Female Singers

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Female singers who can’t sing are cunts.

This modern lot, like Billie Eilish and Lana Del Twat. They have no vocal range and they think that fifty cigs a day style croaking and also caterwauling in a ‘breathy’ voice is singing, when it isn’t. Singers whose vocals are 70/80% air are not singing.

These tuneless tarts may think they sound like Marianne Faithfull or Edith Piaf. When they really sound like Hilda Ogden on slow speed.

Drivel by both Del Twat and Eilish is all over Youtube.

Nominated by: Norman

74 thoughts on “Female Singers”

  1. Sarah Vaughan is the greatest singer in the world – all the rest warble, though Kathy Kirby was good and had the most fantastic knockers. Both gone but never forgotten

      • I think that was from a little later in 1983, Mr B. Apparently it was her comeback.

        Fluff Freeman fresh from advertising Brentford Nylons – “Aaaaaalllright, not ‘alf”. Cunt.

      • Fluff, what a DJ. Cunts like Steve Wright and gobshite scuttlers like Zoe ‘Loving it’ Ball, can’t hold a candle to him.

  2. The very worst is that fucking overrated, whining old hag, Adele. With a voice that is a mixture of stuck warthog and Brian Blessed.

    Plus she has the cheek to whinge on about being dumped (presumably for being a hambeast) and then dumps her real life husband to go and sample some black rapper cock in the USA.

    Whenever Adele’s foghorn voice comes on the car radio, I must switch it over – immediately. Otherwise I risk a serious RTA, where my brain tells my hands to drive into the next motorway bridge embankment to end the suffering.

    Fuck off Adele.

    You cunt!

    • That non-professional whore and “charidee worker” Madonna is my bete noir – mutton dressed as lamb even 30 years ago.

    • You’re right, Paul. I know it was a hit around the time of my nuptials. Not long after Radio Caroline started – used to hear Mary Wells “My Guy” and things like that all the time all day and night. So much better than the shit that was Radio 1 from 1967(?) onwards. I had three stages of musical life – the early RN years -skiffle and jive to let off steam on shore, the mid period wedlock and women (singers) and now, in the deep autumn/early winter of life Beethoven, to stiffen the sinews – on extreme days of torture ,Dr, Otto Klemperer’s cycle of the symphonies – the first 8, not the fucking 9th with it’s sodding “Ode to Joy” with it’s EU overtones, fuck them. They have poisioned that work in the way the Nazi’s contaminated Wagner. On EXCEPTIONALLY black days – Mahler’s 9th and Richard Strauss’s “Four Last Songs” , and Sarah’s “Here’s That Rainy Day” which says it all about the fucking aging process(…”and thank you, Mr. Boggs, for letting us hear your Desert Island Discs”)

      For my luxury I’d choose a life size, perfect in every detail, blow-up doll of lovely Liza Nandy, or a picture of Mrs. Peel in head to toe leather blowing the smoke from her gun behind the chaise lounge.

    • Couldn’t agree more Paul.

      Adele is the very worst of the lot.

      That terrible Bond theme tune ‘Skyfall’ is enough to cause bleeding of the ears.

      Warbling, mockney, crap cunt and now she’s a “mudshark” just for good measure.

      Good cunting Norman.

      • Way off corse but ‘The Mothers Live at the Fillmore ,June 1971 ‘ features mudsharks .
        Half a fucking century ago – who knows where the time goes as my favourite female singer,Sandy Denny sang.

      • 1965 and Ms Rigg looking as beautiful as ever – the Queen of Sin – go forward 57 years and the Queen of Sin is Chris Bryant in his Y-Fronts, lr Lord Adonis and his bald pate. Everything changes- nothing for the better.

    • I once went to an Adele concert. What a disappointment. She opened her mouth and it was all over.

    • You know I’d pretty much have to agree with you however I think sigma changing song is a absolute banger but yeah she’s horrible otherwise

      Is her acting any better then her singing? Shes in that pennyworth show still haven’t seen it yet. You know the show that sucked Gotham tv series funds dry in favour of fucking bastards at fox/wb

  4. Rebecca Black. The shrill nasal whine of that song Friday is worse than cats fucking on a hot tin roof, it could peel paint and give you cancer.

    • Fucking hell I just listened to that shite out of curiosity because I’d luckily (until now) never heard of her or that so called song.

      It doesn’t get any worse than that.

      • It was popular with brats about ten years ago. I’d heard it but never listened.

  5. Kate Bush’s voice could strip wallpaper.

    Gave me one of my first ‘orns though.

    The worst are those ott dark key ones that do all that ‘wooooooh ah oooo oooo’ shite (Mariah Carey and loads of others). They do it in the middle of words too, the stupid warbling cunts.

    But like Chubby Brown said:

    Girls aloud. To suck my cock.

    • It’s called ‘melisma’, and is a technique used by a few Gospel singers but imported into modern pop by Whitney Houston and taken to a ridiculous extreme by her imitators

  6. No wimminz singer was worse than the Queen of Camden herself, Amy Winehouse.

    ‘They said I had to go rehab and I said Weeeyyyylllll, wwweeeeyyyyyl, weyyyylll”.

    Sounded like a skunk being sat on by Fat Reg.

    • The first time I have ever disagreed with you M.

      Amy made plenty of bad life choices but was a generational talent🤔

      • I agree-the live version with three male Knee-grow “Ladysmith Black Mambaza” type backing singers (nooo nooo noo!) was fucking diabolical.

        Amy, little Jewish bird (her own words), sitting in a Jazz Club, just her with a guitar and a voice and phrasing, to equal the greats.
        Brilliant.

      • Everything she did was shite, she did not bring anything new to the table. All done before and better by others. All she did do was pave the way for cunts who were not brave enough to follow her path when they should have. We worship crap. Our downfall.

  7. Norman:

    90% of signed “pop stars” can’t really sing. The music industry is a fucking beauty contest. Or it was-the current planet wokedon shit is trying to promote gingers, fatties and deviants, as well as the usual mob.

    Aretha Franklin, Dusty Springfield, Carole King, Stevie Nicks, Joni Mitchell, Donna Summer, Harriet Wheeler, Suzanne Vega, Bjork….

    Lots of great wimminz, thankfully😀👍

    • Bjork was/is as mad as a box of frogs, but some of her songs were decent I thought, and she was at least very original.

      • Morning MMC….don’t for the love of god attempt to view a picture of Björk as she is now. Age has not been kind, alas.

      • Morning Thomas,
        I darent to look.
        Remember her as that little pixie with the hypnotic voice instead!

      • Kate Bush
        Tori Amos
        Stevie Nicks
        I’d fuck them all.
        They can sing too!
        Even ugly birds can sing,
        Hazel O’Connor
        Patti Smith
        Sandy Denny
        Great voices
        But bag on the head ride.

      • Might I add:

        Grace Slick *
        Janis Joplin
        Mylene Farmer *
        Amy Winehouse
        Pat Benatar *
        Renate Knaup-Kroetenschwanz (Amon Duul II) *
        Shirley Manson
        Anastacia *
        Alizee *
        France Gall *
        Laura Branigan *
        Alison Moyet
        Maire Ni Bhraonan (Clannad) *

        * would fuck in their prime.

      • Alizee.. phwoar! She sings in English rather well too. Damn shame she started getting the Tramp Stamp tattoos though. I dont understand the modern obsession with getting inked. What would Pet Clark look like these days covered in that shite?

      • PS: Sandy Denny wasn’t that bad, was she Miserable? I’d have fucked her in her Fairport days.

      • Morning Ruff,
        No suppose I was a bit harsh,
        But you wouldn’t take her out socially would you?
        Pissed on Special brew and falling all over the place?
        Great voice though.

      • Cuntybollocks@ Early bjork and Dj remixes of her 90’s songs are great but everything she’s done in the last 20 years is complete utter fucking dogshit

      • I haven’t listened to anything by her for over 20 years so I’ll take your word for it.

    • Nanci Griffith was a brilliant singer, sadly passed away last week, the unfortunately named Suzy bogguss is also a cracker, and she dont half give me the horn in her younger days

  9. Billie Eilish sings like she’s being dragged through an IKEA on a Sunday after being awake for 72 hours and gargling marbles.

    • 👏👏👏👏👏
      I nominate you for musical critic on IsAC’s upcoming television series👍

  10. Shirley Bassey and Roberta Flack, were my childhood female singers.

    They could both belt out some great songs with ease. No auto-tuning for them, unlike the warbling, screeching hags that pass themselves off as singers these days

  12. No mention of Karen Carpenter? One-take recordings, pitch-perfect and just mad enough to think she could live without eating. Truly a talent.

  13. This seems like the cue for me to to say that the greatest singer/entertainer ever imo, was Judy Garland. There were/are of course other wonderful singers, all dead, more’s the pity – Ella Fitzgerald, Dusty Springfield, Doris Day, the above mentioned Kathy Kirby and Karen Carpenter, to name but a few. Singers able to bring a little bit of heaven into mundane and often hard lives.

    Nowadays life is soft and lazy, so the singers and music industry in general reflect that malaise. It only resembles real singing. A sort of poorly remembered activity. Fucked up by cunts, like everything else.

    Nice cunting. Norman.

    Good morning, everyone.

  14. There used to be great women singers – Aretha, Blondie, Dion, Roberta Flack, Janis, Dusty, Alison Moyet. Elkie Brooks could strip paint back in Vinegar Joe days. (and give me the horn) And many more.
    Now;-
    Fucking Bouncy, and a few 100 other autotuned tossers singing bland shite aimed at 8 year olds.

  15. Seen a few decent female singers live over the years. Belinda Carlisle, Kiki Dee and Claudia Brücken immediately come to mind. On record, I’ve got some great female vocal performances from Sarah McLachlan, Free Dominguez (Kidneythieves, Sara Taylor (The Birthday Massacre), Enya, Shirley Manson (Garbage), Natasha Atlas, Dani Klein (Vaya Con Dios). To name but a few.

    Recently discovered Steven Wilson (yeah, I know – where have I been?). Bought one of his solo albums. Loved it and immediately bought his entire back catalogue. A song from his To The Bone album called Pariah features a stunning female vocal by a lady called Ninet Tayeb.

    Here’s the official video. The live version at the Royal Albert Hall is also on YT. Worth checking out. STUNNING!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNTaFArEObU

    Billy Irish? Do fuck off love. Your 15 minutes was 14.5 minutes too long.

  16. A good example of this is Miley Cyrus who recently did a a song called Midnight Sky which ripped its guts from Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aS1no1myeTM

    Think there’s some studio manipulation of her voice for sure.

    Then they mashed it (there term not mine) with Seventeen which I think was a bad move for Miley as you get to hear the two of them and realise Miley is no singer.

    Stevie Nicks minus Miley.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CoOLtQbmJI

    It’s like putting Shaking Stevens next to prime Elvis in the mid 50’s.

  17. Nanci Griffith was a brilliant singer, sadly passed away last week, the unfortunately named Suzy bogguss is also a cracker, and she dont half give me the horn in her younger days

  19. Freya Ridings…I have to listen to her fucking voice at least four times a day on the works radio. That fucking song and the last bit she sings like a drugged up tramp “from the rubble of your love”. Fuck off you tuneless talentless twat.

  20. Lousy female singers include Edith Piaf – and her dirge “Je Ne Regrette Rien” – Kiri Te Kanawa, Bette Midler and Janis Joplin. Bring back Anita Harris.
    Check her out you lucky ISACers
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3JdYpOf1cs

    Lousy male singers include Frank Sinatra – smug little guinea whose face I would love to have smashed – Bing Crosby, Tony Bennett and Fat Reg.

    • Can you imagine that 60’s growler. I’d go deep and not surface for a week. Fuck me, Sarah Jane (dr who) and her made me the perv I am. Cunts now – Rylan, Kerry K, TikTok – proof we’re on the cusp of extinction. Please can I have an hour with Katy Perry before I go?

      • That was about Anita thingy with the mole. Not Edith Piaf etc. Not that fucking depraved.

      • Hasnt Katy lost her lovely tits and cut her hair?
        Wouldve ten years ago but not sure about now.

  21. I always enjoyed Charlene Spiteri from Texas and Alison Goldfrapp of Goldfrapp. Another one from my coming of age was Nina Persson of The Cardigans.

    I don’t mind Nicki Minaj’s tits. Can’t sing for shit but her tits are superb.

  23. Charlotte Church givess me the horn. Filthy minx.
    Lisa della Casa in Strauss’ Four Last Songs was bloody good, and the family restaurant in Bern is one of my all time favourites

      • For some reason I suddenly thought of a 500g block of lard and the way it melts in your hand. Charlotte would take some catching, but what a satisfying achievement

      • Even moreso if it were Katy Perry. True, she’s let herself go a bit but so have I. She’s just so prim, pretending not to be.

  24. Kylie – don’t even dare call her the C word.

    My favs

    Cher
    Diana Ross
    Sia
    Gina G
    Hazel Dean
    Sonia
    Lady GaGa
    Dua Lipa

  25. That Billie Eilish is fucking shit. Like a Kunty Perry for woke and emo cunts.
    But at least Perry was screwable in her prime about a decade ago.

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