Vegan Meat

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Vegan meat, I’d suggest this is worthy of an almighty cunting.

Seriously, what the fuck is it? I’ve seen ads and products for vegan beef, lamb and chicken. The one thing it definitely is NOT is either beef, lamb or chicken. Surely even the association of any meat based noun would be enough to turn the average vegan into a tailspin of self righteous vitriol.

Not only that, surely it breaks all types of consumer rules. Can you imagine a producer selling a real chicken curry that contains absolutely no chicken at all (though many have come very close to doing just that).

I suggest they come up with new labels such as sanctimonious, smug and pious. That would mean they could remove the ‘vegan’ descriptor and maybe even house the entire range within a supermarket aisle named something like ‘superior’ to keep the precious little snowflakes in their holier than thou state of mind.

Nominated by: Bellendiousmaximus

(More info here. Day Admin – Vegan Meat)

94 thoughts on “Vegan Meat”

  1. There are those of us who have had unfortunate health conditions thrust upon us, where we have had to cut meat out of our diets.
    For example people with heart conditions, high cholesterol, gall bladder removal, etc.
    I fall into the gall bladder removal category.
    I still eat fish but not meat.
    To be honest, when I wash the pots and see the fat and grease left over from when the others have had a meat dish, I think to myself that muck was going in me and clogging my arteries
    Heart disease is rife in our family so hopefully slowed that down.
    I won’t eat vegan meat though.
    For example, Asda’s plant based bacon looks the same colour as the bacon shaped rock you get at the seaside.
    Unnatural and brightly coloured.
    It might taste fine, but I don’t want to waste an extortionate amount of money to find out.
    The Asda plant based chicken kievs are surprisingly tasty, as are Quorn sausages.
    Each to their own.

    • Fair do, Andy. Some vegan ” sausage” rolls are tastier than meat filled ones.

      • Never tried them JP.
        To be honest, a bit scared to try all this alternative to meat stuff.
        Some I tried s while back and it was expensive and vile.
        I love chicken and miss sweet and sour chicken terribly.
        I also miss a good steak, potato hash, stews, etc.

    • Think you missed the point here Andy. The cunting was about calling stuff MEAT when it isn’t! You’ve just come very close to getting a cunting yourself!

    • vegan meat, soy, fungus, salt and fat.

      Terrible carbon footprint at least 8x bigger than pork and lamb lb for lb (yes Brussels get fucked ImpErIAL rules).

      Yet Vegans lecture normies about their murdering ways and raping of the environment. Erm (Me to Vegans) the Maths said you’re total wasteful cunts.

      Their response RACIST, FASCIST, etc..

      My response, ‘So when you’re downing a bucket of nutella, you know that’s palm oil and chemicals’, …’and that you’re murdering Orangutans?’.
      (Palm oil is why Borneo Rainforest is cleared to make nutella for these cretins).

      Yes Cretinism is well deserved because without meat and fish and eggs etc. You get no B vitamins. (They say they take supplements) These are useless as all the cardboard and crap they eat prevents absorption.

      Result ‘brain fog’ retarded unclear thinking and generally looking ill; and has the side effects of severe lecturing.

      Fascinating science isn’t it?

      Anyhow I’m sure instagram, facebook and snap chat has an answer for everything for the pro vegans. Cunts!!!

    • You sound like you’ve had your fair share! Leave the grease and heart clogging shit to the rest of us who haven’t! Don’t want to be insensitive but you only did half the job?

      Death by meat possibly with the help of the accompanying red wine is an honorable way to go!

      • “Don’t want to be insensitive but you only did half the job?”

        Since when was wishing someone dead not classed insensitive.

        Fucking troll.

      • Gallbladder removal… You see thats the thing I don’t understand Andy@ Why are doctors so stubbornly adamant in removing gallbladders They have horrible treatment options

        What seems to be the problem? “Oh a bit of pain and discomfort in my upper left chest area” Alright I see what the problem is looking at the X-rays we’ll set up a surgery an cut that sucker right outta you

        I’ve had some good vegan burgers but I haven’t had a single plant based mock chicken that didn’t taste like chewy overspiced cardboard

      • I am in agreement with you TS.
        The doctors scan you, tell you you have loads of stones and the gall bladder has to come out.
        Because apparently once you have stones, they reoccur even with a change in diet, causing potential obstruction in the bile duct.
        Yet I have read they can blast the stones with X rays.
        Apparently the docs know best but there must be an alternative solution

        As for vegan burgers.
        Not tried one yet where I took a bite and threw it!
        Trial and error.

  2. Vegan meat is an oxymoron, and vegans who buy into the concept are also morons.
    It’s always puzzled me why on earth anyone who wants to avoid meat would purchase something that looks like meat.

    • I have worked in the leather industry for a very long time and the phrase vegan leather has appeared over the last 10 years or so. The leather industry has been based on using the by-products of the meat industry, apart from a few exotic Leathers, such as Crocodile or Ostrich, no animal is raised for its’ skin.
      I would sue on the use of the word leather to describe a plant based material which, because it has insufficient tear strength, needs an oil based backing material laminated to it. The life expectancy of such material is limited and therefore ends up as little plastic pieces floating around the ocean.
      The alternative to using hides to make durable,aesthetically pleasing and useful products would be to tip them into landfill.

  3. They can eat what the fuck they like as far as i’m concerned I just don’t want a fucking lecture about it. See those cunts sitting in the road with their orange vests on?…….I bet every single one of those self righteous bastards is a fucking vegan. Cunts, the lot of them.

  4. Just another example of the clown world we are now living in.

    I bet Sir Kweer Starmer believes in this fuckwittery.

    Do hotdogs have cervixes? I think we should be told.

    • Do Owen Jones and Eddie Izzard only stick vegan hot dogs up their arse? It seems an unnecessary expense to me……..unless you are going to eat them afterwards.

    • I daresay hotdogs/saveloys are made from many parts of many animals including cervixes as well as the traditional lips, tits and arseholes also any roaches and rats that fell into the mixing vat.

  5. I have an open mind on this. As you know, I am not a knit-your-own muesli, live on lentils and fart in the newsagents while collecting today’s copy of the Guardian (we have a very small newsagents shop), Angela is my hero leftie communist bumsucker, but I have some sympathy for people who don’t like the idea of poorly run slaughterhouses (I’d suggest a short course of Farming Today Wireless 4s 0545 programme each weekday, to really appal you), and only last week I read in my Telegraph of an isolated case of Mad Cow Disease found in Somerset. It has otherwise gone very quiet elsewhere.

    All that said “vegan meat” reminds me of those sweet cigarettes you could but in my childhood, a white (too white) tube of something with a little red blob on the end to simulate a lighted cigarette. They would appal the health fascists these days who would plead they encourage smoking in 5 year olds. I seem to remember you could also buy liquorice pipes based on the same principle, but I’ll leave it there – with old age comes anec-doteage.

    In short, if they want it, let them have it.

  6. I’m a meat minimalist – I haven’t eaten meat in over seven years, it was my choice and with the exception of close family, nobody knows that (except for you lot!). I see nothing wrong with plant based burgers, sausages and the likes – nobody is forcing anyone to eat them. I think products like “No Bull burgers” as manufactured by the “No meat company” make it fairly clear what they are – they also don’t contain bongy bits and don’t leave and oil slick of fat on your cooking utensils. Who is really being sanctimonious, smug and pious here? Maybe meat eaters ought to use descriptions like ‘flesh’,
    ‘dead animal’, ‘offal’, ‘blood’, ‘ground up lamb/pig/cow’ etc. on product packaging to avoid any confusion? The majority of vegetarians aren’t f*cking vegans!!

    • “Mangled cattle” – that’s what we used to call beef mince when I was a boy.

  7. I’ve never seen an animal called a Vegan so I have to wonder where this “vegan meat” comes from. Perhaps Vegans are animals found on Venus?

  8. Meat? Veg? It all depends how it identifies. Why shouldn’t ordinary sprouts be conflicted just like the ‘educated’ vegetables at university?

    Good morning everyone.

  9. It’s not the “vegan meat” that bothers me….more the type of Cunt who eats it between bouts of sanctimonious,pop-eyed,dull bleating at anyone who doesn’t bow down before their self-righteous,although usually ill-informed,sermons.

    Eat what you like, just spare us the pontificating lectures.

    • PS

      Most vegans stink worse than a sun-bloated, week-dead heifer’s corpse gas.

      • Morning Dick.

        You’ve clearly had much experience of vegans. I’ve never actually met one – presumably they’re ubiquitous in Northumberland?

      • I have actually…a lot of Northumbrian villages have suffered from an influx of the “middle-class” vegan types.. “executive style,Country-living” Barratt-box developments. There are also the hippy-type vegans who live an alternative lifestyle out in the wilds.
        I have encountered both types over the years plus a couple of the “Uni” lads who have worked for me over the years were Vegans ( until I discovered their dirty little secret and finished them obviously)

        You’d be surprised at the people I know,RTC.

      • @RTC
        You’ve never met a Vegan?…How extraordinary.

        Do you suffer from some medical condition that prevents you from meeting people ?

      • Is your medical condition anything to do with body odour problems?….Change your diet to a less veggie-based and more meat-based intake….that’ll help.

      • “Meeting People” has something to do with your claim to have never met a Vegan,eh? To have never met a vegan means that you must live a very isolated life….they’re vegans,not fucking Unicorns…I was trying to get to the bottom of the reason for your lonely existence

        It’s not rocket science.

      • What “medical condition”? And why are you being so defensive?

        (Why don’t you and Dick meat (ha!) up at his palatial grounds and have a duel of pork swords or something! – Day Admin)

      • I’m hardly being defensive…offensive if anything.

        The “medical condition” question was merely an attempt to understand how you have managed to never meet a vegan in your entire life…it’s a bold claim,isn’t it?

      • If I have met a vegan, he /she /they /it did not inform me of their culinary preference.

        I’ve known a few vegetarians though. My next door neighbour is a vegetarian.

      • Well then I must accept your claim to have never met a Vegan because if you had,they would have told you within 2 minutes.

        You obviously lead a charmed life.. free of odour causing ailments that prevent you from mixing with the average cross-section of society.

      • Of course they are…….and treehuggers, remoaners, immo lovers, Peaceful lovers, poofs, trannies , they’re all the same bunch of lefty, fake commie posho wankers who love the fucking BBC. ( especially if they “work” for them) Burn them all I say!

      • I tried a veggie burger,
        It was surprisingly nice.
        And a veggie pastie,
        Sort of like sage&onion stuffing?
        Dunno if these were vegan meat?
        Not really arsed.
        But they were tasty enough.
        Obviously not as good as a Hollands meat& potato pie but I didn’t spew up either.

        Eat what the fuck you like
        Personal choice.

      • In fact ive had quite a bit of vegan food when I think of it!!
        Veg soup
        Chips
        Onion rings
        Wafer thin ham
        Fried egg
        Mash
        All lovely!!

        Well done vegans!👍

      • I see a load of vegans buying chicken still. They must blame that one on their non existent dog.

      • @MNC

        You say “personal choice” but give it time and you’ll be press ganged into eating vegan.

        Am just waiting for Boris and his Princess NutJob to declare NetZero Meat by 2030, and that we must all change our eating habits in order to save the world, and in particular that other nutjob, St Greta of Thunderbirds – I bet she’s gagging for some meat now she’s turned 18!

        (Funny you should mention old Greta “I did it my way” Thunderbollocks. Watch this space – Day Admin)

      • Morning Techno.
        Im not convinced.
        I think they tried that theyd be in serious trouble.
        Their favourite pets also eat meat.
        The umbongos eat bush meat
        Stanleys like chicken, lamb,
        Chinkys will eat anything from bats to worms .
        I think they tried that theyd be in serious trouble.
        Id fill my garden with chickens,
        Maybe a goat?
        A easy accessable meal and sexual partner!!

      • I think you’re right Techno.
        And they have started by appealing to the mob who like processed ready meals and frozen stuff which contains a percentage of meat from random parts of animals. This stuff is often of such poor quality that it could be replaced by the vegan packaged crap and they’d hardly notice the difference.

    • PPPS

      The expectation that people should provide a vegan alternative when hosting a meal is ridiculous…..I bet the swivel-eyed loons wouldn’t cook me a steak so no fucking way would I provide a fucking tofu-burger for them.

      • ….not that I’d ever let a vegan over the thresh anyhow.

        (Any more PPPPPPPS’s you’d like to add, Dick? – Day Admin)

      • @Admin….I’ve had to stop because I don’t know what comes after PPPS.

    • @RTC
      You’ve never met a Vegan?…How extraordinary.

      Do you suffer from some medical condition that prevents you from meeting people ?

      • “St Greta of Thunderbirds – I bet she’s gagging for some meat now she’s turned 18!”

        I am sure she’d like a nice big hot dog stuffed in her gob. Might shut her up for half an hour.

  10. Vegans can do whatever they want, other than feeding their pets on vegan food.

    Moreover, when they go on one of their protest marches and storming into a KFC or a McDonalds’ why don’t they try some eateries that practice halal or kosher, and see what kind of welcoming they get!

  11. For the people who dont eat meat on moral grounds I would have thought they wouldn’t want anything to do with the word ‘meat’. I thought that the word itself ‘meat’ (with all its connotations of the slaughterhouse) would turn them away in disgust, sickened to the stomach.

    • ‘sanctimonious, smug and pious’

      I am so partial to a pious vegegtable pie. The aroma is so sanctimonious. Full of smugness it is.

      Delicious.

  13. The vegan “meats” can be alright. Some I have had I’ve questioned whether I’ve actually ate the real deal as the taste and texture was too similar to actual animal products. I’m vegan purely from an allergies stand point. I’m more than happy for you to eat anything you want and the smell of fat rendering on a massive steak still has me salivating.

  15. I don’t think that you could get away with advertising a fruit pie that contained pork, so I understand the cunting.

    TV ads also give the idea that vegan meals are more healthy.
    They are no more healthy than a diet that is based exclusively on meat.

    Balance is the key.

    Vegans think that they are saving the poor animals.
    They are not.
    If people did not eat meat then there would be no more farm animals.
    Farmers would have no reason to rear them.

    I have no problem with being top of the food chain.
    It does not embarrass me at all.

    But we have a responsibility to treat animals correctly.
    Halal and Kosher practices should be banned.

  16. I don’t get the fact they don’t want to eat meat but still want to eat something that tastes like meat.

    • I can see it. I have eaten meat all of my life and love it. However, I suspect that if I were to see the workings of an abattoir I would likely be put off the idea. If at some stage my concern for the welfare of animals overcame my liking of meat products I think I could be persuaded to probably become vegetarian, not vegan. If that was the case I would be on the lookout for stuff that tasted like, and ideally had the texture of, meat. I’m not aware of anything so far that fulfils the criteria and the stuff I have tried has been overpriced and unsatisfying. There is also soya protein stuff that tastes ok but always makes me feel like the roof of my mouth has been laminated with something.

  17. I’m not a vegan. I eat vegetables because I like them, accompanied by a healthy portion of meat.
    Quite frankly, I’d field dress and pan fry a baby panda, if I thought it would taste good.
    Unfortunately, these days, I’d have to borrow someone else’s teeth to chew a steak.

  18. Back on nom:
    Describing a plant based product as tasting like the particular meat product it is a substitution for, is like claiming a blow up doll is like fucking a real wimminz.

    Fucking delusional 🤔

  19. Its a marketing abomination. Plant based burgers, hot dogs and chicken nuggets are processed junk; they must be trying to appeal to the take away morons.

    ‘Vegan meat’; two words that don’t go together unless you’re a marketing cunt.

  20. I miss Landline’s (Oz version of countyfile) Kerry Lonergan’s rants against fake meat, nut water milk and pineapple leather in defense of pastoralists. However unfortunately the woketards got him cancelled, bet none of the cunts have ever been to a farm let alone worked a day on one.

  21. I’m only put out when shops start stocking vegan meat in lieu of the real deal.

    Never mind vegetables, a reliable source on YouTube tells me their grooming us for maggot burgers in the near future.

    • Maggots are a great source of protein. I’ve been surreptitiously mixing them in with the wife’s food for about a year now and she’s never seemed better. Might try them out on one of the cats next.

      • I remember reading recently that some cunt was advocating that we should introduce insects into our diet.
        I look forward to going down to Greggs to get a locust and onion pie or a stick insect roll. Yummy.

        Morning all.

      • They’re trying to get us into the Chinese way of eating so we’ll be less inclined to fight back when the CCP invade

      • Ruff:

        Years ago, I read an article about a man who has subsisted on a diet of mealworms, pulses and grains.
        He claimed to be happy and healthy.
        His photograph, accompanying the article, showed:

        -stick thin, pipe cleaner arms and neck
        -round “John Lennon” glasses
        -patchy bum fluff beard
        -pale

        Ergo: unhealthy looking cunt

      • I wonder if Mrs Stroker converted Willie to a bug diet? You don’t see too many fat Japs do you.

        Morning cunters.

      • Yes I can see it would be a great way to combat obesity; you’d starve rather than eat a fucking cockroach.

      • Willie’s a vegetarian, LL. I doubt even the redoubtable Mrs Stroker could bug him into eating bugs.

  22. Bill Gates said all nations should switch to synthetic beef! He invested in Impossible Foods, a company that makes fake meat. Here is the ingredient list for Impossible Food’s burger.

    Water, Soy Protein Concentrate, Coconut Oil, Sunflower Oil, Natural Flavors, 2% Or Less Of: Potato Protein, Methylcellulose, Yeast Extract, Cultured Dextrose, Food Starch Modified, Soy Leghemoglobin, Salt, Mixed Tocopherols (Antioxidant), Soy Protein Isolate

    Yeuch.

  24. Vegan meat, vegan bacon, vegan sausages, vegan cheese, and now vegan mince pies (?!!). It’s all shit and an utter abomination. The demented hipster libfuck cunts will be eating vegan eggs next. Absolute fucking madness.

    • You’re behind the times, Norm. Cadbury’s have been making vegan eggs for years!

      • Good point about Cadbury’s, Ruff. Another British institution ruined by corporate raiders and woke nutters.

        I dread the day there is a vegan Great British Breakfast. Vegan fried egg, vegan black pudding, and all fried with vegan lard.🤢

    • They probably gave “Vegan cocks”, Norm: looks a bit like the real thing but leaves consumers feeling disappointed 😉

      • It is funny, CG, how most vegans are wimmin. And the few vegans that are men are only vegans so they can get their end away with some vegan lefty tart.😉

  25. Having my 4th steak in a week later.

    Which reminds me. I’m running low on steaks so I’ll buy a few more.

    Vegans are loonies denying their nature.

    • I always get vegans and vulcans confused.
      Probably because neither has a sense of humour.

      Live long and prosper…🤘

  26. I am not against meat eaters at all.
    In fact I believe that if everyone stopped eating meat, we would be over run with animals.

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