Ugly Singer Songwriters

A nomination for ugly singer songwriters like Lewis Capaldi and Ed Sheeran.

Ed Sheeran looks like a hydrocephalic Dr Zaius and Lewis Capaldi looks like a figurine of the Emperor from Star Wars after you’ve left him in your nan’s fireplace for a few minutes.

Their music is banal shite for Karens-in-training (i’m informed they are called ‘Beckies’) but at least they could look a bit rugged if they cant look conventionally handsome, a la Tom Waites.

Fucking hell girls, where are you standards?

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime 

78 thoughts on “Ugly Singer Songwriters

  1. Bloody hell.
    He looks like Vera.
    Put him in a grubby old mac and hat, give him hundred yards head start across the fells, and set Fiddler’s hounds upon him.
    I believe he holds the BEM, slightly lower than a Blue Peter nickel badge.

  2. His face looks like my arsehole after a very hot spicy bhuna and gallons of real ale, oh angel he is a mongoloid cunt too, great the website is back up and running again

  3. Being ugly is an attraction for some songwriters who were irrestible to women. Ask Leonard Cohen, John Lennon, Keith Richards , Jimi Hendrix. (Just realized you can´t as most are dead.) Not Fat Reg though.

    • None of them were ugly, at least not in their heyday.

      With the exception of Fat Reg, obviously.

    • Lennon looked quite presentable in his early Beatles days. Before he went all hippy and got the granny glasses. McCartney was the group’s fanny magnet though.

      And the ugliest musical cunt of all was Serge Gainsbourg. How the fuck did that ugly bug eyed frog faced little fuck pull a piece of pussy like Jane Birkin?!

      If I could look like any singer/songwriter, it would be the great Scott Walker (RIP) in his 60s pomp. If I looked like him, I would have more birds than my knob could cope with.

  4. My missus loves the music of Lewis Capaldi.
    Me not so much.
    Least no one can say he gets by on just his looks,
    What with looking like a teenage Quasimodo.

    But that Ed Sheerhan?!
    I spewed first time I saw that fucker.
    Eyes on the side of his head like a halibut, Ronald McDonald hair.
    And hes shite.
    Its lucky im not his dad,
    Id never of got bored of taking my belt to him!
    Hed of ended up like Stephen Hawking the little cunt.

  5. Their music is drab.

    The lyrics are undecipherable when these cunts are ‘performing’ live, – which makes any lyric pointless.

    Why do these cunts close their eyes throughout the whole act as if they are enveloped with emotion?

    I feel no emotion, and evidently these 3rd rate lounge singers haven’t a clue how to put a song across.

    They mumble and wail fake emotion over the entire ‘arrangement’, – (I use the term arrangement very loosely).

    Give me Gilbert O’Sullivan, Neil Sedaka or Barry Manilow any day.

    These cunts aren’t singer-songwriters, – just fakesters cashing in on the idiocy of menstruating wimminz, sobbing into their Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, whilst wondering how to afford their next payment on their DFS sofa that they are sat on.

    • After 12 months of enforced mask wearing, i conclude that 90% of people look better behind a mask…..

  6. Ugly cunts make ugly music. That’s all you need to know about today’s music.
    Except Megan the Stallion – ugly music but what a figure!

    • And ugly is not only skin deep, ugly people are ugly to the core, right down to their ugly little souls. I should know

  7. I’ve never heard of these shite-hounds but this one looks like a slightly mongîer, less ginger version of that whiney, dwârf orang-utan Mick Hucknall, the belligerent Manc from that ghastly group from the 80s: Simply Cunts.

  8. There were some mingers back in the day too.

    Demis Roussos, Rene and Renata, Freddie Mercury…

    …not too many mirrors in their houses back in the day, I bet?

    And that cunt in the photo looks like Les Dawson’s secret tranny lovechild.

  9. In the 70s singer-songwriters who couldn’t rely on good looks eg. Joe Jackson, Elvis Costello could rightly claim they found fame solely through their talent. And before them Paul Simon.

    But this current lot have neither looks nor talent.

    Sheeran is a ginger gargoyle who has amassed a huge fortune with bland, banal songs which will never be classics.

    The ugly pug pictured I know nothing about.

    • Bob Dylan was a minger.
      Rat like face,
      Sunging down his nose,
      Head full of pubes.

      • I agree Mis-not a look that anybody should try to cultivate.
        Mark (lead singer of The Levellers) would obviously disagree with me.

      • So would John Cooper Clarke. 😁

        Dylan looked pretty cool, circa Bringing It All Back Home /Highway 61 /Blonde On Blonde.

      • I always felt sorry for Roy Orbison.
        A plain man to be polite,
        Theyd ask him to sing in the shadows!!
        But what a voice!!
        Looked a bit like Carlos the Jackal?

      • I wouldn’t go joyriding with Dennis Hopper.
        Hes puddled.
        Id stay an listen to Roy Orbison records.
        Roy has the best voice ive ever heard.

  10. Banal lifeless music written by cunts for cunts. Sheeran looks like he could be Harry Hewitts retarded brother (could be the other way round I suppose).
    Anyway, Sheeran has been a monumental Cunt since he headlined Glastonbury and performed to a backing tape.
    What a wanker!

  11. Who is that other cunt who sings about a cheap LCD watch.

    Casio,oooooooooooo. He wails.

    Think it’s that cunt George Ezra?

    Utter piffle.

    And not forgetting that Shotgun song that he penned using lyrics written by a five year old. What a crock of shite.

    Wants a .410 shotgun putting to his head.

    Who actually likes this sort of music?

    • The late Great Larry was a rare talent indeed. Very little can compare with. “Miss Jennifer Jones” .

    • ‘go to rhino records on westward boulevard ‘. sheerin could never assume the penmanship of wild man.

      • 🎶 You can get Herb Alpert and Jackie Lomax for 40 cents… do do do do… 🎶

      • That album Lomax did for Apple (Records, not the iTunes cunts) was a good one. ‘Is This What You Want’ is a decent record and songs like ‘Sour Milk Sea’ and ‘Little Yellow Pills’ stand out.

      • And it has to be said that on Lomax’s ‘Sour Milk Sea’, Ringo drums his bollocks off. A rare bit of showmanship and skill.

    • Wild Man Fischer’s Monkey versus Donkey was a very underrated piece of music.
      Evening Ruff

  12. Music has been shit for years. That’s why anything slightly retro (High Flying Birds etc) makes millions.

    I have seen most “bands” live and I can honestly say that most modern stuff is soul- less.

    The day the music died? What day was that Spice Girl’s first no1?

  13. Which Spice Girl, would fellow cunters have shagged?

    Scary had nice big titties-probably be my choice👍

      • I’d have done Geri in her prime. Lovely knockers.
        Wouldn’t shag Posh/Skeletor if you paid me.

      • Posh for me before looking like wife of The Cryptkeeper.
        The goblins named as ugly songwriters pull down pussy because the slags they get think they are falling for someone with substance. Thing is, they are just the ones behind the shit they or someone else sings. That’s all. The slags might as well go for looks. At least some payoff there.

    • is Scary that mullato one? she is a right skanker and has underwear hygeine issues allegedly.

    • In order

      1. Baby
      2. Ginger
      3. Dark key spice
      4. Twiglet pouty spice

      Not really keen on any of them. Would probably have had a wank instead and asked them to clean the house.

      I wouldn’t touch the sporty minger’s with a nob I’d found in the street an’ all.

    • Scary – aka Mel B – was the black one with the big gob and the bullying attitude (ask the other Spice Girls). The identikit cliched ‘feisty/gobshite’ black chick is not to my taste. Nothing against the other Mel (C), but she she never caused an itch in the ditch.

      Geri and Emma in a threesome would have done me. As for Posh? I once met her at Old Trafford. Her personality put me off her for life.

  14. Tortured “singer songwriter’s” like Capaldi grate on me.
    As for Ed Sheeran, his record label must spend the majority of their time in court being sued for plagiarism.

  15. I remember going to early Stone Roses gigs. The drummer (Reni) used to get all the birds screaming at him and he’d hang the knickers they chucked at him off his cymbal stands. The other band members used to call him Tom Jones.

    U2 drummer, Larry Mullen (the only non-cunt in U2) was nicknamed ‘Jam Jar’ by Bono’s gang. As in flies round a jam jar, because he was U2’s fanny magnet. Girls used to ignore the others in the band and pester him all the time.

    And ex-Beatles drummer, Pete Best pulled all the strippers and barmaids in Hamburg. The girls loved in Liverpool loved him as well. So this pissed off the others and they got an ugly cunt – Ringo Starr- to replace him.

    • Adam Clayton was the “Rock Star” in U2 though-shagged some top talent.
      Not a fan of “dark-key” women generally-an exception would be made for a prime Naomi “phones 4 u” Campbell. He nailed her in her prime.
      By comparison, the other three, who were god-botherers, were boring cunts.

      • Adam was the rocker and the wild man, no doubt about it. That’s what baffled me about Mullen. Nice lad, but he had fit birds falling over themselves for him and he didn’t cash in. Bands like Duran Duran admitted that they shagged themselves into exhaustion in the 80s and went bird mad. Even Take That (except that fat poof Williams) did that. But U2 (apart from Adam) never did. Strange cunts, they are.

      • Adam married his childhood sweetheart.
        Maybe he has a tiny cock and is a 2 push charlie?

    • In the 60s you had tortured singer songwriter that looked like Jim Morrison.
      Woman screamed in lust.
      Now its someone like capaldi or Sheerhan who have the sort of looks you expect Blue Peter to be raising money for,
      The Rocky Dennis with a piano scene.
      Morrison was a proper rock star.
      The looks, voice, attitude, and a right mad fucker.👍👍🤘

      • Just like Brian Jones.
        Brian was no singer, but he was a total rock star. You name it, he did it. You name ’em, he shagged ’em. He was also as mad as lorry load of baboons on acid.

  16. Thing is, for all his infamous and legendary shagging antics, Jimmy Page was never that good looking, was he? Maybe it was the mysterious aura or the occult bollocks? Or maybe it was the drugs? Mind you, that said, he’d fuck any tart and he had all the notorious and well used groupies. Robert Plant got the better end of the market where on the road fanny was concerned. He didn’t have to pull jailbait to get a shag.

  17. The eternal question… Why did Lennon and McCartney, the biggest pop stars on the planet, the two biggest songwriters too, who could both have their pick, and who attracted top fanny like flies round shit, settle for Yoko Fucking Ono and Linda Eastman?

    cue ‘Twilight Zone theme…

  18. And I never got the appeal – looks wise at least – of Joni Mitchell. Hippy cunts like Crosby and Nash queuing up for a shag. But to me she looked like Olive Oyl with a blonde hippy wig. Stephen Stills did better at the time, with the (then) lovely and leggy Judy Collins.

    • Joni a great writer and fantastic singing range. A bit hippy but some great songs.
      Judy Collins greatest song was a Joni original. Both Sides Now.

      • Get past Joni’s hippy albums (great in their own way) and move on to the absolute masterpieces : Don Juans Reckless Daughter and Hissing of Summer Lawns. Two of the best albums ever made.

        If you have not listened to them – then off to to Youtube with you and play them now.

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