Lyse Doucet

Posted on by


An off-the-scale global power cunting please for the BBC world correspondent, Lyse Doucet.

I’d just came in from an early day shift, tired and crabbit, turned on the idiot’s lantern and, after switching over from very briefly watching the tennis, was met with this indecipherable, garbled audiovisual shitfest from some French Canadian nail reporting on the (British) news from fucking Afghanistan. Fuck me! Ms Doucet’s (no surprises she isn’t married — has a face like a fucking welder’s bench) voice can only be described as a cross between a young bleating sheep and a robotic fucking rain man. If I could’ve reached into the the screen, I would’ve, and slapped the bitch with great force. A no talent empty vessel if ever there was one. Get to fuck, Lyse fucking Doucet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsQIkEhZN5A

(Here she explaining her cunting voice – NA)

Nominated by: Heather Mills’ stump

59 thoughts on “Lyse Doucet”

  1. With a name like that, I was coming up with images of some saucy French bit, like Anna Karina (RIP) or Sylive Vartan. Imagine my horror when I (a) found out it was a Beeb acolyte and (b) when I clocked the cunt’s ugly fizzog. Dear me, talk about coming down to earth…🤢

  2. Fucking hell! Who needs a nuclear deterrent when you’ve got an ugly cunt like her (it is a “her” isn’t it?)

    Drop her into Afghanistan and ISIS will surrender in minutes!

    I thought the Geneva Convention forbade nations to using fug-uglies of mass destruction? That said I suppose CC will get the horn!

    Bring back Kate Adie – she was good looking, a great reporter, and was fearless!

  6. I have seen her a couple of times reporting from war torn shit holes, her voice does offend the ears like that cold feet actor who does advert voice overs.

      • Him with the variable hair and 2 facial expressions? A national treasure.

  7. For those that never thought to see what it means:

    French: nickname for a gentle-natured person, from Old French dolz, dous ‘sweet’, ‘pleasant’ (from Latin dulcis).

  8. Been on the go for a while as the beebs Middle East propaganda correspondent.

    President Assad = bad
    Moderate head choppers.. sorry – rebels = good
    You know the type.

    And she’s an ugly whiny voiced old witch to boot.

  9. Ske’s quite good on R4 News. Asks the right questions and speaks better English than most of her little-girlie contemporaries on the channel. Her looks? As the barman said when the punter complained about the Watney’s Starlight bitter – “You’ll be old and weak one day, too!”
    Looks like an honest face to me: no Botox, no filler, no rendering, no repointing. Probably looks like hell when they put the slap on for the cameras, but then who doesn’t?

    Might have gone for this cunting if it had given some evidence that she was incompetent or more than usually woke. But it didn’t, and I don’t.

    • PS, fucked if I’d want to report for a UK outlet from Afghanistan. She’s been doing it for months, and was doing so as the troops left.

      • Ah, reminds me of David Byrne and Talking Heads!

        “Once in a Lifetime” – Great 80s video, helped if you were on acid, as clearly he was!

      • Tina Weymouth gave me the horn. We have a portrait of her on the landing.

      • Ruff@
        You probably know this,
        But Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz produced the Happy Mondays album ‘yes please!’
        They tried to record in Barbados because theres no heroin there and Shaun Ryder was trying to break his smack habit.
        Unfortunately they do have crack there.
        Shaun sold all the furniture in Eddy Grants studio where they were recording, and even his clothes.
        Weymouth and Frantz were aghast.

      • Good anecdote, Miserable. I didn’t know that, but not surprised. After all: smack, like love, is all around.

    • Nice one about the Grotney-Spewman’s!
      She indeed has the perfect face for the wireless…

  11. She’s been around for years. Weird voice which I thought was Irish. However, I’ve never heard any woke or BLM shite come out of her mouth, unlike other representatives of the Bashir Bullshit Corporation (Emily Mattress, etc), so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

  12. The BBC seems to specialize in sending old hags out to that part of the world. There´s another one called Orla Guerin. One look at her ugly mug and the Taleban would flee back into the highest mountains. She has regularly been accused of being anti-Israel and stood as a an Irish Labour Party candidate for the European Parliament back in the 90s.

    • I was just thinking of Orla Guerin, though not in THAT sort of way, you understand…

  13. “Face like a welders bench”. What fucking beauty. Still chuckling now.

  14. Colonel Gaddafi ‘s ugly sister freed from a home for the criminally unmelodic.

  15. Never heard of the cunt (haven’t watched Al-Beeb much in recent years) however I’m sensing we’ve stumbled across a tuppence licker here. The force is strong with this one.

  16. That’s not a Canadian accent I’ve heard and I’ve spent time over there and have distant relatives living. Mind you I’ve not been to every part of Canada.

    She must be a Newfie or from one of the weird provinces, where they have cheese curds and gravy for every meal.

    • *living there.

      Googled it and she’s from one of the maritime provinces and an Acadian (bit like Quebecoise).

      Eh What’s dat aboowt eh?

    • A friend told me these cunts have shops that sell milk in bags and I don’t mean powdered stuff like that Marvel or baby formula. Dopey cunts.

      • I think they call them “bladders” but yes that’s a thing.

        They bleach their eggs white like in America.
        They love bacon – I can get on board with that one.

    • Upon further investigation, she does pronounce certain words with a Canadian twang. House is pronounced hoasse.

      I’m turning into the CS of Canadian colloquialisms

      • Have you seen Michelle Dewberry on GB NEWS Harold ?
        She pronounces Furlough Fuurloo

      • @ Fenton, I wouldn’t care how Michelle dewberry said furlough, only thing I would want to hear from her is dont stop big boy, and do you want anal?

      • She’s from Hull or “Oll” as the locals call it.

        Went out with a lass from Hull once. She had a posher voice when it suited, but when she got annoyed she’d slip into the vernacular.

        Road became Rurrrd.
        I don’t know became Ah durrt nurr.

  17. My progeny are now putting it about that I’ve been recently reincarnated as a robin. Silly sods.

    “Loose 67¹”, as she is known to her handful of closest friends, was in fact captured at birth by the Algemene Inlichtingen- en Veiligheidsdienst² in New Brunswick, Canada. They clandestinely took her to Appingedam, a small town in the Netherlands, where she was brought up in a cruelly austere régime by a reactionary old East Friesian couple³, whose loyalty to the House of Orange was unshakeable.

    In her early twenties, around 1983, she was rescued by British Intelligence. The cover story/legend was (and still is) that she was educated in Toronto and had started working for the BBC in West Africa, whereas in fact her recruitment was part of a Hanslope Park scheme to acquire agents fluent in Dutch with a chip on their shoulder about arcane political wars⁴, as it was realised in the late 1970s they had never had any.

    This explains not only her extraordinarily exaggerated and egregious rhoticity, for which she is perhaps best known, but also her penchant for spicy Sumatran rijsttafel dishes in general and Surinamese sambals in particular.

    ¹ A play on the French «dix-sept» (6-7) and her unfortunate facial “bagginess”; hence “Lyse Doucet” becomes “Loose Dix Sept”

    ² the Dutch analogue of SIS (MI6)

    ³ clog wearers, not cattle

    ⁴ you really should hear LD saying this word – over and over again – on her BBC reports. She doesn’t like it… she loves it!

    That’s rather interesting CS. Unlike our next nomination where I’ll have to read the comments on it – DA

    • The plot inspissates….

      I’ve already got my bingo card ready. Top right – ‘chiggun’ wow that’s original. Not seen that one before. – DA

      • As in „Heaven 17“, or so you might imagine. I think it depends on whether there is a hyphen between the «dix» and the «sept». Plainly it only makes sense as 10-7 (or as you point out 17 – possibly).

        I could’ve sworn it was Loose 67, though I must have “mis-remembered” that, as “Loose six sept” obviously loses the correct metathesis of the Spoonerism .

      • These are some of your more interesting contributions LD/Led Zep.

        Why Led Zep out of interest?

    • Rijsttafel…now I see, Dutch for rice table.

      Many a restaurant between Bukittingi and Medan sets the table with a small plate of everything, many spicy beef chicken (no pork!) and fish preparations, rare fruits and vegetables, rice and noodle dishes. You’d take what you wanted and the lady would put the rest back.

      So it’s called rijsttafel…I!d never have known where to look it up and here it is on IsAC.

  18. Oh Yes she’s the one with the really irritating weird voice. Sounds as if she’s chewing on man fat. I don’t suppose she’s ever done that.

  19. Anyone got Tom Oconner in Deadpool ?

    Wait for more mourning and victim hood from the scousers…

    Ps I had a filling fall out whilst listening to that Douchette shitebag make a radio news report from Gazza or some such.

    I think she should pay my dental bill.

  20. If the photograph of her was taken in Afghanistan you would of thought she would respect local customs and wear a burqa.

  21. Always has a pro peaceful/anti west slant to her reporting, this fucker.

    No wonder she’s a favourite of Al Beeb.

  22. Looks a little like that weasley looking gobshite cunt Katey fucking Hopkins can ruin any hard on faster than being told to dip the old womb raider in a penis beaker before charging up the dusty tunnel of doom….

Comments are closed.