Exorcisms

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Exorcism is a cunt, isn’t it.

• Have you got a ghost in your house?
• Are you a bit gullible?
• Do you think you might be possessed by a demon?
• The power of Christ compels thee to hire ….an exorcist!

Yes, exorcism is on the rise in the 21st Century. In the US, the church is training “spiritual warriors” to cast out the devil from people who believe an evil spirit is moving shit vases around the dining room. It’s the craze that’s sweeping the nations.

However, it’s not just in credulous catholic countries. Two people were recently arrested in Sri Lanka after a 9-year-old girl, who was repeatedly beaten during a ritual, died. The two women, the one performing the exorcism and the girl’s own mother, believed the ceremony would drive away an evil spirit. The exorcist attempted this babble by putting oil on the girl and then hitting her repeatedly with a cane until the girl lost consciousness and died (https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2021/3/2/girl-9-dies-after-being-caned-during-exorcism-in-sri-lanka).

Here’s a UK Muzlim from a few years ago having an exorcism from a bearded charlatan reading a foreign book with squiggly letters then blowing on him (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-20357997). I’ve seen better acting on Rentaghost.

Soul of Claypole, sanctify me; Passion of Claypole, strengthen me; Body of Claypole, save me; Save me from this nonsensical crock of bilge.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

69 thoughts on “Exorcisms”

  1. I remember that bender from Rentaghost. Audrey from Coronation Street was also in it, I think.

  2. Apparently if you are “born in the wrong body” children can be excised from their torment by having their genitals lopped off.

    • No use calling on Mr Claypole to do anything though, Captain Magnanimous! Just googled him and he died of AIDS in 1987!

      Innocent nostalgia stamped on yet again, ffs!

  4. Many a Catholic priest has been told to avoid a scandal and quietly exit the choirboy.

  5. I remember from watching that film Exorcist.
    “Your mother eats jelly babies in Hull!”

    Admittedly it was the rated U version. Still scary though.

      • Cunt, bitch,
        Cunt, bitch, motherfucker
        Uzi lover,
        Uzi lover
        She’s an Uzi lover

        Uzi like a metal dick in my hand
        magazine like a big testicle gland
        Bitch wanna try it
        I said keep her quiet
        Shove it up her motherfuckin’ ass and fry it
        Uh-huh huh huh

        I did the bitch in
        as she lay twitchin’
        I knew that she’s an Uzi lover

        He was grateful I shot his painful
        motherfuckin’ pig was an Uzi lover

        Cop fucking bitch whore
        Cop fucking bitch whore
        Cop fucking bitch whore
        Cop fucking bitch whore

        Bitch.

    • Some fuckin vicar laying hands on you trying to make me squirt ectoplasm?!!
      Not likely!
      Dirty bugger.
      My demons are under control thanks padre.
      Heard about you types…

  9. Actually, the death of a child as a result of this archaic superstition is appalling, & I don’t intend to make light of such a tragedy.
    It’s not at all funny.

    Farting on people’s heads, however, is hilarious.

  10. Maybe they can call the woke lezza ugly cunts Ghostbuters. Arguably the worst remake of all time. Also, why do all these woke wimmin’s films always have to include a fat cunt like Amy Schumer or Rebel Wilson? The more good looking fanny in it, the more bums on seats. Are these cunts thick, or what?

    • They have to have some characters that American audiences can relate to as being like themselves, viz, fat, ugly, thick specs, etc.

  11. Free exorcisms are everyone’s rite. According to the Vatican there is a backlog due to the Covid 19 pandemic and the waiting list is legion.

  14. I remember seeing a video recently of one of those exorcisms in the US, where they do it on stage, and someone had dubbed on mortal kombat video game noises. It was fucking hilarious
    Let’s not forget, this is a shallow way to rinse money out of idiots, no different to those fortune teller cunts, seance cunts, or any of those spunk bubbles that pretend to communicate with the dead. The pope, for example. Cunt.

      • Hence the euphemism “Ingrid Pitts : Tits”.

        One “we” used, back in the day.

        “Jeeeeesus-look at them puppies!l”

        “Yeah! Nice Ingrids!”
        👍

  17. Fuck exorcisms. Be like the woman in ‘The Entity’, and have to put up with nightly phantasmagorical visitations resulting in orgasms.

    • Fucking excellent film Wokeup. Based on a true story, I believe. Barbara Hershey was hot back then. The screenplay was written by some cunt called Frank De Fellatio.

      • I watched it the other night TWCUTS. After about 20 years. I was shitting myself!! It’s a really good film. There’s a great, mature contrast in the screenplay between the theosophical and rational stuff, the lead acting is positively brilliant (Barbara Hershey should have been oscar-nominated), the film-making techniques itself are fantastic in terms of editing, production, direction. They really don’t make them like this anymore.

  19. Apologies for a switch Captain. I’m fuckin’ pissed off with hearing the phrase “ Reclaim our streets” on news clips at the moment.

    RECLAIM OUR COUNTRY and the fuckin’ streets will take care of themselves.

    • Evening Bertie.

      I thought we had reclaimed our country…. isn’t that what Brexit was all abaaaht?

      Go Boris! Yes, I do mean GO.

      Fucking cunt.

      • Evening Ruff. There’s not a single politician you could turn to. Apparently, even the cunt Farage has turned into a Green – plenty of money to be had. The only Tory I’m reasonably impressed with is Ian Duncan Smith!

      • Yes… IDS is pretty level headed, and has the distinct advantage of not being a compulsive liar.

  20. This sounds like far-left anarchist and Antifa soundbites dressed up as some wider concern for society Bertie. Cunts like al-Beeb or Sly News need no encouragement to spread the narrative. Anything less than Derek Chauvin being publicly hung drawn and quartered will result in mass rioting, here too, I think Bristol fancies itself as some UK equivalent of Portland or Seattle, certainly enough bellends.

  21. Claypole later went on to die of Bum Aids. “Tis done”

  22. One of the biggest mistakes we’ve made is convincing ourselves there’s nothing here but us. We simply decided that materialism is gospel and therefore it is impossible on that basis alone. How scientific! About as scientific as allowing homosexuals to lobby the psychologists, and by lobby I mean threaten, to change the definitions in the DSM.

    Thousands of years of human psychological observation, discarded on a whim.

      • What do you mean Chunky?
        The lack of belief in spirits etc?
        Think a lot of people still do,
        Different religions etc.
        Ive met perfectly reasonable people who swear theyve seen ghosts.
        Ive not, but im more open minded then you probably think I am.
        Evening all.✋

      • Any non-physical intelligence, MNC. But not just a belief in them, but also an understanding that these things can affect our lives, often negatively.

        Just about every religion and indigenous peoples have some sort of concept of entities.

        Never seen a ghost, but I’ve felt the presence of someone I knew shortly after his death. I was in his childhood bedroom, and I knew he was somewhere behind me. I was too scared to turn around lol. Fucking weird sensation.. presence is the only word I can think of to describe it.

      • Pfffft, you are Macaulay Culkin, BCC, and I claim bubbles as my prize.

      • Believes in ghosts but not the efficacy of trailed and tested vaccines or the existence of the virus they were developed to immunise us against.

        Makes sense.

  23. Apologies for interrupting this splendid cunting…

    Scarlett Johansson is a cunt. Apparently she’s given an interview (she must have a film out) where she’s criticised actors/actresses who talk about politics.

    WH-AAT?

    Johansson has done nothing but gibber about politics for years whether it’s wimmn’s crap, MeToo shite, or attacking Big Don. She even went on a rally to get Crisis Biden elected. It’s a bit fucking ripe to point the finger at others.

    Wonderful figure, lovely visage, and marvellous funbags but what a hypocritical cunt.

    • Not to mention her Trump hatingSaturday Shite Live bollocks and her sucking up to those creeps, Allen and Polanski. Johansscunt is also a despicable Clintonite and she also purposely stitched up James Franco to cover herself when the Uncle Harvey scandal went supernova.

      She is a monumental cunt, Captain.

      • Well talking politics is about 80% of every Hollywoke actors acceptance speech at the Oscars and the Emmys going down the shitter.

    • Proof positive that Johaniscunt is a fucking mentalist.

      I pity any fellow to fall under her gaze☹️

    • Proof positive that Johaniscunt is a fucking mentalist.

      I pity any fellow to fall under her gaze☹️

      • Perhaps she’s worried she’ll be “cancelled.” I vaguely recall he being dropped by an Israeli company for mouthing off. Hypocritical Hollywood bint.

      • I recall that Captain. She did a multi million dollar deal with Sodastream. Who the fuck uses one of them things these days? She has also done deals for adverts in the UAE and China. Proper ethical, eh?

        A rat in a Burnage alley has more ethics

      • A friend of mine once met Johansscunt in Madrid, she was filming some shite with that Woody Allen weirdo. My mate (a bird) said hello and Skank Jo ignored her completely. She definitely heard her but she just got blanked. She is a proper cunt.

  24. Anyone seen a film called The Manitou? it’s a possession thing and fucking balls wall fucked up 1970s crazy.

    The Entity is good too but The Exorcist is one of the finest films ever made, the TV show was top notch too.

      • Yep, that’s it…been looking for it for ages…it turns up on You Tube sometimes but is removed pretty quickly. The ending has to be seen to be believed.

    • Agree Spanky, The Exorcist is an excellent film, marred only by the first interminable half hour detailing Father Merrin’s less-than-engrossing exploits in Iraq.

      Thank Dog for the remote’s fast-forward function!

      Saw it at the cinema when it first came out. The God botherers agitating on behalf of our souls outside the cinema were hilarious.

    • Written by Graham Masterton- a very underrated British writer.
      He was originally the editor of various British soft core magazines.
      I have an autographed copy of his excellent “white bones”.
      👍

  25. Forgotten what this cunting was about.
    Oh, yes. Exorcism.
    If you believe this shit you deserve to have your head turn 360 degrees and spew up tinned soup.

    • Bidet’s arsehole is certainly possessed. Lots of weird noises, and the dog gets blamed for the smells.

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