I defy anyone to read this article and not feel slightly sick…

Markle Surprises Tom Daily

It’s got the fucking lot…a publicity-mad raddled old Cunt plugging her pile-of-puke “book”…a publicity-mad rampaging Homosexual using his son to get inches in the papers ( it’ll be inches somewhere else that he’s really after, I suspect), descriptions of some ill-mannered “adorable” brat that would probably be better raised by Wackford Squeers at Dotheboys Hall instead of Rampant Queers at Do-The-Boys Hall.

I, of course, wish them all well.

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

And speaking of Sparkletits, here’s this from Fuglyucker 

Meghan Markle is a cunt, we all already know this, but the attention seeking tart will do anything for some press interest.

Latest bafoonery is a special bench for the ginger fuckwit to sit on and try and figure out the exact moment his life went down the shitter.

He sits on the naughty bench thinking it must have been when i was introduced, or was it when i shot my load, or when i proposed or when we pissed off every other fucker in the world.

Harry gets to sit somewhere with his colouring book and crayons out off vinegar tit,s way while she plots her next move….cuntsMeghan, Duchess of Sussex treated Prince Harry to an untraditional gift for his first Father’s Day – a personalised bench, which served as the inspiration for her new children’s picture book.

The former actress has previously told how she came up with the idea for her literary project The Bench after watching her husband bond with their now-two-year-old son Archie, and in a new interview with America’s National Public Radio, she reveals the title comes from an actual piece of furniture she bought for the British royal back in 2019.

She had the garden bench fitted with a plaque which was engraved with a poem she had written for Harry.

“As most of us do, you go, ‘What am I going to get them as a gift?’ And I thought I just wanted something sentimental and a place for him to have as a bit of a home base with our son,” Meghan explained.

“I often find, and especially in this past year, I think so many of us realised how much happens in the quiet. It was definitely moments like that, watching them from out of the window and watching (Harry) just, you know, rock him (Archie) to sleep or carry him or, you know… those lived experiences, from my observation, are the things that I infused in this poem.”

The poem was expanded to form the story of The Bench, which features a number of special tributes to her family – as well as Harry’s late mother, Princess Diana.
“I think you can find sweet little moments that we hid in there – of my favourite flower, even my husband’s mum’s favourite flower, forget-me-nots. We wanted to make sure those were included in there.
“There are many, many special details and love that went into this book.”

And Meghan’s first foray into the world of children’s literature has been given a big thumbs up from Archie.

“I knew our son would notice all of those elements, and he loves the book, which is great because he has a voracious appetite for books and constantly when we read him a book he goes, ‘Again, again, again,’” she said.

“But now the fact he loves The Bench and we can say, ‘Mummy wrote this for you’ feels amazing.”

She also hopes children from all different kinds of backgrounds will feel “represented” in the New York Times Best Seller, which was illustrated by Christian Robinson.
“Growing up, I remember so much how it felt to not see yourself represented (in the media),” shared Meghan, whose mother is black and father is white.

“Any child or any family hopefully can open this book and see themselves in it, whether that means glasses or freckled or a different body shape or a different ethnicity or religion.”

Meghan’s NPR chat, which was broadcast on Father’s Day on Sunday, is her first press interview since her explosive TV tell-all with Oprah Winfrey back in March, and her first since becoming a mother-of-two.

She and Harry welcomed daughter Lilibet Diana on 4 June.

A Special Bench for Harry

And another Bench hitter, this time from Ron Knee

Meghan Markle’s “The Bench”

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s royal correspondent Ron Knee speaking. Today I’m privileged to talk to a truly illustrious guest. Meghan, Duchess of Netflix, has graciously condescended to join us via satellite link from her palace in California, in order to tell us all about ‘The Bench’, her debut work as an author”.

“Thet’s ‘Duchess o’ Sussex’ ta you, but ya can all address me ‘yer grace’ an’ all”.

“Ah, I’m honoured indeed. Now perhaps you could begin by giving our listeners a summary of what ‘The Bench’ is about”.

“Well ya oughta know a’ready, given its impact. It’s basically about the love between Harry an’ me, and the bond ‘tween us an’ li’l Archie. Or sumthin’. It’s a simple yet touchin’ an’ profound morality tale fer our times, sure ta appeal ta readers of all ages. Li’l Archie justs luurves it when ah read it ta him. He jest begs fer it ‘again! again! again!’. Jest like his daddy…”.

“Yes, quite. And are you pleased with the response so far? Some critics have been, shall we say, less than enthusiastic, with ‘The Irish Times’ reviewer stating ‘it’s awful’. Sales in the UK are reported as being only about 3,200 to date”.

“Mah lawyers are *hiss* preparin’ to sue thet rag of a paper as we speak. As fer sales, mah people assure me thet they’re predicted ta exceed those fer ‘Catcher In Th’ Rah’ an’ ‘Ta Kill Ah Mockin’bird”. *whispers conspiratorially* There’s a rumour of a Nobel Prize. Or a Pulitzer. Or sumthin’. Ya didn’ all hear it from me!”.

“Depend on our discretion, your gracelessness. Now, may I ask if you harbour any further literary ambitions?”.

“Oh mah, I’m jest bein’ overwhelmed by offers from all the world’s great publishin’ houses. Raht now ah’m most int’rested in a project ta do a sequel ta ‘Gone With Th’ Wind’. Ya lisseners’ll jest be dyin’ fer a preview. It’s all about Scarlett’s secret past. Ah reveal that she’s a woman of colour, the result of a burnin’, illicit passion ‘tween her maw and a handsome slave off of the Tara plantation. Thet’s all ah’m prepared ta say fer now, as ah’m currently negotiatin’ over the film rights with several major studios. Oprah’s just BEGGIN’ ta play Scarlett, and George Clooney says he’ll kill any another actor who wants ta be Rhett”.

“Well I have to say in all honesty, that it sounds a bit ambitious…”.

“It’s gonna take an effort. I told the story of ‘The Bench’ in just 169 words. ‘Succinct but brilliant’ mah people called it. Ah reckon thet ‘Gone With The Bucks’ might run ta a couple a’ thousand words. It’s a challenge, but ah reckon thet with mah support network in place, ah can do it durin’ mah year’s maternity leave. Providin’ ah don’t have ta fire nobody, course”.

“That’s, erm, absolutely fascinating…”.

“Hold it! Thet’s Oprah an’ George on conference call. Gotta go. Be sure ta tell ev’rybody in li’l ol’ Great Britain England that ‘The Bench’ retails at jest £12.99 in all good bookshops, or as li’l as £99.99 fer an autographed copy. Now git lost asshole. Ah got bigger fish ta fry”.

“Erm *cough* this is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

This is part one, tune in next week to see part 2 of this exciting nomination. It won’t feature Sylvester McCoy dangling off a ledge, but it might feature Bonnie Langford singing! (it won’t) – DA