Daily Little Irritations in Life … Part 2

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Speaking of daily annoyances…

Just over a year ago I put a nomination forward regarding those little daily irritations in life that really get on your tits! (see link below)

Part One

A year on, a year wiser, and a year even more pissed off and annoyed than ever before. So with the admins permission I’d like to do a “Part 2” (I’ll allow it – DA)

  • Amazon rechargeable batteries (AA and AAA), that only take 2 or 3 charges before dying.
  • Battery operated desk clocks that when you want to swap out the battery you have to find the world’s smallest screwdriver to remove the screw that is securing the battery lid at the back of the clock.
  • Buying a mixture of different sized USB data sticks but none of them are labelled with their particular capacity (4Gb, 16Gb, 64Gb etc.)
  • Putting the clocks back/forward in March/October. There’s always one you forget!
  • Terrestrial TV, Satellite TV, Cable TV, Streaming TV
  • Noisy cunts in libraries
  • Cunts who poke, prod and sniff bread, fruit and veg in shops, and then put it back on the shelf.
  • Cunts who take an After Eight mint out of the box but leave the wrapper inside.
  • Buying second hand reference books only to find certain pages ripped out (usually the ones you want to know about)
  • YouTube and their frigging ad-breaks every 2 minutes into a video
  • Cunts wanting everything for free (especially phone and PC apps, and then complain about all the ads and push notifications to buy the product)
  • Free-To-Play computer games that are free to start with but are then nagged with micropayments in order to unlock further access into a game or to buy better weapons etc. (This happens even with games you’ve already paid for upfront).
  • Constant updates of T&Cs from banks, ISPs, phone apps … all written in long-winded bollocks no one every bothers to read let alone understand.
  • Trying to show courtesy to wimminz, only to get a glare or a “I can manage, thanks!”
  • Cunts who still haven’t removed their tax discs from car windscreens despite them being abolished back in 2014
  • Cunts who sneeze into their cupped hands and then wipe the contents on their trousers or anything close to hand.
  • Cunts who sneeze without covering their mouth/nose
  • Women who have absolutely no concept of time and punctuality. We might have a dinner engagement at 7:30 10 miles away, but the missus is still faffing about with her hair/make-up at 7:15!
  • Unexpected sex scenes (lezza scenes best of all) in TV dramas/films, which might have been quite titillating watching alone, but not with the missus.
  • Weather forecasters getting paid for predictions
  • Kids in pubs
  • Cunts who come up to my desk and say “I know you’re very busy, but could you spare 5 minutes?”
  • Trying to find the end of sellotape, packing tape etc.
  • People who say “Can I get!”
  • Packets of biscuits that don’t have a pull-tab to open.
  • Cunts who park their cars outside of shop but not up against the curb. Instead they park in the middle of the fucking lane, blocking everyone behind.
  • Not being able to have a quiet wank without the missus barging in
  • People who open a conversation with remarks about the weather. Doesn’t matter about anything else (lockdowns, terrorist attacks, food shortages, tsunamis, imminent nuclear war, Diane Abbott appearing topless in The Sun).. No, none of that, let’s just talk about the bleedin’ weather and how hot/cold/dry/wet it is.
  • Installing software without going into the Custom Setup first, from which point you notice the crafty developers have bundled some other bloatware that if you don’t tick/untick a box will be installed on your machine. But will be installed anyway if you didn’t go into Custom Setup first.
  • That moment when you think of something really profound/important, and then a second later its gone, never to return.
  • Embarrassing silences at dinner parties when you’re struggling to think of something to say to your guests (and no, not the bleedin’ weather!)
  • The assumption that every man and his dog has got a smartphone in order to download apps in order to register for something you can’t have by any other means.
  • Unexpected American Date formats (05/06/21) is that May or June if you’re not sure?
  • Council planners who approve fast-food joints on the corners of busy roads, thus causing queues and tailbacks.
  • Safety notices on everything. Pages and pages and pages of safety hints, even for the most mundane of things like a a computer mouse, a desk light or a microwave ready-meal.
  • Online news articles (UK websites) to do with finance and how the reporter quotes in dollars first, and then the equivalent in Euros. And then if you’re lucky, Pound Sterling.
  • Supermarkets who have no idea of what a substitute means when the item you ordered online is out of stock. For example you wanted some Jacob’s cream-crackers and they send you a packet of tampons (True, thanks Asda!)
  • How time flies as you get older.
  • Cunts who state the bleedin’ obvious. “We had a bit of snow last night then!” as we stand in 3ft of snow waiting for a friggin’ bus!
  • The fuss and aggro young wimminz in skin-tight jeans make when you ask them to sit on your lap for 10 minutes, in order to remove the pretend knot in their hair!
  • Gary Lineker

That’ll do for now

Nominated by – Technocunt

155 thoughts on “Daily Little Irritations in Life … Part 2”

  1. Forgetting to buy mushrooms for the vindaloo* (then having to rush down to Tesco’s Express at the last minute in the rain).

    * Can’t say “curry” anymore cos it’s racist.

      • Which itself brings an irritation. Cookie warnings, and especially Youtube’s. Adblock Plus and Idontcareaboutcookies have in the past suppressed its ads and the full-page pop up instructing you to put their microphone in your cookie tin. But it’s a constant battle, and Youtube is ahead at the moment. Cunts.

  2. People who think it’s normal to use ‘they’ to describe one person.

    Even better, that we need to remember that some will use ‘They are’ and some ‘They is’ (for fuck’s sake!)

    How about I call you ‘cunt’ instead?

  3. Just about everything is covered in the nom and the replies.
    I’d like to add appliances, usually clocks or radios, which need 3 batteries.
    Given that most battery packs are either in twos or fours, you are always either one short or one over.

    • The cunts are too clever for their own good. Look out for 3 for the price of 2 offers on 4-packs.

  4. Cunts who don’t pay for a yearly Parking Permit on my road, but who then proceed to take two spaces up with one car and who don’t park up to the next car as if they’re on their Dads estate in Buckinghamshire.

      • #metoo. So life-affirming to piss off some cunt in a SUV intending to park diagonally across your space and the one next door. While his idiot wife flusters round the supermarket, pushes to the head of the checkout queue and can’t find her card. Yesterday.

  5. Just thought of another, why is it that the menswear section in stores, is always on the top floor or basement, whilst the wimminz is always on the ground floor?
    Mind you, that only applies to the few decent stores remaining on the high street. Nearly all gone now, that’s another source of irritation.

  6. Fucking e scooters. Ridden by teenage trash bags, tree huggers, wankers, muggers, shoplifters and general fucking cunts. Completely illegal outside of private land but everyone knows the coppers will do fuck all. They’re flogging them in PC World now. (which is full of annoying cunts anyway!)

  7. A wet sleeve is still a cunt ,especially when your not at home
    American internet sites that wobble and constantly change up or down with adds splitting up the screen so fucking annoying that you give up reading the article that originally interested you in the first place

  8. Cling film…especially finding the end then unrolling it and realising you’ve left some behind and it’s only half the width.
    When I finally get it sorted I wrap up some stuff on a plate and shove it in the fridge knowing full well it will never, ever, get eaten and thrown in the bin in two days time….

    • Stoodents piss me right off with their fake plummy accents. Yeah….like literally, and all that bollocks.

      And Stoodents paying for something that costs a couple of quid with that apple watch thingy. They hold the queue up wafting it in front of that sensor. It never works. Just get the cash out you stupid cunts.

  10. The cat throwing up on the carpet and the wife leaving it for me to clear up.

    • Should cunt our cat.

      Meows loudly at the door to go into the garden. Part Siamese so it’s a noisy cunt.

      2 minutes later meowing loudly to come back in. Repeat 20 times. Every fucking day. Mrs doesn’t want a cat flap (‘too common’ ffs).

      I’m getting mesel’ a Bell Boy’s uniform.

      • Fuck me, our life wouldn’t be worth living without a cat flap.

        No offence but your missus is a cunt.

      • And my Mrs cleans up the cat’s vomit and doesn’t leave it for me to sort out 😉

      • The ‘old master’ cat now ignores the cat-flap! Sits there caterwalling until we open the fucking door!

    • That Sheba cat food is evil stuff, RTC. The cats eat it well enough, but it fucking stinks. If any is left for even half an hour, it reeks like Madonna’s minge in a heatwave.

      • I wouldn’t touch that Sheba with a shit stick Norm.

        Our cats are fed exclusively on Hill’s “Science Plan” dry cat food. To be fair to them they very rarely throw up anyway.

      • Yep, Hill’s Science Plan for our pooch too plus real meat not fucking commercial dog food made from whatever they hose out from under the machinery. Must be doing some good as she’s twice the size of her brothers and sisters from the litter.

    • My cat is very considerate when he is going to be sick and the doors are shut.

      He comes and finds me and does this special yowl.

      It gives me enough time to open the door and throw him outside to puke up.

      He’s better behaved than the Missus.

      • So the Missus just pukes on the carpet without warning? Wouldn’t put up with that I’m afraid.

  11. Cunts that park their entire cars on pavements are complete shite. My old mum was wheelchair bound in her later years, and I had to push her chair on the road with traffic because of twats who do that.

    Cunts that park their cars on grass verges and make them look like a miniature version of the Somme are also the creme de la scum.

    Cunts who attempt to flog broken and damaged stuff on Ebay, making out their crap is useful as ‘spare parts’, when it’s just shit that doesn’t work or has parts missing. Unscrupulous cunts, and cunts who buy it are even worse.

  12. A quick reply to (actually largely a rebuttal of) this nom, which was perhaps a mite over-long for comedic effect, and otherwise largely valueless. I therefore limit myself to five minutes.

    Respectively:
    ☛ Amazon NiMH AA & AAA cells are actually OK in my limited experience of them; it’s the (often) supplied AA/AAA/C/D cell charger that’s defective. As a “man about town” with technology, Technocunt, you should’ve been using SANYO/PANASONIC Eneloop NiMH cells since ca 2015 in any case. They are excellent.
    ☛obtain cheaply “the world’s smallest screwdriver” cheaply from eBay/Amazon etc and keep it near the clock. Or choose a clock without such strictures
    ☛this has not been my experience. But if it is a problem, as you describe, simply apply small stickers to the USB drives for future reference when you have found the storage capacity. Presumably they were cheap as chips to acquire, so what’s the problem?
    ☛not in my experience, again, but scarcely a blood-boiler. I adjust all my clocks without any difficulty within a day or so of the changeover, though most of them adjust automatically
    ☛not sure what you mean here, but perhaps better you stop watching such TV altogether and “get with the programme” of on-demand viewing. TV (as you describe it here) has been largely bobbins for at least quarter of a century so scarcely revelatory
    ☛use the online reservation service so you spend a minimum of time in the library. Actually, I was in my local library today and it was an oasis of calm. Not too sure this problem is universal, but it’s certainly rather trivial
    ☛either poke and prod the offending shoppers and put them on the shelf, or perhaps better to ignore them. Again, not a particular issue in my experience so hard to expatiate further
    ☛either buy after dinner mints without individual wrappers to obviate the problem (eg Elizabeth Shaw, Prestat, & c) or if you feel strongly about this develop a counter-strategy. Like secreting used chewing gum into the wrapper and passing the box back to the offender(s)
    ☛caveat emptor. I have limited experience of purchasing secondhand books, but would imagine a quick riffle through the pages should suffice. Or just request a refund. Bit obscure, that one
    ☛use AdBlockerPlus (or similar) to obviate the problem. Surely you’ve been doing this for years, Technocunt?
    ☛no real idea what you mean, or more accurately, why this is any kind of problem
    ☛see above, ditto
    ☛ignore them. Those Ts&Cs have little legal weight in any case, largely for the reason that as you say nobody reads them. The “sanctity of contract” is something approaching a legal myth, and has been since 1861
    ☛stop “trying to show courtesy to wimminz”, or choose your candidate with more care.
    ☛scarcely any kind of issue for you, the car owner or anyone else. Come to think, I’ve not noticed a tax disc on a car windscreen for several years. Anomalous and irrelevant
    ☛agreed. Avoid or smite
    ☛see above
    ☛obtain a motorbike and sidecar. That way, you can travel 10 miles in 10 minutes (and thereby arrive on time) while getting your own back by messing up her hair on the way. No personal experience of this issue, but that seems a sensible response

    That has been my alloted five minutes, but I’m halfway through your list so I’ll give it another minute or two. As Magnus Magnussen said, “I’ve started so I’ll finish”…

    ☛no direct experience of this, but an obvious suggestion is to find a way to get “the missus” to join in
    ☛obscure one. Use a weather forecasting app etc springs to mind if you find weather forecasters a problem
    ☛go to a different pub or stop going to pubs altogether if a serious issue
    ☛just say “No”
    ☛fold back a tiny corner to alleviate the problem. Several other strategies also work, like investing in dedicated Sellotape™ dispensers etc
    ☛ignore them or if seriously problematic knock out their front teeth
    ☛use a sharp, pointed knife to open the packet and put the remainder into a biscuit tin, preferably with a silica gel desiccant to keep the biscuits in good condition
    ☛I’m unsure what the “fucking lane” is or indeed the problem here. I’ve heard of the “slow lane” and the “fast lane” but not the “fucking lane”. A bit obscure
    ☛very odd. Find a strategy to get her to wank you off comes to mind
    ☛ignore such small talk. I learnt this by age 14
    ☛think yourself lucky you know how to use custom setup and learn to live with it.
    ☛carry pen and paper. Usually, those “profound” thoughts were bollocks anyway
    ☛avoid dinner parties or prepare a ready-to-hand selection of interesting topics of conversation beforehand
    ☛quite irritating, but not a problem. Usually context makes clear which format is in use
    ☛”fast food joints”? Are you a Septic?
    ☛ignore them, unless the item is inherently dangerous like a chain saw, router, unstable oxidising chemical etc with which you are unfamiliar
    ☛use a small pocket calculator to convert for the day rate. Or do it in your head
    ☛not a big issue. Request a refund with your next order or change supplier
    ☛not a problem I’m familiar with, but maybe read a good book?
    ☛as above. Scarcely an issue. Why are you waiting for a bus in 3 feet of snow to begin with…?
    ☛not any kind of problem. If at first you don’t succeed: try try again (perhaps). Select your “subject” more carefully
    ☛irrelevant

    That was more like 8 minutes and will certainly do for now.

  14. My favourite is contract adjustments, only one way of course, you know what I mean, Sky or Credit cards, or phone contracts.
    Usually it goes like this, we are going to charge extra interest, extra costs for this or that and I you don’t like it you have 30 days to fuck off, and they know its to much agro to change so you just bend over and take it right in the tail pipe and just mutter cunts to yourself when you study your new bill, they don’t even have the decency to chat you up anymore, I wis I could have done that in my younger years,,,,,, if you don’t like it fuck off, but as usual to much agro to go out and find a new girlfriend…..

  15. Wow what a way to bundle a shit load of cuntings into one nom! Leave some for the rest of us will ya?
    Excellent list! Love it.

  16. Bitches shouting into their phone on the street…….

    “That Tracey is a caaaw. You know what she did? You know what she fucking did?”

    Even worse are the foreigners jabbering away . Fuck knows what they are shouting about but to my ears they are saying …..

    “Yeah i’m still here cunt. You thought voting for Brexit was going to keep me out didn’t you?
    Fuck you whitey Infidel.”
    When you get past the point of annoyance then you eventually reach a state of despair and hopelessness.
    Cheer up, i’ve just got some beers in.

    • Just don’t interrupt the shouters when they’re on speakerphone so that the whole word can hear because they’ll point out that its a private conversation. Cunts!!

  17. Cunts that say season instead of series get on my onions.

    Renaming grub for no reason. Which cunt thought of calling Marathon fucking Snickers?! And British crisps are not bastard ‘chips’. And today I saw the original Opal Fruits (with original classic flavours) in the local shop. But I’ve no doubt it’ll be some daft ‘limited edition’ bollocks, and those horrible Starburst things will be back soon.

    • Yeah and a ”Pannini” or a “sub” is a fucking bread roll ok? A pizza is cheese on toast with whatever shit you like bunged on and a Colzone is a fucking pasty. Don’t get me started on “artisan bread” or “real ale” for fucks sake.
      These middle class pricks need to get over themselves and stop all this “cultural appropriation.”

      Oh no, wait a minute! That only applies to trash like us doesn’t it?

      • Too true, Freddie. And cunts who can make a butty referring to themselves as ‘sandwich artists’ are complete knobheads.

      • I would expand on that Norman and include cunts who have regular jobs like a barman (bartender also boils my piss) but are mixologists because they mix fancy cocktails for other cunts. Same goes for baristas and pouring coffee for infantilized millennial cunts who want sprinkles or a fucking marshmallow in it.

      • “Real Ale” was very 70s, CAMRA and Roger Protz.
        It’s all “craft beer” now.
        Artisan bread?
        Fuck that. Hovis Granary is brilliant, works as toast and marmalade, or cheddar sarnies with Geeta’s Lime and Chilli Chutney.
        The canine spherical.

      • Have you noticed that the people who complain about cultural appropriation are the same ignorant cunts who are totally oblivious to the hypocrisy that they have appropriated white European culture?

    • The cleaning product Jif was rebranded “Cif” because most Eurocunts don’t have a soft “j”.

      The Turks do, though. It’s spelled “c”. So no change there.

  18. The kids or the Mrs hammering on the bathroom door, when you have just settled down on the throne for a nice relaxing shite and a read of ISAC.

    “Are you on the toilet?” No, I am piloting a fucking velocipede; what the fuck do you want?🙄

    • Genuinely sorry to hear about your dad, Paul. As you saw fit to share the sad news on here, please allow my reply.

      I hope and trust you will have the resilience and composure on that most difficult day to do your best.

      With very best wishes

      • Thanks Les for your kind words.

        I am preparing myself by rehearsing a tribute, with just me in my workshop. Hopefully I will be able to keep it together on the day and tell some happy tales from the past.

      • I read your remarks the other day (but didn’t reply).
        I think your “happy tales from the past” is a sensible approach to what is an intractable problem of how to deal with this horrible time in most of our lives.

        From what I’ve seen on here, I think you will find the right words on the day. Not that this makes it any “easier”, but there is much to be said for stoicism.

        Go well in all events.

  19. Petrol station food. It’s all the same ,wedges of shit ,spicy chicken roll that when you finally go through the process of relaying what you want within the fucking roll,
    You politely ask the person to cut it in half ,as it’s less messy to consume.
    They never cut it fully in half though, so when in the car trying to tear it apart you end up with a right mess of shit
    The chicken breasts were produce of China ( I couldn’t believe until I saw it with my own eyes)
    I try to make sandwiches for road trips these days but it’s a lottery if I have prepared supplies the previous evening

  20. And what the fuck is a “sun blessed tomato”? Sounds like something Neil’s dad would shove up his arse with the butt end of a badminton racquet.

    “Oi, my dad’s not bent right? He’s got loads of porn and everything.”

  22. Stupid pre-programme warnings, such as “May depict violence” before a doc on Nazi invasion of x.
    Whereas tonight I watched a good doc on Yesterday, Secrets of London’s Underground. No warning about the transbumda in the leopardprint frock…

  24. Cunts that drive into an otherwise quiet and classy area with their car windows open and blaring out that crappy jungle/drill/rap/grime shite out at full blast. Not everybody wants to hear an uppity loudmouthed mills and boon shouting incoherent drivel over a monotonous drum machine. Shut the frig up, you cunts.

  25. Sports, when one has to listen to the analysis by previous sports people
    Let the commentator fill us in if there’s anything interesting to comment on and when the event is over just say goodbye and thanks for watching

    • Add to that modern football commentary, although I wasn’t a big fan of ‘Motty’ either.

  26. “Don’t sweat the small stuff”, as my wife would say, who admittedly can be a cunt, but I tend to agree with her on this one.

  27. Banks who refuse to let you open an account unless you own a mobile phone.

    Banks who insist you use an app instead of a website

    Apps in general. Fucking pointless. Use the website you cunts…

  28. Sirs:

    “Safety notices on everything. Pages and pages and pages of safety hints, even for the most mundane of things like a a computer mouse, a desk light or a microwave ready-meal.”

    YES!

    “This product, if you dip it in a mixture of used motor oil and paraquat and shove it up your ass, is known to the State of California to possibly cause some kind of cancer. Maybe.”

  29. Women going through the checkout in a shop, slowly packing their bags and then appearing surprised when they are told that they have to pay for the items. Then starts a five minute job of remembering that their purse is at the bottom of the bag they’ve just packed. Always happens when you’re in a hurry! Cunts!

  30. Great nom! Can relate to most of these but – Women who have absolutely no concept of time and punctuality. We might have a dinner engagement at 7:30 10 miles away, but the missus is still faffing about with her hair/make-up at 7:15! – struck a chord!
    My Mrs has NEVER, in all the 46 years of being married, EVER been on time for anything. Even the old trick of giving a get-ready time 30 minutes in advance of the real time has never worked!
    Trouble is the longer I’m married to her, the MORE irritating it gets. I really CAn understand why murder happens for the simplest of reasons.

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