Cow Farts (are killing the planet)

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I nominate cow farts (demonization of).

No doubt everyone is aware that there is a war on meat and livestock being waged by the usual suspects of Extinction Rebellion, Animal Rebellion and various other militant vegan groups.

Their agenda is to ban the consumption of meat but they use the climate angle as justification.

Their argument goes that cow farts are mostly methane, methane is a potent greenhouse gas (the argument usually goes that it’s something like 1500 times more potent than CO2) and there are too many cows, so obviously we must stop eating meat and dairy products forthwith to ‘save the planet’. A secondary argument is that pasture raised meat consumes many resources that could be used growing more ‘sustainable’ crops.

Should you encounter one of these yoghurt knitters here are some counterpoints to use against this bullshit (pun intended).

Firstly, the Earth is very large. Take a look at Google Earth/Maps or preferably a free alternative in night mode. All cities combined take up a pretty insignificant amount of the total land area. The land is mostly covered with deserts, tundra, forests or grasslands. There are still vast grasslands, the African Savanah, the Russian and Mongolian Steppes, the American Prairies, Argentinian Pampas etc. By no means all of them converted to arable crops. So there’s plenty of unused grasslands on which to graze animals still, and this area is growing due to the global greening that’s happening thanks to the plant food that is carbon dioxide, the atmospheric concentration of which is increasing.

Ruminant animals have evolved and adapted to eat grass in a way humans haven’t. This is why there were historically millions of Bison on the North American prairies, and wildebeest on the African Savanah. We can eat some domesticated grass seeds, but even those can make us sick from maladaptation, e.g. from gluten in wheat. In reductionist terms a cow can be regarded as an automated machine for roaming grasslands converting grass, which we can’t eat, into concentrated fats and proteins that we can.

But what about the farts? A cows stomach is a miracle of evolution with multiple chambers specialized to extract the maximum nutrients from a dispersed, low nutrient density food. This miracle is achieved by bacterial colonies in the gut which ferment the ingested grass. A by product of the fermentation is methane, which is vented as farts. So what would happen if cows weren’t grazing on the grass, would there be less methane?

No.

Ultimately everything living dies off, grass being no exception. What happens to it if it’s not eaten? It decays on the ground by the action of bacteria, which produces methane. So whether its eaten by a cow or left to rot on the ground, some of its carbon gets turned into methane by bacteria. So what does it matter if the bacteria that eat it live on the ground or in a cows stomach if the result is the same? The difference is that in the latter case, we get milk, cheese, butter and steak into the bargain for the same amount of methane released.

As for the methane being such a potent greenhouse gas, it is rapidly oxidized in the atmosphere into, wait for it, carbon dioxide and the main greenhouse gas water vapour. So without cows the end result is the same amount of ‘greenhouse gases’ as with, except without the meat and dairy products.

Furthermore, the meat of pasture raised cattle has more nutrients by virtue of eating green grass. Certain vitamins for example are synthesized in their guts from the chlorophyll pigment in the grass, so their meat is better for you.

What if we turned the pasture over to arable crops though? Wouldn’t that use less resources and produce less methane? Nope, a grazing cow is a highly efficient machine for extracting and concentrating nutrients and energy from grass. If we used the land instead to grow something like soybeans, the cow farts would just be replaced by human farts.

So fire up the barbie and get grilling with a clear conscience. Maybe even throw a few vegans on it, the cunts.

Nominated by: Berkshire Huntmaster

60 thoughts on “Cow Farts (are killing the planet)”

  1. Wel explained, and a good cunting. These vegan cunts boil my piss, they pontificate on about eating meat then devour plant that have been flown around the world to substitute their meagre diets. Almonds, sweet potatoes, chick peas avocados et al. All staples of the wholewheat sandal brigade. Duplicitous cunts.

  2. Cows are a fucking menace. Their farts are horrendous. The telly is stuffed full of bovine cunts talking shit. It is a real problem. Then there are the cows lying around in the road trying to stop traffic to make us get insulated.. They are everywhere I tell you.

  4. It’s just people with a vendetta against farmers who peddle or believe crap like this, like Monibiot, who shed wealthy crocodile tears while talking about his offsprings futures, don’t worry George they’ll enjoy an equally privileged life as you have you boss eyed cunt, and Marxist agitators known as vegans (for the animals of course), who’s thinly veiled righteousness is as benign as their views (never see them outside halal establishments do you, martyrdom is too far for Soylent cunts)

    an excellent cunting BH, and welcome to ISAC

  5. We need to do a Michael Barrymore and get a few gerbil tubes up in and harvest it. Bring down those energy bills.

  6. Humans breath and produce CO2, the more humans the more CO2, to combat this the human race needs to reduced, having less humans in the world would combat everything linked to climate change, less resources needed, less cows, in fact as humans are at the top of the food chain having less would allow other species to thrive. If most of the Africans were culled there would be more Rhino, Elephants, Lions.

    You know it makes sense, start with Muslims, followed by Blacks, followed by the Woke of all colours.
    Save the cows, save the planet.

  8. These treehugging vegan bastards should get a whiff of my methane. Tie them down and let me fart in their faces and they’ll soon stop worrying about fucking cows.
    If, after a skinful of Guinness, I accidentally follow through and it splashes all over them we can accuse them of doing blackface the racist cunts. That will keep them of soshul meeja for a while the soppy little wankers.

    • That would be hilarious, a full on follow through Guinness black liquid under pressure shit. Puts a whole new meaning to a facial

  9. Lovely shot BH.
    Vegans are cunts.
    I very much enjoy a wide variety of meats.
    So the Lentil Warriors can fuck right off.

  10. Excellent cunting.
    As far as I can see, the only real solution to Ma Earth’s problems is about three billion fewer people.
    Trouble is, overpopulation is the giant fucking elephant in the corner that no one wants to talk about, never mind tackle. meanwhile, the population explosion continues across Africa and Asia.

    • Wipe out the Serengeti of its 6 million farting beasts, eliminate 2 million farting camels , then as you suggest, eliminate 3 billion from the subcontinent of whinging cricket players, and another 2 from Africuntus

  11. I like to do my bit to stop methane being released into the atmosphere by lighting my farts as they break surface while I have a bath…if everyone was as “blue-sky” thinking as me, the problem would be all but solved…apart from The Curry Munchers who don’t bathe,of course…still,at least a good deep bath might catch out a good few non-swimming Sooties so that’ll make up for it,I suppose.

  12. There must have been a lot of farming mammoths to thaw out the ice age!! Or was naturally occurring climate change?? Heresy they shout, we only go back to where BRITAIN started burning coal.

    • I always knew it was the cows’ fault. Set of bastards, them cows. I fucked one once (the two-legged variety). Standing around chewing. Fucking waste of space. Should be shot.

  13. Excellent, informative cunting.
    To continue the science, methane is odourless. The foul smell of a fart is due to hydrogen sulphide, which generally accounts for about 1% of a human fart. The one exception to this is sanctimonious vegan fart, which is 100% H2S and is excreted from the mouth during speech.
    I honestly don’t know if a ruminant fart contains H2S. Perhaps Professor Huntmaster could tell us.

    • Quite right Geordie and anyway, I think it is the ruminants’ belching that is held as being the source of this methane. As regards your claim that vegans excrete much H2S from their mouths – I have generally found that just about everything that comes out of a vegan’s mouth is crap – sanctimonious fuckers.
      Smuggs is also right about the gigantic herds of ‘cattle’ that roamed the planet for millenia. And have you ever thought about the millions (literally millions), tons of beef that roam the African plains today? Why the fuck is there so much ‘famine’ in Africa. Get out on the savanah and grab a ‘burger , lazy fucks.
      And all this meat going to waste brings me to Ron’s claim. I just don’t believe that the planet is over-populated – it’s just that every fucker wants to live in the same places!!!!!!! There’s plenty of room – see Huntmaster’s point, but not if everybody wants to live in one place. And before anyone counters with the point that not all areas are hospitable – don’t forget that less than two hundred years ago, the greater Las Vegas area was just a wilderness desert.
      Finally, good cunting Huntmaster, all your reasoning is absolutely spot on. But don’t expect the tree-hugging twats of this world to understand it, it will be beyond their mental capability.

    • My understanding is that the H2S is generated by certain bacteria from sulphur containing foods. Beans and legumes have quite a bit of sulphur in them, hence the association with the rank emissions of their devotees.

  14. Gigantic herds of cattle in the form of Bison etc have roamed this planet long before “climate change”.

  15. I think “Processing plants for immos” should be sited near dairy and cattle farms to make use of the methane for painless euthanasia of the useless cunts, and firing the ovens.
    Greta Thunderbox looks like she’s caught a whiff of her own botty burps. Stupid mong.

    • Bugger that, put them in the middle of pig farms. I fail to see why we should make life pleasant for the grasping cunts.

  16. Try rationing with the cunts??? Just ask them for directions to the nearest McDonalds (still waiting for the complaint for that one, asking from the attendant seat of an NHS ambulance probably wasn’t one of my best moves), for maximum comedy effect or just tell ’em to “Fuck Off”.

  17. Brilliant cunting!
    As a carnivore I will use select content from this nom to wipe the floor with any cunts who confront me.
    In truth most of my fellow Americans could be classified as scavengers the way they eat.

  19. I was in town with the missus, I was hungry and she needed the toilet so we went into a restaurant.
    I got a drink and had a look at the menu while she went to the loo.
    Little while later the waitress comes over with her pad and pen and asks, “Can I take your order..?”
    I said, “I’d like the patè to start and then I’ll have the rib eye, but my wife has just nipped off to use the ladies.”
    She said, “Any idea what your wife is having.?”
    I said, “Well she’s been gone about ten minutes, so probably a shit”….

  20. It’s not the cows. It’s me.

    I have one particularly farty arse and so does my dog. Have had since I was a kid and it has gotten worse as I get older.

    Personally, I blame it on my largely vegan diet of beer, beer and more beer.

    The hole in the ozone layer was nothing to do with CFCs, it was me and my arse after a lentil Dahl and a brace of onion bhajis.

    If god hadn’t intended us to eat cows, he wouldn’t have made them so damn tasty.

    I just wanted to be clear on that.

  21. I hate vegans. Vegetarians I can happily co exist with, as they rarely if ever moan about meat eaters, and are happy with dairy, and fish most of the time. No problem whatsoever.
    But vegans? Cunts always. Have you smelt a vegans fart? It’s just as rank and full bodied as any carnivore. The fucking vegan in work with me has his morning shit, and the toilet is unusable for at least 45 minutes. He’s a vegan by cuckoldry, as his girlfriend radicalised him with peta slaughterhouse video porn. Now he’s as joyless as his partner, and virtually friendless too.
    I love meat, but could cut down significantly if it becomes too expensive, but a life without butter, milk, and especially cheese! Pass me the noose….

      • I don’t think anyone has ever asked another human being if they are vegan, as they will tell you that they are before they tell you their name.
        Which I think is fine, as it saves a bit of time as you can loathe them from the off.

      • Never actually met a vegan, me. Probably cos most of them live in Northumberland (allegedly). I was hoping to meet one at Fiddler’s Xmas party, but I’ve bin disinvited for some reason.

  22. This country is clearly experiencing unprecedented levels of eating disorders amongst young women.
    Last night I walked past the local bulimia clinic and the place was fuckin’ heaving….

  23. In addition to meat and dairy products, cattle can provide something else of value. A perfectly circular, sun-dried cow pat makes an ideal frisby.

  24. Fact:- Flabbott is solely responsible for 50% of the methane emissions in the Westminster area of London.

  26. I would be interested to know what the water usage, land usage, pesticide and fertiliser usage and carbon footprint is for growing stuff abroad then transporting it to Waitrose and Pret a Manger to be consumed by grey skinned sanctimonious skeletons – because they seem a little reluctant to eat ANYTHING grown in the UK – and I presume these holier than thou hypocrites do not wear leather shoes or use any products associated with animals?
    And what the carbon footprint is for going to the vegan supermarket, stopping off for an hour on the way there and back with the engine of the Range Rover running to shout at passers by who may not be aware of the killer cows and their duplicitous plans for intestinal evil.
    Then working what percentage more plants grow over an average acre when fertilised with cow manure instead of unicorn tears. (I refuse to use “Hectares” – they are clearly the work of communists!)

  27. … ain’t nuffin’ to do with the cows. It’s the people … the ones that make money out of cows and those that are so weak willed that they feel the need to eat too much meat more often than is required or necessary. The advertising agencies and the food lobby … definite cunts. Reduce the world’s population and by proportion you can get reductions in the shit that fucks the planet. But seems we’re gonna increase the world pop by fifty percent but measure the baseline of planetary issues from today’s figures … LOL. You wouldn’t want to be one of them millennials or the Z gen wankers … cos you all gonna die … like horribly 😃

  28. Talking of cow farts, I bet a lot of damage is done to both enviroment and nostrils whenever AnalEase Dodds or Yvette “Sugartits” Cooper drop one – Sugartits no doubt produces silent but lethal farts but you can be sure the ripe ones of AnalEase cut deep into the fat. Imagine being in the wimminz HoC bogs – the “natural” smells, the eructations and the Preparation H must make a farmyard smell like a rose gatrden

  29. A fine cunting.
    I wasn’t too bothered about cows arse output given that no one wants to do anything about the ever increasing population. If they can’t be bothered to address that elephant in the room, they can fuck right off with restricting my beef input.
    I’m surprised about the grass emitting as much methane even if there are no cows around; maybe the vegans figured on concreting it all over.

  30. If overpopulation is the problem then it’s worth remembering what that nice Bill Oddie said about stopping white people from breeding.
    The BBC cunt…

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