I’ll Ring You Back!

I had cause to ring a builder’s merchant today to order a couple of dumpy bags of sub-base.

The lad on the other end of the phone introduced himself as “Kevin”, asked me if I had an account and when I said “No”, he muttered something that I didn’t catch, said that he’d ring me back and put the phone down on me.

I did some more paperwork for an hour or so and gradually built up a head of steam as I waited for him to call back.

Eventually I rang them and got ” Kevin” again…told him that I’d rung earlier and he had said that he’d ring me back…he very curtly said “Sorry about that, what did you want?”…I then ordered all make and manner of goodies and listened as he typed in and gave me the price of my various purchases….

By the time I’d finished I could have built a row of Barratt-boxes with the goods that I apparently wanted. He then asked me for a delivery address….

”Stick the fucking lot up yer arse, ya ill-mannered Cunt” I cheerfully replied as I put the phone down on him…..

Fuck me, I hadn’t been sat more than a minute until the phone rang and it was “Kevin” calling me worse than a Cunt!…must have rung that last number thing.

We then spent 5 minutes exchanging witty banter until he told me that he was going to find out who I was and where I lived from his “pal” who could get an address from a land-line phone number…..told the cheeky Cunt not to bother his pal and gave him my name and directions to my (vast) front-door.

If I stop posting in the next couple of days, Cunters….assume that I’ve been Jimmy Hoffad by an irate bath-sealant warrior.

Nominated by: Dick Foxchaser-Fiddler

17 thoughts on “I’ll Ring You Back!

  1. I have no fear for you Dick. I’m sure you can give as good as you get.

    I’ll ring you back just means don’t call me I’ll call you. And they never do. Cunts.

  2. Funny story! I have noticed an overall increase in rudeness and lack of customer service these recent days. Here in the U.S. cunts are being paid to NOT return to work. Those that do work seem to resent being there and show it.

    • Believe me, all ‘builders’ are tin pot wankers now days. I’m a bricklayer and have worked for a few. It’s beyond embarrassing how much these clueless cunts get away with.

  3. Sharpen the punji sticks in the trou de loup Dick and put the hounds on half rations in readiness of Kevin. Most disappointing if he turns out to be some spotty gobshite yoof after all the effort.

  4. Excellent job, giving Kevin a huge shopping list to write down and price up.

    It’s a shame that Cash On Delivery has gone by the wayside, Back in the day, you could have had more fun by getting them to delivery
    the whole order to some random address.

    That would have kept the cunts busy – no gain but a lot of pain.

  5. Vodafone fked up (for the second time) my business broadband account recently, causing it to be off for 4 days.
    “A manager will ring you back within 48 hours”.
    They did not, and cut off my connection because THEIR payments system wasn’t working.
    I have all the lies they told me recorded, they are shitting themselves in case I take this to the UK regulator – they will get hit with at least 2 100 grand fines if I do, but I am “prepared to accept” my counter proposal of £1200 for loss of profit plus £300 for damage to business reputation and associated hassle and expenses from Vodafone.
    Pay me, or The Small Claims Court it is. (Liability is not an issue, just quantum).
    They really, really should have called back – and I recommend this cunting to the house Sir Fiddler!

  6. The latest bollocks on the rented sector front is Legionella Risk Assessment. The risk of Legionella (Legionnaire’s Disease) in your average small-to-medium domestic premises is absolutely negligible. There were 31 diagnosed cases (not deaths) in the East of England last year, and those probably got it in care homes or industrial sites. Patience, I’m getting there.

    The letting agency, to cover its extremely sensitive back, has contracted a plumber to do these. I missed a call from a frantic plumber a couple of weeks ago: as he had other houses to do in my neighbourhood he wanted to do mine at the same time. I emailed him once I’d caught the call, a day later. No reply. I emailed him twice more. No reply. It’s been two weeks now…no reply. And I know that his next contact will be another panic call, no more than one day before he proposes to visit the area again because a 15-minute drive out of his way to suit my convenience would still be impossible.

    He’s doing it out of the goodness of his heart, of course. He’s not being paid by the letting agent, who is not being paid by my landlord, who is not being paid by me, through the fucking nose. Is he, the cunt?

    Thanks, Dick. I may just email him again with the details of the jacuzzi, sauna and swimming pool I would like him to install.

  7. Let him come Dick.
    The dogs will warn you that hes approaching.
    Fill him full of buckshot!
    that’ll cool his boots.
    Like a Geordie Elmer Fudd.
    Blow his beak to the back of his nut.

  8. Top cunting.
    In the days when music was on CD’s; in HMV shops, the process was: select the appropriate case, take to the counter, and then some half brain would go and find the CD to insert into the case and then you pay.
    I encountered some arrogant, rude, numbskull cunt at the desk who said “We haven’t got that, next customer!” I was basically told to fuck off.
    I went back to select another twenty or so CD cases from the shop and placed them on the counter. That same shithouse served me and spent at least fifteen minutes locating all the correct discs.
    I waited until he had entered them all into the till, before I politely explained that I had changed my mind and I no longer wanted them.
    They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but sometimes you just can’t wait that long.

    • Years ago a mate of mine was “mugged off” by an arrogant pa.ki in his shop, in a very affluent area.
      What happened was, he was refused the ability to pay by debit card, because the total of his items were under £20. The fucking cheeky cunt.

      Well a “mate” of his😉 went into the same shop, where they made coffee to take out (pre costa machine) and made up deli lunches in plastic trays.
      This “mate” ordered 2 x lunches which they put together and 2x coffee’s, ensuring it was below £20. Then pulled out his debit card to pay.

      The pa.ki shop owner insisted the “mate” choose more items to bring the value up to £20.
      When told no, he threatened to call the police-upon which the “mate” said “Please do-you are breaking the law with your policy”.
      The queue of affluent cunts all voiced agreement and walked out with the “mate”.
      I hear the minimum fee was scrapped.
      Don’t get mad…

  9. Should’ve got to the end of your long list of materials, waited for Kevin to add up the total cost plus vat and when he told you, you tell him you’ll ring him back and hang up!

  10. To be fair, lads working on builders merchants are not known for their monumental intellectual ability.
    More common to see a tear tattoo or a swallow tattoo.

    Kevin is all mouth Lord Fiddler.
    Probably some fat cunt who spends his spare time playing violent on line games or wanking😂

  11. If I were you Dick, I’d get the blunderbus oiled and ready – fully loaded with nuts, bolts, Stanley blades and dogshit.

  12. Dick my man, let me explain, I do this shit for a living.
    during lock down the workers were furloughed but the sales team carried on.
    so, the sales team sold existing product’s.
    However due to market instability due to brexit speculation, demand and then production was reduced.
    Bang covid “I want a new patio” and the home owner (You) hit the market big time.
    bagged aggregates, shortage!
    Wood, well the Canadian forest has an infestation problem, so the yanks bought forest in the eu hence the shortage of that, or the pricing.
    Bottom line is that the market retracted before Brexit and down scaled production, they had no idea about the Covid boom.
    Fuck sake do not ask me about cement!
    Hope that answers your question, and the Hounds are good.
    all the best

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