This isn’t a cunting as such, quite the opposite in fact. But hopefully with the permission of the hard working, underpaid and under-appreciated admins (Not sure who they’d be – NA), I would like to put forward a one-off happy cunting. In other words everyday things that make you happy or glad to be alive, or appreciate that life here in the UK isn’t all that bad.
Here’s a few examples:-
Watching reruns of The Good Life and ogling Felicity Kendall’s impeccable arse!
A trip to the local beer garden and enjoying a few drinks with friends on a summer’s evening.
Walking through some of the Lake’s District’s most remote areas and appreciated that this place is really God’s own garden.
Steak & Kidney pie and chips from the local chippy in traditional paper wrapping
German female tourists arriving in their tight-fitting jeans and tops asking for directions while you ogle their “bits”
Pissing all over Porches on my Fireblade at traffic lights
Listening to the musical sounds of the 90s (House, Grunge, Handbag, Thrash
Reading Dick Fiddler’s dreamlike fantasies of trying to entice Gemma Arterton to his mansion in order to take down her particulars.
Listening to Canadian rock band, Rush
Overclocking AMD’s Ryzen Thread Ripper 3990X 64 core 128 thread CPU
Spring and Summer
There’s a few more I have but how about other contributions?
Nominated by: Technocunt
Blue bell wood
A good war film
Making a withdrawal from the wank bank
Lager
Sausage, mash, gravy
Decent Hash
A big shit with the loo door open.
19 year old dolly birds caught in the rain.
New carpet
When the missus goes to stay at her mums.
Finding a £20.00 note
The NHS
Pornhub
Freddo chocolate bar
Firing Assault weapons
Beatles, Nirvana, Squeeze, The Jam, etc
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Ogling Mrs Mittens arse in tight leggings
Drinking imperial stout or a Fullers special reserve beer.
Sitting by the side of a lake or river fishing on a warm day.
Listening to the birds sing.
Watching my son score at football.
Getting a blow job (never frequently enough)
Tit Monday ( the first warm day of the year when girls start to flash their flesh)
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A nice full bush on a pulchritudinous woman.
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Having a bacon butty
Drinking strongbow with lots of ice on a hot day in the garden
Going to watch a band play
Blasting out Metallica’s seek and destroy at a 1000 decibels
Perving at Totty in their skimpy bikinis on a hot summers day
Having the first cup of tea of the day
Having the first piss of the day
Watching anything with Rik mayall in
Watching the news and seeing a dinghy sink in the channel
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The guilty doner kebab with throat-roasting chilli sauce.
Driving past a field and seeing alpacas.
MILFs with damp patches around their nipples.
Driving the urinal cake along the piss trough with a steady stream.
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Wishing that we had a government who had the guts to
1.deport every piece of illegal filth that live here (and imprison any lawyers who interfere with this process )
2.Ensure that we have a Border Force that is prepared to sink any cunts trying to get here by sea , as opposed to escorting them
3. Stop paying for “overseas aid” . All the years that this has been going on and what is there to show for it…..fuck all!
While we’re at it , why are we still paying the EU?
4.Treat trannies as mental cases by locking them up for life,
5. Make wokery a criminal offence.
6.Ditch this ridiculous green energy policy.Make use of the oil and gas that lies literally under our feet. Make fracking our number one priority.
7.Give us an NHS to be proud of. Double the numbers of front line (clinical) staff. Get rid of pointless admin staff.
Build 100% more new hospitals to accommodate all the new staff.
8. Ban arty-farty subjects at universities.
Sack all the lefty scum.
9. Bring back proper apprenticeships. Make having a skilled trade something to be proud of.
10.Massively increase
our military capability. More planes more ships more subs more nukes.
11. Tell anyone who gives us any lip to go and fuck themselves.
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Going mountain biking with my lovely Specialize 29er on a Northumbrian Country Squire’s vast estate without him being any the wiser.
Perfick😉
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Ealing comedies
Homemade whiskey
The wife’s cooking
A bit of the homegrown
Listening to the Stranglers
The Friday night nosh off from Mrs Jellyman
Walking the dog
Life ain’t so bad after all…..
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A decent shit a 1970s style bathroom of a bungalow on the south coast of England. Sea breezes and ozone float above me in a cobalt-blue sky that is cross hatched with the slip stream of light aircraft and gliders. Cod and chips and a six-pack of Stella for lunch, followed by a wank over big fruity birds dressed to excite. Then it’s a long snooze. The evening? Well, Steakhouse grills, chips and peas, bottle of Scotch and then Dirty Harry box set. (Followed by another wank if not in coma). And a large blunt.
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Fine Scotch
Old Rum
A fine Indian meal (home cooked – you should see my spice cupboard)
Riding trails on my mountain bike or, should there be a lot of snow (I’m in Canada) the fat bike.
Finishing making a new longbow
Shooting said bow
Foraging for nature’s bounty
Fine Canadian bud
The occasional line of Peruvian marching powder
Learning something new
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