My Employer “Don’t give a fuck corp” has concluded that with the scarcity of some retail materials and a lack of staff the workforce may be a little under the weather.
So after a massive brainstorming session they have gone on a recruitment campaign and slackening up our supply chain criteria…………….Have they fuck!
We receive “Stress busting” e-mails from some moron who eats fortune cookies.
Every day we receive helpful suggestions, “Turn you screen off for 5 mins every day” the system crashes at least once a day as it is or decides to install an update in the middle of a transaction.
“Get to know your colleagues” after 11 years there is very little I do not know about them, the guy who sits opposite does not sleep in the same room as his wife, he has one child who is a fucking moron, and I privately suspect that he is married to his sister, but its ok they have been sterilised.
“Go for a walk in your break”, this is one of my favourites as I rarely have a break and I cant walk that well, but its not as good as the other one.
“take a socially distanced walk with a friend” now apart from the walking issue I can somehow see the distance between us increasing as I shuffle along behind them so that’s a crap idea too.
They said something about crafting something to make you feel better, I have taken that one on and have made quite a nice shank from a ruler that I will try out on the prick who makes these e-mails up.
There that’s me done, off to shout at the pigeons now always feel better after that.
Nominated by: lord benny(not quite deceased, but close)
Stress! Fucking mental health! what a load of bollocks. Try being in the Gulags or being a 19 year old in bomber command. What a bunch of wankers.Im self employed and havnt got time for this weak, entitled, self absorbed bullshit.
31
Its a whole industry Smug, like the unconscious bias training or diversity workshops, it keeps these finger-wagging wokeflake bell ends in a job, as they would be unemployable anywhere else.
I would have to be on the bones of my arse to work for anyone else again and be talked down to by some punk who was only a mere itch in his dads pants not that long ago.
15
Good for you. Id sooner cut off my own bollocks than have some millenial cunt informing me what to do. I dont employ them . I only employ people who havnt been to “higher education”. They are as thick as shit.
11
Millennials are now becoming the bosses and employing generation Z who are now starting to enter the workplace. Talk about the blind leading the fucking blind.
15
They wont make any money. especially in about 5 years when the shit hits the fan with hyper inflation due to printing money. then we will see if millenials and gen z have any metal. my guess is not.
7
Booooooooooze has always been the answer, until the next morning, when it’s the end of the world!
Fuck off!
14
Theses cunts have no idea about real life employment. Your boss is corporate virtue signalling with one eye on potential tribunals when he breaks at least one member of his team.
More lipstick on a pig.
12
Maybe if these nuns arseholes paid their employees a proper salary relative to the cost of living (and the CEOs), didn’t expect employees to be at 100% for ever increasing total hours, and didn’t hamstring our dignity and morale with political correctness and a plethora of woke corporate gobshite..
..then maybe we wouldn’t be so fucking stressed.
But here, have a free piece of fruit Wednesday! And here, a slice of pizza to celebrate some business success! We’re family! Now, hold still while we shove our corporate up your cornhole!
20
Thank fuck for lord benny(not quite deceased, but close). A breath of fresh air at last, thank you.
6
Yes, it is good to hear from him and to know that he is still going. Ron Knee has gone missing recently so I hope he is OK.
2
Is that you CS?
You missed a thread about Hi-fi 😳
Or did you?
🤔
4
My niece runs a business catering for ‘ensuring equality and diversity within the workplace’. She is a lovely person who works hard providing fuck knows what but she is making a fortune. If the dozy sods want to hand over vast sums to her , that is fine with me. She buys me a massive jar of jellybeans each birthday and Christmas, probably can’t wait for me to get diabetes.
9
I have one like that as well, she is the U.K. end of an organisation that certifies your company is making a contributio to the society with ‘non-financial’ profits, like are you green, do you offer apprenticeships, and stuff like that. I think she gives you a Certificate if your cheque meets their criteria.
She is working bloody hard at it,has a big up-take, and is making more money than I ever have.
1
What stresses me most are cunts who go on about how fucking stressed they are. It’s fucking work, it’s meant to be fucking stressful. If i isn’t you are a lazy cunt.
I once asked a school leaver how he had got on during his first week at work. ‘Okay, but I feel so tired.’ I explained to him that was what happened, and why it was called ‘work’. I told him to cheer up as he only had another forty or so more years of being tired to go.
18
Shit managers avoid real problems and instead, justify their own existence with courses like this. They’re usually also the ones who make you sign loads of shit putting all responsibility on you, and not them, if things go wrong with any of their initiatives.
Good managers see problems, fix them and take ownership of big decisions they make. They’re also more likely to hold onto staff.
Sadly, most managers fit the former category nowadays.
Although stress does exist, can creep up on you very suddenly and can have serious health risks. If a job is too stressful, gtfo asap.
9
Seconded. Didn’t jump soon enough – not great but better than jumping later. You’re a long time dead and there are cunts everywhere. It really is the difference between dying at 50+ and enjoying grandkids at 80
5
Back in the day I took up smoking and every time the union rep turned up I’d excuse myself for a smoke break. And only the good cunts smoked so we ran together. Gave up in my twenties and had my own business. Took up smoking again l to hide from the kids when they became teenagers. History repeats. Oh and I limp too and I take advantage of that to avoid the pricks on speed with useless advice. I’ve stayed alive after a stroke at age 31 and ended up in California with a pool in the backyard. And a packet of Marlboros. The latest generation of reps and managers? Fuck em. I’ll take life experience any day.
11
Sorry to hear about the stroke, fellow cunter.
Fight the good fight! (Against contain)
👍
4
Sorry to hear about the stroke, fellow cunter.
Fight the good fight! (Against cuntism )
👍
4
Well done, my Lord.
Thank fuck I’m retired. I actually enjoyed the job I did in general, apart from an appalling period of time when I worked in a call center, so was reasonably happy at work.
I did pity the poor buggers who were stuck on call center jobs, though, they either turned into gibbering wrecks, or almighty cocks ( who then became management ).
7
Many moons ago, I spent about 2 years in a few different call centres.
Worst time of my life. It did force me to sort my life out though.
Call centre work could do with a cunting all of its own. The misery it causes cannot be understated.
7
Cannot help but agree CB, it’s the most miserable job in the world. At least people who unclog shit filled pipes get some satisfaction.
Target driven, reduced to tears by failing to hit aforementioned targets, made to feel worthless, off on the sick through stress, I could tell some tales.
Fortunately, my unique skills were recognised & I was poached into a rather more fun position.
But I’m still glad I’m retired.
7
I did 6 1/2 months in HMRC call centre. At the end, I felt like a frog that had been pithed in a biology lesson. I was overspending on CDs to cope with the sheer bloody awfulness of it, to the extent the job wasn’t paying enough.
Call centres are the new “Dark, satanic mills.”
3
Try getting:
‘7 month old male, not breathing, blue, CPR in progress’
on the screen and then let’s have a chat about if stress exists and is fucking dangerous to your health.
10
Fair enough, DCI, but everyone’s experience of a stressful situation is different, and allowances should be made. Not many call center workers experience that kind of situation.
9
I think we agree, Jessum. Stress exists and is dangerous to your health. Been to far too many suicides where stress was a factor to the patient.
6
Although I did have a manager have a fit in the office once, bang his head, unconscious & bleeding, fucking scary that was, oh, and there was the bloke who had a heart attack and died, the young woman who went into premature labour & the loony who came in with a sawn off shotgun looking for his ex.
4
Ha! Welcome to my world! (Although we hide around corners if someone has a shotgun!!).
6
That was terrifying, fortunately we had an ex-army bloke who did the cringing, hands up, non threatening routine until he’d gone past, then twatted him from the rear. Lovely bloke, only little, very quiet. Who knew.
I didn’t even know he’d been in the forces until later.
5
Manager fitting – I’d have pissed myself. Spent several years planning my useless cunting manager’s demise – in the end realised how fucking sad I was, so jumped ship. Best move ever. Not everyone is a fucking leader of men/champion of manhood. Some of us when bullied legitimately by a boss-sanctioned cunt don’t know it’s actually wrong – the cunt is the bloke you complain to, and if you do you are royally fucked! Management culture UK – we used to rule 1/3 of the planet – get fucked.
5
Just a day in the office.
3
I find that masturbation is perfectly normal,healthy and a great release for stress. It releases dopamine and reduces anxiety. It improves prostate gland and cardiovascular health.
It still got me thrown off the fuckin’ bus mind.
😊
19
Wanker!!!!!!
Keeping your “hand in”-good work😀👍
6
Conversely, the satisfaction of saving a life, must make the job worthwhile-your a great bloke (I am basing this on observing your posts), I imagine saving lives is what motivates you, mate😀👍
7
Do you mean me, CG? I’m a cunt, actually!! But, yes, when you make a difference, no matter how small, it is very satisfying. I can honestly say, that when you turn up at a job, allergic reactions are a good example as the drugs we carry can sometimes sort them out quite quickly, and be able to say to the family that their loved one is going to be alright, the look on their face is priceless. Conversely, if it goes wrong, we can also help the family, too. I’ve carried out CPR on a dead man, (HEMS called it), until his wife could come in the room and say goodbye to him. We then stopped, cleaned him up, dressed him and put him in bed rather than leave him on the landing floor so at least his wife and family will have a lasting memory of, well, dignity I suppose. Yep, despite the 95% of useless cunts that call us, it’s a pretty good job, but, fairly bad for your mental health. I don’t know anyone that hasn’t been affected by it.
8
Yes Gene👍
I once carried out CPR on an old boy who had got off his motorbike, outside a bike dealer, the effort of pulling his bike into its stand, gave him a heart attack.
We were driving past and clocked him-a WPC was standing next to him, doing fuck all.
My mate took care of breathing, I did chest compressions. For 10 minutes.
I watched his pupils enlarge and thought: “oh, he’s gone!”
The paramedics arrived and my mate worked with the paramedics…
He died, the saddest thing for me, was that he died on a wet pavement, in November, without his family😢
I still think about him today
I was 22.
Decades ago.
Respect to you for doing your job mate-not many of us could
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
10
You did your bit. Not easy, some wouldn’t or couldn’t and, not something you forgot. I still have ‘bad dreams’ about the first child I worked on. He died. Seven years old. Same age as my daughyer at the time. I can see him now, years on. My wife had to do CPR on one of our neighbours visiting relatives. A friend of ours was on the crew that turned up. My wife now understands why I’m quiet and irritable and have fuck-all sympathy for trivia.
5
Retired 18 years ago at the age of 54. I could see the writing on the wall. Chop chop busy busy work work etc.
For any cunt who is considering retirement just fucking do it. You don’t need as much as you thought.
Life IS too short.
I always remember the tale of Joseph Heller.
Joseph Heller, an important and funny writer
now dead,
and I were at a party given by a billionaire
on Shelter Island.
I said, “Joe, how does it make you feel
to know that our host only yesterday
may have made more money
than your novel ‘Catch-22’
has earned in its entire history?”
And Joe said, “I’ve got something he can never have.”
And I said, “What on earth could that be, Joe?”
And Joe said, “The knowledge that I’ve got enough.”
14
Retired at 54 too. Best move ever. Catch 22 is my bible – everyone I’ve ever met/worked with is in there.
5
Excellent book. I’m a 5 time reader.
I can pick it up, open a page and just start laughing.
I’m not one for comparing book and film but it wasn’t a bad attempt. Like the Godfather was too. Great book and film.
Catch 22 characters have been with me all my life, living in my head.
4
I retired aged 48, 20 years ago.
Entirely with you re Joseph Heller and Catch 22 – read it in my late teens on my mum’s recommendation – blew my fucking mind!
5
Sorry RT. You won’t be surprised to learn that I can’t stand it.
In fact I have s little joke in my mind. I felt I ought to read it. But I could never finis it. Because it was just too tedious. But I felt I had to finisht but I couldn’t. Suddenly I thought ‘It’s Catch 22!’.
And then I learned that Heller’s very very (which turned him into a writer) favourite book was Brideshead Revisited.
Quickly I am not saying its a bad book just not for me.
Same with Tolkien. I have tried and tried to read LiftR and have always given up before a 100 pages.
2
I have a signed copy (inherited), which to my shame, I have never read…
3
Agree with you Miles re Lord of the Rings. It was very trendy at school back in 1967, but like you I never got beyond the first 100 pages, if that!
3
Glad it wasn’t just me.
2
@ Cuntfinder – that signed copy must be worth a few bob now! 👍
2
I dreamt I wrote Lord of the rings once.
In the morning my missus said….
You’ve been Tolkien in your sleep again.
Btw The Tolkien way is a good country walk.
5
I retired at 55, it’s wonderful.
Spent several years being my grandchilds carer, much more rewarding than bringing my own kids up, but now grandchild is moving to big kid school, so im finally properly retired.
Fuck knows what I’m going to do now.
9
LOL. 55 and twins 5 years old and a 10 year old. Something tells me I fucked the timing up. Hell, we all find our own path!
2
An associate of mine, married a much younger woman (she a busty blonde croupier aged 32), he a millionaire aged 50.
I said “Give it 12 months-she will be broody”
He said “she doesn’t want kids”
They had two-his dream of travel and constant fucking died.
As did he, aged 64…
4
Saturday every day.
3
If I won the lottery, I’d go back to being self-employed. I LOVED that job.
0
Do you know, I think we’re getting a better class of contributor on IsAC!
More mature, better educated. Deeper thinkers, well read and remind me of Blighty
Past.
Take note Chunky, these are Boomers who are the salt of the earth!
5
It was going so well, until you demanded a wank of appreciation. Don’t pretend you old cunts don’t have your blindspots, you aren’t gods gift to the world you know.
Besides, the obliteration of decent employment.. on who’s watch has that happened eh?
3
Chunky – is there a particular life experience that has left you so embittered?
If I’d taught you, I think I could have sourced the help that would have helped with the reasons for your unhappiness.
7
Any good, Bertie?😉
https://www.samaritans.org/
4
What age range do you consider old?
Asking for a friend, lolz!
1
You are a breath of fresh air Jessum!
2
I mean baby boomer, Generation X or Gen Z these labels don’t really mean anything deep down,.
3
@TBCC. Labour, Tory and LibDem.
All cunts.
Good evening.
4
Chunky-allow is some nostalgia😢
How old are you?
Aged 14-40, I was fucking for England.
Leave the bitterness to us older cunts, yearning for the England of our youth.
Get yourself a couple of butches on heat-everything else will pale into insignificance😀👍
5
Us not is*
Bitches not butches*
Mind you……
😂
Fuck you 🍎
5
Ah, the obliteration of decent employment ‘eh? I suppose there are a few factors to consider. What constitutes as decent employment?
Whose watch has that happened? It’s been happening with progress and the rise of Internet world. Online shops, online jobs, online banking…online pretty much everything!
Mustn’t forget the ‘SEW-ASEF’* factor though! Since Jesus was riding a bike to work there have, and always will be, those who think they are entitled to jobs a.k.a. employment just because! Mostly found sitting around in groups or in more modern times, ironically, online, moaning about the fact they haven’t got the job they deserve, you know, the decent job. Generally unable to adapt or evolve their skils, if any, to suit the current employment market so find it far easier to moan to anyone who will listen, probably even throw the ‘elf’ in, for extra pity me points!
*SEW-ASEF= Sulkey entitled wankers, always someone else’s fault!
Boo fucking hoo. As always there are plenty of jobs out there so go and find one and stop fucking moaning about it. The jobs beneath you? No problem! Spend your life on benefits moaning that all the decent jobs are gone, just have the decency to stop whingeing about it like a pathetic crybaby and blaming someone else!
😀
5
It’s so unfair! 😥
3
Just going to leave this here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yng4XcYNoXo
Might invoke sneers of derision from some IsAC members, but I think Simon Sinek is a very clever man.
I’m technically a millennial – born in the early 1980s.
I could be bitter about the fact that some of you retired aged between 48 and 55 years old, so you have plenty of life left to enjoy.
I’ll probably still be working until I’m 73.
I’m not bitter. I accept it.
Doesn’t mean I have to like it though.
I like to think I can see both sides.
I enjoy some of TBCC’s contributions. Apart from the “boomers are to blame for everything”.
Young have been pitted against old.
As Paul Carrack once sang:
Every generation blames the one before,
and all of their frustrations,
come beating on your door.
1
To be fair most gen xers can’t retire at 50-55 either. I’ll be working until 70 I’m sure.
1
,@Harold
I can never forgive you for that. To put that dreadful maudlin song by Mike and the Mechanics in my head just before sleep. How cruel.
2
@Miles
Sorry about that.
How about if I replace it with this one instead:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMmTkKz60W8
1
You’ve retrieved the situation Harold. I can close my eyes now.
2
If I could join in. @TBCC it seems odd to me to be mad at a generation. To be angry at people born between whatever the 1950 ls and 70s is it? The Boomer generation? Its like being mad at I don’t know people with mousey hair or something. Like I feel I understand everything in the word ‘millenials’ but I’m not angry at them. I’m not mad at them I pity them more than anything. I certainly don’t blame them. I blame the ideas that have produced such a wet generation.
There is a hundred and fifty thousand different Boomers. They were left wing right wing. It is a very loose term. It’s just odd.
Like your Jesuit thing.
3
Speaking of Boomers, anyone tried Boom Radio? Fucking ace!!
https://www.boomradiouk.com/
1
You’re reading too much into who you think I am, based on my postings. I don’t hate boomers any more than my own generation, mediocrity is ubiquitous.
I just don’t like the particular self-congratulatory attitude a lot of boomers display. Maybe it was present in the generation prior, but every 80+ person I’ve spoken to has been humble in comparison and doesn’t exude that aura of narcissism to the same degree.
I don’t blame them. They were sold a phony materialist version of reality. But on the flip side they have to accept that fact, and they refuse to – I’m not going to take philosophical advice from anyone who lies to themselves.
2
Many years ago, before I reached the Sunlit Uplands Of Self Employment, my boss informed us all that due to something Very Important, Christmas would be cancelled this year.
I went off sick for a month, returned after a Jolly Good Festive Season, then took voluntary redundancy after being offered a job elsewhere, which I gleefully took,as I did the generous redundancy pay.
Fuck Them. ( Copyright : Fiddler Corp. )
4
I deal with stress by telling people to ” Fuck Off”.
13
#me too
4
Taking a giant, steaming, creamy shite on the car or doorstep belonging to the perpetrator of your stresses is just simply a wonderful cathartic.
6
I have had some extremely stressful jobs. You just get on with it. I never needed some course from wankers who didnt know the first thing about pressure to help me. Nor any counselling cunts.
If you cant stand the heat, fuck off out of it.
5
I get bombarded with this shit where I work. Emails about training courses I should attend to reduce my stress and connect with colleagues. I’d be less fucking stressed if you stopped filling my in box with this shit.
4
Ha ha ha😂😂😂
Anal-ease Dodds replaces Angela Rayner as chairman-losing her shadow chancellor 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👎👎😉😉😉😉
Happy day👍👍👍👍😀👍👍👍
2
I like the Joseph Heller story. It’s a bit like the saying that both the king and the pawn go back in the same box after a game of chess. You can’t take it with you so why waste the effort?
Where it gets bad though is if you have to keep working to pay the bills. And then cunts like this take the piss. Not a good place to be. You have my sympathy Lord Benny.
3
As I’ve got older, the amount of cunts and bellends in supervisors and Managers positions has increased. I fucking hate my job chiefly because of the supervisors and Managers. If they just left me alone I’d be fine. I wish I could win the fucking Pools.
6
‘You’re reading too much into who you think I am, based on my postings’
Well that’s else have we go to go on?
‘I don’t hate boomers any more than my own generation, mediocrity is ubiquitous’
So mediocrity is the charge. Is it?
Or–‘I just don’t like the particular self-congratulatory attitude a lot of boomers display.’
A self congratulatory attidude? Does that make you a mediocrity?
‘Maybe it was present in the generation prior, but every 80+ person I’ve spoken to has been humble..’
Right we’ve got it. Humility it is.. The virtue of humility. Not mediocrity but humility.
‘in comparison and doesn’t exude that aura of narcissism to the same degree’ as? To the same degree as the Boomers,? I see.
‘I don’t blame them. They were sold a phony materialist version of reality.’. So if the Boomers were ‘sold’ this presumably you are blaming the previous generation their fathers and moyhers that you have just praised for their humility?
‘But on the flip side they have to accept that fact, and they refuse to –’
What fact is that they hsve to accept -that they are mediocre or narcissists or materialists?
‘I’m not going to take philosophical advice from anyone who lies to themselves’.
What are they lying to themselves about their mediocrity, their materialist philosoph or their self-congratulatoriness?
4
Very well analysed Miles.
😊👍
1