Arse Dildos

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People who stick things up their arse for sexual gratification are prize cunts.

Sun News Link

But what really makes them cunts is what trey expect us to believe what ‘actually’ happened. As a wise man once said

“if you’re going to make an arse of yourself, don’t make up a long complicated story afterwards and expect people to believe it. You know it makes sense”

This is probably the same cunt who got a broken nose by walking into a door. Yeah right. ‘course you did.

Anyhow, it made I larf…

Nominated by: Dioclese

97 thoughts on “Arse Dildos”

  1. Eurgh.
    Thats Buzz Lightyear!
    Certainly to infinity and beyond!
    Stuck up some deviants arse.
    Poor old Buzz.
    Space explorer😁

      • Evening LL👍
        Some odd people eh?
        Some kids missing that toy!
        Doubt hed want it back now?

        You ever had owt up your bum LL?
        Im a botty virgin.
        Not had my cherry popped yet.
        Ron Knee has always got his missus fingers up his Harris.
        They must role play,
        Rons Sooty, mrs Knee is Matthew Corbett.

        Between you and me thats why I wouldn’t let her do the sandwiches for the Christmas do.

      • My bum is for cappin n’ fartin, both at the same time some days!

        At least Ron and Mrs K are not roleplaying Rod Hull and Emu, he wouldn’t sit down for six months.

      • @ Miserable

        If I had my way, butt plugs would be freely available on the NHS.
        I’m sure that the citizens of this nation would be a far happier bunch if they relaxed this way more often.

      • Ron@
        Id have a butt plug if free!
        A menthol or spearmint one.
        Freshen the missus breathe!
        Heehee 😀👍

    • Yes, the kids really didn’t like the new Toy Story film. They didn’t think much of his new catchphrase either:

      “To the anal cavity and beyond!”

      • Little Jimmy: “Why does Buzz Lightyear smell of asshole, pop?”

        Pop: “He has been on a very special mission to Uranus, Jimmy”.

  2. I bet Fat Reg was wetting himself at the thought of an anti tank shell up his arse, I wonder if he has put a bid in 😂

    The dirty bastards 🤣🤣🤣

  3. The old slipped and fell whilst hoovering in the nude, eh?
    I bet they have a soundproof room somewhere in hospitals where staff can go to laugh at these bizarre events.

    • Yes it would be a very hard to perform such delicate procedures while squirming to stifle outbreak of uncontrollable guffawing.

      It’s be like Biggus Dickus centurions

  4. I wonder what an x-ray of Dame Elton’s ringpiece would reveal?

    I’m guessing they’ll finally find that missing MH370 plane.

  6. I’ve got to say that I’m rather surprised the Army didn’t carry out a controlled explosion, preferably while the shell was in situ!

  7. I bet Fat Reg can take an 88mm with ease.
    They don’t call him ‘ King Tiger ‘ for nothing.
    The filthy cunt.
    Good evening.

    • What stops Fat Reg’s shit from involuntarily falling out?

      Bet he’s got some skidders in his pants.

      Anyone for a rummage through Elton’s wash basket?

      As you bend over to sniff Reg’s skids, David would come behind, and furnish you with his particulars.

  8. Something wrong with these people. What’s so fucking sexy about shoving dolls up your shit pipe?

    I’d like a return to good old days, where we can give these poor lost souls what they need. Electo shock therapy. Followed by castration and a few trappist monks beating the gay with a bicycle chain while screaming ‘Repent!’ over and over.

  9. This is a true story. My best mate is a shirt lifter. He is not effeminate. Anyway he rang me up one day.”youll never guess where i am”. I have no idea I replied. “im in A and E with a dildo stuck up my arse”. How we laughed. All the nurses were laughing because the battery was still going. I sent him a get well card with a piece of string in it.

  10. Good Dog and there was me thinking that we had a few rum characters ( see wot I did there B&WC )on this site but this is a whole different level of weirdness.

  11. I knew a medical student who told me he once dealt with a guy who turned up at the accident and emergency area after he had accidentally “fallen” on a billiard ball. I can understand dildos and butt plugs – even billiard cues – for example but how the hell do you get sexual pleasure from a billiard ball?

  14. Strange sexual practices go back a long way.
    The ancient Egyptians used to wank into the Nile, for the crops apparently.
    Tossers

  15. I just read in the Waily Fail that Alan Carrs husband is facing life changing surgery before Christmas.

    And then visit ISAC to find this excellent nom.

    • Like anyone gives a fuck!
      I also read in the Daily Suppress that our national icon Katie P is going to Turkey for some more cosmetic work ahead of her sentencing hearing next week. Way to go, you spacious cunt!
      Sorry, very off topic.

  16. Note to self:
    Market a dildo thats soluble and melts in warmth & moisture,
    Thereby avoiding embarrassment in A&E.
    Ducky types will go quackers for them!
    Like Maltesers theyll melt in your mouth but not in your hand…

    Don’t tell the others
    Theyll steal your idea

  17. Of a similar “bent”, is a practice called ‘figging’, where a person puts a peeled ginger root in their botty and it burns like fuck, giving them a sexual thrill.
    Wendy Richard used to be a regular participent in this bizarre practice, encouraging a nervous John Inman to ‘fig’ her backstage during breaks in the filming of “Are You Being Served” in the late 70’s.

    • Poor John.
      Bet a delicate blossom like him fainted?
      Id of thought wendy would of stuck a live eel up there,
      Then had it for tea afterwards.
      Chimchimini gercha!!!

    • Did it result in any ginger roots being harmed Thomas?

      Chilli and peppers are also very popular.

  18. Jeezus H fuckin’ Christ! Really! That’s what happens when you watch Toy Story on a Friday night instead of going to the pub? Better not check out Marvel’s Avengers Assemble there’s a whole bunch of them! … and don’t even think about Snow White and Seven Dwarfs. Mind you … 101 dalmations or Bambi with antlers might be worse.

  19. A rude lady with whom I had a splendidly wild relationship in my 20’s agreed to take it up the arse if I was willing to first experience it for myself.
    I agreed as long as the dildo was noticeably smaller than my knob and industrial quantities of KY Jelly was used.
    Wasn’t too bad, actually. Certainly an interesting experience.
    And afterwards, I went to town on her posterior and bummed her into the middle of next week.

  21. Actually I bet that was one of them talking Buzz Lightyears. The one that keeps chanting ‘to infinity and beyond’ … over and over and over. That blokes missus said if you keep making it do that I shove it right up your fuckin’ arse … he just had to have one more … it’s like the button that says ‘DO NOT PRESS’ … cunt!

      • He’s a deviant, short and simple. The kind of person who would attend a party and end up dead in a swimming pool.

  22. This anal play is nothing new.

    I had a bit on the side once, back in the late 50’s, maybe 1960.

    Horsey girl she was. We were shagging in the stables when she said, “stick it up my arse”.
    I told her I wasn’t into that stuff, and she asked me insistently again, and then hit me with a riding crop hard.

    I was scared, so I ran off naked down the drive, with a few of my clothes in my hand. Luckily I must have had my boots still on.

    I threw some clothes on at the end of the drive, jumped on my motorbike, and fucked off home traumatised.

    Never saw her again.

      • Number? This was before landlines!

        Only Mr and Mrs Simpson had a phone down our street.

        We’d occasionally ask to borrow it.

      • If it had been a few years later, I think I’d have took her up on the offer.

        I was only about 22/23, and I had led a sheltered life.

        The worst was when I pulled this really fit barmaid in the pub.

        Went home to shag her after a load of brandys.

        Well, my dick wouldn’t rise to the occasion. I was trying to thumb it in and allsorts. It was a total disaster.

        Next time I went in the pub, she had told everyone. People were sniggering behind the bar.

        I felt as if I wanted to disappear into the couch I was sat on.

  23. My mates. gardener does a lot of bumming, the lady type. He gives em ice-cream shortly before. Stop them firing sh#t out.
    I have absolutely no evidence to support this.
    Not too keen on ice-cream either

  25. Off topic again, but I’m watching Traffic Cops – On The Edge, and one of the cops is so gay, he’d make Larry Grayson embarrassed!
    FFS, I want cops to be male and weigh at least 12 stone, not light in the loafers.
    Jeez!

  26. We had a bloke in our local town who had a bicycle shop. He had to go to A & E to have something removed from his arse. An A & E nurse blabbed and for ever after he was known as Percy The Pump on the basis it was probably a bicycle pump.
    The nurse was fired off.

  28. I had to have the finger up the bum prostate examination.
    I was greeted by this Egyptian Dr .The first thing i noticed was the size of his hands. Great big fat Brown fingers.
    I kept moving away every time he tried to get in. Mind you i did shit right up to his wrist.
    The thought of someone taking a John Holmes up there Jacksie makes my eyes water.

  29. Fucking deviants😢

    Reminds me of the story about a mechanic who worked at a car dealership, an associate of mine, owned.

    He rang the office and asked my mate to come to the workshop, urgently.

    The dirty cunt had put his cock into a milk bottle neck, created a vacuum and was stuck😂

    Ice-no joy.
    Bucket of freezing cold water, no joy.
    The garage owner insisted the only way to remove his member, was to snags the bottom of the bottle to remove the vacuum.

    Which worked. The middle aged cunty mechanics reaction?
    “I’ll be more careful, next time.”

    Next time? For-fucks-sake😗

    • I’m not quite sure what the point was, and his aggressive attitude does not help one iota.

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