The Hospitality Industry

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If there’s one thing that’s focussed some welcome attention on which jobs are truly essential in a pandemic, then at least Covid has provided it.

The hospitality industry has benefited immensely from the various support measures but oh no it’s still never enough for the bearded cunts serving their triple mocha artisan coffee. Now they want their highly beneficial lower-rate VAT to be continued indefinitely.

The bloke who runs our local boozer quietly admitted to me that he’d had his best ever year in 2020. The combination of zero business rates; furlough support and reduced VAT had boosted his profits. He didn’t even participate in the Eat Out To Help Out (EOTHO) scheme because, by the time the first lockdown ended, his cashed-up customers had stuffed-full wallets and went for the top whack expensive wines to accompany their swans and truffles and EOTHO wasn’t as lucrative!

Now I do have time for the small Mrs Miggins’ Tea Shoppes or Fred’s Greasy Spoon that have been running through thick and thin for decades and provide a nice cosy cuppa and bacon sarnie.

What I couldn’t give a shit abaaaht are the numerous coffee chains flogging £4 cups of rubbish with such self-important ceremony, with Georgina and Millie marching through the High St holding their plastic disposable cups in front of them.

To sum up….fuck the hospitality industry.

Nominated by: Isaac Hunt

110 thoughts on “The Hospitality Industry”

  1. When necessity is all we can afford, luxury will suffer. People will make their own meals and coffee. Only a prosperous society can sustain these businesses and the cunts in power are trying to turn us all into serfs.
    I rarely eat out anymore. Too expensive.

  2. Modern people take their coffee serious don’t they?
    Like to be seen holding it.
    Big cup full of coffee stood about.
    And have loads of different names, mocha latte espresso flat white etc.
    The daft cunts .
    I cant understand sitting about swigging coffee?
    Started with that ‘friends’tv show didn’t it?
    Just go the pub!
    You fuckin Jehovah’s witnesses or something?
    I dont get invited to ‘go for a coffee’
    Because I only know normal people.
    And id tell them to suck my balls.

    • Hi MNC,

      Good points, as ever. I can’t understand the whole cocktail thing. Who the fuck would have the brass neck to order a mint julep ffs? A stupid wet cunt, that’s who.

      • Afternoon 20.👍
        Isnt a mint julep a American Southern thing?
        Like what Colonel Sanders would drink when not plucking chickens.
        My daughter went through a stage of drinking cocktails with her mates.
        They didn’t invite me.
        😁

      • As far as I can tell, you get absolutely hammered (in all senses) whilst necking pop flavoured concoctions with accoutrements. OK for a laugh for once. Some of them are quite nice but sneak up on you – fine until you need to stand up. The wife loves them, but at £5-£10 a pop I’m glad she has all the stamina of a soft southern shandy drinker. Means more ale left for me – what’s not to like?

      • Whaatt, are you from Lincolnshire by any chance? My old mate Dave called folks from the home counties “southern shandy drinking wankers”.

      • Sheffield, Arfur. Where men are men and women’s tattoos are almost always spelled correktly.

    • Milk and two sugars is my coffee requirements Miserable. Even worse than the knobends who stand around with their coffee are the cunts who brings their own reusable coffee cups, what’s that all about? Saving the rainforests probably. Your not in New York City dickheads!

      • Same LL
        One coffee a day, first thing in the morning.
        Thats it, anything more is suspicious.

      • I have more sometimes a lot more. Once when studying I was so buzzed on black filter coffee I frightened a checkout girl. With my demeanour, nothing else Your Honour.

      • Same here miserable, that’s al the caffeine a normal human requires. I let DCI off because of his job. I once had a young doctor trying to fit a cannula in my arm in the middle of the night.

        She was nearly awake.

      • Evening CP,
        Yes good point!
        If someone works nights or long shifts theyre exept from my strict coffee legislation.
        Funny thing CP,
        I must be prone to subliminal suggestion,
        Because ive just been to Aldi forgot all about this nom,
        But ive bought a jar of nescafe Black roast!!!

      • 3 mugs of coffee a day, me. Blick, no sugar.

        1 mug of tea per week, round the next door neighbour’s*, with milk and half a teaspoon of sugar.

        *The one with the Japanese wife, not the gays.

    • I’ve got a mate who is an electrician and likes a beer, he does work for a tinpot building company and it makes his piss boil when they all have to have coffee from a global cunt coffee shop. Now his problem with the bollocks about coffee is why would he be looked at like a cunt if he cracked open a can of stella.

      • Cuntflu@

        Hes not called David Fuller is he?
        If so thats the least of his issues…

  3. The only coffee I buy (in Cardiff) is Wally’s Kaffeehaus. Upstairs in one of the victorian arcades, they are descended from viennese Jewish refugees. They do a good job, but sadly now closed until New Year.

  4. As a self employed sole trader with a tax and NI rate of just under 70% and 16% commission paid on every Ebay sale who was ineligible for a business assistance grant because I had not been up and running three years my sympathy for the “hospitality industry” is in short supply.
    But BOY are HMRC going to be stung with some vehicle etc expenses claims for this year.

    • Hello Foxy!
      Sympathy in short supply?
      HMRC can whistle for any tax after they bring in the Clean air zone in May 2023 bollocks.
      Over 3 and half grand just for being on the road?!!
      Never vote again
      Never pay tax again.

      • Afternoon MNC/All – they are simply determined to fuck small businesses and sole traders into the floor any way they can aren’t they?
        I am going to ask Marcus Rashford for a handout from the 12 million of tax he avoided paying last year! 😃👍

      • Tell the cunt ill take mine in used notes.
        Im like his fuckin mum working 8 jobs to afford a loaf of bread.

        Fuck this government.
        The fuckin Westminster pansies.

      • Mis you have my sympathy and support 100%. In the early years of the century I worked in the city regularly. When we swapped out a piece of hardware, a big printer for instance, we would organise a courier who would pull up outside and we would help him lift it and carry it inside. It was routine for him to get a fucking ticket. The wardens, who all had year-round tans, used to hunt in pairs and if you complained about the ticket they would tell you simply that if you stopped there was no leeway, it was instant ticket. Last time I looked Westminster council made £7,000,000 per annum from parking tickets. That was a few years ago now and when journalists suggested this was excessive they put up some bastard to say that they would be happy to issue none if motorists simply obeyed the rules. I sincerely hope the two-faced cunt develops a slow cancer. My wife, an accountant, does the books for a courier company who employ about fifty drivers. Last year they paid £20,000 in tickets. What really gets in my fillings is that the powers that be deny that like speed cameras this is really just taxation. Rant over.
        God it makes me mad!

      • Just clone reg plates. Fuck living legally. The cunts in government have shown that living legally is a fucking joke. I will always follow our great leaders and be a cunt. Fuck paying tax.

  5. Tall half-caff soy latte with Carmel drizzle at 120 degrees please.

    Fuck off you pseudo-sophisticated cunt!!

    • “Then would Sir prefer our hazlenut-presse-moccha-chocca-frappa-latte with our barista’s special Foaming Cuntry Cream?”

  6. I hate to say it, but both Maccies and Greggs do good, reasonably priced coffee. Maccies toffee latte is great, pity their foods shite. Greggs do a decent breakfast meal deal, or used to, with a sausage and/or bacon bap with coffee or tea for about £3.

  7. Cook good food at home – lazy cunts.

    A mate of mine is a chef, constantly moaning about this and that and how the government left them behind, blah, blah, blah.

    Then the cunt starts whinging about how people aren’t leaving good tips anymore, blah, blah. blah.

    Cunt gets better wages than me and his company topped up their furlough so he needs to shut the fuck up, if not I hear MacDonalds are hiring.

    • The trouble is, CM, that people simply don’t know how to cook fresh food anymore. It’s all frozen spuds, veg, Yorkshire puddings, gravy granules, tinned and packets of this and that. Even meat comes with cooking instructions, ffs, because heaven forbid someone should eat an uncooked sausage and then sue everyone in sight after the inevitable food poisoning.
      It’s time that basic food preparation should be mandatory in schools. What to incentivise the little shits, tell them what they are cooking is their lunch that day, do a good job or starve.

      • For sure. I was telling our eldest a couple of weeks ago that I did Food Technology at school (home economics) and that set me up with some savviness. She was incredulous and looked shocked – what they taught you to cook at school!

        These days it’s all Jamie Cockface, stick in the oven for 20 minutes or whose that other cunt, oh yeah Charlie Bingham, the cunt.

      • Yes, CM. When I was at school, you could do Home Economics as an ‘o’ level equivalent course. I love to cook from scratch, there’s something very satisfying about pummelling bread dough, not to mention that when you’re little for your age and speccy/spotty, a bag full of fresh, warm bread goes a long way towards getting home unscathed.

      • If a person tells me they can’t cook then I automatically assume they are a spašticicated monğoloid, and I ask them for their PIN code and card.

        You can learn on your phone and Google for help. No excuse in 2021. It’s never been easier not to be a water headed fucknut.

      • Fuck me, I cannot make a decent gravy from ‘ the burnt bits at the bottom of the pan, with a splash of’, to save my life!
        Bisto, that’ll do.

      • I do put a drop of decent red wine in it. Does that count? I also make it quite thick, it coats the food, rather than floods it.

      • Have you tried the red wine sachets? They do the job, no need to waste the good stuff JP. Mix with an Oxo cube, nice and thick.

    • I fucking hate English restaurants, not been to one in 15 years. Steak and chips for £15 upwards ? Fuck that. There’s a pub/restaurant near me that caters mainly for fucking idiots. The owner is basically a cunt. Majority of food is microwaved and they put cabbage under the meat on the roasts to make it look bigger. And the wanker has a community covid test site on his car park. I called one of the testers a cunt to his face earlier, he wasn’t happy. Prick.

      • Slow cooker chicken and vegetables tikka masala tonight, costs about £3, no mushrooms. Who has mushrooms in a curry 😅

      • Fucked if I know, what is it about mushrooms. Seafood anything, with mushrooms! Pasta/Pizza, with mushrooms!
        I’m allergic to mushrooms, I go into anaphalactic shock if I ingest them.
        It’s not fucking funny at all.
        Pasta Carbonnara shouldn’t have mushrooms in it, yet restaurants often do, fucks sake. Stop putting them them in food.

      • Have you seen that Turkish Cunt – Salt Battyboy or whatever he is, proper cunt.

        Charges £400 for a gold leaf covered steak – pricks want a doner kebab shoved up his asshole, sideways.

  8. I was “dragged” into a Costa or the other one (ages ago) and when I ordered my drink, the “barista” asked me for my name.

    “Why?” I asked? Why do you need my name?

    They actually wrote your name on your cup. What fucking juvenile fuckwittery is this?
    Cunts!

    *I told him to put Sir on mine. That pissed him off😉

  9. When Lords Adonis and Mandelson are out doing their shopping on Saturday afternoon, down the Kings Road, at Starmer’s Truss Boutique, their tipple of choice is Iced Pansy Water.

    I like the bit in the nom that says “Georgina and Millie marching through the High St holding their plastic disposable cups in front of them.” This is what pisses me off, also, those daft cunts who get on the bus with a silver tankard of coffee with a handle – they get on the buses carrying it – I can only assume they piss in the missiles once they have drained their contents – especially these cold mornings. There is always the danger the bastards could scald somebody as they carry those flimsy cardboard cups with them

  10. Not so many years ago, before the nation went woke and worshiped at the altar of man made climate change oppression, we were a nation of tea drinkers. Is it any coincidence that since everyone has become obsessed with coffee the country has lost the fucking plot?

    • Good point Field Marshall, add to that the lack of lead in petrol and it goes along way to explain the fuckwittery we report on here.

      I only drink tea, water and cider. Covers the major foodstuffs.

    • A good, strong mug of Yorkshire tea. Splash of milk, no sugar.
      Lovely-jubbly🇬🇧

      • Yorkshire tea for me too CG.
        Strong with sugar,
        Or if feeling ‘fancypants’ big blob of honey.
        As a Englishman I love tea.
        Those fuckin yanks in Boston?!!
        Threw it in the river!
        Mad cunts.
        Wouldn’t of done it if it was Coca cola though!!
        Or their piss weak beer.

      • Forget the honey-a good measure of whiskey, for a warming pre-dinner aperitif 🧐

      • Wasn’t it the makers of Yorkshire tea who said if you don’t believe in BLM don’t buy our product? Perhaps I’m wrong.

      • They did-but still my favourite brand.
        They responded to young Laura Towler, stating she was glad her local tea manufacturer (Yorkshire Tea), hadn’t jumped on the burn-loot-murder bandwagon.
        They then did😂

      • They did-but still my favourite brand.
        They responded to young Laura Towler, stating she was glad her local tea manufacturer (Yorkshire Tea), hadn’t jumped on the burn-loot-murder bandwagon.
        They then did😂

    • You might as well snort coke as opposed to coffee. It’s a fucking terrible drug. 20 sugars? Legalised drug that will kill you faster than weed.

  11. … hospitality huh! Now that’s the crowd that seem to have an inordinately high quotient of illegal immigrants working in the sector. Can’t be helping to fund that people trafficking malarkey.
    Spend a day with trading standards and you get a real view of what goes on at a scale that you can barely comprehend. Cunts … the lot if em.

    • My brother-in-law worked at a big Tesco in the West Midlands. They had a big car wash set up in the car park which was subbed out as I believe is the norm. One afternoon the immigration people came in unannounced and ran a check on the car wash staff. They took them all away.

    • a mate of mine got to have a threesome with a couple of waitresses many moons ago. We were all out for dinner, getting lashed up in an OK eatery – two French waitresses were all over my mate, had the time of his life lucky cunt while I went home for a wank.

      • A few years ago I was working on site at the NAO in Buckingham Palace Road and at lunchtime a couple of the guys there invited me along with them to a small cafe nearby. I thought yes, fuck this job, it’ll still be here when I return. Glad I did. The young women who worked there were drop-dead gorgeous, absolutely stunning and with matching personalities. Baffled me that these two guys just went there for coffee.

    • I’ve missed that, Unkle, in the lockdowns. My Dog, as they swish away with your order, Sir…

  13. I agree with this cunting. I’ve no time for coffee shops selling bitter water in paper and plastic beakers , served up by an 17 year old ‘barista’ on a zero-hours contract.

    I want cups of tea and slices of genoa cake or jacket potato served up by an old dear in her cafe.

    I haven’t been in a Costa, Nero, or the dreaded Starfucks in about 12 years far longer than i’ve avoided the Colonel or Ronald.

  14. Fried Lambs liver , onions and mash washed down with lashings tea in one of my favorite cafs 1986 slough.
    Miss that

    • Fucking hell Mecuntry, 1986? If it’s still there it’ll be run by dooshkas or asians and they won’t be serving that any more!

      • He was well old at the time arfurbrain the English man that ran it and done the cooking, He really was good at catching the liver just spot on ,better than anybody and I’ve tried.
        Even the Slough was already full of parkies sadly

  15. I have never understood this walking around with a cup of coffee thing.
    You see folk marching along ‘ on a mission ‘ a look of grim intent on their face, or alternatively, a soppy grin.
    Blokes are the worst, the ones in the regulation, corporate uniform, dark suit and long overcoat, flapping like a loose sail.
    Striding along, like a grim avenger.
    Unaware that his wife is fucking Atkinson from Human Resources and that he’s being ‘ let go ‘ next month.
    Wankers.
    Get To Fuck.

    • Quite agree, Jack. If you’re going to have a coffee, and I don’t care if it’s a triple blast, frothy confection, with a shot and syrup, just use it to sit and talk, then sack the cunt!

    • If went strutting down the high street on a Saturday with a mug of tea held prominently before me, people would think I was a weird fucker.

    • It’s worse than alcoholism, it’s a to be seen with drug. If you smoke you are the fucking devil. But carry a cup of cultism, you are just like the rest. I identify with this utter fucking cunt because he worships the same globalist drug addiction as me. Smoke weed, drink beer. Cunts

  16. When my old mum ( long gone ) was a kid, she was sent along with her classmates, to the local college, one day a week.
    The boys did woodwork, metalwork etc.
    The girls did housewifery, cooking, cleaning, how to make beds etc.
    I remember her always cooking meals from scratch, she knew how to run a house, everything was clean, everything in order.
    Old fashioned ?
    Yes .
    Did it work ?
    Yes.
    Was society better ?
    You fucking bet it was.
    Good evening.

    • Bravo Jack👏👏👏
      A warm kitchen after playing out in the cold/rain/snow as a kid, mums home made scone/cake/biscuit and a warm drink.
      Smashing👍

    • I miss my Mum, she had a right hand that would take your ear off, if you didn’t duck in time. She believed in the old adage, children should be see
      seen, not heard. The late 60’s and 70’s shocked her, and I was a right pillock during that time. I wish she could have seen me later in life, she died too young.

      • JP@ I can certainly identify with that. My old mum only made it to her early sixties.
        Life can be an utter cunt.

    • Evening Jack👍

      What message are these ‘coffeecup avengers’ sending?
      What image are they wanting to portray?

      I like overpriced coffee?

      Well, I like Bovril.
      But dont feel the need to make a stance about it.
      I dont posture with it.
      Maybe I should get a t-shirt or something?
      See if they start copying me!
      All stood at a fuckin busstop holding mugs of Bovril .

      • Evening, MNC. I think it’s an attempt at Alpha Male portrayal.
        As for the Wimminz, it’s ‘ look at how independent I am ‘.
        Then there’s the brain dead cunts who do it because everyone else is.
        Lemmings UK.
        ‘ There’s a coffee shop at the bottom of yonder cliff. Off you go ‘ 😄

      • It’s just another mass test on how fucking stupid people are. Drink this shit all day that will fuck your heart up. Fucking idiots.

    • If I could climb into a time machine and whizz back to 1975, I would do it in a heartbeat Jack🙂

      • A good year.
        If only it could be done.
        There were certain girls that went unshagged, for some inexplicable reason.🤔
        WF in particular.
        Ah, regrets.

      • I started school in 75.
        A little nipper.
        Met my best mates then,
        Still best mates now.
        A great year.
        Id go without a backward glance.

      • Ethel was in her prime Jack, and a young Fanny Fiddler was about to debut at the Northumbrian Society Ball…

        Good Evening.

      • And I looked like my avatar.
        How things change !
        Fanny has gone to pot. It’s no wonder Dick keeps her locked in the West Wing.
        Ethel’s in the cellar.
        I’ll take her some soup.
        In a bit.
        Or tomorrow.
        Evening, LL.

  18. On Saturday we received 2 free theatre tickets because my mother in law was not able to go. The brother in law was up to visit, but she couldn’t make it because she was in hospital last week. Anyway we had a reservation to go to a restaurant and after a shit year I thought what the heck.

    2 adults + 2 children, 3 pre-theater dinners (2 courses), 1 ice-cream, a pint of Guiness (£4.80), a cocktail (£8!) = £67.50! In Glasgow. And we were grossly overcharged for drinks at the theatre. Oh well. It was good while it lasted.

  19. Pubs have had it really bad in general thanks to the stupid lockdown. Throwing away good beer. The horror! Many have shut or not recovered properly. And they aren’t too confident about investing in case some commie health ‘experts’ demand another lockdown or link beer to the climate ‘crisis’.
    But you can close the coffee houses if you like – It all tastes the same as I could make at home.

    • Pubs have been fucked since women were allowed in. Hence the smoking ban. Fuck pubs, too expensive and full of cunts.

    • A lot of the expensive sit-in coffees i’ve had in these ponce-holes have been worse than what i make at home from a jar of cheap, ground up shite.

      It makes my knuckles itch to hear some sallow hipster cunt with a Harry Potter scarf wrapped halfway over his mouth braying about getting a ‘panini’ at the till.

      Just have a sandwich you cunt.

  21. Fuck me Martin Moxon has been caught up in the Yorkshirw cricket hysteria. I went to school with Martin Moxon. All it will have be is a bit of light ‘banter’.
    But no. So sick of it.

    • There hysteria in the country like the McCarthy witchunts.

      ‘Have you or ever had you made a racist comment?’

      • No greater crime Miles.
        Rapists turn away in disgust.
        Murderers ignore them.
        Serial killers refuse to sit with them.

        I cant stand racism.
        I like chinkys, p@kis, ni9no9s,
        Towel heads, squints, japs, jewboys, all kinds.

        And if GCHQ is reading this,
        I like tuppence lickers, shitstabbers and midgets too.

  22. Fucking jug eared chimp Sunackers has announced the red diesel tax rebate will come to an end for the construction industry.

    Everyone will suffer for this. Council tax will go north again. Sunak is a squeezing pipsqueaking cunt.

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