Criminals and their Astral Signs

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Just a quick Nom here.

Turns out that when naming supervillains the most important thing is not their rap sheet but yes you’ve guessed it….

Their astrological star sign. For example is your serial killer a Sagittarius or a Leo? Why the fuck would you put this on a website?

News Link

The most curious thing was one entry on there, about number 7, it just shows him as an occupation (of murderer) and mirrors a collection card. I guess they just couldn’t be fucked or it was a racial hate crime if they said anymore. But at least we know he’s a Gemini.

Is it because Russell Grant is going to do the parole hearing? When Dennis Pennis was gonna interview him, it got cancelled. Apparently he was going to say ‘can you read palms?’, Dennis knew the pompous tub ‘o’ lard was going to say ‘of course I can read palms’. So Dennis unfurls his hand and said ‘read this then’. It said (on his hand) FUCK OFF YOU FAT CNUT.

Now all would have been fine, but channel 4 pulled it because CNUT would cause people to ‘misspell words’. WTF Americans do it all the time. CUNTS!

Nominated by: Get Fucked Woke Cunts

81 thoughts on “Criminals and their Astral Signs”

  1. ‘Can I ask you a personal question?’ If it came from an attractive woman my heart would lift that she really was fascinated by me. ‘Yes, of course’
    ‘What star sign are you?’
    Ffs.
    Sunk.

  3. John Wayne Gacy. Nice bloke. Made you feel so welcome you never wanted to leave.

    Ed Gein. Don’t let him introduce you to his mother.

    Ted Bundy. Take the fucking bus.

      • Shouldn’t ave and it wasn’t funny just random shit I typed to quickly MNC . Cunt me in return I will take my punching punishments with your blessing

      • Thanks, 🤝 I just recovered from the anxiety attack
        Don’t no where the cunt came from ,but it took hold
        Normal service will return after a short rest with nurse Ratchet
        I don’t take meds , she’ll tell me ,that’s the problem you fucker

      • I’m a Taurus.

        Same as Hitler, Saddam and Susan Atkins (nice legs).

        Also happen to have been Stalin in my previous life, but that’s not important right now.

      • Taurus , Hebrew first letter in the language Aleph
        It’s old nearly as old as time as we know it
        You wouldn’t be bullin now RTC would Ja

      • Cold tonight, isn’t it Mecuntry? Am thinking of putting on the central heating. Give the wife a treat.

      • Cold? Where do you live? Antarctica?
        It’s mild, I’m toasty, thermostat is set for 19, plenty warm enough.

      • Ive put on a warm t-shirt.
        Probably stop wearing shorts by the end of the month.

  7. I wonder if pirate Benjamin Hornigold is an ancestor of Ruff and if Creampuff Manor was built with his ill gotten-gains of Spanish booty?

    • Ruff made his money in vinyl LL.
      He had a record shop,
      Think of a clean shaven Richard Branson!
      Cashed in big time during the Bay City Rollers craze then again during the birdy song craze.
      How he met lady creampuff.
      She was a young student window shopping,
      He was in a bird costume doing the birdy dance as a promotional.
      Its was played at their wedding.

  9. Most criminals are Coloureds and most serial killers are The Gays….I’d be terrified if a homosexual Sooty rang up and whispered ” Oooh,Ducky..me see yo honky ass innit” down the line.

  10. I think that’s where Boris gets his policies on net zero, consults his astrologist, the silly green cunt 😂
    The corporate cunts will now be asking employees to declare star sign as well as pronoun, it’s a V sign to both 😂

    • Russell Grant is his new climate change minister, consulting the stars to answers on new technology that hasn’t been invented yet before we reach net zero.

      • I liked that Justin Topper,
        Sort of a blonde Emo Phillips?
        Is astrology a science or sorcery?
        Or just bollocks?
        Dont think its as precise as reading tealeaves ..

      • I watched some of the shit show today, it’s a bunch of third world shysters collecting bank details 😂

  11. Why is Tommy Robinson on that list? He isn’t a criminal, he a truth crusader.

    • Or Jack the Ripper.

      He was a social worker, and prominent member of the royal family to boot! Plus they’ve got his birthday wrong.

  12. “Their astrological star sign…. Why the fuck would you put this on a website?”

    Possibly because the website in question is dedicated to the birth dates of famous cunts. Just a thought.

    • Yes, just as well put if they were right or left handed, totally irrelevant.
      In the mini biographies, they could have put stuff like, IDK, likes red jelly babies, stuff like that.
      Mind you, if they’d put has six toes on left foot I’d think “what, another cunt from Barnsley?”

      • Trivia on murderous types!
        Ted Bundy parted his hair on the right whereas Dennis Neilson preferred a parting on the left.
        Charles Manson won the beach hula hoop championship in 1963.
        Levi Bellfield never ate the coffee ones in a bag of Revels.
        Ffs.

      • They also failed to mention that Gary Gilmore and his eyes parted company.

        Or that Jayne Mansfield parted with her head. They did however include the fact that Clive had the job of retrieving lobsters from her arsehole. A sweet, sensitive girl.

      • What house were you born in Miserable? No, not the one in Stockport the house in the heavens?

      • Evening Miles,
        ♈ Aries.
        The best of the Zodiac.
        I wouldn’t be anything else!!😁

      • As a ram, do you get a lot of Peacefuls attempting to insert their throbbing grîstles up your anus, Miserable?

      • Oh that?
        Yes, all the time!
        Figured it was my long ashes and pert arse?!!
        Never considered it was my zodiac sign!!

    • Bet you sport a beard as well Mis just to entice em
      The ram am dam lot of em
      I’m not goating around

      • I do sport a beard Mecuntry,
        A big massive bushy one!
        But not to entice carpet kissers.
        My natural animal magnetism sees to that, plus the fact im devilishly handsome.
        Your a bit of a cheeky cunt tonight aren’t you?
        😂

      • I’m sure once one can look beyond the goti that has now gone bushy, they will recognize that your a whitey possibly if you wash yourself after a days drivin around the hood
        Just don’t take to much sun or you could be mistaken for a headline on the 9 o’clock news
        I’m just sayin like
        Handsome and all won’t woke away with it

  13. Astrology … hmmm Mystic Meg … was that a bloke? She was that daft bint with the crystal ball or we call it the ‘catastroscope’. She’d have seen right through them serial killers I bet.

  14. More fucking nonsense superstitious drivel.
    How the fuck did mankind manage to crawl out of the primeval swamp is fucking beyond me.

    • We will all be back there soon, we’ll, maybe not but a bit closer to it.
      After me, Al is at the bar!

  15. Dennis Penis was genious. Asking Jeffrey Archer a confusing question and then following him as he stormed off with his microphone right on his arse was fucking hilarious. (Even my tory dad laughed his bollocks off)His best one was at the Madonna press conference for her shit book Sex which was another bullshit load of semi naked photos of the cunt . “Are you planning to bring out a book of pictures of your inner organs” The confused look on her face was a picture.

  16. Love the fact Mark Thatcher is ranked no.14.

    I am verily surprised that his mum isn’t in there somewhere, along with Orville the Duck and Cuddles the Monkey.

  17. Scorpions, to much pride
    The ability to see the end of ones demise ,cause of pride
    Have experience with the brother and having to stop
    I don’t believe in the stars so much but I’m not so sure either

    They the scorpions are about themselves
    If any Scorpions on ISAC are affected and need help or counseling , I will set up a help line later,
    The number you need to dial will be O

  19. Is Russell Grant dead?
    Or just on jobseekers allowance?
    Camp wasn’t he?
    An fat.
    Proper fat.
    Corpulent even.
    Wonder how he got into being a soothsayer?
    A conduit to the mysteries of the universe!
    The butterball little ducky fuck.

    • Imagine a shy, retiring lad like yourself, being given a doctored pint of beer and waking up in a strange bed, as the meat in a Russell Grant-Christopher Biggins sandwich 😢

      Make sure you only accept bottled ale at Lord Fiddlers Christmas shindig-watch him open it and DONT leave it unattended 😉

      • 😀😀
        Jesus!
        Biggins and Grant botty bandits.
        Least after the ordeal theyd probably have some decent biscuits?
        Fat cunts always do.

  20. Off topic. Some good news for once 4 year old Cleo Smith has been found alive and well by West Australian police after being abducted 3 weeks ago. Too bad the monster that took her didn’t have an accident on the way to the paddy wagon.

  21. Astrology, star signs, all hocus pocus mumbo jumbo.
    Science is where it’s at. It’s science that really floats my boat, and don’t get me started on particle physics because that gives me a Hadron….

  22. There was a psychic event booked at the local pub, Wednesday next.
    But it had to be cancelled due to unforseen circumstances.
    Good evening.

    • Will you stream it Jack from another location,with the help from the more tech savvy . Just don’t cancel

  23. I went to a fortune teller once, she looked at my hands and said,
    ‘ Your future looks pretty black ‘
    I replied,
    ‘ Hang on, I’m still wearing my gloves ‘
    Get To Fuck.

  24. Hi
    I’m Peter
    Gemini
    I drive a lorry
    I like wanking on dying women
    Float
    Float on.

    • Never got the “true crime” buzz myself
      Having read those mags in the late 70’s
      I still don’t why
      Women kind of like it though , the murderers without reason

      Makes me think some of the time🤭

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