The adverts will tell you that by using a certain brand of bog roll you can spend the whole day feeling squeeky clean and walk around with a little twerk.
The reality is that it is impossible to effectively clean up shit with a piece of tissue.
Imagine, if you accidentally swidged a turd with your hand, would you wipe it off with a piece of paper and happily go about your day?
Of course not.
You would go looking for some soap and water to do the job properly.
Mrs Cunter used to sell properties and she would tell me that her UK clients used to be horrified at the mere sight of a bidet in a bathroom.
Their faces would screw up, rather like Kenneth Williams before he says “disgusting” in the Carry On films, and they would demand that the bidet must be removed by the builders before they make their purchase.
What is it with these people?
Do they think that they have a rose garden growing in their underwear?
Standard procedure for any golfer is a bacon roll and a cup of coffee before teeing off.
Not so for one fat bastard that I used to play with.
For him it was an enormous, full English breakfast followed by a huge mug of tea with a few sweeteners in, and then off he would go for a shit.
For the entire round of golf he would have a swarm of flies buzzing around his poorly wiped arse.
If you have no room for a bidet then fair enough, time your shit for just before your shower.
If you do have space for a bidet then buy one, you filthy arsed, smelly bastard.
Nominated by: The Artful Cunter
Talking of arseholes, I see Shitty have been beaten yet again by their bogey side Chelski.
Unlucky bitter berties.
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Dont know or care about the result but why didnt they have the game in London where all the fans of both sides live?
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Covid rules.. keep up to date old son.
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As I predicted on this website. I told you all to lump on Chelsea.
Both teams are cunts though, but I can’t fucking stand Guardiola. Tuchel is an oddball (seems a bit of a spurg), but a great young coach who doesn’t spout woke shite like Pep (the wimminz team being the equal of the men’s team and being personally sorry to blacks for ‘400 years of slavery’ lol.
Just can’t win the CL with City. Even after spending billions and ignoring FFP. 1-0. Stick that up your hoop!
And fuck Oasis an’ all!
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Couldn’t agree more CB
Fraudiola is a cunt without a doubt.
Managed Barcelona, Munich and Man City yet could only conquer Europe because he had Xavi, Iniesta, Puyol and Messi at his disposal.
I could have steered a team containing those 4 players to the so called Champions League.
He’s been nowhere near since and I include tonights non performance.
Fuck Oligarch FC but fuck Fraudiola and fuck Abu Dhabi FC even more
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I’m furious that my new house doesn’t have a bidet.
I have to sit on the edge of the bath whilst directing the jet from the shower head up my hoop.I can’t see that I’ll be nimble enough to do this in my 80s.
will start saving up for one of those Jap all-in-ones.
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What about a TP/bidet cuntfest-compromise? Wetting down the toilet paper before wiping one’s ass? Of course I don’t need to worry about that because I shit diamonds out of my golden asshole…….nah, just kidding, when my shit reaches the end of my cunt intestines, a bunch of angels appear and carry my cunting shit away to heaven! Sometimes I cuntingly see my own turds rising into the sky on columns of a beautiful, holy, cunt of a white light!
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As I’ve said earlier about my anal hygiene, feel free Jennifer Lawrence, my tea towel holder is yours to enjoy.
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Methinks he doth protest too much…
https://madamenoire.com/595832/is-this-petty-my-husband-leaves-skid-marks-in-his-underwear-and-on-our-sheets/
The filthy bastard is probably a closet f@ggot whose secret activities have damaged his hoop.
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I’m surprised bumguns have never took off in Europe or across the pond. If anyone has been traveling through Asia they would’ve probably seen them.
I’m guessing the water is too cold in blighty?
My first reaction when seeing one was ‘This is an implement for the savages’ but in the end, I would both wipe with bog roll and then blast with the gun. Helps with the piles too.
Arse freshness guaranteed, but be careful with the water pressure or you’ll give yourself an enema.
https://southeastasiabackpacker.com/bum-gun-beginners-guide/
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Obviously Artful wasn’t around in the 60s when you had to use smooth Izal bog roll. I have only known one person to have Bidet. The only issues with skid marks are the ones at the BBC.
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I use a bum gun, great after a curry crap to relieve the sting. Also, if you buy seeded loaves, the fuckers don’t digest, and the little cunts hang around the bumhole, good for blasting them out.
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