No News is……

There has been no news for a while now.

I assume Londoners have stopped stabbing. Burmese despots stopped murdering. No one has coronavirus. Sunday papers the same.

Apparently a 99 year old has died. Hold the front page. Every other fucking page. All the TV channels. And the fucking radio!

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble

72 thoughts on “No News is……

  1. The actual news would make the pansies and snowflakes shit their pants.

  2. I know, all that shit about some 99 year old billionaire who went down to the River Styx because his money couldn’t keep his old carcass alive any longer…I couldn’t give a cold dead rat’s ass about him or any or the parasitical “royals”

    The Queen sits alone….yer right, along with 300 flunkies and someone to wipe the royal butt.

    All this faux sympathy and millions spent on planting some old cunt who would look in your direction if you were on fire while people who served this country live in the gutter.

    Makes me want to vomit.

      • Spin, propaganda, occasionally outright lies.
        Read between the lines on most news stories.
        I got given a newspaper today off a customer, shes a anti vaxxer, called ‘the Light’.
        Not sure if anyone has read it or heard of it?
        Meant to be untainted news,
        THE TRUTH.
        I binned it.
        Some of you might like it though?!
        Unless its got tits in it and Andy Capp im not fuckin interested.

      • I had a quick look Miserable, a ‘truthpaper’ with celebrity endorsements, well Jeremy Corbyn’s batshit mental brother Piers anyway, “The best damn paper I’ve ever read” said Corbyn senior from his padded cell.

      • Wouldn’t wrap my chips in it LL.
        When people start shrieking about the TRUTH?
        Probably lying.

      • The Light announced that Covid 19 was a hoax.

        I wonder if Bertie’s parrot drops his muck onto copies of The Light used to line the bottom of his cage?

    • Miserable cunt. He spoke is mind , didn’t back stab. Another piece of our wonderful country gone down the shitter. Left with whinging woke wankers. Hoping to see Hewitt with a black eye.

      • I’ve stopped reading this website lately due to this anti royalist shite. What the fuck do you want to be ruled by ISIS. Fucking disrespectful is what I call it. If you fought or not, it’s damnright out of order just calling the duke a 99 year old man.

      • I’m with you Clown. Could always end up with Bush, Obama or Trump, maybe a little closer to home, Macron? Merkel?

        I used to live in South Africa, spent years there enjoying the leadership skills of Mbeki and Zuma, paid tax, couldn’t vote. I was at a dinner party there once when one of my fellow guests started having a go at the Queen “parasite, vermin etc” until I pointed out that she’s hugely preferable to President Zuma”.

        Stunned silence and his bitch wife looking daggers at me.

  3. THIS IS LONDON……Dong……dong…..dong
    Good evening and here is the news
    According to the well researched, evidence based Sewell report for every white young man murdered there are 24, yes 24 black men butchered by black men on Britain’s streets. Where going over to David (marie Antionette) Lammy for comment.
    “Raaaacist white wash ”
    “Well that was enlightening. Were now going over to ~St Doreen of Lawrence for a comment” ………. “its all raaaaaaaacist” Thanks for that. So there we have it. The report is racist.
    Thats all from us folks and now Jimmy Saville has the weather.

  4. No news! Thank god for small mercies. It the news that causes my blood pressure to rise to boiling point every day. The less of that shite the better.

  5. Hello, and welcome to the ITV snooze at ten,
    with Rageh ‘raghead’ Omaar and Charlene ‘as black as the ace of spades’ White.

    We’re sorry today as there is no news.
    Even we couldn’t fabricate any bullshit to feed to you, – the great gullible British public.
    So lock up your kids, as it’s straight over to the weather with Fred Talbot.

  6. Real news stopped sometime back. You got real news up to the Yugoslavias civil war Serbs Croats and Bosnia .Reporters in all sides of the camps telling the world about ethnic cleansing and such. Then the Gulf war appeared and reporters were restricted by the US military and supervised the reporters every move. There was only one hymn sheet .That was the beginning of the end of unbiased reporting. This is where we are at now ,in every facet of society. No one can speak out about anything that defies the hymn sheet . Cunts run and ruin the World

    • There is some undercover footage from CNN going around of them admitting to manufacturing false anti-Trump news stories with the sole aim of getting him voted out whilst promoting slow Joe and glossing over or ignoring completely his gaffes. I know we have cunts like the BBC or C4 but the networks in the US are partisan in the extreme.

      • They have been manufacturing shit shows for years . I think the real coup d’etat started with Bush senior. It’s been fucked ever since.

  7. I would sooner read about the glorious Duke of Edinburgh than I would lower class tanned aspiring* (*Insert here) serfs and riffraff stabbing each other.

    Fuck off!

  8. In other news. Some over paid cunts who kick a bag of air about are going to play in someone else’s yard and will be over paid for it.

    Figures show in the last 24 hrs 2345 new possible case of some over hyped shite have mostly tested positive, but we can’t really be sure and 4 people who knew someone who once had a cold have died.

  9. Here is the Black and White cunt report from the sunny streets of Notting Hill…
    ‘Loads of fucking cunts everywhere, sat in their sunglasses aaaahtside restaurants thinking they don’t look like cunts, Farquhar and Jemima are now offering some vegan shite to takeaway and I can’t think of anything else so go fuck yourselves.’

    • Sir Kweer Starmer was kicked out of a pub by an angry landlord who was in full Peggy “Get aahhta my paaab” Mitchell mode. What a fucking knobend, his team of spin doctors and publicity cunts couldn’t even rustle up a good photo op, it was in Bath too, hardly some backstreet shithole where you take your teeth home in a pint glass.

      • Plus his goons’ assault on the landlord was very happily caught on camera!

        Doubt it’ll make a difference to his voting base though, after all they weren’t apparently perturbed by his record on the Rotherham rape squads. Then, thinking about who most Labour voters are these days…

      • That pub will be busier than ever and he kept his composure throughout the whole affair. The goon who was man handling the landlord will be needing new employment.

      • The footage where the landlord mentions to Sir Kweer about kids having to wear masks and that this last 12 months has been the worst for deaths since 2008 has been edited out.

      • Im losing my touch when Kier Starmer is getting chucked out of boozers and im not!
        While no fan of kier(he needs a hanky with some Vicks® on it)
        That landlords a right little hysterical berk.
        Playing to the cameras,
        Kier would of done well to take advantage of the situation and stuck the nut on the daft cunt!
        Get his ratings up!

      • John Prescott would’ve nutted the cunt in the good old days. Keir probably cried when he got in the car. He would’ve ordered a Babycham too, I’m sure, the Schofield.

      • Poor Sir Keir should have employed my tactics when ordered out of a Pub….strip bollock-naked,set your chest/pubic hair alight,call the landlady a “fucking old trout” and start a fight with the barman…..then spend the next few years wondering what happened to your fucking shoes while engaging in a war of attrition with the Old Bag who barred you.

        (There’s a nom for this very incident, and will go-live very soon! – DA)

      • You seem in better fettle after your egghead poisoning. Some cunts were taking about choosing you for the deadpool.

        Disgraceful. Hope all is well.

      • I am better thanks,CB… I thought the cheeky Cunts were going to get their wish at one point….even the Hounds seemed to be looking at me with an eye to making me their next meal.
        As for the other vile slurs…outrageous calumny of the most serious kind….an utter disgrace.

      • About time Starmer was given an ear full, the fucking globalist shill.

        He’s done NOTHING to oppose lockdown, in fact he has advocated for more of it and harsher! Fucking globalist shill.

        Fuck. Him. Globalist. Shill.

  10. “Small” funeral? What planet are these cunts living on?

    Never mind, at least the Woke Princes are reconciled… wait until Halfwit gets home. 🤣

  11. There’s a seal in the river down by me. You’d think people had never seen one the way they’re elbowing each other to video the it. Bloody gawpers. I wish they’d all fuck off and leave the poor bugger alone. That way I’d be able to take a proper photo. Mind you, all it does it lay there basking in the sun all day, the lazy fat cunt.

  12. The public wants what the public gets as far as our msm are concerned. There ain’t been no real news for years, just an agenda.
    A real investigative media would look for and report the truth. Instead they believe what suits them. Like sparkletits lies for example. They all took what she said as gospel, because it suits they’re agenda perfectly.
    Wars and famines come and go on the whim of a news editor nowadays.
    Cunts the lot of them.

  13. In other news, the Bank of England is looking at launching its own digital currency.. Britcoin. And by ‘looking’, of course we mean a dead set certainty!

    Say goodbye to physical cash, and say hello to the New World Order.

    • Mastercard has put out some ‘carbon credit’ bullshit card now.

    • Vote reform Uk and actually vote for a bill to keep cash. It’s not hard is it all three main parties are cunts.

  14. I can’t recall a day in recent memory where there was no news. A non-stop flow of notifications on the phone, reports on the radio & TV and even my wife texting me throughout the day means that no day goes by without “news”.
    No news? I fucking wish!

  15. Today, there seems to be no news, as football seems to be the only subject. That’s back page shit at best, yet the PM show on radio four had it as it’s lead story, then did a big article on it. They were interviewing Liverpool fans protesting outside the gates of their home stadium, and their stupid accent was as stereotypical as the shit they were coming out with.
    Who cares?
    Fuck off.

  16. I studiously avoid the news as it appears to be completely infested by Bleks,Goat Riders and Appeasers.

    The last decent news that springs to mind was the sinking of the General Belgrano.
    Oh I suppose the St Floyd of the Burglar was quite amusing as well.
    The dirty cunts.
    Fuck Off.

  17. Reading and watching the news is about as worthwhile as reading tarot cards. They stopped reporting what’s really going on in Britain and the world decades ago. We now all know that psychopathic child rapists run the (flat) Earth and the Apocalypse is coming, so the rest is all moot.

  18. I’m glad the news has mostly been about Phil . Gives us a break from all the wkoe, peaceful shite.
    Niceto hear aboutsome one whose red his country, albeit adopted, for over70 years.
    Hopefully St George’s day will be a bit more patriotic this year

      • Course he did.
        And he was from Burnley.
        The dragon was foreign though.
        Evening Ruff👍

      • Evening Miserable.

        According to legend St George was a Roman soldier born in what is now modern-day Turkey in around 280AD and died around 303.

        He had fuck all to do with England. Plus his flag is boring and unimaginative, reminds me of that globalist organisation the Red Cross.

        He was chosen as England’s Patron Saint in 1350 by Edward III. Apparently he was admired for his bravery in the face of terrible suffering, and was popular among European Knights and military men.

        I’m more a St Edmund man myself. N.I.A.G.W.Y.U.

        Edmund actually existed, and was England’s original patron saint. His day is 20th of November, and his flag is a white dragon on a red background.

        That said, St Edmund was also foreign born, Nuremberg I think. Suck it up all you xenophobics out there. At least he wasn’t a Chink or a Peaceful.

        Yes, I can settle for St Edmund. I lived in a road named after him during the 1960s. It was a great time, great music – had my first successful wank in an attic there… remember it like it was yesterday!

      • Ruff you cant re elect Englands patron saint on the strenth of a wank.
        Enjoyable as it was.
        The vikings had the right idea for Edmund by tying the preachy little cunt to a tree and peppering him with arrows.
        (They did! I like vikings!)
        The patron saint of England should at least of lived here!
        Id choose Fred Dibnah.

      • How many unsuccessful attic wanks had to had before finally hitting the spot RTC?

      • The UK should create a new Saint for a modern Britain.

        Saint Mohammet?
        Saint Iqbal?
        No, Saint Sadiq: the patron saint of Smellies. His flag shall be a taxi chariot surrounded by hordes of children. Saint Patrick is remembered for taking the snakes out of Oireland; Saint Sadiq will be remembered for bringing them here.

      • Very good question Ghee. Quite a few, I suspect. Though not all in the attic.

    • A new saint for 21 st century Britain> Let me think a bit.

      It’s just got to be Marxist Trashford, patron saint of free school meals

  19. Saint George was apparently a drug fueled criminal who threatened women at gunpoint. But he was also a religious ‘neighbourhood’ leader, a hip hop artist, and the last word on fried chiggen.

    Oh, and Covid only kills BAMEs.

    • Chauvin’s lawyer has been shite up to today, but fuck me, he was good on the last day.

      After hearing him pick the entire case apart, it should be an obvious ‘not guilty’ verdict. He saved it for his 3 hour ‘final argument’. It was masterful to be fair to the cunt.

      However, the jurors will be aware of the crowds gathering outside, and that the identities of jurors in America often end up public knowledge.

      I think they know he’s not guilty but will be shitting it. Still, it only takes one stubborn cunt on that jury…

      • Evening Cuntybollocks 👍
        I haven’t been following the trial but while having my tea earlier I caught a bit.
        Chiggun George was screaming he couldn’t breathe when the cops were trying to put him in the police car, way before Derek knelt on him.
        George strikes me as a bit of a moaning cunt?
        They should put that on his headstone.

      • He was also foaming at the mouth.

        No cunt has reported on that (Chauvin’s lawyer pointed it out and showed the video from the bodycam to prove it today).

        I loved the lawyerspeak from the defence today.

        “George Floyd was not resisting arrest. He just couldn’t bring himself to comply.”

        I lolled at that bit.

  20. When Philip died I was channel flicking and on one station they described hi demise as a shock.The bloke was nearly 100 had been in Hospital and looked like death when he left the hospital.As soon as I saw that last photo I said he was a goner.

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