Americanisms of the Useless Variety [5]

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Disturbing rise of useless americanisms

eg.

If I saw 25 build large mansion supporters smacking the shit out of a random white person…..what would you do?

I’d turn 360 degrees and walk away.

Hang on? You’d walk straight at them, 360 degrees is not 2x better than 180 you directionless cunt. How does this creep in? Is their maths really that bad.

Classic others were, I could care less; what did you say? Yep full fucking retard.

Declutter, erm tidy perhaps?
Irregardless. You seem a bit over antonymed up there friend.
He is the winningest Coach. Err excuse me? What language do you use?
Birder who goes Birding. An ornithologist or twitcher or birdwatcher perhaps.

The windows are open the mouth moves but MISTER brain has long since departed.

I am unsure if the full level of retard hasn’t been accomplished yet, but if you think John Oliver is original then anything is possible.

(“Reaching out” instead of “contact” really makes my skin crawl. – NA)

Nominated by: Get fucked BLM

126 thoughts on “Americanisms of the Useless Variety [5]”

  1. Every time I see some cunt writing or saying “reach out” I respond with a “why are you giving this person a reacharound?”.

    Cuntish Americanism and a splendid nom.

  3. “Can I Get”

    will always be my #1 irritation because it makes absolutely no fucking sense!

    You’re not actually getting anything, you daft cunt. You’re asking someone else to do all the “getting”. All you’re doing is sitting on your arse waiting to be served, you bubblehead!

    • Was General Cunster an alter-ego of another IsAC regular?
      After the Yank election, he disappeared 🤔

      • No alter egos General.

        General Cuntster disappeared after an altercation with one of our premier cunters not a million miles from here. The thread in question has since been deleted, but not before I copied it, and it will be printed in full in my upcoming publication:

        ‘The Bumper Fun Book Of ISAC Cuntings & Comments For Boys & Girls, But NOT Gender Neutrals.’

      • One ‘Premier cunter’ and a boring, several times deleted, cunt! RTC. It was a dual attack.

      • That would be Terry-Thomas aka CS – minor irritation compared to the premier cunter who really got under the General’s skin.

      • Agreed, almost.

        Caughtboring was manipulating the ticks which was what part of the argument was about therefor aggravating the situation more. He then posted that he had done so and joined in full scale assault but in a particularly weedy and second fiddle-r manner, however he still played his part in the demise of the good General. The funniest part of all is it’s probably the most success in life he’s ever had.

        The bottom line is GeneralCuntster needed a thicker skin. I quite liked his across the pond commentary about matters there. That is all.

      • I had nothing against The General and I appreciate that his posts were well received…not particularly by me however because I genuinely have very little interest in American noms.

        What boiled my piss was the ” Robin Bastard” element….The General deliberately needled and then wailed about ” trolling” when he himself was on the receiving end of the same medicine. The gloating about “Robin Bastard” getting the elbow was what tipped me over the edge,

      • Morning Dick.

        That’s pretty much how I read it. The General was the author of his own misfortune. He also accused LH and LotR, both long term and respected cunters, of being trolls, which was a bit silly to say the least.

      • @ TheBestRevengeIsLivingWell

        To be fair to CS, there was no evidence to suggest he was manipulating the ticks. The General believed it was LH & LotR. Could have been anyone.

      • RTC, There was no evidence needed, Caughtboring admitted he had done it, this infuriated the General even more and he asked admin to intervene. The Nomination disappeared soon after that and the rest is probably now embedded in American folklore 😉

        I’ve seen far worse than that go on on pretty much every site I have been on so as I mentioned earlier, the General really did need a thicker skin.

      • If CS admitted it, that would be more than enough evidence for me.

        But I have no record of such an admission and I transcribed the relevant thread in its entirety prior to the nom being deleted. Can’t see why CS would make such an admission anyway, even if he did do it, hardly be in his interests.

        Still don’t know why that nomination was pulled, maybe the Jesuits took exception to it…. 😯

      • It was in his interests because it wound the already annoyed General up even more as he was complaining about it. The General then wrote a post directed to Admin asking why no action was been taken. That post remained unanswered and later on the nomination disappeared.

        Why the whole nomination got pulled and not just the more ‘unsavoury bits’ edited out I have no idea.

  5. When any cunt says to a group of women, “hey you guys”, I have an overwhelming desire to cause serious injury to said cunt, keep your fucking awful Americanisms to yourselves, speak proper English you cunt!!!!

  6. Second amendment protecting the first. Hahahahaha. Wankers. Alway new they didnt mean it.

    • Im not arsed about americanisms, but one thing that grinds my teeth is their pronouncing Madagascar with a emphasis on the ‘scar’- MadagaSCAR.
      Fuck off.
      And the other day,
      Himalayas, ‘him malia’
      Stop it.
      Speak proper like what I do!!

  8. These are the Americanisms that I don’t like –

    “least worst option” – suggest you learn English grammar.
    24/7 rather than “24 hours, 7 days a week” .
    “Deplane” – you mean “disembark” or even “get of the aeroplane”.
    ‘ Transportation“ – you mean “transport”.
    ‘Math” for “maths” – fuck off.
    “I’m good” – you mean “I’m well”.
    “alphabetize it” – shut up.
    ‘Take out” – you mean “take away “
    ‘Doggie bag” – I beg your pardon?
    ‘My bad” – yes indeed.

    • I once caught Americanism off a beefburger.
      Had to go a special school and was bedridden for a month.

    • Mostly go along with the nom but there are exceptions. The Americans at least call a glass a glass. The weirdos who live around me here in Buckinghamshire call it a glarse. Years ago on the idiot lantern I heard the stuck up old trout who was employed to talk between the programmes (no doubt for eye-watering sums of money) announce that the next programme was “me-army vice”.

      • That’s like BBC pronounciation. You may remember the piss-take on Not the Nine O’clock news by Pamela Stephenson – Roooobert Mooogarby and Gayrillas.

  11. Americanisms drive me closer to a stroke every fucking day. MMCM’s list, above has already got me reaching for an Omeprazole.

    • Fuckin’ hell DCI.
      There was me thinking I was being prescribed Lansoprazole for my acid reflux!

      • Americanisms, and things that annoy me give me heartburn!! I’m not medicated for blood pressure. Yet😃😃

    • Glad to be of assistance DCI. There plenty more where they came from.

  12. The one that books my piss is when they say something like
    ‘If it would have rained ,I would have gotten wet’
    No no no.
    If it had rained,I would have gotten wet.
    Get it? See the difference?
    It’s called the Third Conditional. An event in the past.

    • And as Sir W. Churchill said.
      “Two countries divided by a common language”.
      So, to be further pedantic. And I must.
      You should have written….
      “If it had rained, I would have got wet.”
      The past perfect subjunctive tense.
      English dear boy. We invented it.

  14. Get go gets up my nose, and the United States Postal Service delivered ‘mail in ballots’ cunts

  15. Did you see that movie last night?

    Fuck off, i’m not going all the way to America just to watch a fucking film.

  16. That is On Point. What?
    I could care less. Good, me too.
    I didn’t got it.
    And what the fuck is a Mom?

  17. Ball park figure?

    Why do English people use terms which only apply in America?

    Last time I was in a “ball park” I was watching Chigaco Cubs way way back on a visit to the US.

    Yes “Can I get” irks me as well. So does “Have a nice day” uttered in bored British tones. I usually reply “Thankuveerymuch” in an Elvisy voice.

    “Freshers” for 1st year university students; “Prom” instead of school dance. “Hey dude” rather than “Excuse me mate”.

    All unwanted imports.

    • I always use ‘bowled a googly’ instead of ‘chucked a curve-ball’.

  18. ‘New season starting in September’

    NOOOOO. It’s a fucking SERIES, you utter, contemptible wankstains.

    Off topic, I’ve just seen an advert and the couple WEREN’T mixed race. Where do I claim my prize?

    • Sorry Gene-it was all a dream, unless it was an advert for a private bank😉

  19. If you watch the CSI programmes you will hear the fuckers trying to use long, made up words in order to sound intelligent.
    They talk about directionality of blood splatter patterns and houses getting burgalirized.
    If they want to appear really, really clever they talk very quickly.
    Idiots.
    And why do they speak out of their noses?
    Try it…… Say ‘Thank yowwwww’ out of your nose and you will sound just like a yank.

  20. “Going to the bathroom” gets on my tits. Or is it that Americans shit into the bathtub, how do they get turds and date roll down the drain? Nasty.

    • I think they use the same pointed stick they use for pushing shit uphill

  21. I remember a few years ago, somebody in an email at work referred to an “uplift” in the number of people cycling to work. I expect “increase” isn’t in the daft cunt’s vocabulary.

    The business world is rife with stupid Americanisms – the one that really gets my goat is “rotating” into a new position instead of changing jobs. Does one really have to go around and around in order to start a new job?

    • Another one is to “circle around” instead of “getting back” to you.

      Or “let’s take this offline” instead of “let’s discuss later after the meeting”.

      Thank God working in the City requires numerical proficiency above grammatical competence.

  22. If I COULD care less then that means there is some level of caring. This one always drove me nuts!
    I’m about to commit a crime on the next cunt that starts their sentence with “So…”.
    Irregardless is not a fucking word!
    I watched Sense and Sensibility recently. I wish we still spoke and conducted our selves in those mannerly ways.
    “I fear she has transferred her affections to my brother…”
    Now we would say “that bitch dumped me for my fucking brother!”
    Our language degenerating is a sign of everything degenerating.

  23. Burglarized. Even my fucking phone knew how to spell that, which proves it’s as thick as some of those septics.

    Once “checked in” to an hotel and immediately thought “I have a booking you fucking cunt, not a reservation.”

    Pre-order!??!?? Isn’t that just ordering?

    There are some American thinkers who have produced works of such beauty and finesse that’s it’s hard to realise they come from the same country as those who think their arse is a fanny.

    On that last point: ticket booked.

    • A reservation-the original concentration camp in North America 😉
      Or a having serious doubts about something, probably Americanism’s😂

      “I need” rather than “can I please have”, is a cunt!

    • Not defending it but I think pre-ordering refers to goods which have not yet been manufactured, or indeed invented.

  24. Loving this nom.

    Later this year I celebrate (if you can call it that) having lived in the US for 20 years. Happy to report I still sound very English with minimal adoption of American phraseology. I admit to saying “I’m good” when asked how I am, but I don’t think that’s the crime of the century. You could easily have been asked if you’re feeling good or bad, so saying “I’m good” would be entirely appropriate.

    However, I digress. Two Americanisms which get right up my hooter are “go with” and “write you”. For example:

    Yank #1: I’m going to the shops.
    Yank #2: Great! I’ll go with.
    No, it’s I’ll go with YOU!!!

    Yank #1: I’m leaving for college next week.
    Yank #2: I’ll write you.
    No, it’s I’ll write TO you!!!!

    Not exactly an Americanism per se, but I’m working on a data centre to cloud migration at the moment. I swear to fucking Budda if I hear some cunt say “on premise” one more time, it’s going to be .357 time. It’s on premises, you utter utter utter moronic illiterate shit eating brain donor.

    • Afternoon Immy!
      I do notice that Americanisms haven’t really crept into their music or maybe you know differently!
      Talking of American groups have you come across the band Shearwater who come from Austin?
      I’ve been listening to them a lot recently and really rate them.

      • Evening IY, good to hear you haven’t been turned completely yankee and are channelling your inner Leslie Phillips when out and about.

        Ding Ding!

      • Arf’noon Sir Bert.

        I have not heard of said tunesmiths, Shearwater. Austin isn’t that far from me. Big college town – well, city really. Been there a few times. It’s got a terrible traffic congestion problem. Not that the roads flow freely around Dallas, but still. I will check them out and see if it’s my kinda thing (see what I did there?).

        Good to hear from you. Keep up the good work and stay healthy.

      • Thanks Immy!
        My favourite album is Rook followed by Palo Santo if you get a chance to listen to any.

    • Evening LL –

      Great to hear from you as well. Yeah, I admit when I’m faced with a particularly obnoxious local I do tend to switch from normal East Sussex to full on Royal household, just to be extra condescending. Very childish I know, but it provides me with some level of entertainment. I do like a bit of biting sarcasm too which a lot of Yanks don’t pick up on. The hard part is not laughing when you realise they don’t realise you’ve insulted their intelligence.

      From time to time I sign emails at work with “TTFN”. No one, not one bloody soul ever asks me what that means. Bah! 20 years on and I still don’t fit in. But that’s OK. Suppose I’d better switch screens and see if the inmates have emailed me anything of note. Doubtful, but I should at least make the effort. Toodle pip – IY.

    • Americans don’t speak the Queen’s, that’s due to history I suppose, but still we understand them. They seem to take shortcuts when communicating and execute it in a get the point across as quickly as possible and very confidently. I wonder what it is about American culture that they need to be so ‘efficient’? (A notable exception is Meghan Markle who waffles on and bleedin’ on)

    • Young university post docs are in the habit of saying ” I’m writing a grant”.

      This seems a bit presumptuous to me, I’d have said “writing a grant application”

    • Nice. Did not know that. I hear that all the time round these parts.

      Doesn’t make it any less irritating mind, but I appreciate the intel.

      Cheers CG.

  26. Blow Job? Is that an Americanism? I think it must be.

    I like Lord Fiddler’s use of “Gobble”😂

    What is the Olde English version? “Suck the well, harlot”?

  27. ‘Just saying’.

    Saying what, you cunt?

    ‘I’ll just leave this here’.

    Next to your still twitching corpse, hopefully.

    • DCI? I can’t find the comment you are replying to?
      It’s irritated you but what are you referring to?

      • Stand Down, Bertie, just two sayings that send my blood pressure stratospheric!

  28. Emfuckingpowered!!! Watching The Sky at Night, doing it for 50 odd years. They were talking to an “female” astrophysics student, she said after watching the first all female spacewalk she felt empowered. Whooppee fucking do you sad pathetic bitch fuck off.

    • Don’t get me started on this subject. My beloved field of astronomy and cosmology is becoming saturated with this shite. A new book on dark matter in the cosmos is written by a dark-key astronomer – nothing wrong with that. Except it digresses into how women, and in particular dark- key women, have been barred from progressing in the field. It concludes that race has everything to do with astrophysics, including skin colour. Highly debatable. Of course everything in the universe is made from atoms, including heavier atoms dispersed across the universe by supernovas – that includes teabags as well as humans. Another astronomy journal recently lamented how the lock down had been particularly tough on dark key astronomers. Why?

      • There was always something profound, playfully profound in the way he signed off.
        ‘until then…’pause…’goodnight’
        Then the tremendous music of Sibelius.

      • Oh yes. I agree Miles. And the Sibelius – beautiful. Sky at Night lost its way after Patrick Moore died.

      • Yeah he was great @Marvellous. A real British eccentric. The wild hair, the monocle, the playing if the xylophone.
        He had a lost love in the war as well to add a little romance.

        All the Apollo astronauts had great respect for him.

      • His maps of the moon were used by NASA whilst planning the moon missions. There is a terrific biography of Moore well worth reading. It’s called “It came from Outer Space warning an RAF blazer”. I can’t think of any astronomer, professional or amateur, of my generation that was not inspired by Moore.

      • Wearing not warning. The curse of predictive text again.

      • He did a week long series of live special in the 80s. I watched them all week and it got to about Thursday and the program started and Moore said “we were going to study the near side of the Moon tonight, but it’s far too cloudy, good night” and that was the end of the show. LOL!

      • Classic Moore. The special effects were also charmingly amateurish in those old episodes.

      • He wrote some beautiful light music, too. There’s a CD called “Moore Music.”

      • Meant as a reply to:

        “Dark key astronomers suffering more in lockdown”
        👍

  29. I blame Microsoft Word and Idiots who cannot change the setting to English not American English.

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