Americanisms of the Useless Variety [5]

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Disturbing rise of useless americanisms

eg.

If I saw 25 build large mansion supporters smacking the shit out of a random white person…..what would you do?

I’d turn 360 degrees and walk away.

Hang on? You’d walk straight at them, 360 degrees is not 2x better than 180 you directionless cunt. How does this creep in? Is their maths really that bad.

Classic others were, I could care less; what did you say? Yep full fucking retard.

Declutter, erm tidy perhaps?
Irregardless. You seem a bit over antonymed up there friend.
He is the winningest Coach. Err excuse me? What language do you use?
Birder who goes Birding. An ornithologist or twitcher or birdwatcher perhaps.

The windows are open the mouth moves but MISTER brain has long since departed.

I am unsure if the full level of retard hasn’t been accomplished yet, but if you think John Oliver is original then anything is possible.

(“Reaching out” instead of “contact” really makes my skin crawl. – NA)

Nominated by: Get fucked BLM

126 thoughts on “Americanisms of the Useless Variety [5]”

  2. And the worst one of all – “bada-ding”. 😖

  3. IT IS WHAT IT IS – that one really pisses me off!

    I have to endure hearing that every time I eavesdrop on my wife and her American sister yapping on Skype (or whatever).

    • Had to laugh at that one Ruff! It’s currently doing the rounds at our house and I even heard the weatherman summing up his forecast with it at the end.
      😊

  4. Think I’ve just heard the worst crime against the English language ever. Finna.

    I’m finna go to the bar.

    Meaning: I’m fixing to* go to the bar.

    *This in itself makes me puke

    • This is a black expression, picked up by millenials for whatever retarded purpose.

  5. I don’t mind the ‘declutter’ word. In fact I became enamoured with it when House Doctor hit our screens some years ago. Declutter suggests more than mere tidying up and implies removing unwanted items from your house entirely in order to free up space so that it can be organised logically and attractively! There’s reams of women on Social Ouija showing off their organised cupboards, pantries and utility rooms!

    Professional De-clutterer is an actual job now; check out the lovely Marie Kondo.

  6. Period is the one that winds me up. Said at the end of a sentence, and means ‘full stop, the conversation ends now’. Usually accompanied by putting the palm of the hand up in front of the person’s face they are taking too.
    If they done that to me Ii’d tell them they don’t decide when the conversation is over. I’d also explain a period is a bloody cunt like they are for putting their hand in front of my face.

    • A period was a lesson when I was at school. One bright boy told a teacher: “you shouldn’t use that word, it’s dirty.”

    • Yanks use it on TV series and in films aggressively, usually some tiny woman saying it, as in ‘You don’t tell me what to do ever. Period.’

  7. Drop. When cunt say ‘drop’ instead of issue or release.
    Like ‘The Rolling Stones drop new album’.

    All the stupid terms for frying eggs. Sunny side up? Over easy? It’s just frying a fucking egg for fuck’s sake.

    Also, crisps as chips. Any British company that calls potato crisps ‘chips’ are complete cunts. McCoy’s Potato ‘Chips’ are shit anyway.

    And my most hated one: Soccer. Those Sky cunts have made it part of the British game, and those cunts like that fat bumboy Robbie Williams doing Soccer Aid.

    • Good one Norm.

      As soon as I open my big English accented mouth, I’m often asked if I follow “soccer”. I always say, “I’m sorry, I don’t recognise that word. Would you per chance be referring to Association Football?”. All la-de-dar like too. Winding up Yanks helps get me through the day.

      The other day I was on a meeting call and some Yank asked me about this. Turns out his son follows Arsenal (why FFS?). Well, being an ex-Spurs fan I couldn’t resist. I told him Arsenal’s official name was in fact Arsenal Scum, their stadium is a library and historically they’re from Woolwich which is in south London and hence, they’re trespassing on Tottenham’s patch so there is no north London derby as such. He didn’t know what to say. Thick Yank. Should stick to their own so-called ‘sports’.

  8. I recently heard the perfect retort to someone who, when asked how they are, says “I’m good”.
    It’s ” I asked about your health, not your morals”.

    • I do like one of Tiger King’s catchphrases
      “you can guaran-goddamn-tee” though.

    • “A-loo-min-um…”

      yep, piss turned instantly to plasma every time I hear it, but yet they have no problem with the pronunciation of “titanium”??

      Currently trying to teach a New Yoik blogger how to pronounce “bollocks” correctly and instruct him on the innumerable situations one can deploy this universally applicable noun/expletive/insult.

      But they just can’t do it, it always comes out as either “bullocks” or “barlucks”. no no no no no… again… open the mouth and use the lungs not the nose… look… you can say “Bolshevik” right?… so just take the “bo” bit and add on the “lux” bit!… ah bollocks to it…

      • I did not know that.
        In that case then either way is acceptable I suppose.

        Every day is a school day.😃

    • Hi Harold –

      Round my way (in deepest Texas), the locals manage to find an extra syllable in the word vehicle. So they say it like this:

      veh-hear-cle

      Yank: So where’d you park your veh-hear-cle?
      Me: My what, sorry? Are you having a stroke?

      • I’ve always fancied going to Texas and New Orleans IY.
        I quite like the idea of seeing what the Deep South is actually like.

    • I don’t think anyone’s mentioned ‘touch base’. And then there’s my own personal pet hate ‘off-of’. I hate it when English people say that, trying to sound ‘cool’.

  12. I hate being called “bro.” There’s a fat lump of shit in my street who says this to me all the time. I taken to ignoring him.

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