May I Quote You On That?

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People who misquote things. Whether its The Bible, The Quran, Charles Darwin, or fucking Star Trek, people who misquote things INFURIATE ME. ‘Survival of the fittest’ is my biggest pet peeve, Darwin didnt say that at all, or ‘only the strongest survive’.

So-called holy books are misquoted too, if I had a pound for every time some god botherer told me Judas was paid 30 pieces of silver to betray Jesus, or Jesus was born in a stable, I’d be rich! Bible says: money is the root of all evil. Um, no it doesn’t! Beam me up, scotty – NOBODY on Star Trek said that.

And dont get me started on misquotes of the Quran… If you’re going to be a sanctimonious prick and quote something, get the quote right!

Nominated by: ElDiablo666

63 thoughts on “May I Quote You On That?”

  1. “Play it again Sam”

    Humphrey Bogart…. Casablanca.

    “All that glitters is not gold”

    “Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well”

    “La plume de ma tante”
    Del Boy Trotter…. Only Fools and Horses.

  2. ‘Survival of the fattest’
    -John Candy

    I intentionally misquote things for my own childish amusement.

    “I hate pretentious cunts who will quote Neitzche or intellectuals like that robot Stevie Hawkwind.”
    -Stuart Hall

  5. Was the Queen misquoted when it was reported that she was allegedly suffering from Anus Horribillis?

    • I think Anus Horribillis would what Starer was complaining to his GP about after experiencing a sore bumhole after his “interview” with Peter Mandelson to be the new Anthony Blair.

  6. The wonder of the world
    The beauty and the power,
    The shapes of things,
    Their colours, lights and shades,
    These I saw.
    Look ye also while life lasts.

  7. An old farmer I knew had been raised Bible but as he got older so his scepticism grew…he used to love it when The Jehovah’s Witnesses came calling…he’d profess great interest,invite them in,make them a brew and then demolish them…he had a Bible quote contradicting anything they could come up with and could quote chapter and verse…..his wife reckoned she’d seen his unfortunate victims stagger out dazed and confused and,no doubt, regretting their decision to spread the Good Word in that particular corner of rural Northumberland.

      • There’s a picture of Slasha in her hospital bed in the Torygraph this morning. Her injuries look terrible – a whole section of her skull is missing leaving an indentation in the side of her head.

        The work of dark- key gangsters, not whitey.

      • The case against the blek defendants has been dropped “for reasons that cannot be disclosed in open court”.

      • “The case against the blek defendants has been dropped “for reasons that cannot be disclosed in open court”.”

        Compare and contrast to the police officer prosecuted after the death of Chitin George. So many things were said by people in power during that trial, including the Cretin-In-Chief himself, that cried out for a mistrial.

        Now they are talking about prosecuting and jailing other police officers that were present for failing to do anything.

        Cunts.

      • “For reasons that cannot be disclosed in open court.”
        WTF does that mean? What BS are they feeding us now?

  8. “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”. That’s a tautology.

    Neal Armstrong actually said “ That’s one small step for a man…..”.

    Get it right, moon landing deniers.

  9. BBC editorial. “The boat men from France 🇫🇷 have to go back we’re full up”.

    • After the A-bombs were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Emperor Hirohito told the Japanese people:

      “The war situation has developed, not necessarily to Japan’s advantage.”

      😂

  12. “ Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?”.

    What Henry II apparently said was “ What miserable drones and traitors have I nurtured and promoted in my household who let their lord be treated with such shameful contempt by a low-born cleric!”

    Not quite as catchy.

  14. “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.” Often quoted to me whilst I was learning about the leather trade, 45 years ago, until I did the snotty thing and replied “A little learning is a dangerous thing” Rape of The Lock/ Alexander Pope.

    “Money is the rood of all evil” is also incorrect, at least not complete “The love of money is the root of all evil” I think that is from the Bible. Talking of incomplete quotations the Lady Thatcher’s quote of “There is no such thing as society” does go on to say .”There are individual men and women and there are families and no government can do anything except through people and people look to themselves first.”

  15. “You’re going to need a bigger boat” Chief Brody in ‘Jaws’
    “Houston, we’ve had a problem” Commander Jim Lovell in ‘Apollo 13’
    “Now then now then, urgle urgle urgle. I am the Dr and I’m going to stick My Magic finger up your little Fanny and it will make you all better” Jimmy Saville in ‘Home Alone 5’

  18. “With great power comes great…
    …opportunities to be a complete cunt”

    (Justin Trudeau/Spiderman)

  20. “What does that red button do?”
    Ellison_Onizuka crew member of the space shuttle Challenger 72 seconds after launch.

  21. “Help, help. I’m being held in this cellar by a psychopathic owner of a vast country estate.” Gemma Arterton.

    Freedom for East Anglia.

  23. I love to misquote on purpose. It makes me look like I’m not the sharpest bulb in the drawer.
    It’s not rocket surgery.

  26. “Er… Arfur… Er, you needn’t come in any more.”
    My former boss, on the phone in 2020.

  30. “We have no intention of invading Ukraine. Our forces are on the border for military exercises”. – Mr V. Putin, Wednesday 23rd February.

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