A nom close to my own heart – I am not a patient Man, when I am in the motor I have to be where I have to be or I lose money – so why do half the fuckers on the road do 20, 30, 40 below the speed limit, constantly put their brakes on when there is nothing in front of them, indicate and slow down even more for the turn they slow down even more to execute and (this one is fucking infuriating) insist on doing 55MPH stuck resolutely in the overtaking lane on the motorway!
Priority right at roundabouts? Not when you are a dithering Doris or a chav wot don’t need to stop, init? Doing 60(ish) on a 60 road? Not when Honda man and micro car Woman can toddle along at 38MPH admiring the roadside scenery and apparently completely oblivious to the half mile tailback behind them.
Keep a decent speed or get off the fucking road. I do not drive aggressively and do not suffer the “road rage” thing, but by fuck do these useless sods annoy me.
Nominated by: Vernon Fox
I agree that some fuckers really shouldn’t be on the roads.
Cunts that brake for corners that they could safely navigate at twice the speed they were already doing.
And cunts that stop at junctions and roundabout s even when the road is clear for miles. However, impatient cunts that endanger my life overtaking on blind corners and then being 10 seconds in front of me 20 miles down the road can fuck off and fall down a cliff. They’re cunts.
The ones that stop at the roundabout even though you can see it’s clear. Usually the ladies, who are always saying they are better at multitasking.
Multitasking in software terms means effectively doing several things at the same time. Like looking right on the approach to a roundabout whilst slipping down a gear ready to move on. I think they mean multitasking to mean doing several different things in a day, like having coffee, going shopping etc.
I feel your pain, Vern. Clueless fucking cunts with no knowledge of Roadcraft, spacial awareness etc, whatsoever, but, drive ‘safely’ as they dither along, well under the speed limit. They’re the sort of busy-body cunts that are on those community speedwatch schemes, too. The cock-knocking fuckers that turn my piss volcanic, are the supercharged fucks that won’t pull over to the left when I come up behind them with lights and sirens on. The dull cunts either slow down, stop or try to pull over to the right, which is interesting on a duel carriageway or motorway, expecting us to undertake them. I just sit behind them, furiously gesticulating to the left, until they get the message.
DCI@ Morning DCI/all – luckily I do not suffer from the “road rage” thing – the most anyone gets is ‘hmm, daft sod” .
Safe, efficient foward progress, no “chav driving” but no dawdling – “oriental Laydees” being the worst for this.
Avoid Bradford – filled witth P*kis, half aren’t insured and they drive like dangerous idiots.
Might I add ‘Cunts that don’t indicate’ to the fine list? They’re called ‘indicators’ for a reason. They indicate what you are going to do. Yes, yes, it’s an awful chore to lift your finger to initiate the difficult procedure, especially when you’re in your new Kraut jalopy full of vorsprüng tecnik, but just do it you fat, arrogant, self-important shit-biscuit.
I think twatpanzers come with indicators as an option to be honest.
CM@ – BMW – “Blinkers May Work!”
Off now in me Beemer before I get told off! 😀
BMW = Break My Windows
BMW=Bought by Morons & Wankers
The best one I saw was up near you Foxy,
We were on a slip road off the motorway headed for York and a little old Doris going the wrong way into oncoming traffic!
Everyone waving her to stop😂
She panicked and reversed straight into a street light.
Later we saw her car near York racecourse,
The rear end smash to fuck
God knows what she was playing at!
Mnc@ Morning Mnc – I HATE the A19 into York with every fibre of my being, York is pretty dire to drive in due to the Judi Dench mob wandering all over the path/road/paddy field and (of course) cyclists – York is plagued with the blighters!
Bring back compulsory extended retests every 5 years for people under 70, then every year for people over 70. All tests to include 2 junctions’ worth of motorway testing.
I’d be happy to do this, probably take a couple of refresher lessons to iron out a naughty habit or two.
TtCE@ – Morning Thomas – excellent idea which I will make compulsory when I storm to power!
Along with some “robust immigration policies”..
Retests would do nothing except swell the coffers of the undeserving state.
People would behave for the test then revert to being cunts afterwards…
These cunts make my blood boil every fucking day.
There needs to be a new offence created, “driving like a fucking homo”, punishable by instant death.
I think they already have this offence in Iran.
Could be worse, you could be stuck behind some pie key plodding along the highway on a horse drawn trap.
This happened to me for about five miles out near Brands hatch.
Imagine my delight when the pie key in question was killed in Thamsmead a couple of weeks later while racing in the dark with no lights on.
Sadly, the horse had to be put down.
They used to do it on a regular basis in a dual carriageway near stanford le hope. Queue of tankers behind them. Cunts.
Poor horse, I care more about the horse than some caravan dwelling thieving daughter shagging pikey,
Brands Hatch and the surrounding area is packed with poîkeys.
Odin@ – I am sad it was the horse that copped it instead of the smelly thief.
He did say the pikie bastard was killed. We should encourage this sort of behaviour, after putting the horses in suits of armour.
It was Micky Collins. Worthless sack of shit and nephew of that pie key that was hanging out the back of John Berkow’s missus.
Hearses piss me off .
What’s so respectful about 15mph you pisstakers?
Get dirty looks if you overtake or use your horn,
And no way can you see out of your rearview mirror with all those flowers blocking the mirror.
Fair enough the passengers not in a hurry .
Come on undertakers!!
Put your foot down
Mnc@ – Exactly! And for fks sake – turn that frown around – what’s with all the sad faces?
Anyone would think some bugger had died or summat..
Followed a hearse up to the crematorium in Pontefract yesterday, as it turned in there was nobody with it, not one car, and I don’t know why but I felt an overwhelming wave of sadness for the deceased – to my great surprise it made me feel quite upset.
RIP, whoever you were.
It was probably a ‘right wing terrorist’, i.e. just some poor old white bloke with no family or friends.
went to a funeral last week and to tell the truth did not know the guy all that well. more to give some support to his widow who comes from the same country as mrs mcfuck and i felt the same sadness. the bloke was 85 and counting us there were 8 people to see him off
I swear the issue with doddering, hesitant, needlessly slow driving has got worse in recent years. It’s not a sign of safe driving, it’s a sign of inability, unawareness and often, sheer fucking ignorance. I’m no maniac by any means, but I’m fucking sick and tired of driving at everyone else’s pace. People slowing down for 20 zones and never speeding up when they leave it. People insisting on doing 45/50mph on motorways. People who virtually stop before negotiating a speed hump. People who choose a vehicle 3 times bigger than their skills are suitable for. These people, more often than not, aren’t blue rinsers, they are the age of people who would have taken the modern two part driving test that was meant to improve driving standards. It clearly hasn’t fucking worked.
I remember being in St. Giles multi-storey car park in Naaarge decades ago, we were stuck behind a wimminz trying to get hubby’s BMW 6 round the corner and down the ramp. Painful to watch.
She needed an old bubble car, or a Thundersley 3-wheeler
I wonder if turbo-charged Thundersleys are “Thundersley Blowers”?
While I do know that the speed limit is a limit, not a target. I do like to get where I’m going as quick as I can. I mean who want’s to prolong driving FFS.
The cunts on the motorway who stick in the centre lane because they are going 2mph faster than the hgv or caravans in the left/centre lanes really, really piss me off. The excuse is….well I don’t want to get stuck behind one of those, or I’m going ever so slightly faster and it saves me going in and out all the time….So what you useless cunt….It’s called driving, that’s what you do.
There is an offence of hogging the middle lane which I was brought in some years ago but I’ve not heard of any prosecutions. Similarly, has anyone been done for smoking in a car which has children in it?
There have certainly been prosecutions for hogging the middle lane. As for the smoking law, I didn’t even know that was a thing.
I was on the motorway today and inevitably so were the ‘middle-laners’. An old wagon towing a trailer with zero chance of overtaking a lorry and a white van sticking resolutely to the centre lane forcing everyone to go around him. How did these cunts ever pass their test?
I know what you mean but will say that I’m not a confident driver in built-up areas and have frequently found myself in the wrong lane …dawdling until I can work out where I want to be etc…the last thing I need if some Cunt hassling me…indeed, the time a fella put his hand on the horn when I was dawdling at a roundabout ( clutch cable had gone) discovered that patience (in his case) would have been a virtue. I jumped out of the stalled pickup and advanced on the tooting Cunt…he locked his doors so I settled for kicking his wing and headlight in afore he screeched away from me.
The local Copper turned up a couple of days later…I explained what had happened ( Copper “suggested” that the bloke had been shouting abuse at me) and we had a laugh about it…he told me to pay for the damage or they’d be obliged to take it further…didn’t care,worth every Penny.
Morning Mr F, I had an interview at at police station for a similar thing. The cunt in question tried to run me off the road as I tried to overtake him. I caught up with him as he had stopped at his destination and locked himself in his car. I had to pay £100 for denting his rear wing with my fist. He got off light. My dad always taught me to treat every other road user as an idiot…. he was right and I always do.
DF-F@ Morning Sir Fiddler – I had a radiator blow on a Cavalier I had – at the York road lights in Leeds in rush hour, it stopped dead in a cloud of steam and refused to start.
That was “fun” shall we say, but luckily a cop (good chap he was) stopped the traffic and helped me shove it to the side of the road – sound lad he was.
I only dwardle when driving in the summer, seeing the women in shorts and tight leggings and seeing a bit of cameltoe, that’s what summer is meant for
The best day of the week to see cuntish driving has to be Sunday. & of course the school run!
“Sunday drivers” was a phrase much used in my family…
When I lived in Brum a few years back the amount of cunts driving on the roads seemed to have outnumbered sane drivers!
A day wouldn’t go by without seeing :-
The shit-scared learner – stalling and using the wrong indicators
The doddering old codgers – tootling at 15 in a 40
The boy racer – all noisy backfires, dump valves and fuck all road sense.
The cash-4-crash cunts – mostly Eastern Europeans and Asians
Sunday drivers daring to drive during the working week
Outsiders getting hopelessly lost on Brum’s crazy road network (inc. Spag Junction)
Arctics trying to negotiate tight bends and roundabouts
Cyclists, skateboarders, roller-skaters, people pushing pushchairs, tractors, binmen, spaz-chariots, horse riders, taxis, Deliveroo riders, drunk/drug drivers, joy-riders, vintage cars (always breaking down), protestors, road works, foreigners forgetting that we drive on the left in this country. pedestrians stuck to their phones, drunks, kids playing “chicken” in the middle of the road; royal visits (meaning road diversions/closures)….
and that was 5 years ago. fuck knows what the city is like these days!
Sounds like the Isle of Wight.
It is up to the individual to determine the speed that they feel comfortable to drive. You may well have superior assessment skills and driving abilities, but not everyone does. If you fly into a rage because of a slower vehicle, then perhaps you ought not to be driving,
The public should all be trained to a standard that allows them to drive confidently to the conditions, and should be re-tested, regularly, to monitor this. If you’re unable, or not confident to do this, then you shouldn’t be driving.
Too much emphasis is placed on speeding, as it’s an emotive subject, (and an easy ‘nick’), but statistically, speeding is WAY down the list of causes of accidents. Last time I looked, ‘Failure to look’ was the number one cause. Starting teaching people to drive rather than pass a test would be a start.
My instructor told me that I would only ‘learn to drive’ once I had passed my test. I passed it, got cocky, and almost killed myself on the way home from the test centre trying to overtake somebody. He was spot on.
DCI@ – Afternoon DCI – yep, from my experience of cycling and motorcycling a simple lack of due care and observation causes a lot more accidents than someone getting their foot down on a clear motorway in good conditions.
Not that I would ever speed of course! 😀
EC@ – Morning EC – with the greatest of respect – if people are not confident or competent enough to keep up with traffic flow and do not have the physical capabilities to be driving then they are every bit as dangerous as the boy racer types.
Good morning Vern, actually agree with the comments, my axe is for road rage. Regards EC
Dull fucks that move to Lane 2 on a dual carriageway as they’re going to turn right at the roundabout at the end, five cunting miles before the fucking roundabout.
A rare treat, and, unfortunately not one that the public can do, is screaming flat-out on blue-lights, past the doddering old codgers and curtain-twitching parasites that run those community speedwatch schemes. Giving the old trout with the haidryer a blast on the bullhorn’s always a laugh, too.
Measure that, you do-gooding, busybody, copper-wannabe cunts!
DCI@ – I was in Wakefield yesterday and spent most of my time jammed up against the kerb to let the ambulances by from Pinderfields.
And watching the lines of brown sewage lining the streets.
Wakefield has fallen.
Aye, we’re busy, that’s for sure…
I feel your pain Vernon, where i live is basically gods waiting room, my 7 mile a day commute is as much as i can stand, add to that cunts on bikes, zombie school kids who cant tear there eyes off their phones for long enough to even cross a fucking road, the cunt who lives on my estate who jumps the junction in his van every morning and then calls me a cunt.
Driving these days is no fun at all, endless speed bumps, pot holes, traffic calmers and the knowledge that your car is drinking to gogo juice like fucking Oliver Reed, who im sure would be cheaper to take out for an evening boozing and thats before you even get to work, deal with cunts all day long and then repeat at the end of the day.
I witnessed a classic piece of driving a few days ago. A tanker driver turning right on a busy roundabout who went into the left-hand lane and ‘undertook’ the cars in front of him nearly causing 2 collisions, the fucking maniac.
I’d rather share the road with slowcoaches than impatient psychos like that cunt.
I’ve seen this quite a bit. I think they do it so the turn is not quite as tight.
On the other hand…
It might be worth a separate nomination but a new fucking hazard I came across this morning was a self satisfied hair bun cunt on an electric scooter. I knocked it into neutral as I went past and gave him a lungful or two of shell vpower diesel fumes. Then they leave the bloody scooters on the pavement or verges. An obnoxious addition to modern life.
I am on the train going up to London as trying to take the car in is just impossible with all the cyclists and other wankers
Those rental scooters and push bikes are a proper pain in the arse.
The riders don’t own them so don’t care where they dump them when finished with. Lazy cunts mostly can’t be arsed putting them on the stand let alone parking then in a bike rack.
I saw one of the e scooters chucked up into the branches of a tree the other day. Made me laugh so hard I nearly crashed the car…
People pull up to 4 way stops with their heads way up inside their asses. Am I the only one in the world who pays attention to who goes next?
I drive an old and comparatively slow Volvo estate and ride vintage bikes.
I set my own pace and if that annoys arrogant cunts then all the better.
Go round or fuck off.
The people calling for more rules, extra tests etc are an important reminder that not all the little Tin Hitler authoritarians are on The Left…
Or, cunts like my and my colleagues that have to deal with the fucking carnage caused by some of the fucking apalling driving ‘standards’ noted, here, caused, not infrequently, by piss-poor ‘I’m alright, Jack’ fucking attitudes. Always a barrel of laughs telling a parent their child’s dead thanks in no small part to the cunt that was setting their own pace and wasn’t paying attention to the mile-long queue behind them, causing (not condoning it), anger and frustration, but, hey, they weren’t speeding, were they?
BB@ – Afternoon BB, what’s the difference between a hedgehog and a Volvo?
A hedgehog has the pricks on the outside 😀
(Sorry, couldn’t resist – old joke from my motorcycling days!)
And have you ever tried getting round a Volvo estate the size of a bus on a country road?
The ones that annoy me are the ones that pull up to traffic lights at red but then stay about two car lengths behind the car in front. Then all of a sudden will crawl up to the car in front. Why don’t you just go up to the car in front in the first instance you cunt!!!!
Or the related ‘crime’ where utter cunts remain stationary in order to leave massive gaps between themselves and the car in front whilst queuing . Why the fuck they do this I have no idea. It just means that some poor cunt at the rear who is trying to get out of a junction onto said road is unable to do this since the traffic is not moving at the back even though it has moved at the front. I make a point when stuck behind one if these selfish cunts of overtaking them and moving the gap they have allowed to develop. Strangely as soon as the dopey cunts realise I am overtaking them they then accelerate forward in an attempt to stop me moving in front of them. Not so keen now to stay still it would seem. I usually tell them to get to fuck and successfully complete my manoeuvre. Dopey cunts.
George Carlin said it best;
‘Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?’