Beethoven

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Tell the story again. The mobile broke on the telly downstairs. An opportunity to get rid. Mrs Plastic can watch her rubbish upstairs.

Decided also to leave the radio on Classic FM. Trouble is we often have a late dinner. And I often sit down with it just in time.

Just in time for John fucking Suchet and his beloved Beethoven. ‘Beethoven the Man Revealed’ 2 fucking hours it is from 7 to 9. Just when you desperately want music to calm the nerves and wind down to all you have is Ludwig’s crash, bang, walloping.
The deafness he suffered, the struggles he endured. He loves all that does John.

What is it about him….? Its just so pom de pom de pom… the melodies do nothing for me. They don’t go anywhere. He wrote the ‘Pastoral Symphony’ but it doesn’t evoke the pastoral for me. He doesn’t evoke anything for me. Its just the violins working off a phrase but it doesn’t build to anything. Not like say in Mozart. The ‘movement’ is always circular with Beethoven -round and round then it will abruptly end.

Is he supposed to be Romantic? There’s nothing touching in it. It’s all too big and thrusting (his music that is). I’ve got to say I don’t even care for the famous Fifth Symphony. DA DA DA DAAAAH DA DA DA DA DAAAAH.

Don’t bother.

I like lush orchestral work like Vaughan Williams. Something as I say to calm the nerves. Or choral works, religious works to sooth the spirit.

This isn’t anti German. I’ve really grown to appreciate Bach. There’s a sprightly rhythm to his stuff. I love Mozart. Russian music, European Classical music really. But it’s this cunt at the centre I don’t relate to.

Also he gave the EU it’s anthem so he’s a cunt by default.

Nominated by: Miles Plastic 

(Never fear: the woke will revise history and show he was a person of colour – DA)
The Pastoral Symphony is an absolutely beautiful piece of music. The end. – NA

106 thoughts on “Beethoven”

    • Miles- as a few links here point out, Beethoven was blick eg Sixdog’s.
      It’s not his music you dislike is it?
      It’s the colour of his skinny isn’t it?
      You waycist!
      😀

  2. My all time favourite is a properly performed rendition of Mendelssohn’s Fingals Cave.
    Sir Malcolm Sargent’s rendition was magnificent, unlike the load of aural WANK from Herbert Von Karacunt.

    • MS was bloody brilliant!!
      Love his 1945 Gerontius.
      von Karajan was a wankpuffin, such an odious naszti that he joined the party twice.
      Guess who arranged Ode to Joy for the Fourth Reich??
      Stand up., Herbert the Pervert.

      • An ace performance of Bach’s Fugue and Toccata in D minor always get the musical juices running. I’m not a huge classical fan, but I know great music when I hear it. On the other hand if I hear Vivaldi’s Four seasons one more time when on hold, I’ll fucking scream.
        Personally, I like rock music such as Pink Floyd despite Roger Waters being a Jew hating, pali-cock-gobbling cunt, also original Genesis…Have a liking for some orchestral accompaniments to the likes of Steve Hackett and Genesis revisited, but not when the tunes are “experimented” and fucked about.

  3. Miles, I have to disagree with this cunting. Beethoven may well have been a right cunt, but he wrote the Emperor piano concerto. That alone would be enough to get the Drivel himself off a cunting in my book. John Suchet is probably a cunt though.

      • Sorry @twenty thousand but I don’t even care for piano concertos either. ‘plink pllank, plonk…’.

        And there’s lot of those as well. I really need to switch channels.

    • Not enough Mahler on Classic FM for my liking, Miles, and far too many interruptions for shit govt covid ads. Also, that gardening cunt Alan Titchmarsh pisses me right off on Saturday mornings.

      • Right on, they have an obsession with that annoying Simple Simon Bollocks schoolkids noise. All sounds the same with some cunts tapping beer bottles. Fucking commie cunts.

  4. Absolute bollocks, there’s not much better than the glorious ninth. Just because the poxy EU picked ode to joy as their anthem there’s no need to get the hump. For fucks sake I despair……

    • In fairness he didn’t know what he was doing,
      A deafhead shouldn’t be composing music,
      Like a blind man shouldnt be a pilot.
      He probably thought he was at a typewriter?

      • Afternoon, Freddie/MNC, I heard once some cunt say that Paul McCartney was the best composer of all time. That there is even one person out there who actually thinks that is a huge fucking worry. And that includes Paul fucking McCartney.

      • He came VERY close to writing an instrumental-only finale for symphony 9. I think finale of quartet op. 132 uses thematic material from the same so-called Kafka sketchbook.
        Simon Rattle is a cunt, Mark Elder and Martyn Brabbins both mutch better

    • Alex Delarge loved giving a good old kicking to Beethoven’s 9th in Unkle Terry’s Clockwork Orange.

  5. I can’t agree with this. Beethoven was more of a punk than any musician before or since. Romantic, angry, melodic, soothing, invigorating, majestic, there’s something for everyone. This nomination sounds like either a wind-up or a churlish, “it’s too deep for me so I’ll hate it, waaaa” reaction.

    What do you want, lickle two-minute nursery rhyme, structurally-clichéd pop songs with dreary lyrics and drab chords? An Emperor Suite-like whine for a snowfkakey Moonlight Sonata whinge. Taste is the enemy of art

  7. As I get older my tolerance for classical music has grown, I can tolerate maybe a whole 5 seconds before I reach for the off switch now, which is around 4 seconds than vulture cunt get, boy fucking George cunt.

    I know some people are precious about classical music, some cunts think golf is a sport.

    Beethoven, Brahms or any of the other cunts would have abandoned classical if they had access to an electric guitar.

    It’s classical because it’s old not because it’s good.

    • Yup. His full name was D’Shaun Ngembewo- Smith. His missing Wardeemelon Concerto Number 5 was recently discovered in the bogs at KFC in Hackney.

      • MC Lud and the Van Beeters was black. I read it in The Guardian which also denied that Moonlight Sonata was about burglary and Für Elise was about a blonde bird having her drink spiked.

        However, those four notes at the start of the Fifth Symphony were inspired by his mate from Nigeria, Ooga-Dooga.

        🎼 Oo Ga Doo-Gaaa. 🎶
        🎼 Oo Ga Doo-Gaaa. 🎵

  9. Wagner all the way.

    Just need a 1933 Mercedes convertible I can stand in and ‘wave’ to everyone while Wagner blasts out.

  11. Vaughan Williams for me, with a bit of Holst and Dmitri Shostakovich thrown in for good measure.

    Beethoven, was a just a p0nce

  12. Didn’t Beethoven write the Match of the Day theme tune?

    Sounds like one of his.

    I’ll get me coat.

  13. I think one of the points worth mentioning is the difference between listening to classical music live in a concert hall and having it on at home as background music. The sheer volume and vibrancy of a live orchestra in full blast can really get you going, with the quieter elements of a symphony coming as a soothing relief. However, the “1812 Overture” by Tchaikovsky with cannons booming and bells tolling or Beethoven´s “Ninth Symphony” with hundreds of singers are not recommended when you are preparing spaghetti bolognese in the kitchen. Nor do I recommend the Queen of the Night´s aria from “The Magic Flute” if you´ve got a nagging wife or mother-in-law, as I have. You´ll think they´re standing beside you.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuBeBjqKSGQ

  14. Christ Miles – have you never heard of the off switch?

    If you’re too tone deaf or lack the attention span to appreciate Beethoven, get yourself a CD player and a bunch of CDs of shite you do like (Chas & Dave, Mrs Mills, etc). Or an iPod or something called Spotify. It’s not compulsory to subject yourself to Classic FM*

    * Other popular classical radio stations are available.

      • Yes #MeToo Creampuff, the only thing “second movement” means to me is a mid morning crap. That said each to their own.

      • Evening LL, MNC.

        My movements have been very hit and miss affairs recently.

        Dry stools… pellets… all occurring at irregular times of the day. It’s bin months since I had a really satisfying squeeze. Most disappointing. 🙁

        @ Miserable – here’s something you might like to dance to:

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8HPWBftTmG8

      • Maybe lacking something in your diet Ruff?
        Fibre maybe?
        Or oils?
        Dunno.

        Don’t have that problem as I stick to a strict gravy based diet.

      • Get that mushroom & green lentil curry with slow-roasted tomatoes down you mein Ruffmeister, with plenty of spinach too, followed by some fruit. That’ll stop the dry turds and Starmer complexion.

      • Only on IsAC can you go from the merits of Beethoven’s cuntishness to dietary advice for satisfactory bowel movements.

      • Thats what I like about ISAC LL!
        Serious debate interspersed with cooking recipes, toxic racism, and health tips.
        Like a mens wellbeing clinic.
        If run by the patients of Broadmoor.😀

      • Nope. Plenty of Ruffage, oils and gravy.

        And there’s a limit to how much extra water you can drink, especially just before bedtime, it’s hard enough to get a decent night’s sleep these days as it is. I would have checked with the doctor but the surgery’s boarded up like Fort Knox. At least the central heating’ working again and the cat’s no longer throwing up. Need to count my blessings Miserable.

      • Exactly.
        No point being despondent!
        You have a lovely wife
        A nice home youve promised me,
        The respect of your peers on ISAC,
        And if dry turds are the biggest problem in life your blessed.

        Stop acting so spoilt.😁

      • Thanks for the tip, Herr Capitain.

        As it happens I’m having a vegetable curry tonight – mushrooms (obviously), peppers, potatoes, peas, carrots and cauliflower, but no lentils or tomatoes unfortunately.

        Might give them a whirl next time.

      • Maggie@
        Heard you need grain and pulses etc in a diet?
        Apparently a monthly vegetarian meal is good for your lentil health…
        😀

      • Ruff – have you ever known me to give duff medical advice?
        Having recently had this problem, there are some ‘softening’ tablets you can buy called Dulco Ease. They cost about £3.50 from Amazon but other retailers are available.
        If they are ineffective, then the ‘full blown’ product Dulcolax is available to try.
        They act gradually so there’s no danger of sudden explosion!
        😀

      • Cheers Bertie. I’ve just realised we have some DulcoSoft in the cupboard which I’ll have a go with first, but will definitely try the tablets you prescribe if the cuntishness persists. And the Cap’s lentils.

      • The only thing to warn you about Ruff is that when they emerge, the stools resemble one of Barnes Wallis bouncing bombs!
        😅

      • Dr Bertie is a safe pair of hands when dispensing medical advice Creampuff. I hope you are on the throne in the near future venting months of pent up frustration.

    • RT Just to say I have my CDs, YouTube. I just leave it on so I might hear something new. And I have.
      But (I forgot to mention in the Nom) Beethoven is ubiquitous on Classic FM. There’s not only the 2 hour programme devoted to him that I mentioned but he’s played a lot at other times.
      Truth is I feel I ‘ought’ to like him. But deep down I know I never will.

      • @Les Mis you’re as lentil as anything

        @Ruffers – for your trip to the loo tomorrow morning might I suggest Beethoven’s Eighth. The marvellous tones will allow you to drop the kids off whilst floating on clouds. Lovely and loud, and leave the shithouse door open so you can fully experience the splendour.
        Beethoven’s Eighth: First movement for your morning movement.

  15. I agree with you about Vaughan Williams but I must admit I do like a bit of beethoven…. my favourite is probably the second movement of his 7th symphony, but then I am a bit of a moody cunt.
    If you ask me you can’t beat a bit of albinoni or Michele stratico.

    https://youtu.be/V9olMSkmHT4

  16. Beethoven’s 5th is overrated and overplayed, much prefer the 3rd. Moonlight sonata is a tiresome dirge.
    I think a museum in Brussels recently displayed a portrait of Beethoven as a black man with dreadlocks, to reflect the diversity of the city, or some such shit.

    • Sounds like Brussels. I went about 15 years ago, it was a shite hole even then.
      If Ag Christie were alive today, she’d have literary fun with The Great Belgian Defective, Guy V

  17. The great triumph of the Austrian tourist board, they convinced everyone that Beethoven was Austrian and Hitler German.

  18. I’ll take beethoven over stormzy any day… at work the other day, the guy had some music channel on and stormzy came on. I actually stopped work and said what is this? (I was with a customer otherwise I would’ve said “what the fuck is this utter pile of shite”)….
    The guy looked at me like I was an alien from another planet “its stormzy, he’s really good haven’t you heard him?”
    I just shrugged my shoulders, raised an eyebrow and went back to work.
    I felt like saying “ok, I’ll take your low iq savage rhyming words to a crappy keyboard beat and raise you a vivaldi”…. utter garbage.

  19. Beethoven is a cunt.
    Sir Edward Elgar composed music that Beethoven could only dream of. And what’s more, in a fight Sir Edward would smash his face in.
    Fucking europeans, just who do they think they are?

  20. What’s brown and sits on a piano stool? Also, what is better than roses on your piano?

  22. Miles if I may say so, you need some new tech at home with which you can listen to an ad free playlist of your own design. You could have Allegri’s Miserere on loop!

  23. Peer Gynt-Hall of the Mountain King 👍

    As a backing track to fucking: starts off slow, the rhythm builds and builds👍

    • My rhythm builds and builds but it all inevitably leads to disappointment! You are a tease General!
      😀

      • Bertie:

        Percy parrot told me his favourite song is “You’ll never squawk alone”, by Gerry and the woodpeckers 👍

      • Good un General!
        He loved his time with you and your family at Christmas and hopes he can do it all over again this year!

  24. Try a bit of Mussorgsky. Everything he wrote sounds like the soundtrack to some particularly deranged yet grand horror film…

  26. Don’t talk to me about Beethoven. I had to listen to that twat’s music being blasted out from our front room for a good portion of my childhood. And Mozart and Gilbert and Sullivan. Fucking crap. I’d like to have smashed all my old fella’s records when he died but I never got the chance. Can’t stand to hear opera music now, if some comes on the radio or the telly I turn it off.

  27. Bach is better, some of his pieces are almost transcendental – hoping to hear some on the organ in a big cathedral one day.

    Imagine hearing this in person in 1700 on a full cathedral organ. Would blow your mind!

    Toccata and Fugue in D Minor
    https://youtu.be/ho9rZjlsyYY

    • Yep, he is someone I wasn’t familiar with and now I am from listening to Classic.
      Such a bright sprightly rhythm as I said above..
      My favourite of his – the concerto for two violins.

    • BCC, please try Peter Hurford playing prelude & fugue in a minor BWV543, also 547. Also passacaglia BWV 582, allegedly based on a streetwalker’s song… Three of my desert island Bach organ performances – the Decca ones on YT.
      Goldberg Variations great, late night, rum, whisky, ale… whatever.

      • Danish jazz pianist, Carsten Dahl made a great recording of the Goldberg Variations having placed stones on the strings. Highly recommended if you can get hold of a copy…

  28. I know some opera buffs and they’re a tight-knit group.
    I remember when Pavarotti died because at the time some of them were absolutely fucking gutted.

    I felt the same when I lost a tenner….

  29. Got to be honest Miles, I like Beethoven, considering he was deaf kräütt, who’s music is used by the fourth rëïch, I just can’t bring myself to cunt him!!!!

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