The British Rail System

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The British fucking rail system deserves a great big fat fucking cunting.

Coming back from a job interview in Doncaster (I got it by the way – not sure whether to take it but that’s another story) and the CrossCountry to Temple Meads was – surprise surprise – fucking delayed, and to add insult to injury had no catering for most of the journey.

Get into Temple Meads, and – yes, you guessed it – my connection back into Wiltshire was also fucking DELAYED.

Long story short, I’ve just been sat at Temple Meads for half a fucking hour, tired and hungry, with only one staff member in sight – and she turned out to be a fucking Karen.

And to think, these incompetent morons on their fat fucking salaries are going on strike next week. Deary, deary me.

Nominated by: OpinionatedCunt

95 thoughts on “The British Rail System”

  1. Aaah for the good old days, when I could enjoy a restful slumber on the run from Euston to Crewe, enjoy the scenery at Oxenholme and wiz through Kendal to Windermere.
    let the train take the strain? Not any more👎

      • Meaning they were indeed the good old days CG – how come all the RTC references?

      • @MJB….I expect the references to RTC are because so many people miss him….not me,of course, I’m glad he’s gone.

      • @DF-F
        Has he gone? He posted something only yesterday or the day before. Reports of his demise would appear somewhat exaggerated…

      • I think he said he was finishing up a writing a play or a book he had started in 1971! Even that ginger wanker Hewitt and Sparkle Tits produce content faster than Ruff. Miserable will be flashing old dears in his care by the time he is done.

      • @MJB…well he doesn’t need bother…we’ve got the perfect replacement in you… and without RTC’s disturbing foibles,of course….as I say,I’m just relieved that he’s gone.

      • I don’t mind RTC for the most part. I don’t mind different opinions as long as they don’t go all Owen Jonesey/Rick from the Young Ones on me. Can’t be doing with it. Too long in the tooth for that shite. I’ll go to the Guardian or Mumsnet if I want to hear that.

        Of course, you didn’t tempt back anyone who fits such a description so all is well.

        Evenin’ DF, evenin’ all.

      • @DF-F
        Large shoes to fill, but I will of course do my best to live up to your expectations sir.

      • B&W Cunt will continue to keep a low profile too Dick, now that he has been unmasked as Gary Lineker.

      • Ruffs one of the best on here, I’m glad he hasn’t gone.

        Id stay out of spite if I was him.

        Three cheers for Ruff!!
        Hip hip..👍👍

      • Hooray, even though he once bizarrely called my wife a cunt for not wanting a cat flap.

        Bloody fighting talk that, although with my piles, I’d probably end up rupturing one if I threw a punch and end up in arse hell. Beat myself up like.

        Good to have all you cunts back.

        Variety is the spice of life…which is why I’ve been in touch with the NGOs at Calais and other hotspots, who are sending a bunch of undocumented Arabs, Gypsies and Africans to all those clamouring for more variety on here;)

        I did genuinely miss DCI, especially when he kicked off though. No homo.

      • Hahaha 😂
        “He bizarrely called my wife a cunt for not wanting a catflap…”

        That genuinely made me laugh out loud CB.

        No offense to your good lady wife!

      • Aye it shocked me that did.

        Mind you, the cat is a right little cunt. Fussy, mood swinging drama queen cunt. He was half right, I suppose.

      • Ho-ho-ho, while the cat’s away…

        Evening MMCM, Miserable, LL, Dick, Miles, MJB, DCI, Cuntfinder, CB, all.

        You are the kindest among us. Been a bit busy recently editing my book, ‘The Bumper Fun Book of ISAC Cuntings And Comments For Boys And Girls But Not Gender Neutrals’ which is now running to over 2,400 pages!

        Naturally you all feature, plus Bertie Blunt, Willie Stroker and and many others sorely missed.

        Hoping to have it in all degenerate book shops in time for Christmas 2030, just before the world comes to an end. 😃

        PS. Special thanks to you, Dick. Your warm sentiments are much appreciated. Did you know, you’re now our most popular cunter after Ron mysteriously vacated the premises? Anything you want to get off your chest? 🙂

        Just kidding! 😂

      • Evening Ruff👍

        Good to see you,
        As a class A category cunter your posts are most welcome,
        I enjoy reading them.
        I enjoy knowing others don’t.

        You keep on keeping on
        Chin up
        Best of British 🇬🇧👍

        MNC

      • 👍 I seen you’ve been on fire recently Miserable, keep up the good work!

        Gotta go serve up the mushroom Vindaloo now…

  2. PS: congratulations on the job offer Opinionated-Doncaster Belles wimminz football club as physio, perchance?
    👍

    • Cheers CG. Nah, it’s just warehouse work and I’m hoping to find something better further down the line, but hey, it pays well enough, I’ll be less than 15 minutes away on foot and there’s plenty of opportunities for overtime if I want the extra cash. So it could be a lot worse.

  4. Couldn’t be doing with it OC, gave ’em up years ago. Just drive everywhere, it’s less frustrating.

  5. It sounds like the Fat Controller isn’t up to the job. Like another Fat Controller I could mention.

  6. Get used to it……train, bus, bike, electric scooter will be your only choices in the future. By that time it will be like Indian railways…..w*gs riding on the roof and hanging off the carriages. No buffet car, just a char wallah coming round with a big bucket of tea. Of course there will be first class but you won’t be able to afford it. Go Green Go Train!

  7. I gave up using trains some time ago after paying thousands of Pounds for a “service” which was late four days out of five – but unless it was more than ten minutes late it was not officially “late” – so it was only “officially late” three days out of five, “customer services” which were either not open or useless with a healthy dose of sarcasm, arrogance and attitude – they will not see my money again.
    Privatisation certainly worked out well for the customer 🤣🤣, but if you ever want to be on a train which runs to the second and is beautifully clean just go on any which are carrying an MP in First Class – by some miracle these are never late or delayed.

    • And the fucking taxpayer is forking out for the over inflated ticket price the freeloading bastard is claiming on expenses.

  8. We have the pickets being interviewed at Hull station on the local news. They say the public are very supportive. However, on strike days the station is shut. So none of the poor cunts trying to get anywhere are there to give their opinions.
    By the way. I’d give Donny a miss if I were you.

    • Nothing wrong with Doncaster if you like being mugged or stabbed by Eastern European trash….just enjoy it.

      • Great stag do back in the day at the races in Doncaster. Only because the Donnie birds were all filthy on the night out.

        A bit ropey mind, but after 20 pints who gives a fuck? I know I couldn’t properly after all that ale. Fell asleep and she fucked off.

        I still recall snogging her while she tasted of Donner Kebab and Lambert and Butler.

        Class.

  10. I went from Bristol TM to Cardiff, after having arrived from airport by Thunderbird 2 (Airport Flyer). Felt rather peckish. The prices at Upper Crust (?) soon took the edge off my appetite.
    As for ticket prices… Cardiff to Lincs. not short of 200 quid for a day return – about 150 over, and 50 back, cross country. Did NatExpress down to London (leaving at 3 in the morning), then train What a bloody day, but Lincs. is lovely!

    • I’m fortunate that I’m still young enough for the millennial railcard – albeit only just. Even then it’s usually 60 quid at least to travel from Chippenham to Sheffield/Meadowhall.

  11. Just for fun I checked the cheapest journey from Leicester to London, return, by train and coach. Train just under £50, coach less than £12. And getting off at Golders Green rather than Victoria coach station makes the travelling time more comparable as well. Nothing has changed. I was once given a season ticket by the company I worked for to commute from Leicester. It cost £2450 for 6 months. In 1990. It now costs over £6300.

    • Certainly train fares are comical Moggie. As for the last one you list I would be relluctant to buy that ticket if the decimal point was one place to the left! But there is more to it than just the cost. When I was still in field service I finished work at 5pm one day at a bank on Lombard Street in the City and mentioned that I was driving out north-west to Bucks if anyone could use a lift. A queue formed immediately and I had four passengers in the car that evening. Point is, they all had paid for train tickets in their pockets but they preferred to be in my car. Tells you something about the service I think.

      • What really pisses me off is the difference in prices. Travelling to London from Peterborough or Coventry is far less than the price from Leicester, for about the same distance.

      • The Asian-express.
        Joking aside, a lot of Mifland based business men & women need to get into the capital.

        BR fucking well know that, too👎

    • And East Midlands Railway always announce as you approach St Pancras “Thank you for travelling with East Midlands Railway today”. Like we have a choice of other companies.
      Sometimes we go to Rugby and get a train from there for a third of the cost. But we have to drive as the public transport links are pathetic.
      The whole pricing structure is a sick joke.

  12. I’ve been on a few cross country jaunts recently by rail,Edinburgh via Preston and also up to York via Huddersfield.

    No idea what it cost as it was all arranged by Mrs Terry but one thing did happen on all the journeys..

    No bugger even checked our tickets.

    So that’s why there are pissed up tramps riding about,it’s mostly free.

    What a mess.

  13. I haven’t been on a train since I was on The Orient Express and caught some Belgian detective spying on me through a glory-hole as I took a shit in my luxurious Pullman carriage….tried to tell me that I was a suspect in a murder case !… I say “Belgian detective” but, thinking back, it may well have been Jimmy Savile.

    There was also the unpleasant incident when I was guarding my gold in a box-car and Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid blew me up….the wicked Cunts.

    Understandably, I steer well clear of trains now.

    • DF-F@ – Afternoon Sir Fiddler – think yourself lucky – had you been wearing trainers you could have had the horrifying vision of Fat Reg and his bloated, sweaty face appearing in the gap at the bottom of the door!
      One whiff of a Hull Trains toilet in summer is enough to make the strongest stomach quiver..

  15. I love a ride on a Choo Choo.
    Meandering down the North Wales coast,
    A kit kat and piss weak cup of tea for nearly a tenner off the trolley dolly.
    Watching the scenery fly by.
    How marvelous.

    Doncaster?
    The only train ride ranked worse was the one from the Warsaw ghetto to Auchwitz!
    The only difference is on the Doncaster one you can get a ham sandwich.

    * Good luck with the new job Opey👍👍

    • Mnc@ – Afternoon Mnc – I had to endure Doncaster railway station when I worked for BT – every evening I had to run the gauntlet of aggressive junkies who swarmed like locusts around every platform and outside begging – loud, aggressive, intimidating crowds of filth.
      And some of the most genuinely unpleasant “staff” I have ever dealt with.
      Never again.

      • Some time last year I was on a very crowded train but only for about half an hour, so I decided to stand in a lobby next to the doors. This cunt who looked like a ventriloquists dummy appeared and started ranting at me about it being a First Class area. I looked around , and, seeing no obvious signs of this, asked him to explain. It seemed that it was adjacent to a first class carriage, which I hadn’t been in, I said I still didn’t understand. The cunt became apoplectic. I kept this discussion up for such time as he decided to give up and hassle somebody else. I’ve got a particular dislike of Bristol Temple Meads after informing station staff there was a man in the ladies toilets and they just shrugged.

  16. I prefer the MegaBus, them cunts are not on 60k a year and I get to the place on time and get a seat.

    • They’re probably more comfortable seats as well. The ones on practically every train bar Arriva are like sitting on a concrete slab and have just enough legroom to squeeze in Warwick Davis. CrossCountry’s especially are dreadful for that.

      • A quid I pay, you can times that by 120 for a train. Pathetic.

  17. I used to work in Birmingham and took the train to and from the shithole.
    The trains went on strike in those days too.
    No-one noticed any difference.

  18. Whatever happened to the days when your little card ticket was issued at the window. The price was a fixed price, to all destinations, and you could afford a a away day without a bank loan. I loved the days of British Rail. Ah well….progress I suppose.

  19. For the prices they charge, there ought to be the option of the old-fashioned first class carriages. 3 plush seats on each side, a proper corridor and a sign that says proudly “First Class only” to keep the riff-raff and foreign-types out.
    In fact, a compulsory tweed-wearing rule should be enforced.

  20. Like everything else in this miserable excuse for a country, it’s being run for profits so the services are shit or non-existant.

    Lots of MPs have shares and interests in rail companies, being it running them or maintaining them.

    How do you like Queen Carrie lording it up in Krautland along with Boris the fat cunt giving away more of our money to Ukraine…you couldn’t make it up.

  21. It’s ok. Privatisation is supposed to iron out all these wrinkles and provide competition which can only benefit the consumer etc etc etc.
    Unfortunately, many station staff still work under the illusion that they are doing you a favour. Add to that the fact that it costs as much in government subsidies to keep the rail companies afloat as it did to fund British Rail, and you have an utter crock of shit. Our railways are basically like energy companies on wheels.

    • To be fair, this is a government owned company the same as barristers striking because they are so say state owned and you bet your ass they would have voted remain.

  22. I once travelled in 1st class from Eastbourne to London.
    Lovely.
    Wasn’t meant to be in first class but no seats in standard so I went in 1st class.

    The staff offered me a drink
    “No ta”
    Breakfast?
    “No ta”
    They smelt a rat and asked for my ticket.

    They said I’d have to pay a upgradetl to 1st class
    “No ta”
    They said I’d have to leave the carriage!

    I said I’d paid for a seat,
    Pre booked and reserved no less,
    And I wanted a seat.
    Make someone give up a seat for me, anyone,
    Let them sit in the fuckin corridor like a abandoned suitcase,
    Throw that old woman out of her chair,
    I’m not moving unless I’m given a seat.

    So they let me sit in first class.
    Every eye of the other passengers glaring at me.

    Eat shit.

    • I trust you made a point of loudly mentioning that you’d paid half what the other first-classers paid?

      • Of course.
        To be honest Thomas I knew if I accepted anything I was bang to rights to pay for 1st class😃

        The breakfast did look awfully nice too,
        But I had a paste buttie in my bag so no harm done.

        I grinned at everyone the whole journey.

        Its not fuckin India I’m not traveling on the roof!

      • Your paste buttie must’ve smelled appalling, like Mel B had just parted her flaps, the waft of a dead crab floating lazily down the carriage.

  24. Last time I used a train I was 5 Sydney to Brisbane.
    Wooden slated seats 500 miles and I bet I was still better than what we have here in Blighty.

    Trains train staff management equals Cunts

  25. I very rarely go on a train, but have had some very pleasant journeys nonetheless.
    One of my fondest train journey memories, is from many years ago, when I twatted the ringleader of a trio of scouse gobshites who were harassing a female passenger.
    When he noticed that his skinhead colleagues had fucked off, he decided that discretion was the better part of valour and followed them. Cunts.
    On a lighter note, me, Ethel and the hound had a very pleasant ride on a steam train recently, whilst on holiday in Somerset.
    Lovely.
    Good evening.

    • Evening Jack.

      Bravo for defending that ladies honour*👏👏👏

      *did she repay your chivalry with a crafty nosh, under your jacket?👍

    • Evening Jack. I can thoroughly recommend the Ongar to Epping steam line if you are ever in Essex.

      My 8 year old boy loves it. It is one of few things he can express some joy for.

      • Evening PM, have you ever taken your lad to an airshow? He might find that rather engaging.
        Or to Santa Pod to watch the drag cars?
        For the noise, if nothing else.
        Ear defenders ready to be deployed if necessary!

      • Evening, Paul.
        We holidayed in Essex a few years ago. I clocked the line you mention.
        We’ll be going again, sometime. So may very well do that.
        Cheers, 👍

      • Hi TTCE, I haven’t yet but do plan to shortly. He is improving but very slowly. He loves going on the train, bus or coach.

        Since his last hospital appointment at the Evelina, he keeps asking me to take him to London!

  26. No more parties in the guards van. I don’t think they have them anymore. As youngsters we would sit on the mail bags, with other passengers, smoke & drink cans of beer. Nobody gave us any hassle either. The good times!

  27. When Eurostar launched, I treated er’ indoors to a sumptuous Paris holiday.
    1st class, champagne, cordon bleu lunch.

    Now that was a fucking train!👍

    • Evening CG…do you ever get the feeling that the sooties who are currently frog-side are going to at some point rush the channel tunnel and disappear into the darkness on their way to Blighty.
      From their point of view, it’d be safer than drowning and they’d never be found in the inky darkness. Unless they smiled, of course.

      • Put them all in the tunnel, Thomas.
        Then seal them inside. No food or water. Just a collection of “Thunderdome” type implements.

        Hidden camera’s and pay-per-view👍

        The cost of the Covid free-for-all recouped in under a week

  28. If they were still around I would have Bruce Reynolds, Buster Edwards and Ronnie Biggs in charge of the railways.
    They knew how to run a train at a profit.

  30. Years ago when producing Agenda 21 and discussing equality for all, the UN think tank stated it’s impossible to level the 3rd world up so the only answer was levelling the 1st world down.

    Tin foil hat stuff or our reality.

    Our infrastructure has been allowed to deteriorate to the point it functions only slightly better than some 3rd world countries.

    Note we are being threatened with rolling blackouts this winter already common in the 3rd world.

    Food shortages and decreasing choice of goods….

    Crime out of control and no police on the street.

    Poor health care services……

    This is global and it seems every western governments main goal is to win the race to the bottom.

    Fuck me we can’t even get an ambulance to people in a reasonable time. I understand there are many reasons why things are so wrong but I’m more and more convinced the problems are deliberately created.

    Expecting a train to arrive on time is a reasonable thing in a 1st world nation, with every passing year that expectation has turned to hope and with every passing month that hope becomes ever more futile.

    • You can’t (sometimes) get an ambulance in a reasonable time due to us queuing at hospitals and the unadulterated bullshit that arseholes deem it appropriate to dial ‘999’ for, Sixdog. Six month history of back pain, not contacted the GP, not taken any pain relief, calls us at half-fucking-ten on a Sunday night, says he can’t walk. As he walks away from opening the door to let us in. The cunt. (He was fucked off at high-port). Just one of the shite that we get sent to. NHS 111 don’t help, either, too risk averse. Each call has to have paperwork done, and, if I get sent to one of those fucking jobs with less than two and a half hours to go before the end of shift, I’m not Clearing until we’re fully protected to drive back to station. No fucking way am I going to finish late for some dull fucker that’s got an ingrowing toenail or other such trivia.

      No. Fucking. Way.

      • Point bring we used to be able to provide these services as well or better 30 years ago.

        Now with all our progress we can’t do it. We’ve introduced more management, more paperwork, statistical analysis, time and motion, centralised control centres and we’re going backwards.

        Government has continually run down the quality of infrastructure and services whilst putting an ever increasing financial burden on the tax payer.

        The state of the health service is replicated across all public services. We constantly get less for more and it’s well past the time we the public put some serious pressure on government for answers.

      • Tell me about it, Sixdog. It’s called ‘Modernisation’. Plus, I think we live in a society where you can order food, books, anything, really, and have it delivered tomorrow, sometimes, the same day, and, I reckon that people have the same expectations for health care. Not too long ago, people would take responsibility, try their own pain relief, GP, pharmacy etc, now, straight onto 999. I see it every day. I think all these fly-on-the-wall ambulance programmes don’t help, either as the crews don’t tell the wasters to (metaphorically) fuck off and deal with the shite they could have done themselves, ie: calling the GP for them and making an appointment for the useless cunts. Funny how we can get through to their GP on the same number they’ve tried and “Can’t get through”.

        It’s only going to get worse, too. Wait until winter!!

      • Not to mention a lack of social care for allowing people out of hospitals, hence no beds on wards, so no beds in ED, so no ambulances able to off-load pts, so no ambulances able to take calls, so long waiting times.

      • Back when I first developed anxiety induced sleep problems (now resolved thankfully) I once called 999 out of sheer panic. Mental health is a fucking bitch.

      • I believe severe panic attacks for the first time can feel like you’re having a heart attack, so I’m not surprised if that’s why you called.

      • Generally, you hyperventilate, when having a panic attack, causing SOB, which in turn, causes non-cardiac chest pain. I should imagine it’s quite frightening the first time you have one. Easy to treat, though, and a beauty of a job to finish on.

      • It wasn’t a panic attack per se, it was more that I’d been more or less completely without sleep for almost two days (with a shift at work sandwiched in between) and felt extremely frightened and overwhelmed by it. I’d been developing insomnia in the preceding weeks but nothing anywhere near that bad. Fair to say the incident pretty much forced me to change my sleep patterns, and 18 months later I’d finally managed to get a.grip on those problems.

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