Meghan Markle (9) and Tom Daley

Posted on by

I defy anyone to read this article and not feel slightly sick…

Markle Surprises Tom Daily

It’s got the fucking lot…a publicity-mad raddled old Cunt plugging her pile-of-puke “book”…a publicity-mad rampaging Homosexual using his son to get inches in the papers ( it’ll be inches somewhere else that he’s really after, I suspect), descriptions of some ill-mannered “adorable” brat that would probably be better raised by Wackford Squeers at Dotheboys Hall instead of Rampant Queers at Do-The-Boys Hall.

I, of course, wish them all well.

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

And speaking of Sparkletits, here’s this from Fuglyucker 

Meghan Markle is a cunt, we all already know this, but the attention seeking tart will do anything for some press interest.

Latest bafoonery is a special bench for the ginger fuckwit to sit on and try and figure out the exact moment his life went down the shitter.

He sits on the naughty bench thinking it must have been when i was introduced, or was it when i shot my load, or when i proposed or when we pissed off every other fucker in the world.

Harry gets to sit somewhere with his colouring book and crayons out off vinegar tit,s way while she plots her next move….cuntsMeghan, Duchess of Sussex treated Prince Harry to an untraditional gift for his first Father’s Day – a personalised bench, which served as the inspiration for her new children’s picture book.

The former actress has previously told how she came up with the idea for her literary project The Bench after watching her husband bond with their now-two-year-old son Archie, and in a new interview with America’s National Public Radio, she reveals the title comes from an actual piece of furniture she bought for the British royal back in 2019.

She had the garden bench fitted with a plaque which was engraved with a poem she had written for Harry.

“As most of us do, you go, ‘What am I going to get them as a gift?’ And I thought I just wanted something sentimental and a place for him to have as a bit of a home base with our son,” Meghan explained.

“I often find, and especially in this past year, I think so many of us realised how much happens in the quiet. It was definitely moments like that, watching them from out of the window and watching (Harry) just, you know, rock him (Archie) to sleep or carry him or, you know… those lived experiences, from my observation, are the things that I infused in this poem.”

The poem was expanded to form the story of The Bench, which features a number of special tributes to her family – as well as Harry’s late mother, Princess Diana.
“I think you can find sweet little moments that we hid in there – of my favourite flower, even my husband’s mum’s favourite flower, forget-me-nots. We wanted to make sure those were included in there.
“There are many, many special details and love that went into this book.”

And Meghan’s first foray into the world of children’s literature has been given a big thumbs up from Archie.

“I knew our son would notice all of those elements, and he loves the book, which is great because he has a voracious appetite for books and constantly when we read him a book he goes, ‘Again, again, again,’” she said.

“But now the fact he loves The Bench and we can say, ‘Mummy wrote this for you’ feels amazing.”

She also hopes children from all different kinds of backgrounds will feel “represented” in the New York Times Best Seller, which was illustrated by Christian Robinson.
“Growing up, I remember so much how it felt to not see yourself represented (in the media),” shared Meghan, whose mother is black and father is white.

“Any child or any family hopefully can open this book and see themselves in it, whether that means glasses or freckled or a different body shape or a different ethnicity or religion.”

Meghan’s NPR chat, which was broadcast on Father’s Day on Sunday, is her first press interview since her explosive TV tell-all with Oprah Winfrey back in March, and her first since becoming a mother-of-two.

She and Harry welcomed daughter Lilibet Diana on 4 June.

A Special Bench for Harry

And another Bench hitter, this time from Ron Knee

Meghan Markle’s “The Bench”

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s royal correspondent Ron Knee speaking. Today I’m privileged to talk to a truly illustrious guest. Meghan, Duchess of Netflix, has graciously condescended to join us via satellite link from her palace in California, in order to tell us all about ‘The Bench’, her debut work as an author”.

“Thet’s ‘Duchess o’ Sussex’ ta you, but ya can all address me ‘yer grace’ an’ all”.

“Ah, I’m honoured indeed. Now perhaps you could begin by giving our listeners a summary of what ‘The Bench’ is about”.

“Well ya oughta know a’ready, given its impact. It’s basically about the love between Harry an’ me, and the bond ‘tween us an’ li’l Archie. Or sumthin’. It’s a simple yet touchin’ an’ profound morality tale fer our times, sure ta appeal ta readers of all ages. Li’l Archie justs luurves it when ah read it ta him. He jest begs fer it ‘again! again! again!’. Jest like his daddy…”.

“Yes, quite. And are you pleased with the response so far? Some critics have been, shall we say, less than enthusiastic, with ‘The Irish Times’ reviewer stating ‘it’s awful’. Sales in the UK are reported as being only about 3,200 to date”.

“Mah lawyers are *hiss* preparin’ to sue thet rag of a paper as we speak. As fer sales, mah people assure me thet they’re predicted ta exceed those fer ‘Catcher In Th’ Rah’ an’ ‘Ta Kill Ah Mockin’bird”. *whispers conspiratorially* There’s a rumour of a Nobel Prize. Or a Pulitzer. Or sumthin’. Ya didn’ all hear it from me!”.

“Depend on our discretion, your gracelessness. Now, may I ask if you harbour any further literary ambitions?”.

“Oh mah, I’m jest bein’ overwhelmed by offers from all the world’s great publishin’ houses. Raht now ah’m most int’rested in a project ta do a sequel ta ‘Gone With Th’ Wind’. Ya lisseners’ll jest be dyin’ fer a preview. It’s all about Scarlett’s secret past. Ah reveal that she’s a woman of colour, the result of a burnin’, illicit passion ‘tween her maw and a handsome slave off of the Tara plantation. Thet’s all ah’m prepared ta say fer now, as ah’m currently negotiatin’ over the film rights with several major studios. Oprah’s just BEGGIN’ ta play Scarlett, and George Clooney says he’ll kill any another actor who wants ta be Rhett”.

“Well I have to say in all honesty, that it sounds a bit ambitious…”.

“It’s gonna take an effort. I told the story of ‘The Bench’ in just 169 words. ‘Succinct but brilliant’ mah people called it. Ah reckon thet ‘Gone With The Bucks’ might run ta a couple a’ thousand words. It’s a challenge, but ah reckon thet with mah support network in place, ah can do it durin’ mah year’s maternity leave. Providin’ ah don’t have ta fire nobody, course”.

“That’s, erm, absolutely fascinating…”.

“Hold it! Thet’s Oprah an’ George on conference call. Gotta go. Be sure ta tell ev’rybody in li’l ol’ Great Britain England that ‘The Bench’ retails at jest £12.99 in all good bookshops, or as li’l as £99.99 fer an autographed copy. Now git lost asshole. Ah got bigger fish ta fry”.

“Erm *cough* this is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

This is part one, tune in next week to see part 2 of this exciting nomination. It won’t feature Sylvester McCoy dangling off a ledge, but it might feature Bonnie Langford singing! (it won’t) – DA

69 thoughts on “Meghan Markle (9) and Tom Daley”

  1. I await the next installment. Where the Markle Locust is caught doing her personal trainer or some other gullible cunt. Henery Hawk of Hewitt will be do some crying on his bench then, won’t he? Rest assured, it’s coming…

    This will be the messiest, nastiest, most public and downright hilarious divorce in history. Tune in next time. Same cunt time! Same cunt channel!

  2. All that Tom and Mrs Hewitt have in common is that they would both like to be queens. But Tom already is. They have both found the men of their lives, who will keep them in cash and security, so they can fartarse around finding exposure in the tabloids.

    • No chance of that Markle bint becoming Queen. James Hewitt, her father-in-law, is well down the line of succession to the throne.

  3. No-one writes a personal note like this: “Wishing you a Happy Father’s Day. Please enjoy this copy of The New York Times #1 Bestseller ‘The Bench’. From Meghan, The Duchess Of Sussex.” This woman is clearly deranged or a sociopath.

    I object most strenuously to Day Admin’s slighting of the lovely Bonnie Langford. You sir, are a bounder and a cad.

    I will accept that criticism and stand by my slighting – DA

    • A top Doctor and even her family have her taped as a textbook narcissist. Ironic that she plays the mental health card, thinking she’s pulling a fast one. When she really is as mad as a lorry load of baboons on PCP and has delusions that would put Caligula to shame. Megain Markup will probably end up like Catherine The Great (or whoever it was) and marry a horse.

    • No sociopath in their deranged right mind would “take ownership” of such a revolting piece of “literature”…or correspond with Tom “Jobby-jabber” Daley.

    • Who will get custody of the buttplugs / child. Maybe they will alternate?
      🤔

  5. Christ on a stick it’s fucking nauseating. Bonding with his sewer rat brat- oh please. Why the fuck does everyone feel the need to verbalize and share their thoughts and feelings with a bunch of strangers, the public?
    Just keep it to yourselves you overly emotional needy cunts.

  6. Fuck me is this a forewarning? I thought you got a bench when you’d carked it.

  7. “Are you insane boy – actresses are for f*cking, not marrying”.
    “A Palace insider said, allegedly”.
    It will be funny when little Hewitt finally loses his shit and we are treated to the sight of a Chanel wrapped skeleton flying through a mansion window complete with boot mark on arse.

  10. Rather than this smokescreen bullshit why doesn’t Markle do something she should like get down on her knees (oi, oi, not what you think you dirty bastards) and beg for forgiveness to the Monarchy and general UK population (those who give a shit) for being an utter cuntress.

  11. She doesn’t even know Tom Daley!

    It would be like me drawing stick figures in a blank notebook with some sentimental shite words under each picture, then sending it to Keanu Reeves and asking him to enjoy it.

    • Aha-another John Wick fan. Er indoors is a fan-I wouldn’t mind a Mustang like the one he drives in that film👍

      • Keanu might think I’m referring to his acting skills if I send stick figure drawings.

  13. Prince Cuck is here in the U.K. as we speak , quarantining in his gold leaf surroundings ready to open yo-yo knicker’s statue.

    Sparkleslag is course absent for fear of having dog shit thrown at her by the passing public.

    PS great to see Ron is on the case with his latest inside scoop!

    • Thanks Isaac.
      I wonder if Little Miss Sparkle will ever grace these shores with her presence again? Let’s hope not.
      As an aside, everything seems to have gone rather quiet on that Palace investigation into bullying allegations against Meagain. Wonder what’s happening about that?

    • All the Diana at 60 shite I have seen in the MSM recently.
      The tadger muching Sloaney Pony is not 60 and never will be, as she copped it aged 36 in a Paris tunnel.

      But that won’t stop cunts like the Express and multitudes of mongs wishing the long deceased Princess of Tarts a ‘Happy 60th Birthday’ on July 1st. I bet even her sons do it. Harry and the Locust certainly will. Any publicity is good publicity for those two cunts.

      • I suppose that there’ll be a huge load of flowers, teddy bears, cards and what have you dumped outside Buck House in a ritual display of breast-beating.
        I can’t wait.

  14. I’d like to see an ornate 18th century marble bench fall from a great height onto this set of cunts.
    That would make a bestseller.

  15. Squeezes himself into some tiny trunks then jumps into some lukewarm chlorinated water for a living.
    I could fucking do that….

  17. Harry of Hewitt and Megain Mantis having an ‘exclusive on Netflix’ 60th birthday party for Lady Diana Sloaney? No, surely even those two cunts wouldn’t do that?

    Oh yes, they fucking would….

  18. I understand the Sparkletits masterpiece consists of precisely 186 words. I wonder how long she slaved over the word processor to produce that?
    Undoubtedly well worth the $500,000 advance. Fucking hell, who buys this shit?
    I haven’t heard about the Daley cunt for yonks, the nauseating little shit stabber. I bet he’s well pleased to be back in the tabloids and very grateful to the Duchess of Netflix. Can you imagine the pair of them together both desperate to be the centre of attention?
    A great nomination but i’m afraid i’ve just done a bit of sick in my mouth and feeling distinctly unwell.

    • The Megain Mantis probably used patented cheat tool Grammarly to ‘write’ her ‘book’ Either that or some underpaid arselicking lackey wrote it for her. Either way, it’s still shit.

      I truly believe that for fame and money the Markle would sell her soul, and I dare say she already has done…

  19. Ron’s supreme wit in pursuit of his investigative journalism never ceases to amaze and amuse me.

    • Thanks General. Appreciate the comment!

      If it makes you feel better yesterday WordPress decided to auto-moderate every post General Tso’s chicken made. It’s either random or just WP being stupid. – DA

  20. Markle’s new book is being eagerly anticipated by Remainder bookshops everywhere. 20 copies for a pound with a free copy of the Wit and Wisdom of Jess Phillips thrown in.

  21. Why did Sparkletits choose Daly as the object of her Twatting? Is it beacuse he is an amphibious arsehole afficionado?

    It wouldn’t have crossed her mind to Twat a white, straight celeb father. Daly is a bum grinder and Hewitt Jr has gingerness and a stunted IQ as handicaps.

    What a fucking pile of minging shit!

  22. At least one person will like this sack of shit that the Markle Mantis has ‘written’.

    Fat Reg will absolutely love it.

  23. The critical accolades are pouring in –

    “It reads as if it has been penned as a self-help manual for needy parents rather than as a story to entertain small kids” – Alex O’Connell in the Times.

    ‘Children won’t be remotely interested’ – Brian McGleenon in the Express.

    ‘It’s just a terrible shame The Bench is quite so awful. Because I am sure of one thing: Lilibet “Lili” Diana will most certainly be the subject of another book in due course. Which will be equally bad” – Rosita Boland in the Irish Times.

    ‘A semi-literate vanity project. One wonders how any publisher could have thought fit to publish this grammar-defying set of badly rhyming cod homilies, let alone think any child anywhere would want to read it.” – Claire Allfree in the Telegraph.

    Within hours of its release, copies had “buy one get one half price” stickers slapped on them in WH Smith in Newcastle, The Sun reports.

    But there is a positive review –

    ‘Meghan, Author and Duchess of Sussex, Has White Female Authors in a Tizzy. …. But the winners of the public relations stupidity belong to a special batch of white women—white women authors, the dumb a$$es, who leveraged their mediocre writing careers to attack a woman of color for her audacity to enter the publishing industry.” – Mitch Monk in Meghanpedia……of course !

  24. Breaking news.

    Astronomers have detected a mysterious prominent mound in the centre of the Aristarchus Crater on the moon. This is a new anomaly not previously seen.

    The Hubble Space Telescope was taken off it’s usual deep sky duties to urgently study this unexpected phenomenon.

    The mound has been revealed to be a 6 kilometre high stack of unsold copies of The Bench by the Duchess of Sussex.

  25. This is the oiem for Harry-

    This is your bench,
    Where life will begin
    For you and our son
    Our baby, our kin.

    • So she’s bought him a real wooden bench and I suppose he must feel he has to use it. I wonder how many times a day he has to sit on this bench? I mean she’s written the book and throughout it she’s emphasising the importance of the father/son bond.
      I bet he gets up in the morning and thinks to himself after his corn flakes ‘I better get Archie and sit on the fucking bench for a while’.

    • I have had a rush preview of the second volume…
      “A ginger soldier said to me
      I hear you have a frog.
      Indeed we do, sir,
      It lives in our bog.
      He said I’d gladly pay to take it out again
      But as he took his money out
      I heard it pull the chain”

  26. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about either of the turds so I didn’t bother reading the nom. I will, however, say I think they are both cunts.

  27. This is your bench
    And here’s your can of Stella
    You need to lose the bitch
    Far as you can propel her…

  29. Tom Daley shags a g*y dwarf on chemotherapy treatment Tom always Diving in the deep end of seedy bum sex. Dirty Bertie…..

  30. The bench is in the garden where it’s always nice and sunny

    Daddy and Archie play there

    While Mumsie counts her money

Comments are closed.