Boring Bastards

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Ive a neighbour, about early 60s lives with his elderly mum,
Hes the most boring bastard on the planet.
Monotone, long rambling stories that have no punchline or point, he doesn’t get jokes,
Or sarcasm,
No inflection to his voice..zzzzz
Today im not working so took the dog for a walk in the woods,
Bumped into this cunt☹️
He took a quite interesting subject and made me want to hang myself from the nearest tree,
The dog looked like it wanted to join me!
If youve no mates, no missus, or bird then you need to reach a point of self examination,
And ask yourself honestly
‘am I a boring cunt?’
And if so, leave others who are happily playing in the woods alone.
The boring fucker.

Nominated by: Miserable Northern Cunt

52 thoughts on “Boring Bastards”

  2. You are obviously far too nice Mis.
    I would have said something like: “I have to go now, I am severely allergic to cunts.”

    Or maybe something unfriendly 👍

    • CG
      Itd be like kicking a puppy.
      I have to live near him,
      If Im going to the van and see him I race to get the van unlocked and speed off like a extra from the Sweeney.

  4. Being fair…I know a lot of married people who are dreadfully dull…and have sat listening to groups of “friends” in the Pub who are equally boring.
    I have a low threshold when it comes to people droning on…I tend to say nothing and just walk away while they are in mid-burble or quite simply tell them that they’ll have to stop because they are boring me…..I’m not particularly interested in most peoples’ lives and unless there’s something that I want off them,see no reason that they should take up any of my time with their mundane thoughts.

    Fuck them.

    • I actually think that married people are the worst for being dull..droning on about their kids or their new “:lounge” carpet etc.
      Dreadful.

      • Morning Dick,
        This cunt is so boring he makes birds drop dead from the sky.
        Hed be mind numbing married or not.
        I just cant find it in me to set the dog on him.
        Im too well breed,
        Thats my problem!
        😀

      • Know what you mean…there was a fucking wagon-driver who used to come and sit next to me in the Pub and tell me all about his latest trip…every boring fucking mile,piss-stop,hold-up etc…even if I got up and walked away he’s get up too,follow me and continue right where he left off…I was downright rude to him many times…”Fuck Off…I couldn’t give a shit..just Fuck Off” but he seemed to think that I was just joking and would stop for a couple of minutes before…”…and then I took junction 39 blah,blah”…I did wonder if someone was putting him up to it but no…he was just a genuinely dull,thick-skinned Cunt.
        I was glad when his wife banned him from coming to the Pub because “we were getting him drunk”!!

      • Know when sometimes your feet get ‘pins & needles’?
        Bloodflow, circulation, and foot goes dead?
        Well this cunt makes me get that all down one side of my body!
        At first I thought I was having a stroke,
        Thought ‘thank fuck! Its a escape from his relentless monotone droning’
        But no.
        They could use this cunt asa substitute for anathetic in hospitals.
        Can I borrow your shotgun Dick?
        😀

  6. Reminds me of a fella who I used to work for.
    The most boring, full of his own importance, deluded cunt I have ever encountered.
    The cunt even described himself as charismatic during my first couple of days there and he claimed that most of the customers came to his shop not only to purchase something they actually needed but to also see him as well.
    Talk a fucking glass eye to sleep.

    Good Morning.

  7. He sounds like Mr Swainey off One foot in the grave, is his mother even still alive or is she a skeleton sat in a rocking chair, stay safe MNC!!!

  8. First post for quite a while…

    I once had a neighbour who wasn’t so much as boring, but was a pathological liar. The stuff he used to come out with was fucking spectacular. Like for instance, our other neighbour got a brand new Harley, so this cunt starts spinning a story of how he had some really fast bike years ago and did 6 miles of a coast road in 32 seconds.

    Now just think about that for a moment… that’s 1 mile every 5 and a half seconds…

    Even when confronted with those spectacular stats he still maintained that’s what he did…

    He once told another neighbour who hadn’t seen him in a while that he had been out in Japan doing some kind of hush-hush secret helicopter mission…

    Honestly, it was amusing to listen to the cunt, but sometimes I just avoided him like the fucking plague.

  9. You need to lock him in a room with Chris Whitty Miserable, and maybe they could finish each other off, at least bore Whitty back into his shell and hibernation.

    • LL, I can suffer historians, tour guides, political cunts, all sorts and just think well,
      Theyre immersed in their specialised subject!
      No harm done.
      This cunt just rambles!
      And he blinks dead slow.
      Dont know why that infuriates me?
      But it does!
      One day I swear I’ll snap,
      Doesnt sound like grounds for manslaughter does it?
      He was a slow blinker…
      But it is.

      • If ever there was a cure for insomnia, maybe they should trial Whitty talking about the ‘R number’ and transmission rates in local authorities or John Major on the EU banning halogen lightbulbs.

      • Fucking brilliant MNT, ‘slow blinker’ – I’ve just rode the peasant waggon back home from Newcastle and giggled all the way after reading this…

      • MNC@ – I have zero patience for people who bore me – I generally just look at them and say “I am losing the will to live, please be silent”..
        I am not a tolerant man and after the social niceties are exhausted I just leave.

      • Foxy@
        I know but hes a neighbour,
        And hes not a orrible fucker just deadly dull.
        In a pub to a stranger id just tell them to do one but being impolite to him would be a matter of his hurt looks every morning.
        Id feel dead guilty.

    • Morning Ruff,
      A bit boring is ok,
      This is beyond boring,
      Its hard to describe just how soul destroying this bloke is,
      Hes not evil, or orrible,
      Just like a vacuum of hope, joy, and life.
      Hes a lecture that never ends…

      • I feel your pain Miserable. I had an old acquaintance, very similar to your boring neighbour, who would occasionally snare me while out shopping in town. I dislike “stop and chats” at the best of times, but this cunt was something else.

        He died last year. Imagine my relief.

      • Morning LL.

        Definitely more Alan Bennett. Rather posher and more Conservative though.

        I doubt he knows who RuPaul is. Neither would I if I didn’t read the comments on ISAC. 😆

    • Right. Fuck this shit. I’m going outside and I might be sometime. I’ve followed this site for quite some time (miley cyrus circa 2015 think she looked like a trussed up turkey was a link I was sent that brought me here) brrrrrr it’s cold outside.

  11. Lets face it, in this current climate what’s to talk about?
    All i hear at most conversations is this fucking covid shit zzzzzz
    Now that’s fucking boring.

    • Not a truer word uttered, every ‘news’ feed, every conversation – it’s fucking soul destroying…

  12. Equally tedious are those “life and soul of the party” types.
    The sort of grating, never-let-up, look-at-me wankers just begging for an axe to the cranium.
    Or am I just jealous? 😁

  13. Morning MNC. Great nom, as ever.

    Older people can be excessively boring. They love to talk about their illnesses and drone on about their extensive visits to their GPs and hospitals, and even the fucking pharmacy. Covid 19 has made this even worse.

    Getting decrepit and increasing suffering from some condition or other is part of getting older and essentially uninteresting. Fuck off with your tales of emphysema, backache, arthritis, acid re-flux and we might just be willing to put up with your company. The chances are the person you are boring witless is also suffering from some medical shit but making a fuck sight better job of it than you. Older people are fellow sufferers and not interested in your shit. Nor are younger people who have lives to live and adventures to undertake.

    Talk about Mahler’s love of song, Liv Benson and Law & Order SVU, the novels of Jane Austen, the paintings of Kandinsky, your taste in single malt, whether Miracles can be said to exist, whether and why you believe aliens exist – or not, your war experiences. In fact, talk about almost anything but the various fucking pills you are taking and others might listen. And for fuck sake smile you cunt.

    • Morning Twenty,
      I think its his voice, its just a drone like when bagpipes are being inflated.
      He could take the funniest most shocking story and stifle it.
      Don’t think its his age either!
      Think he was born boring.
      A carrier of the boring gene.
      And he effects animals too not just humans!
      My dog gets a stutter after seeing him😀

  14. Such levels of tediousness needs to be constantly worked on in order to be perfected, MNC. Maybe you and your dog are his sounding boreds!

  15. One of the great things about being retired is that I don’t have to spend my working day with a combination of bores and liars. I used to work in a college and that sort of place seems to attract more than its fair share of them.
    One was a boring little weed in his mid-50s, still lived with “Mother and Father”, wore a tie in his house and when he was gardening, never watched TV after nine o’clock because that was when TV companies “pumped filth into decent homes.” Never, ever swore and would say things like “blooming,” “flipping,” and if he was really angry “flaming!” and was the person in the real world I ever heard use the expression “by jingo”.
    Anyway, his speciality was complaining. I’d be busy on the phone or having a meeting and he would slink into my office without knocking and ask if I was busy when he could clearly see I was.
    But I’d hold up the phone or say I was having a meeting and instead of apologising and coming back later he’d start talking – when I say talking, I mean making a sort of rapid mumbling, muttering whispering sound that he thought was speech. Not only that but he would stand right up next to people when he spoke to them and mumble at their shoulder.
    He’d usually be asking for advice which he would ignore and then make a big issue of complaining about the fact that by ignoring the advice he’s got problems.
    One example was when he asked me to recommend a good supplier of audio-visual equipment for an urgent job he was doing. I did and about an hour later he was back mumbling and muttering about “shoddy service… terribly disappointed… flipping awful service…they’ll be getting an angry letter from me by jingo!” He was always writing angry letters which probably ended up in numerous bins.
    The reason for his complaint: he called a supplier of professional audio-visual equipment and asked if they supplied fucking kitchen cabinets! “Well, you’d think they’d make the effort!”
    He’d do that all the time – asked our maintenance chief to recommend a locksmith and complained that they didn’t have spare parts for a lawnmower.
    We also had a lot of boring lying windbags. One managed to blag his way into being my manager by claiming a long, distinguished career in the RAF. He’d be constantly droning on about his exploits flying Tornadoes in the Gulf and on other “hush hush missions – shouldn’t even have mentioned that Official Secrets you know… you won’t tell anyone I said that…”
    What he didn’t realise was that there was someone at work who had been a pilot in the RAF and he started asking about various places where the liar had been stationed – mainly bases he had heard mentioned in “The Battle of Britain” movie. So this guy asked about one place and he said “Oh yes, I remember it well.”
    “What did you do there?”
    “Flew the old Tornado.”
    “Really, how did you find taking off and landing, there. I heard pilots didn’t like it.”
    “Never could understand that.”
    “Maybe it’s because there was no fucking runway there!”
    After that he admitted he wasn’t in the RAF – it was a cover to hide the fact he was in the SAS and after a few pints, a special unit the SAS went to when a job was too tough for them.

    • I think I may have met this fantasist cunt!
      Every large boozer has one ☹️

      The old “I know the colour if the Boathouse” cunts are amongst the worst 👎

      • I’ve a mate who is an ex-marine and if people start the old “I was in the SAS routine” with him, he throws a punch at them. “If they were in the SAS they could deal with it, if not then they deserve it.”

  16. Some people are just conversation killers .They walk over to someone else’s banter and within seconds every one wants to fuck off. They can’t help themselves because they lack the ability to look inwardly . One particularly fine gentleman I know has a best friend like this he’s actually worse than anything you can imagine . Nothing in your mind works correctly with this cunt around ,I mean even your ability to speak becomes nauseating as you ask yourself WTF am I after saying. This cunt would bring on depression an extrovert exhibitionist. It’s sad that you have to run from such cunts as politely telling them that their boring cunts is a waste of breath. Sorry If I’ve been a boring cunt

    • I reckon some of those boring people are a form of psychic vampire, they just drain the energy out of people.
      One boring prick I know actually makes people feel dizzy when he talks to them – I thought it was just me but other people have said the same thing. You just feel yourself drifting away and thinking “Please God, let one of us die”

      • I had an acquaintance years ago, a friend of a friend, who was an ex Para / T/A and also moderately successful in his particular industry. He was an educated man and also wrote pieces for hobbyist magazines.

        Every time I spent time in this cunts company at a social gathering, I literally felt like he was drawing the energy from my body-I mean literally☹️
        I made the mistake of allowing him and his wife stay at our place, as a mutual friend was having a surprise party and they lived over a hundred miles away.
        What a fucking mistake-I actually became ill I’m his company and had to ask the party hostess if I could lie down somewhere. I actually passed out.No alcohol imbibed, nothing. Early 30’s and as fit and strong as fuck.

        Complete recovery after they fucked off back home and blood tests / examination showed nothing abnormal.

        To summarise: some people really do suck the fucking life out of you☹️👎

    • I knew a cunt like that used to be a baker. No one like him rode rough shod over everyone by copying and pasting…..cakes were shite apparently

  17. I can’t decide what’s worse: the mind numbing boring cunt or the classic bullshiiter (or Walt). The local I used to drink in (in the 90s) had both. One was a soulless miserable cunt who destroyed any atmosphere within seconds. Didn’t like anything: football, music, birds, nothing. But he would sit there and ruin it for everyone else and just mutter and moan. He made Harry Cross look like Ken Dodd.

    Then there was this other cunt. Boring in his own way, but pure and endless bullshit. If you said you did a shit in the Sahara Desert, this cunt would say he stood in it. You name it, he’d done it. A roadie with U2, knew all the Man United players, was a guitar tech for John Lennon, and was in the Falklands (when he wasn’t). Oh, and his daughter (an ugly butch lezza I might add) was going to join The Spice Girls. He made Barry George look like a trappist monk who took a vow of silence.

    But who was the bigger cunt?

    • The first fellow is Cunt the second fellow is a stupid Cunt ,major difference,still can’t decide the winner though.

  19. The people mentioned in the stories, they could be lonely and looking for some company. 🙂

    • Absolutely. Problem is, give a boring cunt an inch and he takes it as an invitation to move in😚

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