, none of there business the cunts

      • ..or to the Premier Inn every other Wednesday evening, with your bit on the side.

  23. Makes me laugh when the silly old fuckers recite their PIN number like they using a phone. “Ooh, what’s me number again? Oh that’s it 5-7-0-5”. A bit louder love, as the fucking snack head watching didn’t quite catch the last number! What a daft cunt!

  24. I’m 63 and I’m only about 20 mins at them normally, I can’t see what all the fuss is.

    • I’m not quite your age…yet. I’m up to 15 minutes at the moment. It will come tho.

  25. Worst thing is if you ever press the language thing by accident and it all goes in Ching Chong language. By the time you get your card out, you’ve sent your entire balance to the ‘Greta Sex Dolls Company’.

    That was my excuse anyway.

  26. My Nan Nan was the best. Her house number was 27 so her burglar alarm code was 2727. You don’t have to be the Brinks Mat Robbers to solve that one.

  28. Why isn’t there a “quick line cash machine” where all it dishes out is cash? Pop your card in , type in pin, select amount from £10-£200 and press go. Card returns with cash and receipt. No options if you are a foreigner ( learn English you cunt) or depositing a cheque just cash.
    We have express pay at pump only for fuel.

  29. The people who cause most problems are the very obvious gimmeegrants with multiple cards and written lists of pin numbers who will take at least 10minutes to empty the machine.

    The second most irritating, is the tattooed peroxide dumb overweight blob with a push chair and a squad of mixed race kids who want to pay bills at the cashpoint, or make repeated attempts to get cash from a card that simply sends the message “Fuck Off ”

    The 3rd most irritating, is the Dark destroyer type who has just nicked a card, and spends time trying to work something out from his two failed attempts.

  30. Oh dear me, yes. There was a dithering old bitch in Morrisons the other week. She kept putting her card in at the checkout the wrong way, putting in the wrong number. And this old cunt did this so many times, she brought the entire checkout to a halt and fucked up the card machine. Trust me and the Mrs to be right behind her, and move all our stuff to another one. And she wan’t even senile. The daft old cow just kept dizzily fucking up and the lady serving her looked like she was about to explode.

    Also, if I see a classic dodderer or one of those daft wimmin (you know the sort) at a cashpoint, I will just walk to the next one. I can’t put up with cunts like that.

    • I rarely use manned checkouts as there are usually only about 2 open at my local supermarket but, on the odd occasion that I do, I avoid any that has a woman on her phone in the queue. In my experience the cunt will take 4 times as long to do anything because she’s so important.

      • If a customer in my place is either already on a call or answers a call while I’m dealing with them, I will stop and wait for them to finish. They wouldn’t expect me to jump in and try and have a conversation with them if they were in the middle of a call, so why should they think I should accept a call butting in with what I’m doing-just so they can either answer or carry on with a call? Mind you, I’m old, own the place and can tell people to fuck off if I want. Best bit of getting older I’ve found.

        Another thing….if I’m in a restaurant and some cunt on the table next door is holding a loud conversation of their phone, I will talk really loud, so the guy/girl struggles to hear the call. Just waiting for the first cunt to put his hand over the receiver and ask me to keep it down…..looking forward to that day. Cunt.

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