“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s arts correspondent Ron Knee reporting. As some of our followers may be aware, the National Theatre of Scotland has banned the use of the word ‘spooky’ from future productions. Today I’m joined by Tabatha Wryght-Onn, the company’s Director of Linguistics Protocol, to discuss what some might regard as a rather odd decision”.

“Yah, well hi Ronnie. Er, may I call you Ronnie? Is that a suitable form of address? Just let me make a note of your chosen personal pronouns…”.

“Don’t worry about that, our followers don’t go in for that sort of thing. Perhaps we can cut to the chase, with you telling us just what’s going on here”.

“Okay yah. We feel most strongly that the word ‘spooky’ can be seen as having racist connotations, so it jolly well has to go”.

“What? Has anyone actually complained when you’ve used the term in previous productions?”.

“Erm, well, like no, but we’re concerned that it could become problematic acshully. Thinking progressively, it’s vital that we ruthlessly interrogate language for historically oppressive connotations that cannot be permitted or tolerated…”.

“This is bizarre. As far as I’m aware, the term ‘spooky’ has never had any racist undertones whatever in Britain. A ‘spook’ is a ghost, or latterly a term for a spy. You’re just creating a problem where one doesn’t even exist. It’s a ludicrous piece of virtue signalling that can only do more harm than good”.

“Hmmph! That’s just the sort of reactionary response one would expect from someone as male, pale and stale as you! I suggest you check your privilege!”.

“And that’s the sort of reaction I would expect from a culture wars radical like you. I suggest you check your arsehole, to see if you can find your head up it”.

“Really! I’m not staying here to be insulted by a racist and a bigot!”.
*storms off in a huff*.

“Well it looks as though she’s headed back to where she usually goes. So there we have it; the nation’s decline into loony leftism continues. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

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Nominated by: Ron Knee