I have recently been getting 2-3 messages every day from “Lisa Riley”…I’m assuming it’s the Fat Sow out of Emmerdale ( Mrs. Boggs will doubtless know who I mean)…telling me about the benefits of some fat-busting pills that she swears by….what I don’t understand is why tell me about them.
I’m not fat and have never in my life looked up weight-loss programmes…and even if I was some lard-arsed gut-bucket, I doubt that Lisa ” Land-Whale” Riley could convince me that she has the answer to my porkiness.
I can understand the e-mails from advertisers telling me about the 15 horny housewives who are itching to fuck me and live within a 2 mile radius of my house ( although I only know of Old Widow Charlton and at her age,mid 80s, I rather suspect her days of horniness are behind her)..my ” browsing” of Pornhub in order to be outraged would explain these e-mails.
I can understand the e-mails from Crown Prince Chetewayo Umbongo asking me to help him transfer billions of dollars out of SootyLand…my reputation as a vast Landowner and Man of Substance attracts that type.
I can understand the e-mails inviting me to buy Bitcoins…my reputation as a vast Landowner,Man of Substance and complete Fuckwit make such approaches inevitable….but I really can’t understand why Lisa Riley would consider me a Bloater ripe for plucking.
PS…Vanessa Feltz is a fat Cunt.
Nominated by – Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler