Ideal Wives

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You burned that loaf, luv.

Do they exist? When I fulfilled the future Mrs. Polly´s dream and agreed to marry her it looked as if I was facing a lifetime of non-stop nymphomania combined with her darning my socks, agreeing slavishly with my opinions on everything from global warming to the quality of Hunter Biden´s “art” and the meaning of life.

BTW – and an important BTW – I didn´t actually propose to her. If you´ve read the H. G. Wells novel “The History of Mr Polly” – hence my nom name – you will see why I have become his clone. He was ambushed in a similar way and basically walked into the prison cell of his own making.

The future Mrs. P. had been harping on about matrimony for a while as she taught me – a native of Glasgow where most men would rather have a fish supper than face the sexual demands of our hatchet-faced women – things I had never imagined.

So that fateful, night after the second bottle of wine in a restaurant in the Italian-speaking region of Switzerland, where we were at the time, was the clincher. We went back to our hotel and had the most amazing session.

I still remember as it was the last time we had sex apart from the wedding night where I had to present the blooded sheets to her parents the following morning.

Nominated by the presumably now single – Mr Polly 

70 thoughts on “Ideal Wives”

  1. Women-they are all fucking mad 🤔

    What is that old adage? Something like:

    A man marries his perfect woman, then she changes.

    A women marries her perfect man, then spends the rest of his life trying to change him.

    Lots of truth in that one 😢

    My advice to anyone thinking about marriage.
    Don’t.
    🤔

    • Having been married three times, I can confirm that finding a woman that you hate and handing over your house to her is cheaper and less stressful in the long run.

    • Women should be more like cars, after you have had it for a few years trade it in for new model.
      It (she) should come with a warranty, any issues in the first six months send it back and get a replacement.
      If you have had a brunette, you might fancy a blonde for a bit of a change, small tits, upgrade to larger ones if that takes you fancy.

      Best get a cat or dog for companionship, women are too fucking needy 😂

  4. If you want a ideal wife get one of them sex robot things.
    No mithering, or moaning.
    Always up for custard,
    And doesn’t matter if you forget its birthday.
    Although my mate had one an it ran off with a Terminator.
    Dirty Droids.
    🤖

  5. The man who has done more than any other cunt to discourage marriage is HRH Prince Harold of Halfwit. I’ve never seen such a pussy whipped pathetic excuse for a man in my life. He ought to be pissing it up, banging posh bints and generally being a cunt, but there he is moping about, miserable as fuck, whining on about his mental elf and his ishoos. Fuck me, what kind of example is that to today’s young men? Mind you, with the continuing emasculation and soyification of the British male maybe he’s the perfect role model.

    • Absolutely Freddie. Harry Hewitt is a classic example of the Pussification of Western man.

  6. I had a date once with a girl who had lost the bottom part of her leg.
    I thought the date had gone okay but she didn’t want to see me again.
    Maybe we just got off on the wrong foot….

    • I was once engaged to a woman with a wooden leg. I later decided to break it off.

      I’ll get me coat.

  7. I wouldn’t get married again, even if the hair round her fanny was mink.

  8. Kingsley Amis is his book “New Maps of Hell” (a survey of science fiction), which I’m currently reading, quotes the following ad from an American science fiction magazine of the 1950’s. It’s for a “stuffed girls head” for only $2.98 –

    “Blondes, brunettes and redheads for every man to boast of his conquests….the first realistic likeness of the exciting women who play an important part in every man’s life…..and one of the nicest qualities is that they don’t talk back!….These life-size heads are so lifelike they almost breathe. Saucy, glittering eyes, full sensuous mouth and liquid satin complexion…..mounted on a genuine mahogany plaque, complete and ready to hang on the wall for excitement and conversation “.

    Sounds ideal.

  9. All women change, married or not, especially after children. It’s as if their bodies say “job done” and shut up shop. They’re lives then seem to be one long cause for complaint with the hubby bearing the inevitable brunt. What they fail to realise is that a damn good regular seeing too would make them feel happier and more wanted. But nature won’t let them see the fucking light. What a cunt!

  10. Japanese girls

    Great figures
    No tattoos
    Very feminine
    Look younger than their age
    Great hair (upstairs and downstairs)
    Sexy eyes
    Take care of themselves, well manicured
    Hard workers
    Very disciplined
    Very experimental sexually
    Honest.

    Like most women, some can be fucking mental but that goes without saying.

    Always remember reading when searching about Western men’s experiences with Japanese girls, one guy said something like “felt my relationship was going really well up until the point my girlfriend stabbed me”.

    Men and women clearly very different mentally, remember my wife used to say “how can you want sex after an argument”? Always thought sex was great following an argument.

    The day I give up fancying Japanese girls (including the 51 year old Mrs Stroker) is the day I give up sex.

    • Agree Willie, I have known a few and they appreciated masculinity too. Not some overbearing ‘Alpha Male’ bell end type but just simple masculine qualities that we are losing in the West due to redefining gender and emasculating boys.

    • Each to there own Willie. Far eastern girls all look the same to me , like 12 year old boys.

    • Yes, as they say in the navy, women are ok but fuck all like the real thing.

      An Argentinian Goucho name Bruno said about sex I do know.
      Women are fine and sheep are divine.
      But llamas are numero Uno.

  12. As Patrice O’Neal would say, “It’s your fault nigğeh!”

    Hands down the best philosophy I’ve come across on the relationship between men and women. Check out ‘The Black Philip Show’ on youtube.

      • Indeed. Those radio shows he did were full of gems, and hilarious. If he were still alive he’d have a podcast bigger than Rogan’s.

  13. A woman goes to the doctor worried about her husband’s temper.
    Dr says When he gets angry get a glass of water and swill your mouth with it. Don’t swallow just swill until he either calms down or leaves the room.
    Two weeks later she’s back. Marvelous she says How does a glass of water do that?
    Dr. The water does fuck all, it’s keeping your mouth shut that does it.

  14. In isamic culture you can have 4 wives.
    Think some of those Mormons have a few too,
    The bucktooth bigamists.
    But by nature its one man one woman.
    Its just right.
    Works fine.
    But this ideal wife things daydreaming really,
    Nobody is perfect.
    And perfect is bit boring anyway!
    I don’t want someone who agrees with me on everything.
    Occasionally would be nice though…

    • An Indian man who was the head of a Christian sect recently died and left behind 38 wives! I bet he had to wait ages before he could take a morning crap in peace with the paper.

      • Whats the point of 38 wives?
        Just greed that.
        Hiding something, trying to hard isnt he?
        Bet he’s really into Bollywood songs and rides elephants sidesaddle…

    • To be fair they should have seven, one for each day of the week when they threaten to cut their heads off. She’d be begging for the stella man again.

  15. Mrs Terry has gone on a jaunt and I’m drinking a good scotch.
    Marriage counselling can Fuck Off.
    Just drink through it.

  16. My wife was fine until we had our daughter. Then she became a demanding, callous, spiteful, petty cunt. My daughter is 13 by the way, so now you know how long I’ve had to put up with this shit for.

    • Rod-the linger you leave it, the greater the resentment.
      Move on.
      Or take up fishing😉

      • I’m 44. So I’m due a midlife crisis at any time now. I might just dive balls deep in a younger woman and to fuck with consequences.

      • Don’t ruin your relationship with your daughter though, she should be looking to you not the mother for guidance. I’m sorry that I’ve nothing more flippant to write.

      • I’m watching a fly fishing competition on my laptop right now, it’s a live stream….

  17. A Wife, a dog and and a Walnut Tree. The more you beat them the better they be..
    In my case she is 6.2 foot and capable of cutting my nuts off and feeding them to the dog. Yes darling, no darling.

  18. My wife has old Dyson disease. She still whines but doesn’t suck anymore.

    Reality is I’m happy. Mrs Mitten is 13 years younger, and though a bit bigger, still gives me the horn. She cooks my dinner, looks after me and the kids and life is better with her.

    Marriage is about compromise for both of you and if neither of you can the relationship is fucked. A lot of women are controlling and mental but there are good ones.

    • Mrs Norman is 43 now, but she is in great nick and her arse still turns heads when she wears tight keks. She’s had me gardening like a madman during this hot weather. But she’s miles above some of the bitches I’ve been with (including my snake-like ex, the fucking cunt), and I have had 14 great years now with the Mrs.

      • Year older than my missus Norman. Met her when she’d just turned 20 and I was 33. Certainly didn’t expect it still to be going 22 years later. Think her arse is her best asset as well. Got some meat on it to hold onto.

  19. I think I must be very, very lucky.
    My missus is 12 years younger than me, bears a startling resemblance to Rachel Weisz, and is adorable.
    The question for me has never been ‘why the hell did I marry her?’. It’s always been ‘why the fuck did she ever marry me?’.

  20. Where’s B&WC? Not seen him for ages? He has the best advice on the management and disposal of sperm receptacles.

    Only advice I can give is with 90% of women is don’t get into a long term thing with them unless you’re happy with sex being withdrawn and replaced by nagging.

    No idea, he’s not banned. We’ve only banned one person in the last month – DA

  21. So Lockdown may be set to return in 5 weeks is the message from Chris Shitty.Who saw that coming.Also anyone using the NHS app is a stupid cunt.Imagine installing an app that is designed only to imprison you in your home at any time.2 years ago everyone would have pissed themselves if someone went on Dragon`s den with that idea.

    Love the argument that we can avoid another lockdown by staying in the current one.I keep saying this but it really is 1984 “Freedom is slavery war is peace ignorance is strength”.I honestly am at my wits end with it all and I say that again.It is like groundhog day.When the country is bankrupt and society collapses my only consolation will be saying “I told you so” which is a pretty shit prize.

    • The Dutch bloke apologised to the clog people for opening up too soon, the whole world is up it’s arse 😂

      • We are fucked.I am just sit of arguing about it just waiting to see it all unravel.Spoiler it won`t be nice.

      • #Sick of arguing about it .Starting to think the anti vaxers may be right. I mean the reality is more absurd.

      • The Covid figures (made up) released today were the worst since early January. The writing is on the wall. In NZ that horse faced wokie bitch has announced that the government is the ONLY source of truth about covid, everything else is a lie. It’s coming.

    • Witty got hassled by a couple of drunk blokes who tried to get a selfie (hate that word) with him.
      What would’ve happened if he’d met a couple of blokes who’d maybe lost their job, business or house.?
      I think the cunt got off lightly….

    • Because the first two lockdowns worked so well, we have to have another one.

      Oh, hang on.

  22. To be fair they have got the shitty end of the stick with childbirth, periods, cooking and the worst of all ironing. The last thing you need is a bloke on the Stella beating her up, where is my fucking tttttt you cunt. Even still they moan too much if you don’t like it fuck off.

  23. In my experience all women are barking fucking mad! My current missus does give a good chomp when she’s in the mood though.

  24. There’s lies, damned lies, and then there was the poisonous shit that was coming out of my ex wife’s mouth in the dying days of our marriage.
    She’s off lying to some other cunt now, and good riddance, I can’t imagine what the fucker would have been like going through the menopause, so glad to missing out on that.

  25. The old advice still stands. Study your prospective wife’s mother, because in appearance and behaviour, they really do turn into their mothers😢

    • They will accuse you and when you call um out on it. They don’t like the truth.

    • Ps Fucking the mum up the arse to prove her daughter is having a good time doesn’t go down well with the dad or step dad, so just go back on your days off to burning bags of shit on the doorstep. No winners there until 10 years later round the Christmas table. Then you can giggle to yourself.

    • My ex and her mother were very similar. A pair of fucking snakes and complete and utter cunts.

      Mrs Norman’s mother is OK in small doses, but her dad is brilliant. A right dry humoured bastard and an authority on anything from the 1970s. He’s sound as a pound and great for a Christmas piss-up.

  26. Bunch of hopeless cases on here tonight. We’ve been married 47 years next month, two daughters and three grandkids. As I’ve said before, no complaints and no regrets. Get a grip!

  27. Better off on your Todd..
    All woman are the work of the devil.. why do you think they all adore cats.
    The power of the pussy is a formidable weapon.. and they know it.

  28. It’s all about balance , women , emotional feelings, men worried about where the next supper comes from
    If you as a Man cannot give the security you’re fucked and degraded
    If however you can provide limitless financial joy
    You will have the best wife in Western Europe
    She’ll never leave you and won’t push the boat but she’ll have her say nonetheless
    She might even have an affair probably with a fucking mysterious waster
    but she’ll keep that under raps
    They are just mad and that is why they should not be in charge of decisions
    They generally do not make the right call
    Their version of events in the past are based on emotion and do not represent what actually happened.

    • I’ll pass on Angela Merkel and Loy Dee Lying thanks. I’d rather fuck my dog.

  29. I have some sympathy with young lads nowadays. All the (British) birds are really picky. Even the fat munters. They use that rape app for dating (Tinder or whatever it is) and have a different bloke every week. Birds nowadays demand too much (needs his own house and car, good career, at least 6 foot, six pack, thick hair etc). It is fat greasy haired cheesy arsed fatties demanding that too.

    I’m just glad I’m happily married and dodged all that shite. I can see why there’s an increase in younger lads getting wives from Eastern Europe and the far East. They’re (generally) more feminine and don’t think they’re all Miss fucking World.

  30. Glad, I’m single. No attachments.
    Remember what a pal told me. “I was unlucky in love. My first wife left me. But the second one didn’t”
    Marriage in the UK is just a means of messing you up financially. Better to be single in this day and age as there is no incentive to tie the knot or noose around ones neck.
    To those that are in stable and happy marriages or relationships, I do wish the best of course.

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