Nose Pickers

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Seriously if you people keep nominating things like this I’m ending up on some sort of register for having to find images.

IsAC regulars will know that I make passing references to the dangers of travelling on buses. We’re all familiar with the nuisance that loonies, mobile phone cunts, phantom farters and the like can bring.

To this catalogue cunts, allow me to add nose pickers. Yesterday I was out for a walk when heavy rain forced me to take a bus back. I found myself seated opposite to a hoody-wearing scratter, who fumbled about with his mobile phone in his left hand, while indulging in an enthusiastic, nay, ruthless and prolonged assault on his nostrils with his other hand.

Now all of us indulge in the occasional bit of surreptitious hooter-rooting when no-one else is about, but bloody hell, this cunt could compete at Olympic level if the event was ever recognised.

I was utterly appalled, yet at the same time horribly fascinated, by the absolute dedication shown by this cockhead to his pastime, not to mention his utter lack of social awareness.

He appeared to have the whole process down to what can only be termed a fine art. A finger up the left nostril *root root* for a couple of minutes, then chew nail, presumably to savour the barbecue flavour of a bogey. Switch to other nostril and repeat, pausing occasionally to give the finger a sly wipe on the seat.

After about fifteen minutes of this, I happened to catch the eye of a woman in the next but one seat along, and from then on it became a struggle for both of us to avoid bursting out laughing at the activity of Concorde Nose.

It proved too much for me when our friend then inserted his little finger into his ear and started rummaging about there, before plucking out what I presume was a lump of wax. I just about lost it, and had to get off three stops early, rain or not.

Apparently nose picking can be a form of habitual, compulsive behaviour. There’s even a term for it; rhinotillexomania. Well this cockwomble’s an absolutely nailed-on rhinotillexomaniac, and no mistake. Pity that he can’t indulge in his nasty, obsessive compulsive behaviour in the privacy of his own home.

Oh and by the way, there is a shorter word for a rhinotillexomaniac. It’s ‘cunt’.

Nominated by – Ron Knee

53 thoughts on “Nose Pickers”

  1. Filthy insect. I can’t understand why scratters like that in the example can’t use a tissue and blow their nose.

    An ex-colleague used to mine his nasal cavity, seemingly on a continuous basis with his finger. He was famous in the office for his nose raking talent.

  2. There are very few things that can put me off my breakfast but the thought of someone eating a soft,uncooked egg-white lump of snot is one of them.

    • What shall you have said the waiter
      Pensively picking his nose
      Two hard boiled eggs said the diner
      Because you can’t put your fingers in those.

      • Jolly fine boating weather.
        To go for a trip on a punt.
        etc
        Long time since I heard that

  3. Remember that photo of Gordon Brown picking his nose – and eating it?. Dirty cunt.

    • Picking your nose is something you do in private, but never understood why some eat the bogeys?!!!
      Thats very odd.
      Makes me suspicious of them.
      Want else do they do?
      Lick toilets seats?
      Suck tramps off?
      Fuck me, if your that hungry I’ll give you a couple of quid,
      Theres a Greggs over the road.

      • Marcus Rashford will have his work cut out to keep these poor souls properly fed.

      • Old Joe would have made a wonderful old man Steptoe. He would have certainly met Harold’s claims that he was doolally – and a dirty old man.

  4. I remember back in the day, the wall above urinals were covered in bogies. Multitasking, pissing and picking. My old dad used to say,”pick pick dirty Dick, picked his nose and made in sick”. Seen gorgeous girls doing it, dirty bastards.

  7. Weirdly ever since I caught the ‘Rona last year I’ve had very crusty boogers glued to the inside of my nostrils each day. Blowing the nose is no longer an option but I would certainly never eat it or even pick it in view of anyone other than my own parents, siblings, wife and small children.

      • Not tried that, I’m more likely to surreptitiously wipe it on the back of one of the children.

        I’m joking of course, I’m not a degenerate. I wipe it on the missus.

  8. I think most people have had a rummage around inside hooter at some point trying to hook out some crusty bogey but surely it’s something to be done in private? But the list of public pickers unacceptable behaviour includes …..

    Finger buried deep whilst sitting in the car in traffic
    Rolling the bogey like it’s a fine Cuban cigar
    Flicking the bogey ( it’s some other cunts problem)
    And worse still actually eating it What the fuck is that about ? You don’t see people picking their ear wax out and eating , ferreting around for some toe jam , WHY? because it’s fucking disgusting 🤮

  9. The human nose is just a germ-bag, another bad design by Yahweh 6,000 years ago in Eden. Our feet are badly designed too – and they stink. There has to be better bodies to incarnate into than this.

    • I’d like to reincarnate into the Asteroid that eventually slams into this planet and finishes the cunt off. That’ll sort out the wokies, MPs and dinghy vermin once and for all. Result.

      • You are the spirit of Prince Philip, Avatar of Yasur and I claim my five pounds.

      • Sir Les, as my favourite Australian ambassador, it is my honour to award you the fiver and some kitchen roll to mop up that excess slobber. Bless you.

  11. It’s bloody amazing what absolute shite is on t’internet.

    Austrian lung specialist Professor Friedrich Bischinger, said: ‘Eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body’s immune system. Medically it makes great sense and is a perfectly natural thing to do.

    ‘In terms of the immune system, the nose is a filter in which a great deal of bacteria are collected, and when this mixture arrives in the intestines it works just like a medicine.’
    The fucking dirty bastards

    As kids we never called em bogies. It was always crows. Summat to do with black mucus from the days of coal fires.

      • It’s an age thing. I grew up next to a steelworks (Irlam) the land that time forgot. Everything was black with the fallout from the coke ovens. If you blew your nose or picked it the results were black shite. Same as Dover now.

    • Professor Friedrich Bischinger is correct. I agree 100% with his conclusions. The immune system needs to know what it’s likely to be up against. A bit of dirt never hurt anyone, either. The current asthma epidemic is undoubtedly due to wimminz’ belief that everything needs cleaning every five minutes.

  12. Another excellent, well written nom, Mr Knee👍

    If ever there was an argument for permanent mask wearing in public, it would be feral shite like the cunt in your tale.

    I think “admin” owe an apology to all cunters who were about to “break” the fast, with the timing of this nomination 😢

    • Thanks General.
      No, what truly fascinated me about this cunt was his sheer persistence; oh and his utter lack of social awareness.
      As he didn’t appear to posess such a basic item as some paper handkerchiefs, I shudder to think what state the side of his jeans and his hoody were in.

  15. Disgusting habit. When I see someone indulging in this, I say as loud as I can “Go on, pick a winner”. Normally stops them in their tracks.

  16. Mildly less revolting than a mentalist on the back seat of a bus stabbing the cat with gusto whilst proclaiming “I shouldn’t be doing this”

  17. I’ve seen worse. That manager of the German football team a few years back, live in front of the planet at the World Cup, put his hand down the front if his kegs – seemingly cupping his balls. He then withdrew his hand and fucking sniffed it.

    Mind you, as he’s a German, we’re lucky he didn’t pull it out and piss in his own mouth on the touchline.

    I wonder what Alex Scott would make of that?

    • I heard that Van Morrsion was such a miserable and nasty old cunt that his roadies used to put his harmonica in certain places before they gave it to him to play on the stage.

  18. My landlord has very considerately provided snot-coluloured curtains in the sitting room. Of course, they are as clean as a whisker!
    As for bedroom curtains, a distressing shade of brown… What was he thinking of?

    • That’s reminded me of a joke.
      Two men talking and one says “When I’ve shagged my bird she says she is floating on air.”
      His mate replies
      “That’s nothing, when I shag my wife I wipe my knob on the curtains and she hits the fucking roof.”

      • One of my colleagues was riding the arse out of the ugly factory bike who was also married. When he was round ploughing her when her husband was out, he used to fire his load all over the pillows on the cucks side of the bed and gave it a good rub in while she lay laughing. He did lots of other shit with the guys coffee mug, toothbrush etc while she watched & laughed that makes the noms bus nose picker a highly respected human being and a pillar of society.

  19. If God didn’t mean for us to eat our boogers then my would He make them taste so good? Asking for a friend.

    • It’s alright for rich buggers and royalty and the like, they can employ someone to pick their noses for them. I’m just an ordinary working-class bloke and I have to pick my own. But despite my common upbringing I don’t do it in front of an audience.
      If you could get paid to pick someone’s nose, who would you pick?

      • Jennifer Lawrence. I’d also eat her tagnuts, floss with her pubes and drink her bath water.

  20. I don’t mind nose pickers. I can look away when they’re digging for gold.

    It’s those nose blowers that sound like a huge brass band. Makes me jump. The same with loud sneezers.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rTWc8XsGjQ8

    At least worn me. Many a time I have spilt my cup of tea and cake.

  21. I’m sure that mucky pup SNP MP mhari black has been caught on camera munching many a booger in the house of commons.

    I would have searched YouTube for a possible link but it has locked me out presenting me with a window with one option to click that is ‘update’. It may as they claim only take a minute to carry out their ‘update’ but I’m more bothered about what shit I will be subjected to if I do. The amount of Scottish government,NHS & Corona propaganda I got trying to watch anything was already taking the piss.

    These tech cunts are fucking viruses in disguise.

  22. I’ll bet that dirty fucker also scratches his arse and bollocks and sniffs his fingers afterwards. He’s probably got a large collection of dried bogies and nasal hairs.

  23. In PNG nose picking us the national sport and no one has ever told them it’s disgusting.

    So often I’m talking to a local and he starts digging deeply and busily in one or more cavernous nostrils (highlanders have wide noses).

    “Can you stop ferreting around in your nostril while we’re talking please?

    “Eh? What? Oh yeah, OK”

    As if it’s the first time in their lives they’d had such a request. Which it may well be.

    Anyhow if you have a nasal nose problem deal with it in the bathroom with lots of water to flush and clean out the nose properly.

    And eating it? Why not go the whole hog and pick and eat the smeg off your foreskin?

    Fuck off

  24. I had the miss fortune of being provided with a replacement vehicle once a 7.5 ton beaver tail with a reversing camera that was permanently on, not like our posh one that only engaged when the vehicle was in reverse.
    As such I discovered that a lot of people engage in nose excavations in the privacy of their own cars at traffic lights, various techniques employed and various outcomes (eaters, wipers and flickers).
    One particular one struck me at the Hamersmith fly over, a beauty that matched the model on a nearby hoarding, long slender fingers disappearing up her tiny nose to chip out any coke residue.
    Yes I was glad when our truck came back from service and I was no longer aware of what people were up to behind me, (fat woman singing behind me, thought she was having a fit)

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