Electric Cars (4)

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Electric cars are a cunt.

They are priced anything from 50% upwards above the price of an equivalent proper car. Read any test of one and they rarely make more than 75% of the claimed range. If they break down the AA will only change a wheel, any failure beyond a puncture they will only give you a tow.

Note that to run out of charge is effectively a breakdown; you can’t get a mate to give you a lift back to the car with a can of coulombs to top it up.

The whole system for charging them away from home is a complete fucking shambles. As far as I can find out there are at least four different plug types out there which are mutually incompatible.You cannot pay for a charge with cash or a credit card. You need a special card or an app on your phone for each individual network; if your phone is flat you can’t charge the car.

At some chargers you have to pay a connection fee before you can start charging. you can only get the car serviced or repaired by the limited number of dealers who sell them. Guess the effect of that on the price. Depreciation is catastrophic, who wants a second hand electric car when you see the price of replacement batteries? But worst of all is when pushed hard they sound like a sewing machine being thrashed. They can never make the sort of music my quad-cam V6 makes.

Nominated by: arfurbrain 

73 thoughts on “Electric Cars (4)”

  1. Another kick in the cunt for working people and forget the just about managing, not a chance of owning one of these pieces of crap.
    According to the twats pushing these mobile Duracells most of the charging will be done at home, yes great if you have a driveway but tough luck if you have street parking.
    All part of the madness that has been shat upon us, let’s see how many electric cars are on the road when the government pull the plug of sales of normal cars in 2030 (and how many are parked up on the side of motorways flat as fuck)

  2. I’ve never had a new car and don’t feel hard done by. If I was offered a new electric car for free I’d turn it down. Or, more likely, I’d take it, sell it and buy a used ICE car instead.

    • If you were given a new electric car Moggie, you could sell it and buy a high end normal car and still trouser several thousand pounds.

      • That’s what I was thinking. I wouldn’t buy a new car as it loses 30% of its value the moment you drive it off the forecourt.

      • I once had a satnav and the voice was Bonnie Tyler.
        It was fucking shite.
        Kept telling me to turn around.
        And every now and then it fell apart.

  4. The biggest con in human history. “Green energy” is in no way green. Electric cars are as “green” as every other electric product powered by power stations. This bullshit is another sown up bollox like the eu, that no one can vote against…… until they can.

    • One if the biggest cons together with bottled water. We’ve been getting conned for decades now.
      Electric cars are the car equivalent of low energy bulbs……shite.

  5. 2035, mid winter, temperature -10C, Sunday night, power grid collapses as 10 million electric cars are plugged in 😂

  6. Electric cars might look attractive brand new, but second hand and they’re cheap as chips purely because replacement batteries cost a fortune!

    But of course the rich Islington types, politicians, celebs and cunts like Greta won’t mind because they’ll all be rich enough anyway; or will probably get some freebie cars because of who they are.

    Meanwhile the poor plebs will more or less have to use public transport or just stay at home – out of sight out of mind, apart from paying bills of course.

    And what about motorbikes? Will they have to go green/electric, or will they be taxed off the road for being high pollutants?

    Meanwhile in India, China and other shithole African countries, there’s a population explosion and everyone can still drive around in diesel and petrol cars – no one says anything about that!

    Cunts

    • My Honda bike is 45 years old. I would not swap it for it’s modern petrol powered equivalent, never mind some battery operated poof chariot…

      • Too right Baron, I like my ancient bikes and the only time I’ll ever part with them is when my wife sells them to pay for a wooden overcoat and a big hole in the ground.

      • I’m helping to restore one of those at the moment, but my own bike is a humble CB250G.
        I sold my Kawasaki Z650 a few years back when I gave up the long distance rides to rallies and debauched parties.
        Now I just take it easy on a little twin cylinder, but I get to test ride plenty of other bikes through the restoration work (and get paid for it 👍).

  7. I’ve never travelled any great distance in mine so the only place I’ve charged it is at ohm….

    • AMPleased to SIEMENS it’s no VOLT of your OHM, Mr Cuntley. When you COULOMB down, JOULE be glad WATT you can get in p/x

  8. Totally impractical.

    How many people can guarantee that they will be able to park within reach of their charging points?
    When I lived in London I would be lucky if I could park in the same street as my home.

    UK weather is unpredictable.
    Battery power will be used one day for the windscreen wipers and demister, the next day for air conditioning or heating.

    Get stuck in a traffic jam and nervously watch the power seeping from your battery.

    Hybrid cars are ridiculously expensive and you will never get your money back in fuel saved.
    There needs to be a lot more research and an entire infrastructure put in place before electric cars make any sense at all.

  9. I assume the plan is to force everyone who can’t afford a battery car onto public transport.
    Which in turn will be hailed as a great triumph.
    What a giant pile of shit.
    Public transport is expensive dirty and inconvenient.
    The dozy cunts in Londonistan will either drop it or find themselves dropped.
    Right into a coal fired Oven.

    • Indeed. The middle class pricks in Islingcunt don’t realise it will only be the very well off who’ll be able to afford to drive (on the now empty roads). Not Cressida and Crispin on their 45k p.a. PR or middle management jobs.

      They’ll soon change their fucking tunes when they have to walk in the freezing rain to the nearest bus stop every morning, to pay £10 for the 5 mile journey to work. Shared with all the dregs of society too, who’ll have free passes (the peacefuls, dark keys, dooshkas and unemployed cunts).

      Or maybe they won’t change their tunes?

      Cressida: Crispin. I think this man just touched my lady area on purpose!

      Crispin: Now dear. You know we can’t be racist. This gent is a member of the religion of p…ow! Darling call an ambulance, this oppressed black gentleman has just stabbed me with his knife. The knife was probably a white invention, so it’s my fault anyway. Oh my. I am losing a lot of blood aren’t I? Have you called the ambulance yet dear?

      Cressida: Oh darling, I think one of these vibrant Romany types has just stolen my handbag with my phone in it. They can’t help it, it’s a cultural thing dear. Dear? Wake up it’s our stop soo..please stop grabbing my breasts Sir!”

    • Om Terry you are correct. If few people can afford electric cars then obviously the roads are less congested so buses can whizz about carrying all the poor bastards that cannot afford the electric cars.

  10. Electric fucking cars.
    A really shit idea full of embarrassing contradictions.
    Poorly, if at all, thought out.
    The cars of the future will be on a par with cheap white kitchen appliances.

    • Ive driven one.
      No room in it, dead basic, no radio, and had a gyppo hanging off the back.
      Anyone considering one you can test drive at the Fairground.

      • “Hey Mister, I gave you a fiver!”

        Ah memories…the robbing cunts.

  12. It’s not about being ‘green’.

    It’s about pricing all but the rich people off the roads, and it’s about adding another layer of control.

    Offended St. Rashford on social media? ‘Click’. Now your car is disabled for 30 working days.

  13. Milk floats were electric. Mind you, Ernie, the fastest Milkman in the West, was even more environmental with his old nag and cart. Consequently, this young nag, Greta Thunderchops, would’ve loved Benny Hill.

    One’s a weird-looking, sexually-frustrated oddball at whom you can’t help laughing;
    the other is Benny Hill.

  14. Every time i see that swedish ecoslut it makes me want to pour a can of petrol in the local river!

    • She’s fucking horrible isn’t she, I’d like to force her to watch me murder some endangered species.
      And then when she’s suitably upset, watch as I detonate a nuclear warhead, which completely destroys these ecosystems, she’s always banging on about.
      From a safe distance of course.

    • She looks like a spaz and talks like a cunt yet half the western world think the sun shines out of her starfish, we really are up shit creek unless a common sense revolution takes place.

    • I’d slip the mongy tart a length….wouldn’t risk a gobble for fear that she took a spaz-attack and nipped me knob

      • My worry would be she’d do something mental, like start shitting on purpose while you were slipping her one. She might start throwing it around and spitting in your face screaming ‘How dare poo!’ Or she might smile at you, and then bite your nose off and spit it into the pile of shite on the bed.

        No, I’d stay well away. Mind you, a few on here might enjoy all that, the fucking degenerates.

      • Spaccy people have heightened other senses to make up for the spacciness…..hers might be a fanny-grip like an engineer’s vice.

        Afternoon,C.B
        Afternoon,All

      • Forget the young untutored and frankly immature and why not give her mum a call?

  15. Somebody give her some cock quickly please.

    New boilers. Leccy cars. The mong is going to cost us a fortune.

    Chuck one up her chuff and shitter and we might all finally get some peace (‘How dare you!’)

    • She will see the advantages of single use plastic when she discovers a bit of cock.

  16. Can’t really see me and the Hounds driving around the Fell in Noddy’s spacca-chariot.

  17. I’ll get an electric car when people fly off to Benidorm in electric aeroplanes.

  18. Hopefully one of her crusty fuck buddies films her getting a face full of manfat and it goes viral.
    She is swedish afterall 😉

  19. This photo just sums up everything about electric cars. Shite shite and cunty. Lithium has a purpose for cordless cleaners, mobile phones and laptops and cordless vacuums that’s all.

  20. Can’t see electric carts catching on. We need fusion up and running, producing all the leccy for them plus railways, completely restring National Grid…

    Do these useless muppets EVER think of these problems??
    Thundercunt apparently said “We’re fucked” in a speech the other day. If fucking has entered her shrunken head, she may go quiet on the eco front. She’ll be out hunting Hampton…

    • We had electric carts a hundred and twenty years ago. Didnt catch on. wonder why.

  21. As a lover of motor cars I regard these things as a total abomination. They are not cars. They are the bastard spawn of milk floats. They sound they make is as dull as a wet Wednesday afternoon in Wolverhampton. Give me a V8 burble or a V12 rumble any day. They are as expensive as an original E-Type and you can only travel 14 miles before having to pull over and recharge for 18 hours. Cunts that drive these motorised toasters think they are saving the planet. But at the cost of their souls.

  22. I blame Mrs Boris for the rash and ill-thought out decision to ban new fossil fuel cars by 2030. She is an eco-nutter with the ear of a PM who wants to show off at global conferences.

    The power network won’t cope. No-one will be paying road tax so who will fork out to upkeep the highways? Cyclists? Do me a favour.

    The manufacture of EV batteries is NOT green, cobalt and lithium production is very dodgy and problematic. The recharging infrastructure required to support millions of EVs is impossible to achieve. Terraced streets, blocks of flats, long queues at charging points, overcrowded public transport, poverty in rural areas.

    My fear is that idiot politicians will just ignore the obvious and choose to tax our reliable, beloved cars off the road anyway.

    And all for what? For Boris to look good before giving up power and letting someone else deal with the reality. And China, India, Russia racing ahead because they have no such ridiculous schemes.

    The internal combustion engine has been developed over 120 years and is far more efficient and less polluting than it was even 20 years ago. Emissions are down 40% since 1990.

    You simply can not introduce a new technology and expect it to take over within a decade.

    Fecking nonsense.

  23. I’m not worried. Its an annoying and embarassingly spastic idea as unless we have 100% renewable energy and an upgraded national power grid (the current one apparantly runs over 90% capacity at any given time i read) it simply doesnt work. Every parking space in the country needs a charge port. Copper will be a precious metal. There arent enough raw materials for the batteries.

    It’ll go the same way as lpg cars and hydrogen cars – after the initial interest and sales they will hit a brick wall and fizzle out to nothing.

    My 3 litre diesel needs new tyres next week. The old ones will be ‘recycled’ to china where they will be burned as fuel. They must laugh at us

  24. I just hope they kick this can down the road for another five or ten years, which is very probable. Then I won’t have to give a fuck, and I can sit in my piss streaked underwear laughing at the stupid millennials who will have to put up with the wreck of a world that they and their younger generation are hell bent on creating.
    Enjoy your meat free, joy free future, ya cunts.

    • Methane works well too apparently.
      Just have a curry and some decent ale then plug your arse into the fuel line…😆

  26. I reserve the right to pollute the planet with my cars. If cunts don’t like it they can suck my exhaust pipe.

  28. When cooking for the crew of a railway museum in Switzerland, I once saw a photo of a steam loco, 0 – 6 – 0, IIRC, with. a pantograph on the cab roof. No April Fool, it was when coal was running short in WWII, quite simply the boiler ran like a huge electric kettle, taking 480v from 15kV overhead supply.

  29. Electric cars, charged by gas powered generating stations.
    The only good thing is watching 8 year old Guy Gibsons dogs grubbing about in carcinogenic slop for 25 cents a day mining the rare earth metals needed for the batteries.
    I wonder if the Arriva window cleaner will be screeching about that at her hatefests?

  30. I think they will play engine sounds through the speakers if you like. That way you may think you are driving a real car but you are driving a closed golf cart. I will hold out as long as possible. May end up driving something in the future that looks like it’s from Mad Max pieced together to keep going bit still runs on gas (petrol).

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