“Heat wave advice “ how to manage-and carry on during our apocalyptic 2 day heat wave.
For the love of a cold pint. Fucking nanny state/media
BBC News Link (The BBC just had to infer that the burning of fossil fuels is the root cause of the 48hr heatwave in the middle of summer! – Day Admin)
Yes it was bloody hot yesterday maybe close to 36. High ninety s in old money. Only in Greece in august and Australia in January have I felt it as hot.
Both of these countries it lasted for weeks not a couple of days.
Did I shut the curtains measure my fluid intake. Take cold showers? Did I fuck. I got up a sunrise to walk the dog a couple of miles too hot 🥵 for my furry friend in the day then I went and played golf 🏌️♀️.
Guess what I’m still alive. Yes I drank a couple of litres of water and stood in the shade if waiting to play.
No I didn’t need the government to have a cobra meeting or require any doom and gloom advice from the media. Fucking Cunt s.
Nominated by : Everyonesacunt
(We’ve added this bonus nom early just in case you didn’t know what to do in a heatwave because we’re all thick cunts apparently! – Day Admin)
The house of cunts know how easy it is to sow fear now,this is just an extension.
1976 anyone? That was fucking glorious and 2018 gave it a run for the money too.
But a COBRA meeting…is the sun on the terrorism hotlist now ? FFS.
What an interstellar pile of wank .
22
It was 38.1c here ,
100 degrees farenheit.
Record breaking down south ,hottest day on record …till today.
Its a disgrace
And should be banned.
Ive wrote to my Mp demanding answers.
And Fred the weatherman.
I think this is on purpose, to destract us,
Probably the Elites, walls icecream, Ben&Jerrys, and Northwest waterboard working together?!
Well, ive had enough.
I wont stand for it.
Ill go to the council and demand somethings done!
“Im not bleedin foreign!” Ill tell them.
“Sort it or ill knock your fuckin teeth out!
Ive got friends in Worcestershire I have!”
I will.
Soon as it cools down.
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Give the ladies and some of the boys a treat Mis mate. Sun’s out guns out., It’s your duty.
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Funny as fuck as MNC. As usual
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“Ive got friends in Worcestershire I have!”
🤣🤣🤣
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If you’re not ‘bleedin foreign’ they won’t understand you, never mind help you.
5
Ah yes, 1976. The mother/father/thing of all heatwaves in the modern era.
Lasted for around 2 months with consistently high temperatures with water rationing commonplace. But we all seemed to manage.
These days, a couple of days of sunshine in summer; or a couple flakes of snow in winter and the MSM go into fucking overdrive blaming the usual suspects for the “unexpected” change in the climate!
Anyone got any sun lotion? I think those two bints in the header pic meed a good splashing
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This is hotter than 76.
Your eyebrows shouldnt burst into flame walking down the street.
Its only fit for flies and lizards .
Dont remember the last time I wore jeans?
12
“With a heatwave predicted to bring temperatures above 41C to parts of the UK over the next few days, how can the nation keep cool and carry on?”.
Err, like practically every other nation on Planet Earth. It wouldn’t matter if it was minus 41, the hysterical betwetting doomsters would be out in force trying to justify their jobs while the rest of the world looks on and laughs. And since when was it some cunts job forecasting the weather to tells viewers to drink water and stay out the sun? If you want to give a sermon to simple minded cunts who can’t think for themselves fuck off and become a university lecturer.
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This shitty weather makes you mad, lethargic, and bone-idle. There’s a good reason why the more intelligent humans moved to milder climes.
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You almost described the Civil Service to a tee in your first sentence.
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Quite right Maggie.
It makes me very irritable and short tempered.
I had to stop to wring out my undercrackers walking to the shops .
13
Les Mis – was it sweat, urine, or man-yoghurt?
6
I am here alone, everyone at IAC has expired of heatstroke and the site is being run by AutoAdmin – Werthers originals, Croft sherry and scat porn all left untouched, Mrs Huggett the cleaner baffled at turning up to The Marie Celeste (anyone who has not yet seen “Stella Street The Movie” should immediately do so!) – I simply cannot countenance the horror – two hot days – IN JULY!
“oh, the wildfires!” (don’t live where there are wildfires then you daft sods) – the simply dweadful heat, Dame Keirs carnation is wilting, Grangela Growler is melting into a puddle of Stella and spunk and that awful smell is not the drains – it’s piss stinking Catweazel!
I can’t believe all you whitey gammons have done this deliberately to kill all the poor unicorns with your once a year plane flight to Costa Chlamydia – you unmitigated monsters you! 😪😪
A bit hot in summer – who would have guessed it?
But enjoy it being 20 degrees colder and pissing down on Thursday – what are the environ mentalists going to blame that on?
It is nice we have Nanny to tell us what to do – imagine if we were left unsupervised to use our own common sense!
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Vern, since the Government raised the tax on common sense to 58%, people have stopped buying this rare, luxury item.
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Buying it? I grow my own.
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It’s the weather equivalent of a trigger warning. Snowflakes have to be given trigger warnings for everything otherwise they freak out and shout about racism.
Of course dark- keys are better equipped to deal with this hot weather. Ergo, the weather is racist and prejudices whiteys. Funny the BBC aren’t talking about that.
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‘How to keep cool and carry on in a heatwave’
Ignore the obvious doom-MONGery of the media at the behest of the government’s vegan-led ‘nudge’ unit.
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Nice tits.
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Indeed CP. Some of us have our priorities in the right order.
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I wonder if it is hot enough to malt the vessels of the dinghy dirge in the English Channel.
Yes, Piggy Fattel has certainly stepped up on that one 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤡🤦♂️
Another useless fat cunt needs sacking, followed by 649 more at the next GE.
Unless the evil globalist Tesco value vanilla and the Moon Men execute their evil plot to have me done in!
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Let them melt
5
You say that in joking Vernon but I think we have got to the stage where it is a possibility.
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As mentioned in the previous heatwave post I truly feel sorry for all cunters. As per the old saying it’s not the heat but the humidity, but in your case it’s not the heat it’s the rancourous feotid malingering stench of unwashed Päkï and the resulting
sunbaked fermented vomit that must make life unpleasant at the mo’.
14
Fucking Melbourne in January baking hot no humidity so no sweating fucking horrid, my hands swelled up. Hong Kong in August fucking hot 100% humidity hot sweaty mess but far more bearable. Those cunt footballers are in for a treat in Qatar remember landing at 4 in the morning it was like a fucking blast furnace and I have stood on quite a few steel mill floors.
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I wish somebody had told me about all this earlier. I got mixed up between me cold and me hots.
I wore my duffel coat yesterday and wrapped myself in bin liners. I ran as fast as I could around and around my garden. After that, I took off all my clothes and bathed in the sun when it was overhead. I’m as pale as an albino from Reykjavik, so my skin blistered and went purple. I then drank as much whisky as I could and sat around the huge bonfire I’d made in my deep sea diving suit.
Finally, in a desperate attempt to get myself back to normal, I covered myself in chip fat and sat in the greenhouse.
The warnings should’ve been more obvious!
This government is useless. The fucking shithouses!
Cuntybollocks
Ward 17
Burns Unit
Local infirmary
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Sue them, Cunty!
Who, I don’t know, but there’ll be some venal, bloodsucker with a law degree who’ll do a “no win, no fee”.
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I went one better JP.
My local MP came to see me in hospital for an obvious PR photo opp, but I wasn’t having any of it.
He said ‘smile’ and the shutters clicked, and I certainly did, as I emptied the contents of the bed pans from the dysentery ward into his open mouth.
Apparently, this is ‘common assault ‘ and I am due in court when my skin grows back.
10
The Weather forecast tomorrow and for the next few days up here in the Lake District will see a dramatic fall in temperatures that could be a little under average for the time of year- climate change to blame no doubt!
Can you imagine the odours emanating from the well-warn and scarcely washed g-strings adorned by Flabbott, Rayner and Dodds’ over the last day or so?
15
Its the promise of a ice age that never materialised that upsets me☹️
How could the boffins and eggheads have got it so wrong?
I pictured myself happy at minus20,
Bison robe nonchalantly thrown over my shoulder, lynx underpants on,
Spear in hand hunting mammoth on the steppes of Kinder Scout.
Returning to the clan laden with meat,
Them cave painting in ochre my exploits.
Instead its like fuckin Hiroshima after being nuked.
Dead grass, wilted plants, blistering paint and bubbling tarmac.
15
Is your artisan made, country cream gate holding up to the heat?
IsAC needs to know 👍
9
Rayners stinks of old jizz, a bit like mastic in this heat.
11
”Can you imagine the odours emanating from the well-warn and scarcely washed g-strings adorned by Flabbott, Rayner and Dodds’ over the last day or so?”
You have a way with words Techno.
8
I used to be a man (can I still say that?) of virtue, righteousness and moral rectitude & dignity!
…. and then I joined ISAC
10
Techno also composes love sonnets as well. The ladies froth at the gash when they read them.
4
And we want Her Majesty’s Fahrenheit in the forecasts, not European Surrender Centigrade.
God Save The Queen.
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Looking at the weather for tomorrow teatime it’ll be a case of heat wave what heat wave as it’s forecast to piss it down
10
Everyonesacunt@ – I hope so – my bonsai Maple is most displeased!
1
And I’ve got some special creamy lotion to cool those lasses in the pic down.
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I don’t know who the bigger cunts are, the nanny state advice givers or the climate change evangelists. In the case of the bbc, they manage to be both.
Auntie beeb got themselves into a right fucking mess yesterday, as the predicted record breaking temperature didn’t occur. Instead they clutched at straws, declaring’ Wales’s hottest day on record’. Who gives a shit?
Whilst imploring us plebs to not travel, sit in ice baths and wear oxygen masks, intrepid bbc reporters duly risked they’re lives to travel to far flung hotspots like Derbyshire to tell us that the grass was brown in the local park.
Then attention switches to the climate change sermon, based on about one hundred years of records of our 4.5 billion year old planets existence. Working class vermin, burning fossil fuels to stay warm in winter are solely to blame apparently. Not to worry. Once the energy prices kick in, no cunt will be able to afford heating, so people can sacrifice their lives to save Wales from getting half a degree warmer over the next two hundred years.
And you know what? There are people out there that actually believe this shit. If the sun don’t kill us, they fucking will.
29
May’ve been Wales’ hottest day yesterday, but Cardiff had rain this morning… Below 30 at the moment.
1
I have often been to Europe in these temperatures. I lived in Durban where high 30s and 90% humidity common. The fucking media is obsessed with this shite and of course blaming man made climate change. (I wonder what caused the medieval hot weather? Wood fires? And the cretaceous. Dinosaur farts? And what about those roman cunts with their bath houses)
Accurate measurements are new in a historical sense and only just started in a geological scale.
We’re all going to die.
12
Eventually, yes. 😃
11
Apparently those bloody romans when they occupied us grew grapevines at Hadrians Wall!!
So warm enough 2000 years ago for vineyards on the scottish border?
The puffs.
15
Not those African Romans who build Hadrian’s Wall again?
The cunts.
12
The african romans were just the architect division LL.
The archeologists have found mud huts this side of the wall.
Presumably when the other romans sat down to a cup of vimto and spaghetti and meatballs these lot had grasshoppers and rice?
What Boudicca made of this and the celtic kings ive no idea ?
10
Historical revisionism is great.
Soon, it’ll be Louis Armstrong who was first man on the moon.
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“Yesssssir! Dat’s one small step for a man and one giiiaaaant leap fo’ mankind! An’ dat’s no lie-ooo-ooo-ooooooo-yeaaaahhhh!”
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Mnc@ – Well, the Romans weren’t that daft – why fight the jocks when a waved piece of any fruit or veg will send them scattering back to their caves in horror! 😀👍
11
Did this warm weather hit Scotland?
If so, it could affect the elderly.
Which in Scotland is anyone over 35.
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Indeed-they will go from bluish-white, to pinkish-white”
What do you call a Scot with a dark tan?
Mohammed, Deshaun or Asif. Probably.
13
Things must have changed in Scotland over the years CG. When I was working in Livingston in the mid-seventies I distinctly remember a remark by a young Scotsman during a discussion about immigration to the UK; “Who ever heard of a black Scotsman?”
5
https://www.theweek.co.uk/102232/prince-charles-we-have-18-months-to-save-human-race
What? He said what two years ago? How are we still here?
It’s a miracle!
10
Oh c’mon CB, that’s a soft target! Every dog on the street knows he’s daft as shite.
3
Horry Halfwit was pontificating at some meeting yesterday. Total arse hole, that boy.
2
Issue is. We now have kids as parents who were brought up 10 or 15 years ago who had all responsibility and discipline removed from growing up. They now cannot fend for themsleves and now have equally incompentent, reliant kids, who are quite happy to sue all and sundry in charge IF they are not told to drink water, wear sun cream, a hat, or how to tie their fucking shoe laces.
My wife works in admin at a primary school and some of the stories she tell me about the ‘young’ parents I could write a book on.
For example, last Friday after school was the end of term and school leavers disco in the school hall.DJ, Brown buffet etc. Kids looking forward to it. As it was a ‘bit warm’ during the day my wife was fielding calls from concerned idiots….sorry ‘parents’ who felt it may be too hot for thier little darlings and maybe it would be better if it were held outside on the school playing field. When it was pointed out there would be no power, no way to keep the buffet and drinks cool, and the near neighbours would complain about the noise!
They then asked what should we do….”don’t send little Tommy” was my wifes stock answer.
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We are truly fucked
8
I’m more fucked off the misses ain’t putting out because she is too hot. I might not take the advice of the papers and shove a cold bubblegum ice lolly up her axewound.
13
Even the top comments in the BBC News link took potshots at all the OTT drama and “stating the bleedin’ obvious!”
Just like with SAGE, COBRA is a bunch of clueless cunts with their so-called experts and advisors. Clearly they’ll all get knighthoods for being crap at their jobs.
I just wonder how the millions of windmills would have got on generating sufficient energy had we had another 2 month draught as witnessed in 1976?
8
drought, not draught – although I guess in the present context they’re interchangeable
9
I was 13 in 1976……now that is prime fucking around age for a kid, and it was hot, but I survived playing around outside without all the fucking ‘advice’
In fact, back then I was more exposed to having my arse played about with by some bloke down the rec, than I was heatstroke.
24
In 3 weeks time everyone will be bitching about flood warnings..
9
Greta must be the life and soul of a party in this weather.
“We’re having a barbecue. You coming?”
“Well, what’s cooking?”
“Steaks, burg..”
“Are they vegan plant based steaks?”
“Well no…proper steaks.”
“How dare you! Oh, and how are you cooking the food?”
“We’re using charcoal and a bit of coal. A bit of beer to spray on the barbecue..”
“Howww dddarre you! You’ll be telling me everyone is driving there?”
“Oh of course. I live in the middle of the countryside. I believe the press are coming too, some famous people coming for photo and social media opportunities, because they thought you’d be here, you see.”
“Oh…ahem well…I could be persuaded. I’m abroad right now though. Mummy! Call my pilot. I’ll be needing the private jet again.”
14
Trust the BBC to do the old fear mongering ‘Global Warming’ bollocks…
Don’t the army of pàédos and wrong-uns that are employed by AL Beeb have anything better to do other than make out that two days of typical Cypriot summer weather will kill every cunt who dares stand outside for more than 3 mins???
Give us a fucking break, please!
Utter cuntoids………
14
See it all before in 1976. I know exactly what’s coming:
Hosepipe ban
Bath with a friend
Drink your own piss
Torrential rain until Christmas
15
I generally get my wife to piss on me while I have a wank…..will that do?
18
Thank you CC, but I really didn’t want to know that.
13
Always amuses me when these doom-mongers (especially the MSM rent-a-mob) bang on about hot temperatures and something should be done to fix it. And then they take a two week holiday to fucking Egypt, Spain or Malta!
Ask them why, and they’ll say “I love the hot weather, great for sunbathing, good tan etc.”
10
Oh and don’t be surprised if some cunt (Lammy or Henry) suggests that the heatwave is racist and affects blacks more than whites etc blah blah woof woof
13
..or Gary “Mandingo” Lineker….the black bastard.
15
Lineker should be thankful that he has all that melanin in his skin to protect him.
The black cunt.
13
I heard he got mistaken for Lenny Henry, the other day.
8
Black surfaces absorb heat, white surfaces reflect it. So black people heat up more quickly than whites. As hot weather is the direct result of climate change, ergo Whitey is deliberately racist by causing it.
Copyright: The Guardian
15
It’s hot enough to abandon the Oven.
Just roll the cunts on the patio for a bit,that learns them.
Oh and fuck the bedwetting vermin at the cosy BBC and it’s arsewipe chums.
12
Part of out buiness is mail order. We have an account manager from Royal Mail. They collect a stillage of parcels every day. Fridays wasn’t collected…..we then got a call from our account manager AN HOUR AFTER THEY SHOULD HAVE COLLECTED stating they wouldn’t collect as they drivers felt it was too fucking hot to go out in thier air conditioned lorries.
Fucking lazy cunts.
This is what happens when the government puts ideas in simpletons heads.
“Well, the government said this, the government said that” and the funcking ‘managers’ interpret that now as the law.
Cunts the lot of em.
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No collection for two days down in Kent. Soft cunts! Good job it’s not 1976.
6
On a slightly serious note…
Make sure you keep your tablets and phones well away from direct sunlight. Not only does it run the risk of fucking up your display, but also the risk of your battery exploding due to excessive heat.
Same applies to a degree with laptops and PCs. Make sure there’s plenty of ventilation and that the air vents (especially on the bases of laptops) are not blocked. Otherwise some of the components on the motherboard may fail if the internal fans are overwhelmed (although usually in the BIOS/UEFI settings there’s an option where if the machine reaches a certain temperature it will shut down gracefully)
9
Fuck me that’s a sensible post.
6
Techno does a very good line in sensible posts Chuff.
4
Just imagine if that went for solar panels as well. Too much heat = 🔥.
4
Now why would that be a thing?
https://fortune.com/2022/07/19/europe-solar-panels-lose-efficiency-in-high-temperatures/
3
Thanks Techno. My phone was in my pocket all the time no problems there the A/C was on at full chat lovely and cool. Greta Stinky rebellion and Just stop oil can all go fuck themselves senseless.
4
Ive got no shirt on and ive stuck to our leather sofa.
Little help DCI Gene?
11
I’ve called his crew for you MNC. Sounds serious.
He’ll be round yours right after he’s brought me a new sweatband.
Can’t be too careful.
10
Mnc@ – Unstick from sofa, very slowly and avoiding leaving any dermis, put towel on sofa cushions, sit back down, job done!
The joys of leather furniture in warm weather, Miss busty is already complaining of “glowing somewhat” so I suggested slipping into a bikini – she said “No! Buy your fkin own, stop using mine!”..
A jolly tip for those feeling the temporary heat – get a bucket, fill with cold water, stick feet in it! 😀
“HM Government advice – take shoes and socks off first and don’t crush any unicorns”..
10
For some folks Foxy, I feel it would be more appropriate to put their head in the bucket until the bubbles don’t come up any more.
5
Yes, mate call 0800-i-don’t-give-a-fuck.
On rest days, relaxing in my (large) paddling pool.
7
Sweatband
4
Peeling yourself off vinyl (or leather in your case) seats sounds very 1976 and my dad’s Hillman Minx!
6
Aged about ten, went on family holiday down to Devon, I think Dad’s company car was a Hillman Hunter (?), sort of mushy-pea green, seats a sort of butterscotch whip colour. Yes, was bloody hot, and I remember hours sitting in. A puddle of sweat…
2