Entitled Cyclists (9)

No idea why I chose this image…

Grrrrrrrrrr…. I’m just back from a short walk, and another pedestrian crossing altercation with an entitled lycra cunt on a bike.Time for another cunting on the subject, I fancy.
In mah day, a bike was an easy, reasonably affordable way for your working stiff to get about. Get yourself a cheap but sturdy set of wheels and some clips for your strides, acquire an understanding of the Highway Code, and off you went.

Sadly nowadays, fewer people seem to use the bike for such basic functions as a trip to the shop or getting to work. Unfortunately, we’ve entered the era of what might be termed the ‘recreational’ cyclist, and boy, they just HAVE to show the rest of us just how dedicated they are to their ‘sport’. So how do they do this?

Well first off, you’ve got to ‘invest’ in at least three or four grands’ worth of kit. Of course, the most essential item is the bike itself, and not just any old bike. No, you need an ultra-lite, carbon frame, 80 gear turbo racing job.

Sneer at anything costing less than a grand, but if you’ve more money than sense, you can part with upwards of 10k for your wheels.

Then you’ll need to demonstrate that you’re not just committed but fashionable with it, so you’ll need an ultra-aerodynamic Klignon contoured helmet, a Spider-man outfit in lurid salmon pink and black (suitably emblazoned with logos) and a pair of toe-crushing plastic shoes in lime green.

If the budget can extend to it, you’ll also definitely want a helmet camera. This will enable you to set up a Youtube channel where you can post films and whine sanctimonously about the trangressions of other road users.

Next, it’s advisable to master some of the basic dark arts theory of cunt cycling before you venture onto the road. There are a number of ways to do this. For example, a cheap but effective method is to subscribe to a magazine such as ‘Lycra Loony’ (incorporating ‘Two Wheeled Cunts’).

You’ll find it packed with great articles and useful tips, such as how to blind other road users with a flashing high-powered light, and the latest insults and hand gestures to hurl at pedestrians. Dvds can also be a very useful aid, providing the necessary travel details and type of background information which will help you bullshit your mates about your participation in the likes of the Mallorca 312.

Next, to show your REAL commitment to the cause, you MUST join your local cycle club. There, you’ll find the fellowship of like-minded saddos that you yearned for during those long hours of solitude in your bedroom at your mom’s house.

Most importantly, you’ll get that vital practical experience of such matters as how to hog the road in a group of twenty, while exchanging chit-chat about high-protein drinks, and measures to avoid getting your arse spattered with mud in wet weather.

So that’s you. Off you go now to enjoy yourself posing about, while driving the rest of us to distraction. Yes, you’re a fully-fledged cycle cunt. Yeah, and the same to you, with fucking knobs on.

Nominated by – Ron Knee

70 thoughts on “Entitled Cyclists (9)

  1. Here in Londonstabistan the bicycle is king……well it soon will be if Suckdick has his way. Given the jam packed roads and the ridiculous prices of public transport, not to mention that it is jam packed with stinking foreigners, you can see the attraction. The things I have seen in central London, the risks they take, would take your breath away. Mental, or fucking mental, are the only words that spring to mind.
    However, for you cunts outside the M25, wait until the electric scooter boys turn up. You think you’ve seen cunts?…….you ain’t seen nothing yet.

    • If Suckdick gets his way camels will be king. Near me £2m was spent on a cycle path, not good enough for the lycra clad cunts. Still cycle in the middle of the road with no hi-viz and no insurance. A change in the law beckons. All these tour de France wankers need to be culled.

    • Pavements are already overcrowded with:-

      cunts pushing dual-push chairs
      cunts in mobility scooters
      cunts pushing prams
      cunts on skateboards
      cunts on roller-skates/blades
      cunts walking 2 or 3-abreast and won’t give way
      cunts with headphones on blissfully unaware of anything
      cunts with screaming kids on harnesses
      cunts walking dogs on leads
      cunts that are joggers
      cunts staring at their phones
      the odd cunt on a moped
      the odd cunt on a electric bike
      the odd cunt on a electric scooter
      and of course, cunts on bikes
      Top that up with all the cunts on foot barging past, spitting, shouting, farting, arguing, fighting, begging, standing still gawping and cunts being cunts.

      No wonder people want to continue working from home!

    • I’ve got a mate in Wimbledon. I went to see him last year – public transport is shit, so I went over on my motorbike. Never again – I have never been so afraid on a road as travelling through London. Like the fucking wild west. Cunts on bike, cunts in ubers, cunts on scooters, etc.

  2. Many pushbikers are mullet-haired,veggie Gobshites who continue to cycle long after normal men have put away their childhood toys ….they do this because they enjoy children’s….pursuits

    Paul Gadd was an avid pushbiker who secretly had a frumpy wife who often beat him.

  3. No insurance, tax, training, licence, knowledge of the rules of the road or common sense required.

    Just go out on a flimsy, unprotected bicycle and compete with the vehicles on the roads.

    What could possibly go wrong?

    Because the normal road user is always at fault in the case of an accident, these fucking cyclists no longer try to show any road sense or courtesy.
    They ignore traffic lights and weave through pedestrians on crossings.
    They refuse to pull over to allow traffic past and they blindly change lanes if they want to turn.

    At the very least they should have to pay insurance.

  4. In a few years, Londonstabistan will resemble Peking, circa 1960’s. Lots of plebs on bikes, getting splattered with filth, as the important people whoosh past in their posh limo’s, in their dedicated fast lane.
    This model will then be copied across the country, as Joe Bloggs gets taxed out of his car.
    Cunts.
    Good morning.

    • Like wasps arent they?
      Yellow an black, irritating, aggressive, in the way and splatter when hit at high speed.
      Im not fond.
      Any man willingly dressing like that?
      Shocking behaviour.

      • MNC@ – But they avoid tailgating you these days! 🤣👍
        How hard is it for cyclists to understand? – if you are holding traffic up and pissing people off – pull over!

  5. I think its quite impressive when a professional pushbiker, like you see in the Tour de France, cycling along a flat road at 40-50 mph without looking like they’re trying. I bet those cunts in training don’t hold traffic up.

    Thing is, you see these ‘normie’ cunts on their 10k ‘Tour’ bikes and 3k outfits going no faster than I could on by BMX when I was a kid.

    All the gear and no idea. I’ve also seen a few fat birds like this.

    Laughable.

  6. The night-time cyclists who refuse to use lights are the ones that make my shit hang sideways. In these cases, I draw up alongside them, drop the nearside window and tell them to get some fucking lights for their contraption, otherwise they will cause an accident.

    The usual response to my outburst? Stoney silence and face forward. Arrogant arseholes.

    • Yes, but you just know that if the cunts took your kindly-meant advice, they’d attach the biggest military-grade aircraft strobe light available to their high-tech* handlebar, and angle it so as to blind oncoming traffic while failing to illuminate the road ahead of themselves.

      But grateful thanks for trying. University students are generally convinced of their own immortality when effectively invisible in an urban traffic snarl. Logic is useless, the only solution is to run the cunts over.

      *Hi-tech: employing the maximum of energy-intensive materials producing filthy pollutants during their manufacture. Hence bicycles are much beloved of the greenies.

  7. I saw a YouTube vid the other day about cycling in Holland…..basically it was about how to get cunts out of cars and on to bikes……and this is what the politicians want, trust me.
    Obviously it’s about building more cycle lanes but pedestrians and cars have to give way at all times. You have a crash with a bike and it’s automatically your fault. Hence the popularity of dashcams amongst the clogbashers. It’s coming don’t worry about that ….. they want the roads clear for the delivery lorries and the limousines of the elite.
    You are two bob fucking sc*m, you just don’t know it yet.

    • I wonder how many of our politicians will give up their chauffer-driven motors and take to the streets on 2 wheels? (And I don’t mean a photo-op of some cunt like Boris travelling 100 yards up the road before turning a corner out of the media’s eye and getting into his Jag)

      Imagine, loads of ministers, MPs, civil servants literally all on their bikes, pedalling like mad on the A roads and B roads throughout the country (because bikes aren’t allowed on motorways) to get to important meetings!

      Never gonna happen. Not for those “important” cunts. They will mark themselves as exempt as per usual, and will carry on polluting the planet and fiddling their fuel expenses while the plebs peddle off!

      • And that is probably the plan!

        With MPs allowing a third world influx on our small isles, the roads will be gridlocked everywhere if we have a 150m population.

        Solution? Less cars on the road.

        Who gets to drive?

        Oh absolutely anyone. As long as you pay the ‘green’ motoring tax of £20,000 a year. More if you’ve got a Gaz guzzler.

        Delivery drivers and tradesmen for ‘accepted’ firms only (Amazon, Tesco, but not Bloggs and son electrical – that’ll be ‘Amazon tradesmen’ by then).

        Oh, and MPs will be exempt, of course.

        We’ll have ‘environmentally friendly’ electric 125cc scooters (costing about £15,000 I bet!) if we’re fucking lucky.

        They use the green shit because they don’t want to say the real truth and they want idiots to hang themselves. They simply want the plebs off the overly busy roads.

        Well are we just going to let them? Because these XR cunts seem desperate for it to happen. I wonder if they are doing this shit out of a misguided fear for the planet (they should be worrying about how much this covid shit will cost them!), or if they do it because daddy is well off and they want the oiks off the roads too?

        Hmm.

        Either way. Cunts.

        Count me in though, on the Lobster Liberation Front.

  8. These cunts need to have insurance and number plates so they can be responsible for their actions, failing that I find a cheap golf brolly through the front wheel is the equaliser and sends any lycra clad godshite cock womble to destination fucked quick sharp, you can always say I didn’t see you there while they film you, you can also say if I had a numberplate on my back and some insurance I could help you up…. But instead I’m just going to fuck off and leave you to survey the damage, so you can piss and moan about what cunts everyone else are…..
    Oh and I have noticed lots off thumb tacks strewn along the gutters in lots of places, it looks like a new trend, funnily it will only effect cyclists, so whoever is doing that must have really been pissed of by one of the cunts…. Thumb tacks available cheaply at any good office suppler by the way….

  9. Pavement riders should be fucking shit too. I’ll admit that I did it…when I was about 12 on my BMX.

    But when you get grown men miss you by a whisker as they silently fly past, it makes me want to build a concentration camp for the cunts.

  10. Cunts to a man, woman, child. If you cycle on the road, next to a cycle lane, you should be hanged by the neck and left to rot, next to the cycle lane, as a reminder to every cunt that does the same, of their folly.

    • DCI@ – Not so hasty Sir – cyclists, just like motorcyclists, provide a topping and regular supply of fresh organs for transplant – my young chum the gay South African heart surgeon swears by them!

    • Perhaps they act like stabilizers and help her balance when she’s out and about on her devil’s contraption.
      Bit of a distraction to every other road user tho.

    • SJ@ – Agreed – I ride round North Yorkshire and cannot move for these fkin amateurs.
      “All the gear no idea” springs to mind and they appear to find it difficult to understand that 15KGs of alloy ain’t gonna fare well in an argument with 2 tons of steel.

    • I was thinking the same thing myself. That bird can adjust my sprockets anytime she likes. She might also care to inspect my saddle stem while she’s at it.

  11. Father Ted lookalike bikes it home every night from my local, no lights either. I’d fucking love to knock him off whilst driving past and I would do too if I wasn’t so pissed.

  12. Am I the only cunt who has noticed that black people don’t ride bikes? I’m not talking about kids , it seems to me that only whitey rides bikes, except in the adverts obviously.
    Could it be that cycling is raaaaaaaay-sist? Do Lammy, Dawn Lardbutt and Flabbott know about this? They could all do with the exercise anyway the fat lefty cunts. I know Steptoe rides a bike but he’s a whitey ain’t he? I think i’m on to something here. I’m just going to knock out an article for the Guardian. Catch you later cunts.

    • Apparently bleks don’t swim either and that’s whiteys fault. Saw it on the news yesterday, the cunts want some sort of hat approving by the swimming authorities so the can use it on their wiry hair. They never think they could shave it off like some of the top swimmers do, oh no, they want special treatment.

      (This was touched on just a couple of weeks ago on here. – Day Admin Soul Caps )

    • FtF@ – BMX bikes for drug dealing, apart from that no black people I have ever noticed.
      Presumably there is some waycist connection..

  13. One of these types once said to me as I crossed the road “pedestrians on the footpath please”
    So I replied “ride off a cliff you Cunt”.
    It was splendid and still boosts morale to this day.

    • I had a similar experience last autumn. Whilst walking my dog in the local park one evening I heard a shout from behind “ cyclists approaching “. I acknowledged that I’d seen them and carried on. On hearing a screech of brakes I then realised they expected me to move out of their way. “Can you make way please “ I was asked indignantly. “No I fucking can’t you cunt”. “But it’s muddy” came the reply. Needless to say I didn’t make way. Cunts!

      • It’s the sense of entitlement which gets you every time isn’t it? Fucking cockheads.

  14. I live near Epping Forest. Used to enjoy a walk with the dogs in the forest on a Saturday. Gave it up after three arguments in one morning with ignorant, dangerous fuckers on bikes. It seems to be a challenge to ride as fast as they can despite the tracks being occupied with horses, dogs and kids. They really should be shot.

  15. It especially annoys me when they ride two a breast or even three. Holding up the fucking traffic. Then when I pass and call them cunts, it’s me that’s at fault. Fucking cunts they are.

  16. There was a spate of collisions involving cyclists and lorry’s in London a couple of years ago. Mostly involving cyclists trying to go past on the blind side on left hand corners. I don’t know about you, but I’m wary of being alongside lorry’s in a car, let alone a fucking pushbike. It just goes to demonstrate the arrogance of these wankers. The report I saw on AlBeeb only reinforced this view, as the emphasis on safety seemed to be lumped on to the lorry drivers according to some Lycra clad spokesperson. Despite the fact that the lorry’s carry warning signs and there are signs at many junctions it just did not occur to them that maybe they should be responsible for their own safety. Being crushed by 17 tonnes of Mann’s finest is too good for these cunts.

    • To add to your point Field Marshal, a guy got run over by a bus a few years ago trying to cross a busy junction in Walthamstow on a uni cycle.
      It took all of the 40 passengers to lift the bus off the cunt. Hopefully he won’t do that again.

  17. I was walking around the corner as one of these muppets came racing along the pavement . He spotted me at the last minute and slammed on the anchors, going over the handlebars and piling into the slabs with a satisfying crunch.
    Some concerned passer by asked what happened, I just replied Idiot Cycling On Pavement. The irony was that on the other side of the road was an expensive dedicated bike lane!

  18. In addition I’d cunt cyclists for the wretched picture burnt into my memory from when I was a young breakfast cook. Dozens of 40+ fat cunts in lycra that after a short ride came in to be fed, the poor waitresses bore the brunt of it, so much bloated, sagging, dimpled flesh. It’s obscene and should be treated as public exposure. Would you like some butter with those rolls?

  19. The tour de cunt has been in full swing for the last two months, come the arse end of September the tour will conclude till next year. Every lane is infested with the cunts, rounderbouts become like fairground rides trying to avoid a mass of carbon fibre and aluminium frames twats who have no need of indicators in what ever part of this isle they hail from and fucking mong kids on holiday. Out and about one soon notices that many velocopiedists have no clue that all black Lycra is bloody good camouflage.
    Thanks to my razor sharp reflexes at least two of the twats are still around to draw their pay and not grill ornaments on the old Subaru. The roads around my neck of the woods are dodgy at the best of times, some of the agricultural equipment trundling along you would think your in a Star Trek movie. Combine that with twat drivers, pissed drivers, drugged drivers and it’s bad enough throw a selection of cyclists into the mix and half hour to town is a fucking nightmare. Hate to say this but roll on October

  20. On the subject of sport, is anyone else finding the Olympics one big cunty, vanity circus show – I can’t bring myself to watch it.

    I think it’s irresponsible and selfish, both on behalf of the Jap eyes for going ahead and the IOCunt’s. Word is that the IOC said if you cancel it you pay, if we do we pay – so the Japs surrendered and went ahead (like they did after the big bang). Joe public in Sumo land did not want this, cases are rising and there are 10’s of thousands of cunts, Olympians, their teams, roadies and WAG’s no doubt sloshing about, being waited on my peasant in Jap’O’land. Tom Daley particularly winds me up, batty boy with his child and gold medal – cunt.

    There are people still suffering from COVID (financially, mentally and physically) but that’s OK, as long we get to do the Olympics beucase we are trained elite Athletes, fuck you.

    More to the point – since when was shooting an Olympic sport FFS!

    I might start up a new sport to be considered for future games – who can shoot their jizz the furthest, like a cross between shot-putt and javelin.

    Cunts all of them, hope they catch chinky flu and made to repent for their sins.

    • Shooting (Rifle, pistol, clay pigeon) has been an Olympic sport since 1896. Real pigeons were replaced by clays after 1900.

      I see there’s a nom for dressage in the pipeline. That’s another oldie (1912 on)

      Absurd to include events which don’t rely solely on the athlete’s physique? Maybe, but they’ve been doing it for more than a century.

  21. I think ALL cyclists should pass a mandatory proficiency course before road riding, and any riding on the pavement have their bikes confiscated and sold at public auction to contribute to local road maintenance and repair. (Note to parents – having a little flag atop your behind the bike kid buggy will not stop an artic and riding on the path is not wise – teach the kids the basics off road until they are old enough to ride on the road!)
    I spend serious money on equipment (I am not daft enough to pay new prices though – I paid less than £250 for my thousand quid Specialized and can claim half the money back through the business as I take sold items to the Post Office on it) and maintenance – a bicycle is a road vehicle and should be ridden safely, considerately and legally.
    But on the upside – I make a tidy sum from people who are too lazy or thick to maintain their own bikes (nobody under 40 appears to have the faintest idea how to maintain or repair or maintain things) and it’s quite funny watch them looking down their latte filled noses with disdain at the grubby oily “fixing fellow” as I give them the bill at £20 an hour, and I make good money buying and selling bikes people pay thousands for then use once.
    And lycra is for sexual deviants and Belgians – a good pair of running shorts “lets the air flow” shall we say! 😀
    There is a possibility I will be teaching bike riding and maintenance at a local College next year, need to get my CRB clearance updated first but if it comes off I will emphasising safe road use – I am sure the students will enjoy my jolly and non controversial anecdotes!

    • Most recycling centres have a rack full of salvage pushbikes for sale, for around a tenner each. Usually they need little more than one inner tube (Poundland) and a going over with the oil can. A great many of the bikes I’ve bought looked as though they’ve been used once or twice then dumped, and clean up into near “as new” condition.
      I go and fill the old Volvo up once or twice a month, then have a massive eBay session a few days later.
      I bet I’m actually more “green” than any of these dreadlocked, virtue signalling wankers 😁

      • BB@ – My local recycling centre banned the sale of bikes etc so now perfectly good machines get collected, stripped and crushed.
        Utter, utter waste.

      • I am beginning to believe that a lot of these “green” regulations are specifically targeted at stopping the less well off from salvaging goods, or making a few quid out of them.
        The lower down the food chain you are, the less you can trust authority…

  22. BTW – That lovely gal in the nom photo needs me to check her for “cyclists tit and fanny chafing” – I’m kind like that!

  23. Can’t believe that no one has not spotted that the girl is non other than top British Porn Actress Rebecca Moore.!! I know my Porn.!

    Congratulations! You win spot that random porn star pic of the day! – DA

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