UK Shortage of Bouncers

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Fellow Cunters, for your Cuntsideration:

UK Shortage of nightclub bouncers.

An, “Er’e John, dem trainers is casual-you is not coming’ in!” cunting please, for the shortage of doormen (and wimminz) in the post-Brexit apocalypse.

News Link

No doubt the fault, in no particular order of:

-Institutional racism, in the smacking the shit out of 8 stone drunks sector

-Brexit-meaning a shortage of assorted Olaf’s, Ivans or Dimitri’s to sell drugs and finger underage girls

-Transgenderism-poor, victimised wimminz, who formally played prop for the local mens rugby team, reduced to a tearful wreck, due to hurt words on Twatter, thus rendering them unable to crack skulls and “escort yoo Gentlemen, from da’ premises”.

More none news, industry victimhood.
CUNTS.

Nominated by: Cuntfinder General

60 thoughts on “UK Shortage of Bouncers”

  1. Rather than a shortage of bouncers I would think that there is a shortage of people that want to be bouncers.

    When people burst into tears about hurty words on Twitter they will not stand up too well to a bouncer.

    I can imagine that the police farce would be more than willing to prosecute a bouncer for even looking at someone the wrong way.

  2. Why would you want to be one, there’s always a cunt going to video a scene-when a bouncer is taken care of business
    They’d be up posted in social media in seconds
    Happened in my own town last weekend, bouncer got hit in the head with a drink glass , he duly fucked her out into the street and was filmed in the process
    Now what will be the take on that by some cunt solicitors

    • Even if there was the required numbers of bouncers, how long before it was decided that like every other industry, they were too white and male and not ‘diverse’ enough? Because all clubs need a 5ft non-binary two spirit Muslim vegan on their doors.

  3. I once worked with a with a prick that use to “work the doors” turned out he did it for free
    Yes he was a epic cunt

    • Agree I remember some fucking lunatic cunts for bouncers during the 80’s,they fucking loved their violence and cuntishness
      Some of the quieter ones were alright though, to give context

    • Yeah, God that’s right, you used to get monumental bell-ends who did bouncing for free! I remember one guy who did that, Jesus Christ he was a massive cunt who never shut the fuck up about how hard he was. He’s probably dead now, his mouth would have eventually led him into the wrong car park at 3am.

  5. I did enjoy the video footage from an Asda cctv camera yesterday, showing a young wannabe gangsta threatening the security guard with a knife, who gets laid out with one punch, then dragged out of the store like someone fly tipping a carpet.
    Probably upset that he couldn’t get a course book for his upcoming architectural exam. The cunt.

    • What about that massive spastic a few months back who dressed up as Spiderman in ASDA and kicked a worker in the face? I hope that cunt gets three years. There’s an America-like madness infesting Britain these days. Some of the out-of-control spastics you see in the most innocuous, mundane daytime situations is staggering

    • One of the many things that I love about this site.
      The fact that knife wielding immos are all architects.

      😂

      • Aspiring architects.

        They never live quite long enough to fulfil that dream.

        A bit like aspiring rappers.

  6. An old mate of mine was once training to be a bouncer years ago.

    I remember him telling me he’d started using the old steroids to bulk up but that he’d rather bizarrely “grown another cock”
    I said to him “you’ve started using steroids and you’ve grown another cock???”
    “yeah” he replied
    “anabolic?” I asked
    He said “Nah just a cock”

  7. A shortage of bouncers?
    What aisle would they be on in Asda, I’d better dash out and stock up.

  8. I think the latest spiking tactic is just clubs testing out sniper rifles with mini hypo needles, one concealed marksman ready to put down any cunt who gets out of line 😂

    • In the 80s they used to have some right fuckin loons working on the doors.
      There was a club in Stockport,
      Dead cheesy, played shite music, but had a really strict dress code.
      The bouncers were notorious.
      Theyd proper fuckin batter you.
      Then they threw some family man type down a flight of stairs putting the poor fucker in a coma.
      They started to get attention then.
      Was only a matter of time till theyd of killed someone for wearing trainers or something.

  9. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but my understanding regarding security staff ( bouncers) are that they are actually private contractors, for the most part and, as such, are not classed as employees.
    Due to hospitality venues being closed for months, I should imagine that loads of them went to work for delivery companies such as DPD, et al, as they’d get fuck all in terms of furlough, or any other kind of benefit.
    Who can blame them for sticking with the day job?

  10. I was in a queue for a club when a couple of blokes started arguing.
    One bloke pushed the other and shouted, “Nine, sixteen.”
    The other bloke retaliates and pushes him back and shouts, “Twenty five, thirty six.”
    Seeing that the bouncer grabs his walkie talkie and says, “I’m gonna need some help at the door, we’ve got a couple of blokes squaring up”….

  11. I haven’t been in a “club” for 20 plus years.
    Even back then, Eastern European’s & S’arfrkans made up most of the door staff.

    I once witnessed 3 Pie-keys pulling their shirts off, squaring up to the bouncers, to be smacked to the ground, then dragged across the road behind some bushes out of CCTV range, where they no doubt learned the error of their ways😚

    Not a job I would have fancied.

  13. They think there is a shortage now? They will need bouncers for Wagamama when the Vakzine Passports come in.

    • Off Topic,
      Theyve pulled the John Lewis child tranny advert.
      Citing that its misleading as it gives the impression it covers for intentional damages.
      That poor kid,
      Career down the shitter before hes really got started.
      Maybe he could train as a bouncer?

      • Evening MNC, ha ha they didn’t think it out did the wokery fuckers ,I hope they get an avalanche of young tranny claims about being misled and are now in their safe space , which cost a pretty-penny suffering horrendous fallout from wrecking their mums house believing it was covered by the insurance they took from the add literally
        Probably happened already to the fuckwits hence the removal of the add

      • Evening Mecuntry!

        Hope tranny kids around the world sue John Lewis for broken dreams.
        And I hope Stevie Nicks sues for damage to her musical legacy.
        The posturing cunts .

      • Now to pull the Bisto/lezza/biracial advert. Its not even fucking Christmas yet, imagine the woke horrors in store.

      • Ive just seen that for the first time and frankly I was outraged.
        Gravy is a serious business.
        It has religious significance in the North of England and isnt seen as a laughing matter.
        So to see some frizzy haired tuppence licker pouring a gravy boat?!!!
        Well she may as well of been fondling the virgin Marys tits far as im concerned.

        Id be lying if I said id boycott gravy, but I have posted some dogshit and a nasty letter through the door of some unmarried flipperlips house.

      • I’ve not seen an advert for probably 2 years. I fucked TV off along time ago. If anyone is interested I’m currently working through A touch of frost, Curb your enthusiasm, All creatures great and small, Bush tucker man. And various other great TV shows. All on my external hard drive.

      • Evening Mis.

        John Lewis what a bunch of deluded deviant cunts.

        Whether it’s money talking, common sense or both, it just shows that good things can happen and proof indeed that to go woke is to go broke.

      • Evening Herman 👍
        Hope your right in regards to ‘go woke,go broke’?!
        The slimy fuckers.
        Any news on the cricketer who refused to kneel?
        The unfortunately named Quinton de kock😀😀
        Hope he inspires others?
        Sports personality of the year?

      • Don’t just stop at Sports Personality of the Year… Give the man an honorary Knighthood.

        It’d be worth it just to see Gary Lineker’s reaction.

      • To show solidarity with baby fat Reg and his irresponsible family, Labour party, Greens and Lib Dump voters up and down the country will be doubling up on their Christmas orders in their John Lewis online shopping baskets.
        To send out a message on Twatter and Faeces-fook to like minded fuckwits that “hate won’t win”
        😂

  14. Who would want to be a bouncer? The only thing you have as defence is sand gloves. Isn’t going to do much vs a machette is it?

    • Even less use against one of the numerous Eastern European handguns, that made their way into the UK, after the Balkan conflicts🤔

      • Tons of armory were smuggled through Greece via a network of caves in the islands CG
        Fuck knows how many went missing when the conflict ended.

      • A black North London acquaintance told me that in Londstabistan, you don’t have to buy a handgun-just hire one for £100, then return it, no questions “aksed”!
        This was 20 years ago and I can imagine it has only got worse, since.

  16. I was larking about in the queue while waiting to get into a posh club. When I finally got to the door the bouncer said, ” I cant let you in.”
    I said, “It was nothing, I was only messing about.”
    He said, “It’s not that, you need a tie to get in.”
    It was late, nowhere to buy a tie so I ran back to the car and made one from some jump leads I had in the boot and went back to the club.
    I pointed at my tie and said, “Can I get in now?”
    He said, “Okay, but don’t start anything.”….

  17. I think the camera phone has got rid of a lot of the nutty bouncers. Most bouncers in my day (90s- early noughties) were ok, but there were some violent cunts who just enjoyed beating people up.

    I always remember one fella, must’ve been 50. I knew him because his Mrs worked in my office back then. She’d be part of our extended ‘booze crew’ after work and her hubby tagged along. I’d seen him about doing the doors and was always sound with me because he was part of our booze crew by extension. In fact, I’d wondered how he’d got a job as a bouncer. Seemed too soft/nice and perhaps too old. Was bald and had a goaty and stocky as fuck though.

    One day we were watching France England in the euros in a pub. The game where England were winning 1-0 until the last minute and the frogs scored twice quickly at the end to win 2-1. Some cunt near us (student type) cheered when the French scored the second.

    This ‘soft’ bouncer suddenly launched himself into what I can only describe as a flying headbutt, into the other cunt’s face. The lads face exploded and he was knocked out completely. Blood everywhere.

    Anyway, he left because the police were being called. We fucked off too.

    Fucking nutcases some of them. I tell you what, I stopped taking the piss out of him (we had loads of banter usually) after that I can tell you.

    Today, those student types would’ve filmed him and showed the rozzers that. He’d get 10 years.

    That’s why there may be a shortage of the cunts. Probably for the best in some cases. They’ll be getting arrested every other weekend though, sometimes just for manhandling drunk cunts out after they start a fight in the pub/club.

    I bet it’s a fucking minefield.

    • Cuntybollocks@
      Used to know this bloke, he was a lovely bloke most of the time,
      Taller than me, nearly 7ft but skinny.
      He had ‘giant’features if you know what I mean?
      Like him with the metal teeth in that Bond film.
      He was a right hard cunt.
      Never started trouble but could definitely finish it!
      We were sat in a pub once and this lad (wannabe manc gangster) is acting up.
      Starts arguing with the giant.
      He didnt say a fuckin word!
      Didnt chin him,
      Didnt even get up!
      He jabbed his fingers right in this lads eyes.
      Nearly upto his knuckles,
      This lad was on the deck screaming,
      Clutching his now not so clever eyes.

      Sobered me right up!!!

  18. As others have said, due to lockdown, these cunts have obviously found other less dangerous work. Who wants to spend every day being called a wanker and having cunts coming at you with knives? ( teachers are much better paid)
    Then there’s always the likelihood of being up in court for some kind of racist offence against architects. I’m sure most of them do the odd night here and there and are able to ask for good money.
    It’s probably a great job when you are young and there’s plenty of pissed up slags to shag but there’s a limited shelf life.

  19. The bouncers were in all fairness helping or accommodating the sale of drugs at various venues, usually the quiet bouncer, the meat bouncer hadn’t a fucking iota of what was going for years he was just there for orders ,from the quiet one
    So lockdown dried up that lucrative market
    Muscle bouncer now has a different occupation and the quiet bouncer says fuck it I’ve had enough

  20. An excellent and recommended (and in my case hugely nostalgic) read is “Watch my back” by Geoff Thompson, ex bouncer who worked the doors of Coventry’s rough arse clubs in 80’s.
    https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/651654.Watch_My_Back

    a bit of background…
    https://themalestrom.com/interviews/geoff-thompson-notes-from-a-factory-floor/

    Somewhere on t’web is a short film with Ray Winstone taking his role about an incident outside “Scholars” (aka Squalors) where one of his colleagues got jumped and battered to death….
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAhEYOxoP_M
    …used to live at the end of that road!

  21. I also stopped going to clubs about 20 odd years ago.

    Drinking poison in a semi threatening environment just didn’t rank up there with getting an oz in and playing the xbox and guitars all night with a bunch of like minded mates.

    This, was around the time the gentle door-folk of the local banging techno emporium got shot up with a nail gun in an unprovoked’ dissaspek’ incident.

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