Warranties and the cunts that sell them, warranties are more often than not not worth the paper they are written on, as a car repair garage i hear the fateful words saying [ i have a warranty ] all the time and to this i have to say, [ we don’t deal with warranties or warranty companies on any level.
Why is that they ask, so i tell them and it goes a little like this- So you want me to spend half an hour reading through the small print on your Arthur Daily warrant book to see what’s covered or not and if by chance it is, then spend upwards of an hour on hold to eventually speak to some bint who knows fuck all about cars, to tell me the reasons why they are not going to honour the claim, or will honour the claim at a reduced labour rate, and for less hours than the job can be done in and then take 3 months to pay and all this before you even earn a penny.
So the customer somewhat surprised has to then go searching for some mug garage who will deal with warranty companies, you will never guess, no fucker wants to know, which I’m sure is exactly what warranty companies want.
So don’t pay any extra for a warranty, its a scam 90% of the time and it wont get honoured by the cunts and the plank who has done his bollocks on the monthly payments for his shiny new Merc to park on his drive to impress his neighbours, has to park the fucker up and start saving or sell a kidney to pay for the repair.
Money spinning con perpetrated by cunts, don’t buy into the world of warranties and having some jumped up dodgy car sales shark like Quentin fucking Wilson on the ad shouldn’t inspire you with any confidence whatso ever….
Nominated by: Fuglyucker
Very interested to hear the other side of it Fugly, thanks for that. I bought a car a few years ago where the dealer made much of the fact that he would throw in for free a “gold” warranty. Didn’t take much heed, it was a car I was very familiar with at the right price so I did the deal. Couple of months down the road it developed a fault and I remembered the warranty. I phoned the warranty company and after a short conversation was told that the fault was not covered because it was down to normal wear and tear. When I thought about it afterwards it dawned on me that from the way the conversation was framed they would class virtually any fault as wear and tear. I had the fault fixed at reasonable cost and I learned a lesson that day.
13
I made the horrible mistake about 5 years ago of checking in to a car warranty on line. Boy was that the opening of Pandoras fucking box! I still get pummeled with calls and emails.
As a principle I don’t pay for repairs before they are needed.
These companies obviously have huge advertising budgets. Why is that? They obviously take in much more revenue than they pay out.
Like the saying goes: the house always wins.
12
Glorified on track bookies, they never like paying out. When they say thanks after placing your bet, well you’d might as well tear up your docket, cause they know something you don’t
Shafted like most honest people are on a daily basis
9
Personally I reckon all or at least most warranties are bollocks. I have fuck all covered (my choice) and I rely on the warranty of new goods and my own judgement on second hand stuff.
I know people who pay TV, washer, fridge freezer etc. insured after the warranty expires only to find out certain parts aren’t covered like the nom points out.
Bit different with cars I admit but still a con.
2
BTW great nom. Long overdue!
8
I recently bought a washing machine and was offered an extended warranty, I declined the offer but the cunt on other end of the line started banging on about ‘knobs and dials’ , I thought this is some fucking clown.
He asked why I didn’t want the warranty so I said you are asking me to pay during the first year which is covered automatically but the cunt came back with ‘it’s not covered if you break something, like knobs and dials’
I said I have no intention of breaking anything but if the machine breaks down then YOU are responsible in the first year so stop trying to bullshit me.
Goodbye.
On the plus side my car which came with a three year warranty had a faulty door lock changed under warranty (at two years 11 months and 3 weeks).
12
I lump insurance companies in with warranty companies, any excuse not to pay out. I had to take one to the ombudsman a few years ago to get the cunts to stump up.
10
I’m not just saying this because I work on the industry but I’ve generally not had a problem with insurance. My shed was burgled three times and every time they paid out. However, it seems like the ones who are sold by second hand car dealers are Rodney trotter policies.
1
Less warranty, more cuntery ,off to the oven.
6
Fuck new cars and car warranty.
Anything built after 1992 (ish, there are exceptions), is nigh on impossible to understand in it’s entirety. And faults are too difficult to diagnose and repair at home.
Run an 80’s banger, preferably a rear wheel drive diesel, and you won’t need warranty. Just a welder, P40, and a gallon of underseal a year.
Chip fat, old hydraulic oil (32 grade), and power steering fluid can be ran neat in most of these motors all summer, and in winter just add 25% diesel and 5% petrol. Change the fuel filter every 3 months. The emissions alone will put a smile on your face too.
20
Just reading your post, has put a massive smile on my face😀
I followed an old van down the road the other day, stunk like the extractor vent at a chip-shop👍
12
There will be more experimentation going on with the price of fuel CG.
Creosote smells nice, and motors pull well on the stuff. Proper creosote, not that fake creocote shite.
Smells like a garden fence in the cab, it’s lovely.
Beware of heating oil, it has no lubricant in it. It will fuck everything up very quickly I’d imagine.
Perkins Prima/ Rover MDi engines will run on anything. Old engine oil thinned with a small diesel and petrol, and even in a heavy frost they will burst straight into life.
The smoke is horrendous for the first few miles though.
12
😂😂😂👍
5
I was tempted to buy some old banger and try the chip fat thing.
5
That’s no way to talk about Ian Blackford😆
8
If you’re no good with welding, the old banger route probably isn’t the best.
Used oils are difficult to get hold of, and chip fat is full of bits. It needs filtering well. New cooking oil is too expensive now. Used hydraulic oil is the best, as it is relatively clean, but finding a source could be difficult.
A Montego diesel estate is a cracking car to run economically.
Will accept even the worst concoction of fuel, and will return 50mpg all day long. Very practical too. Getting thin on the ground now though.
Some Polish idiot ran into the back of mine and shortened it by about 2”. My neck has never been right since. Cunt.
I miss it so much. It was such a loyal rotten old beast.
10
Car warranties?
Never had one, never needed one – most stuff I fix myself (I like learning new skills, hate to be defeated by any job and am a skinflint!) and if I can’t there are a number of good, cheap mechanics where I live with access to the ramps, specialist tools etc I do not have.
Some dopey mare I used to know was talked into booking her car in every year for a “pre-MOT” as the shysters called it which they would rob her of forty quid for, then come MOT time would STILL load shit on which they had not highlighted in the supposed “pre-MOT” and in my professional opinion was not needed but would she fuck be told – she was convinced they were the honest ones and I was trying to angle for work (not something I do) but I pointed out my hourly rate is more than the cowboys charge and I do not lower my prices so crack on, dumb cunt.
Not looking forward to doing the clutch on the Beemer though – 6 hours of filthy sweaty graft but it saves me a fortune in labour doing it myself – I am hoping it will hang on long enough for me to sell it on and let someone else deal with it.
7
Clutch job sounds grim Vern.
I assume that it is rear wheel drive, so that’s always going to be a bonus.
And I hope you have the proper clutch alignment tool. No using a 1/2” extension with a socket and tape wrapped around it to take up the slack.
4
Dvd@ – It does not need one yet, it’s just the release bearing which is noisy – the clutch has wear but isn’t slipping and the gears still change fine (10 to 20K in it yet). Some comedians have been quoting me 500 quid but there is nothing difficult about the job, it’s just the amount of stuff that needs to be removed before the relevant bits are exposed and then all the refitting – a lot of labour time is spent doing this, changing the plate, bearing and seal is a 10 minute job.
And I am borrowing the correct BMW aligning tool if I do have to do the job as I don’t really fancy bits of clutch flying all around the bell housing! 😀
2
I’ve never had the luxury of alignment tools. I just mackled them together out of sockets, bars and sometimes tape.
Sometimes the box flies back in.
Other times the box fights you.
Another naughty trick I used to do if the box was close enough to the bell housing, was put a couple of nuts on the stud ends and apply slight pressure. Then flick the key so that the end of input shaft entered the flywheel bearing. You’d slide back under the motor and 9 times out of ten the box would have ‘jumped’ all the way home.
Very unprofessional, but needs must sometimes.
I suppose when you dip the clutch the noise goes away Vern?
I’d leave it be.
2
Sounds as fun as a clutch on a Rover 75 diesel. Sub frame down as well as box. OK if you have a car lift, but I couldn’t be asked to do it myself.
5
Rover 75’s also had no external slave cylinder.
The slave was essentially a cassette arrangement that fitted internally in the clutch cover.
What a great idea.
4
I bought a brand new Volvo some years ago, it came with a life time warranty, providing you had it serviced at main agents. After 18 months the heater fan packed up and I was told it would be £460 to repair and that it was not covered by the lifetime warranty as it was “wear and tear”. I moaned and eventually they agreed to go halves. I then took it to a Volvo “specialist” non-official garage in Dalston, London. They fixed the loose wire for £30 and the car ran fine for the next 15 years with them servicing at less than half main agents rates.
12
Back in the day, my new Mazda let in rainwater through its soft top.
Mazda Garage: “Cost will be £780 upwards to repair as we have to take the internal fascia apart”.
Some bloke on Mazda Forum: “Get a turkey baster and trombone cleaner and unblock / siphon the water out yourself. Common problem”. Done. Cost: £7
Fuck the Mazda dealership. Ironically, there was a musical instrument shop across the road from them, so sourcing a trombone cleaner was a piece of piss.
Never underestimate the tremendous utility of a turkey baster and trombone cleaner. And the cuntishness of Mazda dealerships.
16
You could have a successful side-line as an “Artificial Inseminator” with that set up👍
Go mobile and call yourself:
“Soft tops n’ maternity shots”.
🤔
25
You should be a comedy script writer CG except you wouldn’t get on the BBC as you actually made me laugh.
11
Aye-you won’t get me to “Kill Whitey”.
The traitorous cunts👎
5
More unregulated free for all con merchants who should be banned. Are these vermin not under the auspices of insurance law? Successive governments seem to allow sharks like this a free rein, much like our energy providers for instance. Another bunch of cunts I despise from my days in the motor trade are fleet companies who insist on paying less than the job, including the parts, cost in the first place.
7
I have a warrant out on me.
8
I’ve got an Asbo.
I bought it from IKEA.
4
Ikea translated into Swedish means firewood. Little known fact.
And what the fuck is that oak they use in Oak Furniture Land?
I’ve never seen oak with such a broad grain. I’m sure its Turkish balsarwood.
It’s certainly not Quercus Robur.
2
Must be the beard.
4
Upon being asked if I wanted an extended warranty on some shit I bought from Argos, the answer “do I look like a retard?” seemed to have the desired effect, offending both the bird behind the desk and two middle-aged wimminz in the queue behind me, especially as it was the height of chınkyflu and I was unmasked, sporting a magnificently fullsome and homosexual handlebar moustache.
18
Were you doing an MNC and waving your cock around too? You might have got a discount.
5
The only warranty worth a wank, would be from a reputable independent trader, with its own MOT and service department.
The best companies I have dealt with for “recalls”, have been Isuzu and Land Rover. In both cases, second hand (3-5 year old trucks), which had major parts replaced or upgraded, F.O.C👍
IsAC could sell warranties on this site:
“We guarantee all snowflakes-cunt’s, you WILL read something that offends you, leading to a panic attack, on a daily basis.”
👍👍👍
12
Evening CG…I’m just about to watch Ricky Gervais’ brand new special. Apparently he goes all out against left-wing shitbaggery and transbumder freaks…
10
Ho ho, 5 minutes in and Gervais is already ripping on ‘women with beards and cocks’!
10
Is that his “Humanity” special, Thomas?
His “little Hampstead Cunts” section was fucking hilarious.
7
SuperNature – I saw him do it last year. Very funny. Apparently the “transgender community” is outraged by it – especially “pre-op” cock-owning cunts. Bunch of cuntless cunts.
3
Extended warranties on just about anything are a total waste of cash.
I bought a tumble dryer 7 years ago, within days I’d had a call from the retailer about an extended warranty.
I said No Thanks, it’s covered for 12 months.
But what if it breaks down in the 13th month, the cunt blusters.
Oh, I says, I’ll just buy a new one.
Stunned silence his end.
Deep joy at mine.
Still working, perfectly fine, BTW.
12
In case you want to know, I bought it from AO.
What a bunch of twats.
7
I’ve bought from AO, one of the better retailers, to my mind.
2
I bought a used dryer back in 2008, for £60, and it worked perfectly until I had to change the belt and bearings a few years ago. It cost me £20 and I did the work myself. Then a couple of years ago the whole business of dangerous dryers hit the headlines. I put my serial number into the website and was told to fuck off. Never thought more of it until a year later I got an email telling me to put my serial number into the website and, this time, yay! Result. 2 weeks later, brand new £300 tumble dryer to replace a dryer, that we’d had for some 12 years, and which was already used. To my mind the whole thing was overkill to make sure the company covered their arses. Not complaining but you can bet the company’s new prices reflect the cost of that arse covering.
12
Fucking hell-what a win😀👍
I would buy high quality second hand, over cheap new:
“Wise man cry once. Foolish man save money, cry often.”
©️Emperor Hirohito, 05th August 1945
“Ouch! Wat-da-fuk was dat?”
Hirohito, 06th August 1945
👍
13
Result!
4
I don’t feel smug, just fucking lucky.
4
Most car warranties seem to exclude more than they include, best avoided.
Regarding Thomas Cunt Engine’s post about Argos, I bought an electric kettle there some time ago for about £10. The bird at checkout asked me if I wanted to buy a warranty for £15, since according to her, kettles are the most used items in a household. Well not in mine, I use it twice a day at the most and live on my own.
If it doesn’t work, it goes in the bin and I buy another.
A warranty for a sodding electric kettle, did you ever?…..
11
Warranties are one of life’s little cuntbubbles, best filed alongside similar money-grabbing rob-dog cunts such as those specialising in equity release, funeral plans and PPI.
Fuck off.
7
Don’t know if you’ve heard Paul, but some of the funeral plan merchants have gone broke recently. Not sure of the implications. If your plan has gone down the tubes are you just left outside for the crows?
1
I wasn’t aware, Arfur, but I’m not in the least bit surprised.
I’m not sure what the legalities are for holding the customer’s cash collected, but in the event there are no strong preventative measures for fund misappropriation, you could see it happening a mile off.
Still at least those affected received a nice gold pen, eh?
1
The actual item being sold is irrelevant.
The alleged warranty is simply a financial product with huge profit margins.
They are usually 50 pages long and exclude everything that could possibly go wrong anyway.
They are another financial scandal waiting to happen,although perhaps the lawyers have made the warranties both utterly fucking useless but also water tight.
The cunts.
8
Oven, Unkle?
6
Oh aye and no warranty offered.
6
Bought the wife a professional grade oven a few years back and was stupid enough to register the product.
Within 24 hours, the letters and phone calls started.
We also bought a fridge freezer, washing machine and dishwasher to match.
That’s when the never ending torrent of ‘Buy our worthless warranty’ started.
They don’t give up, much like the Terminator.
They have no emotion, they have no compassion, you can’t reason with them, THEY WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THEIR MISSION IS COMPLETE
5
I had to replace our freestanding upright freezer a couple of months ago when my wife was in Oz. Bought, paid (around £500) had it delivered, registered the 5 year parts AND labour guarantee. The very next day some cunt was on the phone trying to sell me a warranty, for £12.50 per month for 3 years, offering replacement if it couldn’t be fixed. I pointed out that the guarantee already said that it would be replaced and wtf would I pay almost the price of the fucking thing in the first place for insurance to replace something that may not need replacing for a decade?
5
Wait until the warranty is nearly up. The process starts again.
2
I’m ready for it already, they can whistle. Mind you, I gave their own number as a contact. Let’s see how long it takes them to realise, they really are thick. Call centre calling their own call centre ….tee hee…
3
You’d think the lawyers would be able to do the usual mis-selling thing. Every other deal people signed up to which looked shite has since resulted in a mis-selling law suite. Maybe this is the exception to the rule, after all it is the evil motorcar.
4
They’re far too busy keeping illegal immigrants here. It’s much more lucrative.
4
Off topic sorry, but has to be said St. George will be 2 years crime free tomorrow.
7
It’s another symptom of the system. The government sells us a crock of shit and they allow companies to do the same to create employment and generate additional tax income.
I don’t remember the last time I got decent service but like the Chinese shit Amazon carpet bombs us with it won’t stop until we stop buying the cheese.
3
Tried using a warranty on a snapped cable in the door which controls the airbag. Low and behold the warranty didn’t cover it, however they did offer reduced labour costs but was at the back of their list to do. These second hand car dealers sell this bollocks. You’re better off taking one seperatly online and saving your self a fortune and better cover. Cunts.
2
A 1979 Ford Escort is the ticket, can be fixed with basic knowledge and a few tools, and a liberal wax oil every month, I would never have the patience for these snake oil salesman, most need of the cunts need thorough Sjamboking!!!
5
Damn right Cap’n! I ran rear drive Fords for years in my younger days and I can state for a fact you could fix anything on the fucking drive with basic tools and a Haynes manual.
2
I saved myself several hundred pounds on my 2002 Ford Focus with the internet, a Haynes manual and some basic DIY knowledge.
4