Cancelling Contracts over the phone

Reading the nomination about “Another nail in the coffin for free speech, and DA’s footnote of cancelling his/her/it/them/etc. DT subscription, puts me in mind of why it is so friggin’ difficult to cancel a contract/subscription online these days!

Phone providers, TV/satellite providers, utility providers, and many many more insist on making life just a little more difficult by trying to dissuade you from leaving them.

A simple letter or email to say “I’m giving you the required 30-day notice so that I can move to a far more organised/cheaper company than you robbing bastards!” will no longer suffice. Instead, you have to ring one of their customer “outreach” support desks and justify yourself for having the temerity to want to leave!

They will try every trick in the book to keep you, even to the point of offering you discounts. They will also try and push you into a “matey” conversation in order to soften you up. Talking about the football, or the weather, or some soft shite – all of it part of the leverage process so that by the end you’re suitably forgiving enough to at least accept another 12 months with them with a very small discount.

I hate all that shit. No wonder I hate the phone so much. My patience goes as far as 2 on a scale of 10 before I’m inclined into calling them a bunch of cunts and slamming the phone down (which of course ultimately achieves nothing as I have to ring the bastards back and start over!)

I can understand the need for security procedures to be put in place, especially involving banks and personal finance. But to move from British Gas to So Energy, or to move from Vodafone to GiffGaff really shouldn’t need so many hoops to jump through, especially when it involves phoning the bastards!

Nominated by Technocunt

34 thoughts on “Cancelling Contracts over the phone

  1. After a renewal quote and a go compare search of current prices, if I want to stay with the company that I’m already with the first thing I do is call them and tell them I’m leaving! Straight to the retention department and a fat discount and as long as that is far lower than the other quotes deal me in!

    Yes it is a bit of faff but over the years has saved me thousands!

    Patience, dear boy, patience.

  2. I agree. You have to go through an obstacle course to cancel a contract. But it’s not just existing contracts. I had a call from Sky yesterday trying to flog their rubbish tv to me. I said no, not interested, don’t even watch all of what’s available to me on Digital, Prime and Netfux. He wouldn’t let me go. In the end he screamed “but there’s 50% off”. Had to put the phone down. If I’d signed and then changed my mind I’d have to go through the seven labours of Hercules to cancel.

      • He always said that he would be suicided, he even had a tattoo on his arm: $WACKD. He knew how to hack computers and he claimed to have 31 terabytes of damaging government files. He was a crazy motherfucker, one of the last true wealthy eccentrics who didn’t give a fuck about authority. It will be interesting to see the aftermath of this.

      • I mentioned in a nomination yesterday that I had watched a documentary about him. Paranoid as fuck he rambled on, with eyes as big as saucers. A person of interest in the killing of his neighbour that he had an ongoing dispute with in Belize! Coincidently he got the fuck out of Belize pretty sharpish.

        I should’ve had him in the Deadpool 🙁

    • If his death was slower than he made my windows 95 pre-installed with his antivirus software then I feel sorry for him.

    • Wonder how long it will take before the information he had starts flooding out. Apparently, he had something set up / dead man’s switch so that if he failed to log in and cancel it, the files will pour out all over the internet.

  3. You could always just phone them up and say something like, “only men have penises”. THEN they are sure to cancel your contract in a nanosecond.

  4. Come the revolution, everyone who has ever been involved in marketing, with the occupants of their contact lists, up against the wall, sprayed with an emulshion of sulphuric acid and petrol, and ignited, with their relatives watching*.

    This has gone so far beyond what’s acceptable that I am struggling to find the right words. In addition to the phone idea, today I was emailed by my cunt supplier, which is, I learn, setting up a new online account for me. This increases the already considerable pressure on me to accept a smart meter (piss off!) and direct debit (likewise!) by announcing that I will now be billed monthly instead of quarterly ( as I have been all my life) and that paper invoices are a thing of the past, granddad.

    Checking the options for switching from this rapacious bunch of cunts, and finding someone whose service hasn’t been adjusted for the maximum ease and contentment of its shareholders and management, I find that this is now quite general.

    Seriously considering putting a generator in the back yard, but I guess the cunt neighbours would object.

    * My sister was in marketing. I am practising as I preach.

    • Some energy suppliers will now only offer the ‘best’ deal if you have or accept a smart meter.

      My current supplier is shell energy and they are punishing me because I said no to a smart meter, they email me every month for a reading. I guess they think that will be an inconvenience which will make me want a smart meter….. not a fucking chance.

      Cunts.

      • I’m penalised for not having a smart meter or direct debit – quite a lot of difference in the tariffs. The coercion is continuous and not too subtle. I am probably a cunt for sticking as far as possible to my principles, but I am not alone yet.

      • I have a smart meter installed but it doesn’t work as the mobile signal is so crap where I live. My energy supplier is UGP and they tell me to read the meter every month. If I forget then they charge me triple the monthly average. I am out of contract on September so will find another set of cunts.

      • EON insisted that I have a smart meter on the tariff I was on. I pointed out that I couldn’t be forced into one. Tennis. Back and forth. Eventually told them to fuck off. Game, set and match to me.

      • “He’s going for that antimarketing dollar. That’s a good market. He’s very smart.”

        Like it. but much more work needs to be done on this topic. Marketing people should be ridiculed and mocked, excluded from polite society and forced to attend re-education classes in morals and ethics. Seriously. They’re capitalist cancer. Not just a lefty viewpoint – I’m pretty sure Hayek would agree.

  5. My worse experience was with the cunts at Sky when I cancelled. They tried to make it as expensive and difficult as possible. Cunts.

    • When I came to the end of my last contract and saw the bills were going up by a ridiculous amount I phoned customer service and said I am not paying the increase, I was immediately put through to ‘retention’, I am now paying my original price and they upgraded my broadband to super fast from essential or whatever the fuck it was called.
      They weren’t doing me any great favours, it’s competitive with BT and TalkTalk, but they are cunts trying to charge me something like a 70% increase

      Cunts

  6. This is an excellent cunting and something those useless spineless toothless wankers at Ofcom should be seriously looking at. Back in November last year I tried to cancel my mobile broadband contract with Vodafone by email (I refuse to talk to the twats over the phone which I suppose is my problem). After going round and round in circles and getting nowhere (I had to keep proving my identity ffs) I sent them a cancellation letter by recorded delivery on 14th January. Anyway, to cut a very long story short it eventually was cancelled last month. When I asked the fuckers why it was taking so long, they told me they don’t cancel contracts by letter. I was going to write to them to complain but they probably don’t do complaints by letter either the cunts.

    • Isn’t it funny how digital everything makes everything simpler for them, but slow, frustrating and intrusive for you?

      No wonder everyone’s doing it…

    • Send a letter telling them you are cancelling from a specific date and cancelling your DD. Cancel the DD. Wait till they write that you have cancelled the DD and refer them to your previous letter. Hours of wasted time for some poor admin cunt at the company. I did this every month for a year with the BBC.

      • Thanks moggie, I tried that and told them I was cancelling my direct debit. The cunts then charged me a £5 late payment fee on my next bill. Anyway, it’s all sorted now thank fuck.

    • At least you still have the option to talk to an actual cunt if you want to. Virgin mobile & Smarty both fuck you with interactive chatbots for hours before you get an actual interactive cunt.

  7. They’re not pricks every time though…I recently called Virgin and said “I’m going to leave…do what you can to retain me as a customer.”
    Result: doubled my internet speed, added loads of new channels, a better internet hub thingy and ten quid off a month, all from asking quite politely.
    And the call centre guy (English) was sound too.

  8. Just cancel the direct debit.
    Then sit back and enjoy scotch.

    Yes I am a smug cunt.

  9. All I get is Bud Bud Ding (shaking head), how can I help you today. Isn’t the weather nice in London.

    No, it’s not you cunt as I know you you are in fucking India – don’t lie, bitch!

  10. Can’t quite see this is such a problem. As regards gas and electricity once you have decided to which supplier you are going to move you get in touch with them and they will do everything required, we have done it lots of times. As regards Sky and Virgin and such like tell your bank to stop paying them, they will soon get the message. In all cases check first if you are contracted to stay in until a certain date. Beware of the BBC tax though, even if you take none of their services if you stop paying them they will put you in jail.

  11. I cancelled my subscription to BT sport without too much difficulty.

    I basically informed them how disgusted I was at their continued promotion of anti white politics (BLM) and that I refuse to fund it for one second longer.
    Obviously they assumed me to be a cunt but more worryingly – a racist cunt and they obviously didn’t want my dirty honkey money any longer.

    Cunts.

    • Wow, you are a racist cunt. You should reinstate your subscription immediately and pay a premium for those that take the knee. That includes drunks like me that fall to their knee for obvious reasons.

    • Quite right Herman. As a Scot with a home team shirt in my wardrobe, I was absolutely delighted to see Croatia end their euro campaign. Nice it was at Hampden too so the cunts didn’t have far to go on the walk together for shame to get home. I’d still make the cunts isolate due to that cunt who tested positive

  12. Now i have had an extended joy of this, when I know I am right I tend to say,
    “So take me to court I will see you there” .
    Now as such I have pretty much argued it out with a credit recovery company over a non existent debt ( I offered them more than they were asking for if they could provide a signed document) a wanky car park company ( smart Parking) who issued me threatening letter and then topped it up with a fake recovery company.
    Then a certain phone provider now gone under to which my words were ” well you are in breach of contract so see you in court”.
    Now said company no longer exists and has not for some time and the “Debt was bought by a finance company” .
    Debt reel or imagined expires after 6 years unless you admit to it, ( I am sure I nominated this before).
    So one day I received a text ” Mr B where you affected by Covid 19? if so call this number and quote ref 365826.”
    well funny enough I have not been so failed to reply.
    Then I got a letter stating a debt to said obsolete company, but offering a discount!
    Now I am a service provider and I know that not only do we charge interest but also legal fees if we go to court.
    so where the fuck do these people get off?
    I researched them and they turned out to be brass plate debt purchase company, pay penny’s on the pound and then frighten people.
    They have probably wasted their potential profit on me and as I recall their last letter referenced my Credit score and the damaging effect that they would have.
    I pointed out to them that if they dropped the threats and took me to court I would win, then I would make a claim for harassment, win that and with their finance not require said credit score.

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