Nauseating Songs

Posted on by

 

The Crown Prince of Nauseating songs. All hail.

On warm summer days the wife and I spend a lot of time loafing about in the garden, drinking wine and listening to oldies on some ‘classics’ radio channel. Generally you’ll hear good stuff, running the gamut from ABBA, the Beatles and the Bee Gees, all the way through to the Zombies.

Unfortunately from time to time, they’ll destroy the mood by playing some muck that’s so cheesy that it can induce feelings ranging from slight biliousness to a head-spinning, migraine style nausea, making you want to vomit in the nearest flowerbed.
There we were yesterday, basking in the sun like a couple of lizards and enjoying hearing some good tunes again, when on comes THIS abomination;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oSjhuIb6Us

Christ on a bike. Who actually went out and bought this, then listened to it without feeling queasy?

Naturally this set us off down memory lane, and before too long we had a list of nauseating songs which for my money, should be flushed down the nearest khazi.
“JJ Barrie, ‘No Charge’ is a cert”, said the wife gleefully. “Clive Dunn, ‘Grandad’. Neil Reid, ‘Mother of Mine’…”.

It didn’t take me long to come up with Billie Piper, ‘Because We Want To’, and ‘Honey’, by Bobby Goldsboro. “What about ‘Hello, This Is Joannie’, by Paul What’s-his-name, and ‘Save Your Love’, by Renée and Renato”?, chipped in the missus again.

Well, this little game kept us amused for quite a while, and made me think that I’d like to start up a K-tel type label (“Shithouse Records”, I think I’d call it) to launch a series of releases for the enjoyment of cunters everywhere. I’d follow “Now That’s What I Call Nauseating” with “NTWIC Irritating” and “NTWIC Boring”.

But let’s stay with the nausea theme for now. Come on you cunters out there in IsAcunt. What songs cause you queasily to reach for the sickbag? I’ll see your ‘Uptown Uptempo Woman’, and raise you a ‘Candle In The Wind’ *warble warble* “goodbah England’s rose…”. Thanks for that one Fat Reg. Now do one, there’s a good chap.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

129 thoughts on “Nauseating Songs”

  1. “World without Love.”
    Keir and Kunty. ✖️
    Sorry, Peter and Gordon.

  2. Feed the world 🤮

    Never been to me – Charlene 🤮🤮

    Good misnomer and fuck off!

  5. Oh fuck there are too many. Seasons in the fucking sun sets my teeth on edge.

    • On further reflection Mrs Robinson is a much more fucking annoying song then the sound of silence ever was but still overplayed asf

  7. Wonderful!
    Morning all. Some cheesy, cloying cornball classics and no mistake.
    Here’s a few more from our list which ain’t a cause to celebrate.

    Dame Elton; Can You Feel The Luurve Tonight?
    Tammy Whinerette; D.I.V.O.R.C.E. (‘me an’ l’il J.O.E are goin’ away…) Fuck me.
    Stevie W; I Just Called To Say I Love You
    Culture Club; Karma Chameleon
    Chris de Burgh; Lady In Red (rhymes ‘dance’ with ‘romance’ then sings ‘daaarnce’, what a cunt)

    Oh and somebody, please destroy every remaining copy of this fucking atrocity;

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EEW-9NDM5k

  11. Anything by Paul McCartney especially “someone’s knocking on the door”. Possibly the most irritating one of them all!

    • Definitely. Sickness on steroids.

      The lyrics and the way Bobby delivers them just make me want to puke

  14. Oh JC, I’d ALMOST forgotten “Grandad.”
    Raised mawkishness to a hitherto unattained level. What could be worse?
    A duet from Handcock and Pina Colada…

  15. Don’t look back in anger. Awful song. Has connotation too with “Ah, fuck all those kids that got blown up in Manchester. Let’s not be angry or upset at peacefuls more than anything else, right kids?”

    That song made me realise that Oasis were really just a shit pub band.

    Although as I’ve got older, I listen to any old shite. If a tune pops in my head, I have no shame and put it as part of my playlist. My playlist is so wide ranging it would probably get me sectioned.

    For example, Baccarra’s ‘Yes sir, I can boogie’ has been on the playlist for about 2 years. The ginger one is a dead ringer for Ray Parlour. The dark haired Frog bird was fit as fuck though. You’ll find James Brown, The Doors, Men at Work, The Stranglers, Nirvana, Bad Manners, The Bee Gees, James fucking Blunt, Kraftwerk, Chic, Santana, 90s club music, Motorhead, The Jackson 5, The Stone Roses, Pavarotti, The Kinks, Adam and the Ants and many more all mixed together.

    Sounds mental played in random order. Couldn’t give a fuck.
    Makes the Mrs laugh anyway.

  16. Some absolute stinkers:

    Starland Vocal Band – ‘Afternoon Delight’

    Squeeze – ‘Cool For Cats’

    Paul Evans ‘Hello, This Is Joanie’

    Dean Friedman and Denise Marsa – ‘Lucky Stars’

    Leapy Lee – ‘Little Arrows’

    Opus – ‘Live Is Life’

    Lynsey De Paul and Mike Moran – ‘Rock Bottom’

    Goombay Dance Band – ‘Seven Tears’

    Lena Martell – ‘One Day At A Time’

    Bryan Adams – Everything I Do

    Wet Wet Wet – Love Is All Around

    • Ouch!
      ‘Afternoon Delight’ and ‘Seven Tears’ are a great antidote for constipation!

    • Star land vocal band, nice folks singing about how much they can’t wait to get their keks off after lunch. So give em points for that.

      I have a great deal less patience for that shit for brains crawing about a soggy cake left out in the rain.

  17. Anything by that fat fruit, Robbie Williams.
    Millennium, Rock DJ, Let Me Entertain You, and the steaming turd that was Angels.

    Anything by Madogga. Shite from start to finish.

    Jimmy Bastard Osmond. What else needs to be said?

    Saturday Night by Whigfield. I’d have given her one though.

    There was also a really horrible record in the 90s by some faceless Fatcunt Slim type called Blue Boy. Some screeching bitch wailing ‘Remember Me! I’m the one who had your baby!’ over and fucking over. The rest of the record was the daft cow going ‘Ken-K-K-Ken Ken’ repeatedly for some daft reason. Absolute audio excrement.

    • Whigfield. There’s a blast from the past.

      Would’ve absolutely ruined it. She’d never have been the same again after escaping my cellar.

      • Robbie Willams “millennium” is actually the only track by him I like buts it tied to teenage nostalgic memories so whatever

    • Day trip to Bangor, May as well been Skegness.

      Morning train, dodgy song but who noticed anything but the lovely Sheena

      Locomotion covered by Koily, same as above.

  20. Grandma We Love You
    Most Christmas Songs

    I Wanna Dance With Somebody – Shitney Houston
    I Will Always Love You – Shitney Houston
    Didn’t We Almost Have It All – Shitney Houston
    Greatest Love of All – Shitney Houston

    Pretty much anything played on the radio is shite

    • Martin Hannett, legendary Joy Division and Factory producer was involved in the recording of ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’ at Strawberry Studios in Stockport. He got well paid, but he felt guilty about helping such a piece of crap to be committed to vinyl. For his part in its success, Hannett was given a gold disc. So he used that to snort his cocaine off. He could often be seen in Strawberry, snorting off the ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’ gold disc. They don’t make ’em like Martin Hannett any more. RIP.

      • There’s No One Quite Like Grandma, blimey is that what is what called! Had no idea about the link to Joy Division either! Thx

      • You can’t get over it can you dear
        Did Alan Brzil pop up on lead vocals

  21. That Cornershop thing ‘Brimful Of Asha’ was total shite.

    On the Inside by Lynne Hamilton. Theme to Prisoner Cell Block H. ‘He used to bring me roses. Then they recaptured him again’.

    Blur’s ‘Country House’. That ‘Battle of Britpop’ bollocks. All that coverage and fuss over shite like that and ‘Roll With It’. Both were crap.

    Anything by Fatcunt Slim.’Praise You’ sounds like a shit Macca/Wings B-Side.

    ‘The Power of Love’ by Jennifer Rush. She looked like a right goer though.

    That grunting French crap by that frog faced dirty old cunt, Serge Gainsbourg and his tart.

    And that KLF Timelords bollocks. Featuring Daleks, Blockbuster, and Gary Shitter

    • Brimful of asha would have stayed an obscure piece of shite only played by John Peel if that annoying twatboy slim hadn’t ‘remixed’ it. Another crime against humanity that prick is responsible for.

  23. Claire and Friends.
    It’s horrible being in love when your eight and a half.

    A proper stinker, – guaranteed to have you reaching for the tablets.

  24. Agadoo

    Feed the world

    The Earth song (wacko jacko)

    Love is all around

    Flying Pickets shite

    All shite

    Everything I do

    All death metal ‘songs’

    Rap ‘music’

  25. Tell Laura I Love Her by Ray Peterson.

    A tune that is cheesier than Fat Reg’s festering bellend. It’s about some kid who croaked it during a stock car race smash.

    “And in his dying breath they heard him say”

    Puke 🤢. Vomit 🤮. Utter shite, of the highest order.

  26. That fucking frog song by Paul McCuntny . Can’t remember the name but you all know the one I mean.

  28. I had a brilliant cassette when I was a child called The World’s worst Record. It was compiled by Kenny Everett and the case was a puce Green colour. It had some real gems on it including some diabolical singing from Mrs Mills and a sick song called Transfusion about someone that keeps having car crashes. The singer was called Nervous Norvus and it’s a classic of bad taste –

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbhvZ2y1V80

    I jump in my rod about a quarter to nine
    I gotta make a date with that chick of mine
    I cross the center line man you gotta make time-
    Transfusion transfusion
    Oh man I got the cotton pickin’ convolutions
    Never never never gonna speed again
    Shoot the juice to me Bruce

    My foot’s on the throttle and it’s made of lead
    But I’m a fast ridding daddy with a real cool head
    I’ma gonna pass a truck on the hill ahead-
    Transfusion transfusion
    My red corpsuckles are in mass confusion
    Never never never gonna speed again
    Pass the crimson to me Jimson

    I took a little drink and I’m feelin’ right
    I can fly right over everything everything in sight
    There’s a slow poking cat I’m gonna pass him on the right-
    Transfusion transfusion
    I’m a real gone paleface and that’s no illusion
    I’ma never never never gonna speed again
    Pass the claret to me Barrett

    Etc, etc, etc

  30. Anyone remember those utter cunts, Arrested Development?

    Their Sly and the Family Stone rip off ‘People Everyday’. Basically an anti-white load of shite before woke and BLM arrived. The follow up ‘Mister Wendell’ was also a load of cack

Comments are closed.