Burglars [3]

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Bit of an odd one this. Burglars deserve a cunting. As some of you are probably aware, I happen to be a massive Sci-Fi fan. I take that hobby to the point that I buy models and figurines from the various shows that I like. I have an entire collection of models and figures from the OG Star Wars, Star Trek Babylon 5 and Battlestar Galactica. I also have various figures from the Marvel/DC universes, all proudly on display in my office. I have over 1000 models and figurines, and my collection is not even finished yet. A lot of them are very expensive, some are a rather more reasonably priced. I even have some antique props from the actual shows, such as a Viper pilot’s helmet from the original Battlestar Galactica and a full sized Cylon Centurion, complete with flashing red strobe light. The Piese de resistance however, is a massive 1:330 scale refit original Enterprise from the Motion Picture.

Someone, who used to be a friend decided that they would like to start a collection like mine. Except, instead of going on t’inernet to source them, he decided that he’d pay someone to steal mine. Fortunately for me, he picked someone who makes Inspector Clouseau look a genious. I easily caught this prick at 3am this morning, trying to unlock the door to my office, which has quite an expensive security system. The windows are all two small for anyone who isn’t three years to get in.

I don’t sleep very well, so after hearing the sounds of someone moving around downstairs, and finding this chump trying to jemmy my office door open. He pulled a knife and a scuffled ensued, during which he found out why it’s a bad idea to try to fight an angry 6’5″ former army commando. Plod were called, who turned up surprising quickly and arrested the little shit. Questioning later revealed that he’d been offered £50 by said ex-friend to steal as much of my collection as he could, including the vintage helmet.

Needless to say, he and I are no longer friends, and never will be again. None of our mutual friends are in a hurry to forgive him either. This guy knew full well that most of my models are fairly cheap to acquire. He knew where he could acquire them. And he could easily afford them. So why did he decide to try to steal my stuff instead? What a cunt.

Update: Ex-friend has been arrested and admitted to the offence. He claims he was drunk at the time he offered incompetent Raffles the 50 quid to break into my house. I’m also looking around for a better security system, because for I what I paid, I would expect it to do its fucking job and keep thieving cunts OUT of my house.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

72 thoughts on “Burglars [3]”

  1. There was a little shop in the bowels of the Corn Exchange in Manchester. It was the only specialist comics and sci-fi shop at the time. It got badly damaged by those Fenian fucks in 1996 and they needed to relocate and the means to do so. Eventually they got premises elsewhere and Mark Hammil sent them some top and authentic Star Wars gear to make the new shop look good. Included were autographs, Stormtrooper helmets, a full sized R2-D2, and other stuff. The lads who ran the shop said Hammil was a complete gent and not at all a cunt like a lot of celebrities are.

  2. Always liked them Cylon things. I hated the modern Sky remake of Battlestar Galactica though, it was shit. The original was better with Patrick Macnee as the devil and it had top totty in Jane Seymour, Maren Jensen and Anne Lockheart.

    • The original Was better. I hated the reboot when it first aired, but I’ve come to like it over the years. The thing is, a reboot couldn’t be exactly the same as the original, which a lot of people, me included, were expecting. It had nods to the original, with the Mk2 Viper, which was similar to the original. In one of the spin off tv movies, they had original show Cylon Centurions and raiders. As for totty, it had Tricia Helfer, Katee Sackhoff, Grace Park and, later, Lucy Lawless.

    • Quick draw@

      While I dont collect Sci-Fi models, I can see the attachment someone would have after spending time and money on a collection.
      The only model Ive really wanted was a lifesize ‘American werewolf in London’ I saw online, 13ft long made using yak hair, looked just like in the film!
      My missus put a firm stop to that!☹️

      • My Mrs did the same when we toured the far East years back.

        I’ve always wanted a massive gong (and dong, but I digress). Like in the Rank Organisation clip before an old film. I’ve wanted one as a front door knocker (a gong, that is).

        Well, I found a shop half way up a mountain that sold them in all sizes. Had a fucking huge one (and noisy as fuck) a bit like the one in the Rank Organisation clip. I was jumping about like an excited kid and getting the money out (I think it was about £300 in our money) and then she said, “So how do we get that back to the hotel and then back home?

        Would’ve been a headache and cost a fortune. My bottom lip still wobbles when I think about it 🙁

      • I bet it cost a fortune didn’t it? I recently saw a 20 inch Predator figurine up for sale. It was over £2,000. I love my sci-fi models, but if I shelled out that much for a figurine, Mrs QDM would kill me.

  4. I have a shitload of Airfix models somewhere. When I was a lad I did the lot: Spits, Hurricanes, ME109s, Stukas, Zero Sens, Fokkers, Lancies. I also did the Space 1999 Eagle and Hawk and Boba Fett’s Slave I. If I still have them they could be worth a bit.

    • I’ll buy them off you, Norm. I’ll give you a fair price too and I’d stamp on every fucking one of them. Used to get them for Christmas and birthday presents off my uncle when I was 7 or 8, fucking hated them. Always used to end up with a few bits over and glue everywhere 😷

    • I have three Eagles. A transporter, a rescue Eagle and a freighter. I paid £40 for them at a comic con in Manchester about ten years ago. They’re each worth about £150 now. I didn’t know at the time, but they’re actually made the Gerry Anderson company.

    • Maggie@

      Not all Romanians are burglars!
      You cant stereotype and stigmatise a whole people that way.

      Some are pickpockets or sex offenders.

  6. The thing about burglars is that some of them move onto bigger crimes.

    If you look at most of the worst serial killers in history, a lot of them started out with burglary.

    Burglars. Better to be safe than sorry. Hang the cunts.

  7. What a massive fucking Turd.

    Sounds like he’s damn lucky you didn’t decide to bypass plod, go round his house and steal his fucking spleen by removing it with a Fairbain Sykes.

    Get one of those yank alarm systems that gives 20,000 volts to any cunt trying his luck.

    All the best to you Quick Draw.

    • I have a Fairbairn Sykes. I was given it when I passed the All Arms Course years ago. All carbon steal and plenty of weight to it. It’s easy to see why the Germans were terrified of them, to the point that Hitler ordered that any commando or para who was captured and found to be in possession of one was to be shot. Not sure if they still them out.

    • You can actually get paintball mines. And grenades. Might have to invest in some. One of them actually looks like a claymore.

  9. Is this story “true”?

    I’d like to read another true story about someone blowing the burgulars faces off using a shotgun or blow torch or welders lamp or even putting a starting pistol in his ears.

  10. I have a vat of boiling piss you can stick the pair of them in once plod has finished with them.

  11. Admin…. where are all 64 responses? Cheers

    (If you’re viewing from a phone/tablet chances are if you scroll down in that Nom you’ll see a link called “Older Comments”. Click that and it will take you to the first page of comments – DA)

  12. Well done for catching the cunt QDM, I hope you showed him the error of his ways, but what is the most concerning is your choice of collection, not being one to judge I think you should have a collection like mine, cock and ball torture devises from the Spanish inquisition, my collection brings me great pride and joy when I imagine the excruciating agony they caused back in their day, I would be overjoyed if anyone broke into my house so could test how well they work in the modern setting of my state of the art dungeon, whilst filming the unfortunate tea leaf to post on YouTube, I don’t think I would require the help of the local five#0, I’m currantly saving up for a rack and iron maiden that I see on ebay, can’t wait for a burger…….. Hang on I have to go I just heard my trip wires and booby trap activated…… Catch up with all you cunts later…

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