I’m not sure if this (or something similar) has already been cunted but here goes. (yes, there was but don’t worry about it – Day Admin)
I’d like to cunt summer! People complain about winter but this is fucking Britain – get used to it!
At least with winter you can put the radiator on or more layers; in the summer, once you strip naked, all that’s left to remove is you skin. I’d also like to point out that winter is the only thing which occasionally has the effect of making economic gimmegrants think twice about invading old Blighty and fucking off back to the shit holes from whence they slithered.
Below is a list of my main issues with summer (although the list is not exhaustive):
– Humidity. Obviously the Sahara Desert doesn’t have to content with this problem. Lucky bastard Arabs don’t know they’re born! In fact, the fuckers should probably stay there and save the journey.
– Sweating. I bet Chimpanzees’ ball bags don’t stick to their legs…… oh yeah that’s right, they don’t really sweat.
– Hayfever. As the Scottish comedian Leo Kearse so eloquently put it in one of his standup routines, pollen is essentially plant jizz so hayfever season is like one giant plant bukkake. Fuck pollen.
– Flying Ants. Big, horrible, uncoordinated fuckers who all choose one day of the year to look for new nests. These dopey bints can’t fly for shit as they crash right into your face and don’t even attempt to make evasive maneuvers. It’s like they thought “well today is my first flying lesson so I think I’ll fly half way across the world and bomb Pearl Harbour”. Pricks.
– Wasps. Pointless, nasty, scratchy, angry little fuckers (scratchy because that’s the noise they make when they’re making a nest in your cavity wall). They don’t give us honey, they just fly around rocking the black and yellow attire of the bumblebee like some insect version of a Stella-addled bolshy chav wearing Burberry out to stab some innocent passer-by.
– Thrips. So small you can barely see them but you damn well know the little fuckers are there when they fly into your eye.
– Sky fire. That giant flaming ball in the sky not only gives me sunburn but also bleaches my hair to some hideous-looking, light dayglo ginger.
Just for balance, I think it only fair to highlight some of the good points of summer:
– Freshly-mown lawn smell (although grass messes with my hayfever so I guess this one gets cancelled-out).
– BBQs (Love the smell of burning charcoal and meat)
– Scantily-clad women.
That’s about it really. Mostly, summer is shite.
Nominated by: Two In The Stink
Good nom, and one of my hates too is summer.
I always say…in winter when cold its easy enough to get warm, in summer when its hot, cooling down is akin to rocket science – not fucking easy, and dont get me started on sleeping at night when its still 20 odd degress and air con in Britain isnt a thing.
Fuck summer.
104
Miserable cunt.
Summer is brilliant!
12
It is if I’m on a sun lounger, in a freshly-mown garden, enjoying a BBQ whilst being fanned by 2 hot women dressed like Princess “Slave Girl” Leia but I very much doubt that particular scenario is on the cards so fuck summer doubly.
88
Summer Monteys-Fulham. That’s a Summer I’d like to enjoy. Really hot and sticky and not wanting it to cool down. The things I’d teach her that the fat wanker Paul Hollywood couldn’t.
6
I fucking love summer, hotter the better. Went to Arizona for mid summers day 47C beautiful. Before you cunts moan I am really a lizard person. Bring it on.
6
Humidity in the UK is usually around 50%.
Humidity in Japan in the summer is usually at around 85%. Really very uncomfortable especially with a 40 degree temperature.
Mrs Stroker tells me that one of the few things better here than in Japland are our summers.
12
You can see that with the tennis at the Olympics and players complaining at the timing of matches and the conditions. They have regularly competed at the Australian Open during the middle of an ozzie summer so it must be pretty bad. Don’t mind hot weather myself but drinking endless water to replace fluids is a cunt.
7
I’m not surprised Mr Stroker. Japan, like Britain is an island nation surrounded by water with (I presume, lots of rivers and lakes) but they are closer to the tropics than we are aren’t they?
6
1976 was ace. Best Summer ever. 1983 and 1995 were crackers as well.
I like Summer. Loads of fit birds with very few clothes on.
Flying ants are cunts though, I agree. I went on my own Herodian ‘Order 66’ style mission against those fuckers myself last week. I topped the lot…
8
I agree TITS.
I hate summer too.
Give me dark skies, frost, and hint of impending snow.
Lovely!
Summer is ok if your a fly, foreigner, lizard, buttercup or a homosexual.
But get the sledge out!!
Winters coming!!!
And Vlads cut the gas off!!
😀👍
89
MNC@ – Summer is good for dealing with wasps.
I absolutely detest flies (dirty filthy disgusting things) and wasps – do one miniature Wu Tang fker – there is only going to be one winner here!
(Finished all my stuff early today, went to the pub – sat in the beer garden surrounded by semi naked gals! I disapproved appropriately of course..)
15
Wasps are bi polar little cunts arent they Foxy?
Aggressive for no reason,
Cant handle their drink,
I think its because they live in paper houses.
Up all night with noisy cunts,
Not slept properly,
Say the wrong thing,
They throw a wobbler.
Crush a load of anti depressants up with some jam see if that works?!!
94
1976? Are you out of your mind? The worst ever. Droughts, water shortages, 90+ F for weeks on end.
89
Can’t look at bums now wolf whistling is becoming illegal apparently. Talk about Macrons fun police destroying everything.
2
Summer in blighty is normally like a winter’s day in Rhodesia, but I’d rather hot weather than cold, that’s why i came back to Pembrokeshire after being exiled, doesn’t freeze very often, hot weather is defiantly NOT a cunt!!!
8
Summer is indeed a cunt. But it never happens here so no need to panic.
97
Hot summers, shit summers, snow, rain blah blah blah. Apparently it’s the planet . How they worked that out is anyone’s guess. It’s a guess and “climate science” is astrology.
96
The small flies ,that only want to land on your arm , face, bare leg etc are annoying
Humidity yes especially when you’ve just showered , fresh clothes on and you have a task you have forgotten, sweating up again ,extra annoying
Odors and smells intensifying as you forgot to close the lid on the kitchen bin
Most annoying though is putting UV protection cream on and your sweating ,total cunt that
But can’t cunt summer really, as there are moments of glorious reflections sitting and viewing in a balmy breeze and your body acclimatized to the wonder that is life
12
I like the summer, up to a point. In this country it’s often blisteringly hot for a week and then we have to dodge the rain for 4 weeks afterwards. I’m ok with winter apart from it being far too long and too dark. And the cost of staying warm is becoming piss takingly expensive ( and about to get dearer ). So an added bonus of warm weather is that I don’t sit in the perpetual darkness listening to my gas meter whizzing round. So on balance, I’d say winter has become more of a cunt.
5
Summers in the UK can be a bit cuntish to be fair, but that is because they are very rarely proper summers.
The place is just too unpredictable.
Everyone remembers the summer of 76. That was about as close to a real summer that I can remember, but I think that it was only 3 weeks of lovely sunshine with no rain.
Normal summer’s days in the UK are sunny and warm but followed by an evening of thunder storms.
That brings the flies and ants out in force.
Summer weather here starts around May and ends in October.
At first I had air conditioning units installed but they are not good for sleeping so I had them all ripped out.
It takes a few years to fully acclimatise but you eventually get used to the much higher temperatures.
Winters are fucking horrible. Houses here in Spain have no insulation and very few have a gas supply for affordable central heating.
So for about 8 weeks we freeze in our own homes.
4
Quite agree arty.
Lovely hot weather and very low humidity up here in the sticks. It does take a while to get used to it and the locals seem to moan the most! Doesn’t get too cold in winter, few light frosts and it rarely snows but always plenty of wood for the log burner
3
I am right by the sea.
So no fucking mosquitoes to bother us.
Inland can be a cunt if you are the type that attracts the fuckers.
Another bonus is having the bins emptied every night.
Few flies and no stink.
21
Yeah, we do get a few bitey little cunts, but not too bad at all and the bins here are emptied every day, including Sundays. Not bad for a town of 350 inhabitants. New pool built as well this year. Good old jaén council. Plenty of money in oil ( olive that is)
2
Summer is great for looking at birds wearing next to nothing except if you do look it’s a hate crime 😂
6
Late summer in the McHighlands is a cunt. Bastard tartan clad midges rip into your bollocks, arse and cunt if available. Motored up in me early Type 2 VW bus for a spot of blasting. Parked up in a very scenic spot and kipped in the van overnight then early next am opened up the engine compartment in the rear to check the oil. Cloud of the McHorrors straight in me face with a vengeance. No option but to spray me bollocks and other parts with me single malt and bugger that stings – then take an early bath in the loch. Put Summer and Scotland together and you have the ultimate bastard cunt.
17
He lives!!!.
4
My tan’s great this summer. I’m enjoying it.
7
I hate summer,- it is a cunt indeed.
Tan? What fucking tan. I’ve never tanned in my life. I just go various shades of red and purple.
I’m sweating like fuck if it’s over about 17 degrees.
I’ve got no central heating, just a open fire downstairs and one in the bedroom. Can’t be doing with radiators drying my skin and nasal passages out, and scronky boilers on the blink all the time.
I only light the fires if it drops below 10 degrees in the lounge. I like to see my breath in the house and sit with my wooly jumper on smoking my pipe.
Summer and heating in general can all go and fuck themselves as far as I’m concerned.
Also, a cold house keeps the undesirables away, -no one visits me! Another fucking bonus.
96
I look like ive survived Grenfell.
And I avoid it where I can.
If I look at a bottle of sunny delight I tan.☹️
World of leather tan and beard,
Look like ive just stepped off a dinghy.
75
Evening MNC!
Are you a similar shade to that dodgy David Dickinson fella?
A Laboratoire Cuprinol finish with cracks and creases like a British Leyland leather seat?
I thought i’d seen you wondering around Castleton.
7
Heehee 😀
Evening Dickvandyke!
Im a shade lighter than quick Davey Dickinson,
Im surprised hes so tanned?
Spent a lot of time in prison 😀
Maybe Strangeways has a sunbed?
Anyway, as for fuckin summer,
As Jim Morrison sang
“Summers almost gone,”
And like you im glad.
The sweaty fly infested fucker.
88
Is the header pic Debbie McGee doing a kitchen ad??
4
Hahahaha 😂
Evening HBH!
Yes that’s Debbie.
Pauls in the fridge.
3
Evening MNC!
1
Sorry I’m not on board with this. I fucking hate winter. Dark all day ,cold,icy. Fuck off. I love the spring and summer . Light all the time,sunshine,life comes back…..fantastic.
Winter= death
Summer=life.
5
If winter = death.
I am quite prepared to die.
I’ve had enough anyway.
83
I like gassing the flies that invade my country cottage.
I’d also like to gas some other vermin but the beaches of Kent are too far away.
All in all I vote Yes.
93
I love summer. In fact from the moment we put the clocks forward in March, and before going back in October, I love all those months in-between, not least because it mean longer daylight hours to do more stuff both indoors and out.
Also means giving the Gas/Electric companies the big Fuck You with cheaper bills in summer.
Yes, humidity can be a bummer, especially at night. And insects are all cunts. But I’d rather have that than freezing my balls off in winter with only a few hours of daylight, and having to contend with cunts on the road driving like twats, especially on icy roads and foggy mornings/nights.
Moreover, come 2030 it will mean more people having to buy electric cars and alternative heating boilers, which will put extra strain on the National Grid come winter.
Tourists up here in the Lakes are cunts as well. But they bring in a ton of money and some really tasty ladies (Italians in particular)
4
Im sat in the garden on my sledge praying to the sky gods to send black clouds.
If Summer was a person id bundle the irritating sweaty little cunt into the back of the van,
A quick love tap to the back of the head with a lump hammer and a cold damp resting place on the pennines .
88
Get down to the south coast with your sky gods Miserable, and show no mercy! A human sacrifice if demanded.
86
“Sometimes, too hot the eye of heaven shines,
But oft times is it’s gold complexion dimmed….”
(Shakespeare, Sonnet 18) *
It’s been dimmed far too fuckin often this summer. It and spring are the best time of the year – autumn equals poofters dancing on the telly and winter is the Christmas shit.
* See – I am not just a pretty face. I am not even a pretty face
2
I love the summer time.
Have a drink, have a drive, go out and see what you can find.
Dark at 4pm. Wet mizzly and cold. No thanks.
3
Is the nomination picture from The Golden Girls? 🙂
2
Dawn French’s toilet area is utterly revolting in the depths of winter so what it must be like in a heatwave must be unbearable.
The seepage in her unwiped shitty bum crack marinated in sweat, ass-juice and malodorous vaginal discharge should be bottled and used as a weapon of mass destruction.
Never has the expression “big is beautiful “ been so inappropriate.
52
I love Summer
I’d give her a B&W special 😋
1
Glorious summer here in Linolnshire. 15 degrees C, pissing down.
2
Can’t be cunting hot weather im afraid, I fucking love it. Embrace the sunshine if in blighty, it doesn’t last long!!!!
2
To everything there is a season. I hate humid heat, the smell of barbecues, shrieking brats, my cunt neighbour and tourists who can’t drive in the summer. I hate the electricity bill and icy roads in winter.
“Show me the place that is neither cold nor hot” (Zen koan)
2
Spot on. I too am blessed with a cunt of a neighbour; actually a whole clan of them. So nice to hear their gangsta shite music too…
6