Darwin Award Nominees

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A cunting for muppets and how the fuck they have survived so long without help, natural selection is real and its coming for cunts like this fuck monkey and lots like him:

Man confuses stun gun for shaver

You know the dicks I mean, handstanding selfie takers on the edge of cliffs or leccy scooter surfers or even muppets who modify their cars but don’t know what they’re doing. Like the bell ends that dress up as a pantomime zebra and wander around the Serengeti looking for lions…… The clock is ticking for these stupid fuckers……

Nominated by: Fuglyucker

Seconded with links-a-plenty by Hard Brexit Cunt:

I’ll second this nomination but it still doesn’t beat the Polish cunt who chopped off his own head with a chainsaw during a drinking game with his mates.

Darwin Awards

https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg14820049-500-feedback/

Link to amputation stories…yes really.

62 thoughts on “Darwin Award Nominees”

  1. Letting millions of mongs into the country, that want to destroy it ,makes the English top of the shop for the Darwin award.

    • Hehehe 😀
      I love this shite.
      “When he was young he used to put on his sisters underwear but he died like a man”…

  2. These awards cheer me up no end. The more grisly the better. Dumb cunts who take selfies are the best. Keep up the good work, shit heads more room for us.

    We have a nomination about those soon – DA

    • There’s no pill for stupid!

      That’s a good thing.

      I’ve been known over the years to have a go at stuff that could have unpleasant consequences (fire eating being one example) but I always take the time to understand, and minimise, the risks I’m taking.

      Worst thing fire eating does to me is the shits if I swallow too much kerosene!

  3. Several Indians died while taking selfish at the top of a tower as lightning struck. I would provide a link but (1l I’m drunk and (2) this is the first time I’m posting from my fone and I don’t know how to paste links using it. And also (3) I can’t fixkingbe arsed.

    • Mind you, I’ve just read the link and they got naked and started bashing one another’s brains out with frozen turnips first, just to see how macho they could be (why naked though? Sounds a bit gay to me). I think I’ll stick to the local. Then one fella cuts off his toes with a chainsaw and thinks he’s won, and the other fella says, ‘Right then. Watch this!’ and chainsaws his own fucking head off.

      Fucking mad bastards lol.

      “We’ve all had a good night lads…”

  5. I saw this worrying documentary about the future if nature does not reap fools – “Idiocracy” (it may have been a film as opposed to a documentary TBH😀).
    The more Kool Aid drinkers stopped from breeding the better chance we have.

    • I think that was ‘Rise of the Planet of the Apes’, not a documentary. Fuck it, if we carry on getting pussy-whipped by the so called minorities then we will need more trees planting for them to swing from.

  6. Let the cunts die I say. So long as they don’t endanger anyone else but themselves. My favourite Darwin Award story has to be the one about a guy who worked at a US air base and pilfered one of the booster rockets that are used to help get heavily laden transport planes off the ground. He straps it to the roof of his car in an attempt to improve its performance, and you can probably guess the rest.
    Fantastic!

  7. Twatter and Cuntbook are Darwin’s handmaid. It’s the chance to post something daring on Twatter and Cuntbook that causes these morons to act like loons with a death wish. At least it’s purifying the gene pool. The only public service social media is performing.

  8. “Selfie” immolation is a personal favourite.
    It appears a very great many of The Yoof have no situational awareness whatsoever.
    The more the merrier haha!
    Beachy Head anyone?

  9. There have been a few mad fuckers who’ve turned up at Sentinel Island. Some religious nutters and some hippy types.

    The place has an isolated tribe living on it, that will chop you up as soon as you get near the fucking place.

    And still stupid cunts try to have a look around the place.

    • The last one was that thick as fuck Christian twat who went to tell them about god, as his particular strain of mental illness believe that the rapture won’t happen until everyone on earth has heard of god, so the dribbling fool went to tell them about the big cloud cunt, hoping it would speed things up, because there’s nothing a Christian fundamentalist likes more than an apocalypse.
      The prick turned up with some fish and a football, so they killed him, and probably eat him.
      Dumb cunt.

      • Although it would make a great series of ‘I’m a Celebrity’ if you had our wall of cunts as the entrants.

        To win the show and a 5 year contact on Coronation Street (those z list fuckers would do anything for that), they have to run from one end of the island to the other wearing bodycams.

        What a fucking great show that would be.

    • They watched TV once and now no fuckers welcome….. Can’t say I blame them…

  10. The guy in the link, Mohammed Khunt, thought the taser was a “grooming tool.”
    I suppose, if used against underage white girls, it is.
    The guy is also a tool, and it’s a great pity he wasn’t a fatality.
    There must be a good business plan in there; just stick the kit in a Philishave box, advertise widely in Arabic, or whatever j*gaboo lingo.

    WP doesn’t like that word – DA

  11. Aussie stingray whisperer, Steve Irwin was a bit of a cunt. He did have history of playing with fire regarding wild animals when hand-feeding a massive saltwater crocodile whilst holding his young son. Wild animals, even tame ones are unpredictable and this one turned after getting pissed with having his personal space invaded by a fat bleached blond wanker.

    Crikey!

    • I always thought he was a knob, he was one of the first of those insufferable twats that aren’t happy watching wildlife, they have to poke and prod them, grabbing poisonous snakes out of trees and turning his mongoloid head towards the camera going “look at the facken teeth on that, oim lucky it didn’t boit me’. It wouldn’t have no reason to bite him if he hadn’t ripped it out of a bush, the stupid cunt.
      Good riddance.

    • I watched Steve Earwig a lot when he was alive.
      A nice down syndrome bloke in khakis teasing snakes and saltwater crocs.
      And it was just a matter of time,
      Although id of put money on a croc rather than a stingray.
      Yowzas! Yer little ripper.

      • It was better that something relatively harmless did him in, way more poetic, like the whole of the wildlife on the planet was after him, like an APB or something.
        A squirrel bite or something similar would have been even better.

      • Yeah those idiots who wind up dangerous animals for the camera have it coming to them to be honest.

        If you want to flick a tiger’s nutsack, accept that you could be in a wooden box by tea time, you daft cunt.

      • Aww fack yee, am jus gonna luk insoide this nest of redback spoiders then put a few of the yahoots on me bonce. Ah hope the lidde hoon doesn’t boite…

        Aww, fack.

    • He was no comparison to the late Harry Butler or the expert Major Les Hiddins. The same goes for his mongy looking kids, bad luck they don’t take after their mum who was a bit of a looker in her day.

  12. Timothy Treadwell deserves a mention.

    Can a human coexist and be friends with a pack of wild grizzly bears, particularly when their food sources becomes scarce during winter?

    He and his girlfriend found out the obvious answer to that question the hard way.

    • Fuckin ell Cuntybollocks!
      While back I posted about a bear kicking fuck out of this woman, the handler in karate pyjamas trying to stop it.
      The Admin who was on put a link on of the recording of Timothy getting eaten alive!
      Sickening it was.
      7 times i listened to it,
      Every time I was horrified.
      But the weirdest thing was, as Timmy is being eaten alive he screams at his girlfriend
      “Get a frying pan!!??
      Hardly the time to be giving cooking advice?!

      YEP recall that one, the camera did not work but audio was on, he was some bear hugging freak and the Grizzle bears were starved so other bears visited his camp, so I put the audio on but not the autopsy or the bits they found.

      Anyway that night I wet the bed.

      • Now I’m wondering how he may have reacted to other things.

        “Fuck me Doris, it’s an earthquake. The roof’s fallen in. Aaaargh! Put the fucking kettle on!”

        Maybe, “Aaaarrgh! Tsunami! Get the fucking George Foreman grill!”

      • Evening, CB. We have a George Formby grill. It’s shaped like a ukulele.
        When your burgers are done, it sings a cheeky song, laden with double entendres.
        Turned out nice again.🪕

      • Plenty of the comments saying it’s fake. One saying it’s the audio from a scene in the movie ‘Outback’ or summat. Fuck knows.

        Who knows, but I’m not listening to that though lol (paused and volume off to check comments).

        Just in case. Can’t handle owt like that.

        I do wonder myself, personal experience says its unlikely, spent many a time running away from shit shouting “Fuck” never thought I would invite the MRS.

      • My brother used to call me Grizzly Adams in a sibling piss take way cos beard and hair not because I risked my life with a fucking huge bear. I would trust a bear as far as I could throw it and would ensure that I had a fuck off large calibre rifle and lots of ammo and a big pistol plus I would attempt to stay well away from the furry bastards. A friend of mine worked as an Elephant keeper at Wipsnade zoo one day a very friendly female Elephant decided that she wanted the apple he was holding, so she used the old trunk and took the apple breaking his wrist in the process made a right mess. So even friendly happy with people animals can hurt you badly. If people take the piss and get squashed, torn to bits or eaten fucking tough luck you stupid cunts. Try some respect. Pretty sure that Aussie dude was going to buy the farm just a question of when. Obviously the Sting ray realised he was a cunt.

      • So destination fucked, for this guy, that’s what happens when you talk in a Michael Jackson voice, poor bear probably thought he was about to be interfered with same as the chimp…… Not going to happen cunt

      • That’s Gentle fucking Ben playing with the kid with the abnormally large head.

      • I think the stingrays thought he was a shark, and their thorn is angled to pierce up.

        Jumping on the back of a ray was a very poorly thought out manouevre.

        Still Aussies were pretty sad, not quite lady Di.

        But he did get an extra verse in “Tie me kangaroo down, sport”

        “…Treat me stingarees mean, mate,
        Treat me stingarees mean…
        Blimey he’s grumpy today mate!
        He stuck his thorn in me spleen!
        Altogether now…”

  13. There is a mental block with the entitled youth, Sunday at midnight the nightclubs opened and in they go, I know they have waited for 18 months but they are cunts, and it’s all to do with putting their shit on social media. When a few of them bite the dust there will be candlelit vigils, ‘gone but the party goes on’

    Not to worry when the numbers go off the scale they will all be closed again 😂😂😂

    • “…when the numbers go off the scale”

      Trust me Sicky nothing is going to be “going off the scale”. A big fucking ‘nothing-burger’.
      Troubling though that News24’s footage of the mass return to the nightclubs featured nothing but f4gg0t$ and dykes.

  14. Found a cracker in the vintage section of that Darwin link.

    ‘Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death
    in December in Newton, when, awakening to the sound of
    a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone
    but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special,
    which discharged when he drew it to his ear.’

    Ahahahaha

    • There are better ones.

      Patting down a pile of landmines with a shovel.

      Welding a live granade to a chimney brush.

      Lighting a campfire next to a fuel storage tank and then jumping up and down on the tank.

      All of these episodes seem to end with ‘and the head was found half a mile away.’.

  15. Health and safety is part of my day to day, we have stickers that state the obvious and are often shown the people who did not.
    Part of the job is forensic storage, yes if you have an accident with our kit, it is bagged up taken away and stuck in a warehouse for 4 years waiting for you to make your claim.
    I recall the sad case of a family who hired a generator to keep the fridges going in their shop during a power cut, 4 dead carbon monoxide poisoning.
    The required stickers were on the kit so no claim.
    The chap who died drilling a wall, (heart attack so no blame)
    and a recent one that I still cant get my head around.
    A man wearing safari shorts sanding down planks with a belt sander.
    his shorts caught on the belt an his penis was pulled into the machine.
    As far as I know no claim has been made, but I have visions of the chap on a stretcher being carried into A and E with a belt sander firmly clamped to his knob.
    People do fucking stupid things! not only do they do fucking stupid things they try to circumvent the system.
    I have refused to serve a moron with a nail gun, so he ordered it on line!!!!!!.
    Ditto the local pervert wanted a Ladder, again on line order.
    It ends up with me having to tell some kid in a sales team that subject A would probably shoot himself (subject A admitted that the equipment was beyond their competence and withdrew) and subject B did not contest because he had found other viewing means and been caught! ( as opposed to my fucking ladder becoming exhibit G in some court case)

    • A frightful case on a dairy farm the long-haired wife milking the herd alone, got her hair caught in the spinning pump shaft, ripped her scalp and face clean off.

      It was in the news in aussie, but never any follow up, which there may have been if the surgery was a success. So I fear it was not. Not really Darwin, just an utter fucking nightmare disaster.

  17. I can’t decide whether I prefer the Korean girl who asked somebody to take a photo of her doing the ‘jumping in mid-air’ whilst standing on the edge of Beachy Head or the two Czech girls who live-streamed their extremely fast driving on youchoob.

    • I liked headless Bethan who roams the corridors of ISAC HQ to this day.
      If a window on a train says
      DANGER!!
      DO NOT LEAN OUT!
      Then let curiosity get the better of you,
      Dont be dictated to by some British Rail little nazi.
      Stick your nut out its a free country.

      • “Let curiosity get the better of you”….that’ll be ringing in the ears of those who feature in those stories of getting their cock stuck in a vacuum cleaner nozzle and other random holes.

      • MNC, LL, the ghosts of Headless Bethan and the deaded Derek Akorra (however it’s spell) with his friend Sam, are probably floating about the place scaring people to remind them and others to behave themselves whilst travelling aboard trains.
        *Ghostly whispers* “Don’t be a can of can’t sticking your head out the train window. Woooooo”.

  18. My mate is a suitable candidate.
    He thought eugenics was the study of people called Eugene….

  19. There’s nothing better than a story of a pikey nicking power cables and getting fried like a chicken wing in KFC.
    😁😄😆

  21. I wondered where I left my anti rape kit. Can I have my stunk gun back please?

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