Supermarket Quality Control

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There are several newspapers reporting that British Christmas meals have been ruined, due to the discovery yesterday that their fresh birds were rotten.

Yet another good reason not to have turkey for the big meal, buy a couple of large hens, instead.

Strangely enough, the best ad free reporting on this is the New York Post.
Not so strangely, I cannot attach the link.

If anyone is feeling charitable, please help me out. I’ve tried a dozen times, and I’m so very tired.

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest 

Helpful link supplied by: Ruff Tuff Creampuff

New York Post Link

61 thoughts on “Supermarket Quality Control”

      • I hear he’s rereleasing that song he did with Kiki Dee, but this time the duet will be with Michael Barrymore.

        It’s now going to be, ‘Don’t go breaking my arse.’

    • ‘Don’t go f*cking my arse’
      “Yes I’ll c*m f*cking your arsssssee”
      do do….de de….de dum da do do……

  3. Anyone who eats turkey is a dull,unimaginative Cunt anyhow….serves them right if the fucking thing is rancid.

    My Fray Bentos tinned pies were divine….I had one steak one plus one steak and kidney one with cannonball peas… all slathered with a piquant H.P brown sauce jus..an imaginative and innovative combination of ingredients,I’m sure you agree.

    • I’ll never forgive that fat tongued cook Jamie Oliver for getting Turkey twizzlers banned.

      Fuck knows what I’ll serve if I have another dinner party?

      • …a selection of culinary delights from “t’chippy” all washed down with a few cans of Rola-Cola,I’d imagine.

        Morning,Mis…back to work today?…I’m fucking glad it’s finally all over.

        Morning,All.

      • Morning Dick,
        ‘specially selected spam fritters’😁
        Yeah back to work and the dreaded filing my taxes☹️

      • Happy Fucking New Year Mis.

        Are youentering your Tax Return for the Booker Prize for fiction?

      • Heehee 😁😂
        Happy New year Wanksock,
        You Cheeky boy!!
        Don’t know what you mean!! 😀👍

      • MNC@ – You can never go wrong with them volervonts with a bit of gravy and some Ferrero Roche for afters – it’s what classy people have in Yorkshire!
        So I’m told..

    • My Lord, once more your sophisticated palate, is an abject lesson in refinery, to us plebeians 🧐

    • Cracking snap dick a Frey bentos Cunt to fucking open. Wish they’d make em ring 💍 pull.

      • Recently saw an ingenious invention. Bought some posh blackcurrant jam from Denmark. The jar lid had an out part that you could spin. It made it easy as fuck to open.

        Of course, I’m a butch cunt who can always open jars, but as you get older it gets more difficult (for some, not me of course).

        Clever cunt whoever came up with that. Expect to see it everywhere soon.

      • I’d never seen such a thing before, but I don’t doubt you.

        If it’s been around since the 80s I wonder why it’s never taken off?

        Cost perhaps? Or they just want to piss off oldies, single wimmins and weaklings?

    • All you needed was a slack handful of potato nuggets, a couple of whole meal wraps and you’ve a meal fit for a King! A proper King mind you! Not some limp wristed, wrinkly old fuckwit who talks to plants!

  4. Visited my local Morrisons just before Christmas, and its not just poor supermarket quality control with some of their produce, but pig-ignorant customers (probably Karens and assorted “unwashed imports”) who go round the veg & bakery aisles, fondle and squeeze the goods (bread, bread rolls and an assortment of greens), give it a good sniff and additional pokes, before putting it back in the trays and moving on!

    Dirty cunts

  5. One of the biggest food tragedies of recent years, was the discontinuation of tinned sponge puddings, by Hèìnz.
    The cunts.
    Good morning.

      • I was very fond of them all, the jam one probably just edged it, closely followed by the spotted dick.
        Morning, Paul.

  6. Taking of rotten birds:

    Hoe well I remember, sitting in a darkened corner of the cellar room, in the “Sally”-Salvation Hotel-in Ambleside.
    Snuck in with the older members of a band I was in.

    Sitting there with my pint of beer, aged 15, listening to a fat, sweaty, spotty cunt in his 30’s, telling us lads about his “conquests”. The fat cunt was probably a virgin.

    I shall never forget his sagely advice on sexually transmitted diseases:

    “Reet lads, tha knows how to see if a lass has a “badly” fanny? What tha does, is git sum fag ash on yer fingers, an rub it inta’ er twat. If she complains tha’ It stings, dump er. If not, then gee er a good shaggin.”

    Wise words, for such young chaps😂😂😂😂😂

    • I bought a 4.25kg frozen turkey yesterday at Asda, the same thing they were selling before Christmas for £15 to £20 or more.

      • Sorry, meant to say I bought it for £4.50. Knobhead. Morning all. Everybody glad whatever happened this last week or so is now all over. Roll on COVID 35.

    • Oh the wonders of the poultry farming system. I bet those poor feathered bastards were flapping like hell before being grabbed then off for slaughter.
      You have made a very good point re green turkey meat and if that meat is in the breast then you can bet that’s green muscle disease. Overbred overfed kching money in someone’s pocket.

      • Fresh turkeys are generally tastier cook time shorter way more expensive tho but frozen is just as good.

        Yep the mark ups are ridiculous buy before of after holidays. Same I bought an extra 2 Now I’m set for easter Sunday

  8. Serves the buggers right. Mrs Ghee and I never have a turkey on the grounds that it’s fucking horrible. Tough, dry and tastes like shit. I’d rather eat my old boots.

    This year we had a beautiful leg of lamb from our local independent butcher. Lavverly.

    Supermarkets are cunts full stop.

    • We did leg of lamb for the family Christmas day and topside of beef for my Dad on Boxing day.

      Tesco do them half price for Christmas and Easter and I load the freezer up. Lasts us through the year.

  9. Worse thing about supermarkets are the twats who cannot wait until they’ve paid to consume their goods. Recently saw a tart throw down and pay for empty crisp packets and half finished cans of pop for her spoilt brats, whilst she
    had a sausage roll in her gob, as she fucked about with her handbag. Bits of crisps and fucking pastry all over the fucking conveyor belt. She then told the checkout lady ‘You can bin that.’

    Put the cunts down, right then and there at the fucking till, that’s what I’d do.

    • Hmmmm, ‘ Oventill ‘. An interesting concept.
      Simple trapdoor mechanism and the job’s a good ‘un.
      Queens Award For Industry for you, my lad.
      😀

  10. A few years ago, I nipped into the supermarket, to pick a few things up.
    Whilst perusing the goods, I could hear a woman screeching ‘ Rico ! Rico ! ‘ in ever more strident tones.
    Next thing, theres a tap on my shoulder, I turned, to behold a pìkey woman of indeterminable age.
    ‘ You’re not Rico’ the mad smelly bitch exclaimed, as she said this a young pikey appeared, he was about twenty.
    ‘We want a chicken ‘ he said.
    I immediately grabbed one out of the fridge, it was wrapped in plastic and polystyrene, not one of those cook in the bag ones, told them to stick it into the oven for three quarters of an hour in its packaging, and cheerily waved them on their way.
    The thick cunts, hopefully, they and anyone else that ate it, got rampant salmonella.
    I fucking hate pîkeys.

    • Did she put the chicken in a trolley or inside her coat?

      If the former, I am truly astonished.

      • Probably the latter. I’d turned away, as I’d started laughing.
        I just hope they followed my instructions.
        😀

      • Although I’d be fuming if somebody confused me with a pikey. Can’t think of anything worse…well perhaps being mistaken for Professor Rio Ferdinand PhD might be worse, I suppose.

      • She was off her fucking trolley. There must have been forty years or more difference between me and Rico.
        Although, I have aged rather well.
        😂

      • Have you ever looked at a pikey lass’s hands? Next time you get the chance, have a look.

        Through the obligatory crud, you’ll notice they’ve got massive hands – like fucking spades they are.

  11. And I hate the cunts whose entire family stop and gawp at a particular shelf for ages, blocking you from grabbing a bottle of milk. How difficult is it to buy a bottle of milk, you cunts? Now, I’ve taken to giving these cunts a few seconds and then just barging the cunts and getting what I need, especially if they start having a random conversation.

    Get out of my way you cunts!

    • This one severely gets on my tits. Leave your ill bred and behaved spawn in the car or at home. If you don’t trust the brats alone in the house tie them to a post in the backyard or take advantage of free child care at the nearest presbytery.

    • That’s another reason why I don’t bother visiting supermarkets and opt for home delivery instead.

      I’d rather have a few subs or missing items from my home delivery order, than having to associate myself with the Great Unwashed in supermarkets.

      Moreover, I would hate to work in a supermarket, especially customer services, or trying to stack shelves with aisles full of dawdling cunts, chatting cunts, screaming brat cunts, tablet/phone staring cunts, shoplifting cunts, stupid cunts, and other associated cunts!

      If I had my way I’d had have secret trap doors down certain aisles, and if some cunt got on my nerves, down they go into a deep cavern full of spiders, snakes, creepy crawlies and AnalEaze Dodds!

      • Go early before the great unwashed and sub primates get out of their stinking beds, I went to Tesco yesterday just before 8 am, place was empty apart from the staff.

      • At one point I started going to the 24 hour one at about 2am, just to avoid the cunts. Blissful shopping experience.

        A bit inconvenient though. I use the delivery service mostly now though or the Mrs goes, such is my hatred of mingling with such cuntitute.

    • Yes, how long does it take 7 people to pick a litre of milk, or stand in front of the chilled meals and then sort through every container of the same meal? Why not just congregate in front of the main entrance and catch up on the previous years news and get shirty when I politely ask you to move back a little. Hope you had a pump in your car boot, roads round here are bloody awful 3 flats is fucking bad luck. Happy new year you ignorant, flat tired cunt.

  12. Oh boy here we go again with the turkey hate again hahaha lol Let the great turkey hate commence!

    • There’s only the 2 of us so I just bought a turkey breast, about 800g, cooked it to perfection. Moist, tasty as fuck and the leftovers, sat in the fridge in their own juice for 2 days was just the same. The one I bought yesterday is a whole turkey, it’s defrosting in the fridge and on Thursday I will roast, get all the meat off it, split into 2-person portions, vacuum seal, then freeze it so we have some in for the rest of the year. Great for a midweek ‘roast’ meal.

  13. Is every country filled with fucking idiots or is it just us?
    I know we have formed the rather silly idea of letting any cunt in but I still wonder..

    • I can vouch for the fact that the yoo-ess-ayy has just as many if not more twats of the kind described here.

  14. Can’t beat a swan roast for Christmas
    It’s still legal isn’t it? I say that cos I saw some eastern euro grab one last year.

  15. Most unpleasant! (Supermarket quality control, that is) – I got all my stuff for Christmas dinner Christmas eve, dumped it all at home, had some jars in town with the Red Devil, got up the next day and prepped everything in 30 minutes, chicken in oven, done – excellent!
    Turkeys? Well just do as I do – go to Fiddlers estate, steal some, fill up the van with Christmas trees while there – always quality guaranteed and just an allegation in the local news/Burkes Peerage about a roaming gang of robbing tinkers in the area at the time!
    Not only am I a criminal genius but a master of deception! 😀

  16. Roast beef topside, McCain’s frozen roasties*, sprouts, gravy, mustard. A tasty Burgundy, and that’s the annual nod to getting stuffed. So to speak.

    Turkey? Pffft. Like eating a pillow.

    *Pricy, but it was Christmas, I can never get them right, and I don’t have a wimminz to do the tedious stuff.

      • The fez has been illegal in Turkey since 1925. Along with ditching the Arabic script and getting Islam out of the country’s politics – Kemal wanted Turkey to be West-facing.

        IMO they’re a bloody sight more straightforward and much less shifty than Greeks. Swarthy, yes. Just like Greeks. The Turkish residents who will screw you are likely to be Armenians, Arabs or Levantines, left over from Ottoman imperial times.

        This has been a public service announcement.

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