Under-the-thumb Hipsters

As I write this nom, I’ve just got back from filling the Quimsonmobile at the local garage, but being a stupid cunt I’d forgotten it’s a bank holiday, so there I was fucking queuing to get in the place, when normally I’m the only cunt there filling up,

I got out of the car at my usual pump, and started filling up, as I looked around the forecourt I saw a sea of midlife, three quarter trousered cunts with sunglasses over their baseball caps, fucking hell gentleman, I didn’t even wear shorts in Rhodesia until it was 26 degrees, but then I realised they’re all strolling into the shop,

it’s not fucking Tesco you cunts, if you want a wander around the shop, go over to the car park before going into pay.

here they come out then, bundles of fucking carrier bags full of fucking overpriced grub, strolling back to their cars where wifey hands hubby his balls back out of her handbag,

these metrosexual type “men” are an embarrassment to the human race, wifey does the shopping it’s not the mans job in a marriage,

fuck the world truly is going to hell in a handcart, even sleepy Pembrokeshire is inflicting these cunts upon me, there was even a sööty there, buying chiggun strips, the modern world is fucked, I believe I’m the only sane cunt left!!!

Nominated by: Captain Quimson

79 thoughts on “Under-the-thumb Hipsters

    • Hear hear RTC, when will people realise that we’re just better than them at everything, including their traditional roles.

      They could probably argue they are better at taking a dick but even then I reckon there must be pooves out there who’ll give them a run for their money.

    • Indeed Creampuff, I remember the time Lady Creampuff brought a pack of expensive carbon neutral toilet paper, made from 100% recycled paper and whom plant a tree for every roll sold. As you explained at the time, what is the point of stealing The Guardian from The Gays next door if you are not going to use it?.

      • Precisely, my dear LL.

        I think it was Oscar Wilde who said: “women have minds like Swiss cheese.” Full of holes.

    • Not sure what this is about?
      Cunts shopping at filling stations?
      Half-mast pants used to be a sign of a window licker,
      And I wouldn’t be seen dead in a baseball cap,
      For Yanks and chavs.
      I dont think these were hipsters!
      Just mongs.

  1. A beard stopped being a sign of masculinity years ago. Too fucking lazy to shave half of them, the other think they look like a Viking, but in reality just look like every other weak, limp wristed soyboy hipster cunt. You occasionally see them feeling it, like some emotional comfort blanket, fucking pathetic.

    • I think mine makes me look like a viking, and I stroke it when im scared.
      It was either that or a dummy.
      😁

      • I think you might be an exception Mis. Most of the cunts I see these days could use that cartoon image above as a fucking passport photo.

    • I stopped growing my beard as soon as I reaslised it was ginger.

      I have nothing against the Scottish but I don’t want to be mistaken for one of the asymmetrically-shouldered cunts.

      • I would stop growing a beard because it’s basically pubic hair around your gob, and who the fuck wants to look like a mussy.

  2. The description of these loons wearing three quarter length trousers and baseball caps sums it all up. Emasculated cunts.

    Anyway, can’t stop to gas. I’ve go to go shopping.

  3. Lord Cuntingford mentioned ‘Task Master’ on another thread.

    These flabby-bottomed Mumford and Cunts are the target demographic.

  4. I might retrain as a tattoo removal artist. I’ll make a killing in 20 years when these cunts are middle aged and still have video game/cartoon tattoos that nobody understands.

  5. I won’t go into a shop if I see a Warwick Davis type in there..and I run away screaming if it is with it’s partner and children.

    They should not be allowed out of their circus sideshow tent during daylight hours.

  6. I do most of the shopping, mainly because I’m self employed and can do it when the Baroness is at work.
    I’m also much quicker at it and not distracted by clothes and shiny things 😁
    I do most of the cooking as well, because she works long hours wiping the arses of the elderly and disabled, whereas I spend my time bolting old motorcycles together in a somewhat leisurely fashion.
    It’s a hard old life…

  7. Im not pussy whipped,
    But its a partnership so i do the flower arrangements, knitting and cupcakes.
    Also sit down to piss.

    • That sounds fair Miserable, and you do bring Mrs M some pilfered underwear from the neighbours washing line.

      • No. But he paints the front gate Country Cream on the wife’s orders.

        To be fair if my wife ordered me to paint the gate Country Cream I’d do it. I’d never hear the end of it otherwise.

        A woman’s greatest weapon is her ability to moan endlessly.

      • Evening all.
        No! You misunderstand.
        The country cream was my idea.
        And not just the gates!
        Did the fences too.
        And guess what?
        Some keeping up with the jones little twat has copied me!!
        Fuckin trailblazer I am.
        Although if missus miserable hadnt liked it id of spend the evening repainting it to a colour of her choice!!😀

      • Evening Miserable. Understood. It takes a real man to paint his gate Country Cream.

      • “A woman’s greatest weapon is her ability to moan endlessly.”

        No truer words spoken.

  8. People shopping in a filling station are cunts regardless of sex or shorts, pay at the pump and then fuck off.

    • Pay at the pump is a bit exotic down here, we’ve only just got used to self service pumps, “fill her up boy and check the radiator coolant”!

    • Especially when it’s a Morrisons filling station 100m across car park from the shop. It’s one thing to pick up an item or two but the stuff they stock encourages the cunts. Plus a poor cunt has to wheel over a roll pallet every few hours to store to replenish petrol station stock.

  9. Sorry for going off-topic but if you go out tomorrow morning there will be a partial eclipse of the sun by the moon. The partial phase will start about 10am and by the time of maximum, about 11.13 am about 31% of the suns disc will be obscured by the moon. Well worth taking a look, weather permitting.

      • Good stuff. Unfortunately cloudy weather predicted tomorrow. Fuck, fuck and double fuck 😡🤬 Still, might be lucky with a break in the clouds.

    • Good stuff, but be careful staring directly at the sun for too long, and NEVER use telescopes or binoculars or you will be blinded by the sun’s magnified bright light.

    • Think it’s gonna be cloudy but I will be out the back door watching all the birds returning to nests in the hedgerows thinking it’s bed time as the skies darken. They usually head back have a song and a short sleep / period of silence. Must fuck with their minds a bit.

  10. Young “men” dress like George Michael when he was in Wham! these days. It’s all by design to emasculate an entire generation. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was a bit of propaganda to promote poofy clothing among young men. Who the fuck would seriously choose to ear those ultra-skinny jeans? They crush your balls and are cunt to get off. Oh and they make you look like a GIRL. They look great on a skim young lass, but on fat Brian the apprentice plasterer it looks like he squeezed into his wee sister’s jeggings as a jape, except it isn’t, the cunt thinks he looks every inch the Modern Man.

    • Luckily I’ve never EVER owned anything less than bootcut jeans!

      I used to wear baggies in the early 00’s and it took me years to find the right fit for me (bootcut) so these skinny jeans-wearing faggots can fuck right off.

      Plus skinny jeans would excentuate my big beer belly and small penis so skinny jeans can get to fuck!!!

  11. In the good old days it would of meant a sacrifice to the sky gods and dancing about with no drawers on,
    Religion has gone downhill.

  12. Whatever happened to real men?
    One of the ‘old school’ cricket commentators (can’t remember which one) once said.
    “Two things that women shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near, sporting events and claret”.

  13. I quite like wearing 3/4 length cargo keks because they haven’t been fashionable since about 2001 so fuck you!

    As for people doing their full shopping trip in the filling station………. yeah those cunts are cunts! If you have both the time AND money to do a full shop in the garage shop then you probably have a kid called Tarquin or Gemima.

    Cunts to be sure.

      • I last wore 3/4 cargos back in 2000/2001. The only reason I’ve not worn them since is because I didn’t realise they were even available…… are you telling me they are still around?

      • Yes but so too are beards! Just because hipsters sport beards that doesn’t mean that men shoudn’t also sport beards!

        The same could be said for pubic hair but I doubt that millennial hipster cunts can even grow them.

  14. I do the shopping or I don’t eat. Can’t say I’ve felt unmanly buying food.

    Talk of the 3/4 trousers reminded me of the Nu-metal era back in 2002. What I used to like to call “baggy trouser metal”.
    Never went in for that look myself. Seemed a bit naff dressing like some shouty American skate-punk yoof, living in Yorkshire.

    Quite liked some of the music and being a care free 20 year old.

    • I wore baggies back then…. and the chain/wallet thing….. and the vans thing….. and the hoodie thing….. and the angry/shouty/punchy attitude thing.

      I sadly didn’t grow out of my cunty phase; I did however grow out of the aesthetically-cunty phase so at least I have the comfort of knowing that those baggies are deep under a landfill site.

      • I didn’t get the emo/scene thing. Seemed like a rehash of what came before. A bit like the 0% alcohol version of punk or goth, with studded wrist band and belts and that weird haircut with the slanted fringe that both males and females had.

      • @Harold

        I shagged an emo bird back in 2005 and she was seriously broken. The only difference between her and a goth/punk/mosher girl is that she seemed to be into girly-boys (with me being an exception to the rule of course.)

        Goth/punk/mosher girls were always attracted to proper men who like to fight other people rather than fight-back their own tears whilst writing poetry in their diaries.
        Modern millennial hipster types seem to be the natural descendents of the aforementioned emo fannies.

  15. I do the shopping, cleaning and cooking. Mrs Cuntbubble works to make us fabulously wealthy. Relatively.

  16. Speaking of ‘man’ shopping.
    I once went out to buy sanitary pads for the wife. Shite! Did I get a bollocking?
    I did my homework; I was sure I knew the correct size, dimensions, quality etc.
    Wow, did I buy the wrong thing. Apparently, not the best present to buy your beloved for the platinum wedding anniversary.

  17. And, as for beards. Round here, on the locals they rather suit.. Nicely manicured, well tended. And on good masculine face and a manly frame they sit well.
    Well that’s Méxican women for you.

  18. How to spot a pussywhipped hipster cunt.

    1. Stupid T-Shirt (Marvel, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Doctor Whoke, Game of Cunts)

    2. Wears flashy shades inside a supermarket and in the pub

    3. Man-Bun (for fuck’s sake)

    4. Flip-Flops

    5. W.G Grace type beard

    6. Open Lumberjack shirt over crappy T-Shirts (see 1)

    7. Likes Mumford and Cunts, James Blunt/Cunt, Dido and other shite

    9. Always doing some gardening job (on Sgt Major Wife’s orders)

    8. Has to ask wife’s permission to have a piss

    9. Always looks and acts like a total cunt

  19. I love to do the shopping, I choose what I want and the missus goes and gets it, whilst I peruse Pornhub. Well in these days of equality, I like her to feel useful.

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