Ron Knee – Hard Times

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When scanning the newspaper sites earlier, I came across (no pun intended) a video of a tightly track suited Carol Vorderman, enjoying a ‘sweaty session’ with her personal trainer.

As I was watching it for the second time, the wife heard the sound and peered over my shoulder to see what I was looking at.

‘Bloody Nora’ says she, ‘look at her flaunting herself, the old tart. And YOU, you’ve got a hard on, haven’t you?’ Tch!’.

Shamefacedly, I admitted that I did.

I hereby cunt myself.

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Nominated by: Ron Knee

87 thoughts on “Ron Knee – Hard Times”

  2. Sorry, jerking off over Vorderman is hardly news.

    Now, jerking off over Widdicombe, Thornberry or Flabbott……..now THAT would be interesting!

    (Try as I might but I just had a mental pareidolia episode associating the above lewd comment and a couple of regulars on here – Day Admin)

    • I remember watching Vorders when she was a frumpy, be-jumpered, straggly-haired ex-student who taught you maths on BBC 2 in the mornings. She must have been 23-24. Then she got on Countdown and tidied herself up a bit and over the years got more glam. Did she get her tits done at some point? Maybe even twice, as her cans seems MASSIVE these days. She’s like those Yank MILF porn stars that suck off their stepson. Or so I am told, *cough, cough*.

  3. Whatever floats your boat, Ron. Carol is still a bit tasty despite all the plastic, and at least she’s old school. In fact you could imagine her as some strict school mistress from days of yore, all dressed up, with cane in hand ready to bend you over a school desk and give you 6 of the best!

    You dirty bastard.

    • Vorders would give a right seeing to. I bet she has dominatrix gear in her bedroom closet. Her husband must look like a Mississippi runaway slave.

      • I remember reading an article about this video some moons ago, by some wimminz type who was livid because (you guessed it) some other women had felt free in this day and age to express themselves as they chose, and she didn’t like it cos they weren’t doing so in a manner she approved of. They were being exploited of course; somebody put a gun to their heads when they picked up their cheques.
        I bet the wimminz was a short-haired, boot-faced harridan, who was as jealous as fuck.
        The video’s fucking ace.

  4. There should be no element of shame! Cliff ‘Colostomy Bag’ Richard should be fucking ashamed of himself for have Sue Barker living in his house and not banging the ‘living doll’ out of her, and also kicking her back doors in! Dirty, smelly cunt that he is!

    • She looks a bit like a deflating bouncy castle?
      Hats off to you Ron, I didnt get a stir.
      Shes the katie price for maths teachers isnt she?
      Id insist on the lights off if I did her.

      • She should be so lucky!
        The old boot!
        Hehehe 😀👍

        (How about a three-in-a-bed sex romp with her and Toyah Wilcox? More plastic than you can cope with. – Day Admin)

  5. Vorderman is the TOTAL epitome of mutton done up as lamb. Se looks like Miss Marple dressed up as Little Bo Peep. Loathe her fucking advertising material too, she is just a (slightly) up-market version of Stacey Solomon, if slightly more fuckable.

    • Bit of advice if considering plastic surgery like Carol.
      Never use a surgeon who advertises in the back of Autotrader.
      Or whos name begins Victor von..

  7. Rougher than a rhino’s foreskin but she is under the illusion she has the body of a 25 year old.

    Silly old whore.

  9. The pic with the nom could of at the very least had the tight tracksuited miss Vorderman alongside it. Lazy admin. Now I need to go find it myself.

    (This was originally considered but we decided to let your sordid imaginations do all the work instead – Day Admin)

  10. What you describe is the inappropriate horn. Inapproprriate because your missus was around. Otherwise it would be ok.
    I have heard that RTC suffers with this dreadful condition – at the dentists, Tescos, evensong and so on.
    He is in our thoughts.

    • Went for my flu jab Saturday morning. The chick doc with the prick didn’t half give me the fucking horn!

    • I don’t get it. We spend hours watching xhamster no probs but she catches me out over Vorderman and I cop it.
      Can only think she thinks I’m sad cos it’s Vorderman!

      • I note ‘we’ in there, Ron! (Shudder)!

        I like Vorders. Of course she’s a pumped up old slapper but I reckon an evening in a pub downing shots with her would be great fun. It would inevitably end with a bukkake-fest seldom known in the annals of XHam!

        Go for it, Mr Knee!

      • The missus loves her xhamster. Used to call me a dirty bastard for watching it, looked over my shoulder one time and has been well into it ever since.
        Originally she was a bit shamefaced about it (you know the drill; the ‘tch! honestly!’ comments) but after a bit gave up the pretence, now we watch often as an ‘appetiser’.
        Dirty sod, but I love her lack of inhibition.

  12. Vorderman’s new ass and tits look like they’ve been built by the same contractor that’s built the new Queen Elizabeth aircraft carriers.

    I think she’s gone OTT. But nothing to be ashamed of Ron. She is synthetic mutton dressed as plastic lamb but still fuckable.

    It’s not like you’ve been getting a hard on over Flabott or Theressa May.

    Have you ?

    • I’m not that far gone!
      Helen Mirren still gives me the right horn tho, even though she’s pushing 80.
      Honor Blackman did the same.
      The wife’s right; I’m a horny old goat.

    • In fairness to her she’s done her bit towards saving the environment by recycling the fat from her gut and thighs to her buttocks and baps.

  13. Personally I would cough my monkey custard over her fun bags any day of the week.

    The other one that needs a good seeing to is the tart that plays Doc Martin’s wife.

    • I get embarrassed by the elderly acting sexy.
      There should be a special old peoples home for celebs who refuse to act their age or are delusional about their sexual attraction.
      Keep them behind locked doors.
      Carol, Toyah, Denise welsh, that old jew from ‘bird of a feather’.
      And in the name of sexual equality Mick Jagger and Rodney Stewart.
      This behaviour needs to stop.
      A bit of rough handling may be required as part of their treatment, nothing drastic!!
      But maybe turning a hosepipe on them?
      Bit of pistol whipping maybe..

    • Caroline Catz and Lisa Faulkner were well fit in ‘Murder In Suburbia’.

      I’ve spent many an hour in a fantasy threesome with them foxy slutbitches.

      • God, there are some fit looking birds about.
        I just congratulate myself that I’ve not sunk to the level of my mate Big Al, who’s standards are deplorable. His criterion is ‘if it has a fanny and a pulse (pulse optional)’.
        I believe him as well, given some of the dogs he’s seen to over the years.
        ‘But they’re always so pathetically grateful Ron, and want more’ he says. Well, it’s a thought I suppose. I’ve got enough on my hands with the wife, thank Dog.

        Morning Ruffers.

  14. I bet “the wife” ( nurse/warden ?) nearly ruptured herself in her rush to double the saltpetre seasoning in yer evening Complan.

    • Morning Dick.
      As a moral man I find these celeb pensioners disgraceful.
      You never saw Dot Cotton in a leather mini skirt!
      Or Nora Batty getting her baps out,
      Because they had dignity.
      Old age means a medicine cabinet straining under the weight of supplements.
      Flu jabs, tartan shopping trolley,
      Cardigans, collecting vulgar ornaments, headscarves when its raining and feeling the cold.
      Not flaunting your wizened old Jurassic arse!!
      Her grankids must be mortified?

  16. Come on Ron, where are you? Or are you burdened with another inappropriate horn at all these pics?

    • Morning Techo.
      I seem to be burdened with an inappropriate horn a lot these days. Luckily for me, the wife gets plenty of ‘hot pants’ episodes herself so I’m doing ok!

  17. I’m with miserable on this one-these 60 plus wimminz, acting like teenagers is fucking embarrassing!

    An older women can be alluring-but not by behaving like this.
    Voldemort/Vordernorks, or whatever she is called, looks like she takes hours to prepare herself for these photo/video opportunities.

    Whatever next? Carol gets colonic irrigation? Carol gets vaginOPlasti? Carol looks “swell”, bursting out of her dress at her grandchildren’s nativity play?

    Silly old cow😂

  18. She’s never appealed to me, I always imagine her a calculating sort.
    Now Carol Kirkwood!

    • I don’t know what they are filled with, but the Fourth Secret of Fatima suggests world devastation caused by Vorderman’s norks bouncing over enthusiastically as she “takes the Ron”, and going critical…

  20. Another shameless media whore who will anything to get her has been face on the telly, Diveena McCall, Katey Price,Lilly Mong style.
    Carol Vauderman may be good at maths, but that is conveniently forgotten when she,s selling funeral insurance to O,A,P,s.
    Boob job, loppy eye and a resurgence and last gasp of the career before she has to admit she needs a live in boyfriend/carer to give her knee tremblers, bed baths and skim as much from her bank accounts as he can before he does a sharp Harp to the next gullible cunt [see above].
    She is a bout as sexy as a second hand Mondeo thats had its back end smashed in a couple of times, at least Holly Willoughby still looks the part, even though she has put her career before her family and yet still moans about it.
    My heart bleeds for these slags, it really does…..

  21. Another granny (though fit so I would) who is desperate for attention, why else would she do it.

    Smacks of insecurity.

    • I think you’re right.
      I’ve just been getting my morning fix of Julia Hartley-Brewer. She’s another one who gives me the total horn.

  22. Fuck-all wrong with Vorderman, Ron! I’d love to give her a real turking, rather than the one’s that go on inside my head.

    • Morning DCI. Hope you’re well!
      Yes it’s funny with our Caz; she seems to be a real Marmite case. You REALLY would, or you REALLY wouldn’t.
      I suppose you don’t have to be Hercule Poirot to figure out which side of the fence I’m on.
      Even as a teen I was always into mature women, trouble is, most mature women are younger than me these days!

      • Morning, Ron, aye, she certainly floats my boat! I’ve always liked mature birds ever since seeing ‘The Graduate’! Take you in as potatoes, spit you out as chips! Lovely!

      • Your last sentence strikes a chord Ron! Must have been something in the water in the West Midlands when we were young.

      • Bancroft was pure filth in ‘The Graduate’. Wanked myself into a stupor for days after seeing that.

      • Indeed she was incredible. Did you know that Linda Gray (aka Sue-Ellen Ewing off Dallas) was the real life model in the iconic poster ‘leg shot’.

        And don’t get me started on the delicious Katherine Ross!!

  23. Vorderman comes across as a narcissistic cougar, but I’d still come across her.
    She is obviously lacking a good seeing too, hence why she is laying out her stall with all these vacuous videos.

  25. As the old joke goes …………

    “I was watching Carol Vorderman on Countdown the other day and was surprised to see that I got aroused very quickly.

    Very pleased with myself – I don’t often get the 7-letter words!”

  26. I would, and i’m only 40.
    She’s gone a bot too far with the surgey but not so far she looks deranged, and her arse and tits look a lot better than most women half her age.

    • Lol CP; ‘a bot to far’. Looks like a Freudian slip old son!
      Shes got some arse on her. I’d love to spend an hour or three gently massaging it with warm oil (before I moved on to other ‘features’).

      • Gillian Anderson is a sexy milf I saw her in Hannibal recently which was a pretty decent show.

        My brother recommended I watch cuntflix sex education she has a part but it looks so fucking stupid I can’t be fucked to bother with it. I loathe that fucking cunt David Duchovy his only worthwhile role was Xfiles

  28. I am not allowed to cunt Mr Knee, and have no wish to in any case, as his perversion is not unusual.
    Personally I am not a fan of huge udders, but whatever turns you on, which is depressingly little at my age…

  29. Always fancied Carol in her 80s and 90s Countdown days. But now, I wouldn’t give her houseroom.

    Regarding Ron’s tale, a mate of mine had a similar experience with his old lady. One evening, he was telling me what a good video there was for Katy Perry’s ‘California Gurls’. When I asked why, my pal told me it was ‘artistic’. To which, his Mrs yelled with contempt ‘You only like it because she’s got nowt on!’ and she then stormed out. Needless to say, I investigated and – as videos go – it was pretty good. And – yes – it was good because she did have nowt on.😉

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